Happy vs. Hip-less

You remember that "metabolism diet" I went on?   Hmmmmmmmmph!  Just saying that made me flare my nostrils!  I'll nevvvvvver go on it again.  Even if you paid me a million dollars!  LOL!  Lies!  For a million dollars?  I would!  And so would you!  You would swallow bowls of that spinach, lemme tell you that!  If you knew it would make you a millionaire.  Unfortunately, life is just not that effortless.  Rewards come from hard work, sweat and sometimes blood.  That’s why I couldn’t become a nurse.  I’d be fainting more than the fainters!  You wanna see patients honestly fight for their lives?  Employ me as a nurse!  They would will themselves off that stretcher, just to revive me.......to revive them!  So because I acknowledged that part of who I am?  The part that doesn’t like red liquid flowing from humans?  I very cleverly settled for dealing with injuries caused by staples and paper.    

I'm fatter than I was before I agonized myself for thirteen days with that liar of a diet!  In fact, no.  I should be fair.  I did lose weight.  But I didn’t keep it off for three years like they said I would.  “They” is a piece of paper, by the way.  A4.  An A4 page that I!!!!!!!!!!!  Gave life to!  I was suckered by an A4 piece of paper that was blank a few seconds before I printed it out, laden with the “Metabolism Diet”.  This is what you call unjustified punishment!  Needless to say?  I’ve learnt this harsh lesson.  Again.  I’m ashamed.  This was my second shot at that diet.  Completed it both times.  Believed it.  Lost weight.  Both times.  Once bitten, twice shy, you’d thi-innnk.  Nuuh-uh!  Me?  Twice bitten, thrice never-a-%$@^(^%-gain!  Hmmmmmmph!!  Think you’re doing something nice for a bland piece of A4 paper?  But this is the thanks you get.  Horrible! 

Short-term weight loss is just horrible.  On every possible level.  To give one such hope?  And then to just yank, such hope away like that?  Horrible!  Especially if one has gone out and purchased a whole new post diet closet full of thin clothing.  Which I didn’t!  I’m wise like that.  So wise that I got taken for a thirteen day ride by a piece of paper with dry black ink on it!  :_[  But for the person who did?  It’s horrible.  By now, it’s probably no secret that I'm horrified.  I’ve never used words beginning with horri...so many times before. 

Sighhhhhh...Why did chocolate have to exist?  And winegums?  And things that taste sweet and make me happy when I'm eating them?  I’m holding my hands in the form of a scale.  You know how you do when you’re explaining balance to someone?  In the one hand, I have happy.  In the other hand, I have thin.  Do I reallllllly, trullllllly, honestlllllly, need happiness?  I can't accept that in order for me to be at the weight?  No, no!  Sizzze!  Size, not weight!  That I desire!  I have to be miserable to be happy with my body!  Does that even make sense? 

A healthy eating plan?  Is not my friend!  Friends bring out the sun.  Healthy eating plan's bring out the lettuce.  Nona's my bff and she doesn't make me feel anything but warm!  Warmth.  Sun.  Nona.  Friend!  A HEP (Check it out.  Even when you abbreviate it, it sounds like some nasty STD or something!), is more like having it rain throughout your entire Miami vacation!  Look?  I will admit that I haven’t been adhering to a strict low kilojoule diet?  But, you have to understand.  The diet said to eat normal after your thirteen days have been successfully followed.  Normally?  I eat sweet things.  Normally?  I skip dinner.  Normally?  I don’t drink water!  So, the question then becomes?  Who’s normal are they talking about here!  That’s of vital importance, because by clearing the smoke from around this one little thing?  I might save thousands of people the horridache that I feel right now!  If anyone has the answer to that question?  I’d appreciate them coming forward.  I don’t fight, therefore I cannot guarantee your safety.  Why?  I already know of three angry people who have been on this diet.  So?  Incognito is fully recommended for safety purposes. 

Either way.  I'm at this function, drawing a palm tree.  Nope!  Not a function for artists like myself!  There'll never be a function.  For artists like myself!  Judging from the worst palm tree I have ever drawn.  I would be thrown out of functions for artist unlike myself.  I’m usually pretty good at palm trees.  From my school days, I would draw a palm tree on an island in the middle of the ocean.  I still do up to this day.  But this one?  Looks like a scaly earthworm with fan blades for a head.  We all know that earthworms don't have scales or a head.  That's how bad it is.  But in my defence?  It started out as a bright shooting star under a bubble S.  Suddenly I changed direction of my pen and viola!!!!!  "I can transform ya, I can transform ya...!"

Then we saw these hotel students.  Those who wanted to greet?  Greeted and then one of them said, "Morningzzzz!"  I narrowed my eyes and whispered to Wendy, 'cause I was confused at that point.  He looked Black, but that added suffix of zzzzzz's?  Puzzled me.  "Was that a Black or a Coloured child?"  Wendy said, "I dunno, looks like a Coloured too."  I had no choice but to explain both the reason for my eyes being smaller than they were a minute ago along with my sudden whisperous tone.  "Yeah he does look Black but I think he's Coloured.  Only Coloured's add zzzz to time of day greetings.  Morningzzzzzz!  Eveningzzzzzz!"   She's like, "You can pick a Coloured from a line-up just by the way they greet you!"