Armour

Sticks and stones, it felt as though you loved me
Until I watched you stop just to start throwing
Aiming fire from your tongue, doesn't it burn?
Now that the seasons changed to your turn

I wear this armour, spray my truth like a repellent
To keep you further from me, than an arms length
Pulled my head outa the clouds, reality's a lighter tone
In time, before a thumb completely crushed my last bone

Guarded me from influence, 'til I cracked open that lock
Noosed my neck with chains, sunk me with an anchor block
You didn't expect to return to find me swimming myself free
Throwing your trap net but I've drifted out too far to reach me

I wear this armour, spray my truth like a repellent
To keep you further from me, than an arms length
Pulled my head outa the clouds, reality's a lighter tone
In time, before a thumb completely crushed my last bone

Setting my sights on the horizon, I've been where the shore's crash
Where the water shallows and runs from grains of sand

Stacey A. Kell
South Africa
2013.11.25







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Happy Birthday, my Swinging Door

Happy 19th birthday, Paige. May God come first always, may you believe in my love for you always, may you know your worth always, may you put thought before decision always but most of all may you love and forgive yourself always so that you know the measure of love and forgiveness you should always have for others.

Fulfil your purpose with grace & greatness. Limits are the stoppers we place on our own doors of achievement. Realize that a swinging door needs no stopper, it stays fastened on its hinges yet is able to open to its furthest point, not forgetting where it started at. Go be that swinging door, my sugar. I'm already proud of you! I love you, <3, Mummy


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Wrapped in Tricks

D'you know what I did today? Wished that I knew what youuuuuu were doing today! Okay, okay, you got me! That wasn't my wish. Ya Rambler was way too busy falling in love! Yep! You read me right! I fell in love affffffffffter I went to the bank, grocery shopping, unpacked, vacuumed and washed the dishes! See, you gotta get ya to-do list outa the way first. Thennnnn, you're free to have ya heart captured. Some of us? We do things the other way around, things don't work out, and if you're that "blame it all on someone else" type, then we blame our ex-partners for our own choices. Sometimes, even to the point of blatant lying jusssssssss to make yourself look and feel better. Tsk tsk tsk. That's not how it's done. But if you're one of those who takes responsibility for their own choices? Then go on ahead and fall in love before you do the groceries! You'll be alright!

Aren't you happy for me, though? It's been a while since I've felt this. He clung to me and held onto my finger! Tight! Put his silky soft cheek against me while I held him close.....

Annnnnnnnnnd?

He's just three days old. Uh-huhhhhh, got you there, didn't I? You were expecting some juicy, torrid, love story, weren't you?! Well? Sorry to disappoint you....I met my beautiful nephew this afternoon for the very first time!

Hey, can I ask you something real quick.....What is it about holding a newborn baby that makes you think about the time you willingly wrapped your entire body in clingwrap? That ever happen to you? I was sitting there oooooooh-ing and aaaaaaaah-ing and suddenly?! Visions of myself in clingwrap laying on my mums couch start crowding my thoughts! O_O! Maybe its because I was trying to lose the baby weight after Paige was born? She's nineteen tomorrow! And because I was holding baby Juan, it triggered off memories of one of the stupiD-IST moments in my life? You think? Or or or, how about this.....Maybe it was because....>_<! Nope! That's it. That's all the maybe's I got.

I wonder if we have a brainstorm session on dieting? I wonder if we can actually count the number of tricks that women, AND men, have tried through the ages, just to lose weight, when all it really takes is eating right and exercising.

For me? THAT's the tricky part right there! Not the clingwrap trick, or the drinking seaweed juice trick, haven't tried that one, but there's still time...what about eating nothing but grapes for weeks on end? That one? I think I made it through half the day.

When I see "Best results when combined with a kilojoule restricted diet" My immediate response is, "Aaaaaaargh, way toooooooo many restrictions there, nexxxxxxxxxxt!?" When I read the label and it says, "Best results when combined with exercise" The next words outa my mouth are, "You know what? I don't feel thaaaaat fat afterall!" Off to the sweet isle to reverse the effects of having to read such traumatising statements!

Look? Man cannot live on eating right and exercise, alone! Chocolate has to feature sommmmmmewhere in there. It's only fair! I refuse to believe that I was put on this earth, NOT to eat chocolate, or?!? Or to exercise with weights and all. What's that all about?!?! Wrapping myself in clingwrap and sweating to a standstill wasn't part of the plan too, I'm sure. But hey? If you haven't pretended to be left-over roast chicken at least ONE time in your life? Then clearly you have. Not. Lived!

I didn't lose weight laying there like peeled carrot that would be used for tomorrows dinner, shocker, but I gave it my best shot! I perspired as best as I could! That's called effort! And a waste of clingwrap. Did I tell you how gorgeous my nephew is? He has these dimples, and this cleft and a mouth you just wanna stare at while you lay there like a clingwrapped mummy. It'd take your mind off hoping and praying that your boyfriend didn't choose to surprise you with an early visit!
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Fling the Cat Outa The Bag, Why DONTCHA!

Guess what's on the front page of our newspaper today?  You ready?!!?!?!?   

SHORTAGE OF BREATHALYSERS HAMPER POLICE! 

Now youuuuu tell me?  Tell me anything.  Please!  ‘Cause this?  This tops the dim-witted list for me!  And I hope that you’re holding on to your chair because there’s more!  These very generous journalists then go on to say…..Motorists who drive drunk this festive season in Durban could get away with it because many officers in the city don't have access to breathalysers!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!! 

Hold on while my facial expression turns to humorous disgust! 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

DISGUST!

Stupid stupid STUPID!  NO,  not me!  These clowns who have just told all of the festive seasons drunk drivers in Durban, “You there!  Yes, you with the possible innate fear of being arrested for the zero tolerance limit we just told you was implemented?!!  Get ya drink on!  Jump in ya car!  Kill your fellow Durbanites!  And you can still enjoy your Christmas!  Make sure though?  Make sure that you do it before some kind soul sponsors our police force with enough breathalysers to protect the sober drivers.  A-hem!  And their children!  You better hurrrrrrrrry!  Pssssssssssssst….The government haven’t yet realized that just the other day?  They also made it public news that they have millions in the budget for SPORTS!  Merry Christmas, you drunken hazards, you!!!!”

Dammmm?!  I'm no frequent drinker but I can imagine the twinkle in a few people's eyes right about now.  With the office Christmas party’s already on the go, this is wonderful news!  Right??? 

Isn’t it!?!?! 

No.  It’s.  Not.

Can we pretend for a while that we’re not surrounded by these circus ring leaders, and just rather use our own discretion on the roads?  Please people!  Let’s just remember…and I say, let’s, as though I belong in that drunken driving community.  O_o!  I don’t but there is strength in numbers.  Ima be a make-believe one for now.  Yep!  I love us that much.  Now?  You…love us too and do your best to keep a level head while you’re intoxicated, alright?  By that, I mean, ask your friends and family to hide ya car keys and make it your duty to tell them that should you begin to perform about who’s car it is, to slap you twelve times in your mouth, sixteen times on both ya eyes, so that you have no choice but to shut up and sleep!

Just because the hand of foolishness has been extended?  There’s no law that states, we’re to grab ahold of it! 

Be safe out there.  I always found that key words are easier to remember than entire sentences.  So here are some to help you along.  You’re welcome to  print them out and make keycards if you need.  Give your family as gifts even!  

Family/Friend

Hide Keys

Cause scene

SMACK!

Twelve times mouth

Sixteen times both eyes

Shut up

Sleep

Family Reunion 2013

It was amazing!!!! I just got home now, left most of them still on the dance floor!

That's all I'm gonna say for now...as well as? My feet feel as if I've walked over hot coal, on purpose and I need a shower after dancing my ass off like that tonight!

Peace, Love and Family Joy to you all, Goodnight! I'm so happy! ^_^! Just like THAT!
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Temperature Torture

I just said to Durban, "Ima tell!" So here I am, telling you how unbearably hot it is! It's HOTTTT! Did I say it's HOT?!? Yes, I did! It's HOTTTT! OMG, I can barely muster up the energy to tell you how HOTTT it is! HOTTTTTT, I telya! Just had a cold shower after dance class and it mattered NOT! Because it's too HOTTT!

What was that? AIR-CON, you say? Hm-mmmmmm.....SINUS, I say! And now? Let's alllllllllllllllllll say, SUFFER!! Or better still?! Nobody talk! SILENCE IN THE HOTNESS! BANG BANG BANG! It's too HOT to listen!

Feeling 'OT 'OT 'OT! That's a party song, by the way. Somewhere in there it has lyrics that go, "Soul on fire..." See that? You see what happens in Durban when it's this Summer time? Soul's catch a light! Thennnn?! Then volcano's and shit, they erupt and the lava begin's to......No, they don't. We don't have volcano's. Just Table Mountain out in Cape town. You should visit. I'm serious. If you're bored with your cool soul? I recommend Durbs!

Mannnnnnn! It's too HOT to sit, stand, bend, stretch. Yes, yesssssss, I went to dance class and I stood and bent and stretched! But that's different. Those movements have a purpose. Uh-huh! That's it, that's it! To make the Rambler happy! ^_^! This heat? Does this..*_*!

It just thundered! Cindy, and posssssssibly Delon, must be well on their way to a spot under their bed right about now. I can't help but come to that conclusion. Judging from how she reacted to the lightning on our way home from dance? I could very well be right! Poor cuz of mine damn near pee'd in her briefs! Now you know how to scare Cindy! Make it storm.

Question...Do any of you still cover all the mirrors and stuff when it's storming like our parents did when we were young? >_< I don't. I'm just asking 'cause you really don't have to. This is millennium lightning. It doesn't aim at mirrors anymore. It goes straight for appliances now. And then you have to call your insurance. They will send you claim forms and once they see that you have a legitimate claim? They'll insist that you prove that it was lightning, making sure to rule out the weather report as a supporting document! What are we then left with? Staring at a tv that even though we know, that bastard is not ever coming back on...we try, give it some time, try again, give it some time...until we can only bitch and moan about how the insurance company surprised us with a new, secret condition of claim!

Hahahhahahahahhahahhahaha! I shouldn't laugh. -_- Sorry, gran. One guyfawks evening, everybody was out busting crackers, right? My gran's dog was abnormal, to begin with. Dog's are usually cowering in a corner because of the crackers. Neoooooooooh! Granny's dog would run after them and try to bite them. Hey, granny named him Pedro. That could be the reason why he was acting out. We'll never know. Either way? Out of everyone? The lightning decided to strike granny's umbrella! LMAO! Thank goodness for rubber handles! Pedro didn't see, though. He was cracker-chasing at the time. Which, now that I think about it, was a good thing. I'd hate to think what he woulda done, had he seen sparks flying off granny's umbrella.

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You won

Darkened ashes, blow, blow away
Ugly bitterness, lying while you fray
What's winning gonna do?
Can you even look at you?
With that spit, all spoilt and vile
That venom, your typical style
What's winning gonna do?
Can you even look at you?
Lift off, blend in with the air
Furthest, far, far from my stare
Turned beautiful into monstrous
Heavy thumbs, so easy to miss
What's winning gonna do?
Can you even look at you?
Rotten, crumble, crumble, crumble
Spewing your mind, you should mumble
Black paint, dressed in shame
Stinks, that mouth, words you claim
What's winning gonna do?
You won, you're left with you

Stacey Kell
South Africa
2013.11.13
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PASSPORT AFFAIRS

Wellllllllllllllllllll!!!  That was a bust!  Ehhhh, half-a-bust.  Not a breast bust.  Like in things didn’t completely work out according to plan, bust.  At least one of you are sighing about, ”What is she on about now?”

This….

Paige, Cruz and I visit the Home Affairs to apply for passports for her and Damon.  Before I go any further, lemme just say…a visit to the Home Affairs is like voluntarily sticking out your toes while being held captive by someone who has a fetish for removing toenails with a plias. 

So?  Off we go.  Things are going great.  We got there in one piece.  The security let us in with our puppy.  Place was empty.  I’m thinking, “What luck is this?!  Whooooo-hooooo!  At this rate, I wouldn’t mind coming to apply for more passports.  Pity I don’t have any other kids man, dammit!”  At the passport window…#8 to be precise, I look to the right and they’ve stuck this notice on the glass, right.  Hell!  They even laminated it!  This was serious!  Plus…wait for it…………………………….it was typed!

It starts off with, "Before you stand in line for a passport application, make sure you have the following..." 

Translation

"LOOK, YOU TRAVEL-DOCUMENT-APPLICATION-MAKING MUTHA@*#!  DON'T BE WASTING OUR TIME COMING HERE!  JOINING THE DAMN LINE!"

And then with a softened voice, "Without the following..." :-/ 

Call me sensitive.  But I thought that was a teeeeeeeny tiny bit confrontational.  You know what?  There really isnt a need for notices to have attitudes.  It’s unbecoming.  Of-of notices.  To lack, you know, friendly tones.  Especially, since they forgot to list a few requirements.  There I was, with an envelope with my documentation tucked tightly under my arm, staring at the typed, laminated page, trying to figure out if there’s a chance that manners might ever make a comeback! 

I was psyched, nonetheless.  If you’ve ever been to one of our Home Affairs offices, you’d know that being there and realizing that you’re next in line within the first fifteen minutes of walking in?  That’s a lot to be excited about.  Annnnnnd then? 

It was my turn. 

I was polite. 

She was stern. 

I took out my documents, thinking, “She reminds me of someone.” 

She was none-the-wiser about my thoughts while awaiting my documents. 

I hand her the documents, thinking, “Ohhhh yeah!  She looks like that actress who played the dying mother and the children who didn’t really like each other anymore.”

She asked me who it was that was applying for the passport. 

I tell her. 

She ruins my day. 

I am helpless!

You'd think that if a notice can have that much buck?  That along with the ID document and birth certificate and copies of ID document and birth certificate requirements?  They'd include, “bring father and child, (no copies required)” as well. 

So ofcourse, I couldn’t get Damon’s done, but because Paige is eighteen now, she gets to sign for her own application.  Hence the half-a-bust!  At least now, I know what to expect next time I go there.  Last I put my foot in the Home Affairs office was after my divorce when I booked my ticket to the US, without realizing that my passport had expired!  >_<!  Carriage before the horse syndrome.  I’m cured now.  And this time, I can’t afford to make any mistakes.    

Blood IS Thicker than Water

How do you interpret that statement?  Ooooooooo – don’t even make me come there!  The title!  I’m talking ‘bout the title of today’s blog.  My interpretation of it is that family always matters.  Quick, easy, surface assessment.  It goes way deeper than that when you get into the crux of what family actually means.  And there again, everybody has their own opinions, which hey…that’s how it’s meant to be.  We’re meant to have our own opinions.  We have brains.  Our own.  Which means, we own our brains.  Shocker!

The reason I bring this up?  The answer is simple.  We cannot exist alone.  It's unnatural and totally unfulfilling.  We were never created to be loners and I, straight up, don't want to live a life where it’s just me, myself and Irene, my imaginary friend.  See ‘cause when I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the…ooooops.  But LL Cool J was right, when I’m alone in my room, just like him, sometimes I do stare at the wall…or outside, or at my nails, trying to decide whether I should paint them black or not.  It’s staring all the same, and when my conscience calls?  I pick up.  “’’Sup C….”  You know, for Conscience.  Yeahhhh.  Thrilled for the company but anxious about what it’s gonna yell at me about this time!

If there's one thing that I can't stand about myself, it's being as gullible as I am at times.  I came wayyyyyy too close to turning my back on the entire concept of family - the enjoyment, the forgiveness, the acceptance, the regardless love and all the rest that comes with having this very special group of people in my life, which by the way included long-time friends that have come to mean exactly what family does, in exchange for promises that never saw the light of day.  Tsk tsk tsk!  Shame is me!

Worst part is this.  I was doing it just to fit in with and gain the approval of an entirely different set of people with which I had nothing in common with, except for that we need oxygen to breathe.  Even as I sit here, I can hardly recognise the person typing this, when I think about who she was just a few months ago.

But that’s okay though, and do you know why?  Because throughout the centuries, human’s have erred.  If you listen to every single negative thing said to you or about you, let me tell you something.  You will land up scraping your self-esteem off the same floor that you’re lying curled up into a ball on.  Last I checked, I was an erring human too and I know for a fact that that will certainly not be the last error in judgement that I make.  All that matters to me is that I recognize my mistakes and try my damnedest never to repeat them.

Just be who you are because I can tell you with all of the certainty that I can muster up.  Not everyone will accept you, and just the same, not everyone won’t.  It’s a totally different feeling being around anyone with whom you feel that kinda freedom of just, “this is me” as opposed to being around those where you feel the need to be paranoid.  At the end of the day, it gets you nowhere.  When Geese professed to the world just a short time back that our relationship was a reallllllly bad one for him and that he was so relieved for ultimately not making the mistake of marrying the wrong woman because of how totally opposite our personalities are?  I admit, that hurt the eyeballs to read, firstly because I knew he was talking about me and seriously, which one of us honestly wants to be thought of as a wrong anything, despite the situation.  But once I’d realized that he was dead on the money as far as all of it and that we'd inadvertently avoided a disaster?  Peace prevailed, disappointment walked away and contentedness remained.

Far as the actual relationship?  I don’t regret it.  I’d be lying if I said we didn’t have good times.  There are lots of things that I wouldn’t be doing right now, had I not met him and a lot things that my eyes were opened to, by him.  Only, as far as who I was becoming because of it.  That part, I do regret.  Since then, I’ve managed to undo most of the damage I’ve done with regards to my other relationships with friends and family.  Here’s something else that I have an opinion about.  When a friend that you’ve once hurt can understand why you did what you did, forgive you and move forward as if none of it ever happened?  That’s what family means.

And that, aside from it most importantly being my beloved mother’s birthday today, is another reason why I am here talking about the importance of family.    
 
Plus!?!?  Plus!  It's our family reunion in a week!  Whooooooooo-hoooooooooo!

I shudder.

You weren't expecting me to shudder after the whooooooo-hooooooo, were you?  Well?!?  I came to my senses!  With this crazzzzzy family of mine?  Anything is possible.  All one needs to keep in mind is that it sure as hell will be memorable!  That's the part I love the most about being a branch of this particular tree.

Look, every family has their ups and downs, right?  In every family, there’s that one cousin who thirty years ago, decided to twerk!  Yep!  You read it right!  I said twerk.  Granted back then, it mighta been a nameless phenomenon but her description of it?  Was twerking.  My late uncle slapped her sohhh hard!!!!  That in fear and shock, her curlers detached themselves from her hair.  Haaaaaahahahahahahhahaha!  Those things happen in all families.  But guess what?  She remembers that incident to this day yet on the day that my uncle passed, she was there, right along with the rest of us, sitting around him on his bed.  That’s what family means!  Not writing them off one by one until you’re only left with Irene!    

That story, I just heard it today!  And he slapped her that hard because one of HIS friends passed away and he didn't appreciate her having fun in my grans house with her other female cousins.  As I listened, it became clear to me.  The girl wasn't aware that she was meant to be mourning HIS friend’s death.  What was clearer was that they didn't know he was anywhere near the house at the time!  SURPRISSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!  Poor thing!  That would shock the shit outa my curlers too!

So we spent the day at my mums yesterday, having a meeting about the reunion, looking at old pics, crying with laughter at stories like the one I just told you.  Hey!  I'm not sadistic.  You try picturing someone getting smacked outa their curlers and tell me if you can keep from laughing!  She was like, "I didn't know he was even watching from the window!  I had my panty in my bum, there were only the female cousin’s there, so I was dancing and playing the fool!  Next thing I know, he walks in, slaps me across the table so hard, my rollers went flying outa my hair!  Did I get the shock of my life!  No, you know why?  They all got slapped by him before, it was my first time!"  Lmaoooooo!!!  I musta been a good child, 'cause I never once got slapped by my uncle happy hands.  Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, but then again, I'm ten years younger than they are.  I was still cute and cuddly when he went on his slapping spree.

The last reunion we had?  Damon was just a year old and someone gave him a sweet that caused him to test the concept of generosity, “If I try to swallow this whole, let’s see if I get another one!”  He might still be given a sweet at this one.  Just...hopefully he won't try to choke on it!  I'd hate to have to jump up and down on his stomach wearing denim and white.  

Back then too, Paige was still daring enough to get on a stage and dance a newly-learnt routine with the rest of her cousins.  You shoulda seen them!  Without a doubt, it'll snow in Durban the next time you see her do that, but I remain hopeful.  You know.  Mothers always do.  I was also still married.  My hair was shorter than some of the men there plus I wore lipstick.  >_<!  I don’t know who the heck that person was.

Just had a thought.  Have you noticed how many times in my life I don’t recognize myself?  Starting to sound like cause for concern…

This reunion?  My life is nowhere near what I just described!  I'm now divorced with hair down my back, opposed to lipstick!  Two teenagers on either side of me.  Older, and yes, wiser.  A lot wiser.  You know what I've learnt and I’m only telling you this out of the goodness of my heart.  It’s important and you should really pay close attention.  I've learnt that one should never not carry flats to a high-heeled event.  You're just asking for trouble.  This smile of mine fades pretty rapidly when I come to find out that the event I've been invited to, is a heel-wearing one!  Aaaaaaaargh!  These feet were made for sneakers and I see absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a nice Chuck with a tailored suit.

Wellllllllllll?
Apparently, there is.
If you're a lady.
Hmmmmmmpf!

Sometimes, vagina's sure do work against you. :-/  SMDH!

Yappy B in the Hiz-House!

My grandson has arrivvvvvvvvvvved! Love love love love!


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Yippppeeeee for Yappy!!!!

So, Paige's birthday's coming up...in November, and she's getting this Yorkie puppy, right!?  As a non-pet-ty kinda mum, I've been trying my utmost to support the fact that soon I will have another little body running around my home.  All I wanna do is name it?!?!  Is that so much to ask?  That in itself is something to write home about!  But she's being seriously uncompromising! Someone reallllllly should have a word with her about that. 

Plus I've come up with some good ones too, like, New Yorkie, Manhattan.  I heart NY.  No!  No, no, that wasn’t one of the names I came up with.  What kinda fool-ass name would that be?  Yappy!  Squeaky!  Even Lil Y!  Hehehe---kinda proud of that one.  That one came to me when she sent me this passage off the internet that described the little pipsqueak as a gangsta-wanna be.  Lil Y, gangsta wanna-be, YO!  Good one, huh? 

:-/  Maybe, she got offended when I told her she's just like a Yorkie.  Was that going too far?  Small, yappy, squeaky and feisty.  I didn't mean it in a bad way but the truth is, when I read that this minute hairball had a thing for challenging big dogs, I immediately saw Paige’s face looking up at me, wagging her Yorkie tail.  Hey!  If you can't tell ya daughter the truth, then who can you be truthful with?!?  Then again…could be a long-time grudge for me not wanting her to get a tiger when she was but a wee yorkie. 

IIIIIIIII dunno...kids of today, you never can tell.  Meanwhile, she's still not budging.  In short, she told me, “Get your own puppy and name it things like Lil Y!”  In those exact words.  That wasn’t enough to stop the progression of my quest.  It just motivated me to plunge further into my dog naming tank.  I came up blank, HA!  But then again?!?!  I was tired last night.  Been writing notes for Damo again.  Exam time, whoooooo-hoooooo!  Not whooooooo-hoooooo!  Booooooo-hooooooo!

That whole Jan van Riebeck, Khoi-Khoi rubbish drains a person.  Who the ?+@# cares about the goings-on of the 17th and 18th century anyway!  Before I reached that mind-numbing part.  By numbing, I mean boring to the core!  My core.  And my core is not to be trusted when it’s bored.  I start thinking about dog names and we can all see how that’s turning out.

Thing is this.  I was okay with them learning about the different diseases like Malaria and Cholera and Population Movement and all of that, 'cause when I wake up one day.  Before my alarm!  Yelling frantically...”IMMMMMMMMMIGRATE! IMMMMMMMMIGRATE?!?”  Many have done it, I’m sure.  The boy needs to know to grab his bonny bags and run right alongside me!  You know? 

But then all of a sudden?!?  Jan van @#!*en Riebeck and Dutch ships that don't even exist anymore?!?!  I mean, is there a Chapter somewhere in History covering the day that my beetle broke down when I was twenty?!?  No!  They were wrecked already centuries ago!  They admitted as much in the highlighted notes!  Crabs have built underwater holiday apartments with those wreckage remains by now!  Actually?  That’s how the entire mess started!    

A wrecked ship!  Mmmm-hm!  The ship was wrecked and then the sailors settled there and took the Khoi Khoi’s stuff, who got pissed off and began stealing their stuff back, IMAGINE THAT!!!!!! 

Then they were all, “What is wrong with you Khoi-Khoi’s! Leave your stuff alone!”  Started building walls and parading all armed to keep them out, then the ‘Company’ released some of their servants and gave them farms.  How very kind of them. 

The Khoi-Khoi were like, “Hell to the na-aaaaah!  Don’t be thinking we’re helping y’all grow things on our things!”  (think they meant land).

Which led to a labour shortage.  That’s when the ‘Company’ was like, “Hey?!?  These damn lazy-ass Khoi-Khoi will not co-operate!”  I wonder why….don’t you?  “Whatever shall we do?!?!  Ahhhhh-ha!  Let’s go to Jakarta and Madagascar and buy some of their people and use them as slaves, here!  As if we even have the right!  Oh well!  Never stopped us before…he-he-he ask the Khoi-Khoi!” 

At this point, a Khoi-Khoi shoulda been eavesdropping, broke the door down, and just for that he-he-he, greeted him with a flying kick.  But that’s just me.  I don’t make History, however hard I wish that I could change it.  ‘Specially this part of it.  And so they did.  And THAT’S how the drama unfolded!  I always knew nothing good could come out of a wrecked ship!    

History means old.  But how old is old?  Is there no cut off time for oldness?  Like an expiry date of oldness?  A stamp that reads, “Best taught before (insert date)”  Just sayyyying…if I’m 41 years old and I learnt all of that at Damon’s age?  Come onn!   

Now that you know why I was tired last night.  Back to the yorkie saga.  I did manage to negotiate for at least one of these to be his second name.  She said she'd think about it.  I demanded an answer by today, failing which I’d have to text her fresh possibilities all day.  She then coolly vowed to leave her phone at home!  O_O!  We were on our way to work, and Wendy was playing Keith Sweat in her car.  Ohhhhhhhh!!!!  The memories! 

A-hem…! 

So, I thought about the puppy some more.  Confused am I!?!?!  As to all of the thought time this puppy is taking up.  Feel like I’ve fallen in love with it or something!  Hold on a sec……shake nod shake nod – don’t look – shake nod shake nod…just…I’m tryna empty my head of that thought.  This would be the first time I’ve fallen in love with a dog…well?!?  If you wanna be technical.  Eh!

The Coloured slang term for a person who keeps challenging others, is a ‘bumper’, is it not?  Coloured’s?!?!  Help me out here.  So, I text her the name, Bumper.  She says, huh?  Clearly, she thought I was kidding about the deadline for the second-name decision.  I say, Bumper Yappy Kell.

She said, no.

I give up. 

To make matters worse, she told me that Lindsie and I ruined it for ourselves with the names we’re coming up with.  Lindsie’s been insisting that she’s gonna call him LD, short for Lord Disick.  So then, I retorted.  Hehehehe!  Yes I did!  I retorted!  How ya like me now?  “Well ima call him Yappy B! “  Short for Yappy Bumper!  This was her response;

Paige: Lmao he won’t know his name!  I will keep you both away (insert some kinda skew-faced emoticon) and that I can do.

Me:  You live in my house!  I will steal him when you sleeping and brainwash him to only respond to Yappy B!

Paige:  Lmao!

I thought, LMAO, meant that she gave in at that point, what with me pulling rank and threatening to brainwash her birthday present?!  I guess, it’s simply a matter of…

You know what thought did….?

Favourite Moments

I musta had one of those mornings, that in a few years, I can look back, smile and remember it, with a giggle! Giggle...^_^! See? It's already happening. Psychicness. Always knew I had it in me!

As adults, alota the time, we forget that the word fun still exists, don't we? There's just so much to do in what feels like a reduced amount of hours a day. Does that happen only when you grow up? I don't hear a single kid say, "Mannnnn!!! Where have the hours gone?!"

Oooooooooo-whoooooo! This is some good chicken breyani! m-m-M!!! Excuse me, (blush), I'm eating while typing on this Blackberry and my taste buds, sly little tongue things, waited for a weak moment and just took over like, "Move aside and let us talk for once!! Geeeeez! Yap yap yap...!" Further proof that the end is nigh. Sadly. I have about two fork fulls left. And nowwww?

None!

It was well worth the wait! At the babyshower yesterday, I chose to pile on the pounds with the sweet stuff and passed on the meal, and now I got to taste what I shouldn't have passed up on yesterday. Regret is inevitable. So it's no secret why my tastebuds are behaving like a buncha raving lunatics right now. It's okay though, I've got the situation under control. Just now, I might punish them with neat tumeric powder for that outburst. Haven't decided yet.

I always think about this. How many people look back at moments in their lives and yell with excitement, "Heyyyyy Tom! Dick or Harry! (Whichever you prefer). Do you remember that one time we were having that serious discussion...you remember! Come on! Think! Dammit! We were frowning and everything!?" >_<!

I'll bet...nnnnnnnot 'smuch as, "Hey hey hey!?!! Do you remember that one time you almost sprayed soda through your nose from laughing so hard...."

I'll tell you about the moments I hate most in life! It's when you're telling a joke and laughing your hardest because, well...it's funny and then unknowingly you struck a nerve and the other nerve stricken person is like, "What did you say?" And you find yourself uncomfortably trying to suck up your laugh and start choking and coughing and shit because all of a sudden you find out that, yo, they don't like riddles. Who knew?!? I was supposed to, apparently, but I didn't. I was witness to a moment like that a few years back. Not so pretty. Worse still, when it's between an adult and an unsuspecting child, it's that much uglier.

For me, and call me crazy, stupid or whatever floats ya boat this Sunday. I've heard them all, so feel free. Water off a ducks back by now. Why?! Because I'm free! Let's all be free. Freedom is what we strive for in life. I found mine. Now you find yours. Shackles are for prisoners. The guilty ones. Sometimes you're not guilty but you're a prisoner. That's not good. It's bad. Bad people deserve to be shackled. Good people deserve not to have their clothing thrown out by people who haven't bought them. Even if they have a hole or they're torn.

>_<! Shit!

Uhhhhh...Let's take a teeeeeeeeny tiny break. Ima have some tea and maybe two rivotrols. Hehehehe! Just kidding. Not about the tea. I don't kid about tea. All kids should make their parents' tea. Okay...this is getting outa hand. I'll be back. Calmer. And you know what? It's not about me whining about clothing. I have plenty and you look around, the stores have an abundance. But they were mine. So at this stage?!? I'runnnnnnno who's running wild on US soil with mine favourite velvet trackpants. No hole, not torn. That's the bummer right there. Favourite!

A word to the wise? Trust no-one with your favourite velvet trackpants. Thas all I'm saying. Trust. No-one. With your favourite velvet trackpants. Got it?!? Read it again just so it sticks 'cause its important.

And now, A-HEM...I shall fix myself that cupa tea! Trust. No-one. With ya damn favou...okay, okay...okay...I'm goinnnnnnnnnnng.
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I Think...

Sitting with my son on this couch, youuuu know the one. Yeah, yeah! That one! All I'm thinking about is what future? If any! Does he have in this place. This place, not meaning the couch, come now...think bigger! No, not Durban, biggggggger! Thaaaaaaaaat's it....that's it! This place, South Africa.

We've, A-hem...we've just had our own president make a speech. Sweet. Jesus! They do that sometimes. As presidents. I just wish that someone would duck tape this one's mouth when he gives even the slightest indication that he plans on opening it. Shewwwww!!!!! O_o! This is the situation.

He opened it.
Again!

In my Donald Trump voice? Minister of Prevention! You're firrrrrrrrred!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times that I question whether I'm in a circus or whether the president gods are just playing a cruel and unusual trick on us. On one hand we have his former mini-me telling us Coloureds that if his party is voted in the next elections? We can fish without worrying about needing a permit. I'm sure many celebrated that day! Yeah! Hmmm-M! I'm sure many vomited uncontrollably too. Following that, he tells the Whites that they shouldn't be afraid of Blacks IF they're willing to share! Following that! He tells the Blacks that they shouldn't be afraid to fight the White people!

WHATTTTT!?!? I got stuck. There! Which is why I can't for the life of me remember what he said the Indian people could look forward to if he was to become president.

He then says...do not pay for the e-toll in Johannesburg, when they ask for your money? Show them your red beret. SoH cool, huh?!? I wonder if that'll work for any of the other bills we have to pay.

"Sir, that'll be R500!"
"No."
"Ha?"
"No!"
"Sir. You can't pass here without paying!"
"But?!? But Malema said! Look! Look! I have a red beret!"
"Nice. I have a shirt to match that. R500 please?!?"
"But he #*?/@+ said it in a speech! If you say something in a speech! Then it's law! He said I don't have to pay you! I can just show you my cap, sorry beret, and you'll let me through?!?"
"Did you also embroid STUPID on your beret?"
"Ha?"
"Pay or stay! How! It's lunch time now! You making me late for lunch time! Just think! Like another kind of person and pay up!"
"No!"
"Eish...this one?!? This is a stubborn one!" While he calls the cops to arrest your red-beret-flashing ass!

Our president. On the other hand, says that people should not think like Africans, just pay the e-toll. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahhaha!!! Let's all take a moment to remember that should you be kidnapped, he is not the negotiator that you want pleading your release! Not even if you're a mouse trapped between a cat and a hard place! Classic! Foolishness.

"But mr. president? I am African."
"You're African, yes. But don't think you are when you have to pass the e-toll."
"How can I do that when I am an African?"
"Easy. Just don't think. Just pay."
"I don't earn enough to afford the e-toll."
"Then don't think like a broke African too. Just pay, there are e-tolls all over the world. We must also have one. Why shouldn't we also have one?!"
"Because your people can't afford one?"
"So? That's not my fault. Just pay. Just pay, that's all."
"Even if I won't have money for petrol to even pass the e-toll by the middle of the month?"
"Yes, even then. You think too much. That's why you don't have a lot of money. Always thinking! Think, less. And just do. That's what I do. See? I'm president of a country that you shouldn't think you're from."
"Is this the #*@!?-! twighlight zone?"
"Ha?"

So now? People that aren't African.....you lucky non-Africans you....If your president states, in a speech, that you should not think like the person you are! Not think as though you are from the country in which you were born and bred and still live JUST like the non-immigrant that you so unfortunately are, you know? The one that he runsssssss? Who exactly should us Africans think like?

........................Silence

I'll wait..............

I hear nary a speech.

Uhhhhhhhh-huh! Yeah. Just as a I thought! Look for answers and you get nothing but the sound of the ceiling fan! Look for bullshit statements in presidential speeches? Never. Ending!

How about we do this? Instead of thinking like, ohhhh I dunno....an Antarctican? How about we think like someone who has a brain, and realize that butter, milk and sugar in a plastic bag isn't enough to secure a vote! How about! Next election? We take a walk on the wild side and vote for someone who will never EVER for a minute believe that telling your people to discard something he should be convincing them to be proud of, hint freakin' hint, our nationality! And just pay the damn money, that......wait for it?!? They do not have to begin with!

So then? By the time one passes the e-toll point, they're not only broke, but they don't even know who they are anymore! Tsk tsk tsk...what a mighty president serves us!

N
O
T

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ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What this track means to me?  Eh!  Wouldn't you like to know.  If i were you?  I'd also like to know.  So Ima tell you.  Oh?  And I missed you too.  Once again, I've been writing non-stop.  I wish I had four hands.  MANNNNN, I could rule the world!!!!!!!  O_o

Forgive me, but this song puts me on such a high, I literally reach for Venus!

But enough about me.

What I hear when I listen to this song?  I coulda sworn I just said enough about me.  Let's forget I said that for a moment, because I'm being you right now, and you want to know what this track means to me, so I'm gonna be me for a second and tell you.

Once you find your "voice"?  There's not a damn thing that can stop you!

Katy Perry's, Roar, is about the most uplifting, motivating track I've heard all year!  Feel as though it was made just for me!  Rambler? Vanity...tsk tsk tsk!

So??????????????  There ya go.  I'm once again running off now to conquer the unconquerable and rule the unruly!  Hehehehe!  Ramble Responsibly my friends!  ^_^!!!!!!

PS:  Enjoy!

Antibarfotic

Place in middle of palm, close hand for safe keeping, open hand, eye it, sighhhhh, close hand again, sit down, set it on counter, eye it again, sip on glass of water, check bbm's, psyche yourself up, pick up gracefully between thumb and index finger, inspect it, sighhhhhh, sip on glass of water, mentally curse makers of terrorist tablets, stand up, reply to bbm's, sip on glass of water, open mouth, try to put in mouth, fail, sighhhhhh, set it back on counter, eye it once more, will it to disappear...somehow, it doesn't, pick up between thumb and index finger for hopefully the last time, set it at back of tongue, drink water fast, skew face as if you just drank rats urine!

That?!? My ever-faithful readers, are the imaginary instructions that Paige reads on the box of medication she's getting ready to take. Tonight? Lucky for us, we were in the kitchen when first, she took a picture of all her meds. Then sat and went through most of the above steps but this time?!? And pay attention since this is the reason why I say we were lucky. As witnesses, we learnt a valuable lesson on how not to...thank you sugar! 'Cause she did something verrrrrrrrrrrrry different this time! A brand spanking new technique that she picked up from, ay, O_o! I dunno where!?!?

Lemme tell ya! Where normally she'd carefully set it on the furthest point at the back of her tongue while her pinky sticks out like the queen and her tea cup?!? This time? The girl flung that sucker so far down her oesophagus, that while she then took a swig at the glass of water, she was like heaving...uuuuuuuuaargh...uuuuuuuuuaargh...!

Ofcourse? I did what any caring, nurturing parent would do while their daughter sits there gagging on an antibiotic. I burst out laughing! Damon followed suit. That's my boy! Soon as things returned to a somewhat normal state in her throat?!? It was a quick recovery, by the way! After the uuuuuuuuaargh...uuuuuuuuuuuuargh part, she too couldn't help but laugh and then she says, "Which mother laughs at their child when they're about to throw up."

...........................................Me.

In all fairness, I did offer to break it in half for her. I wasn't laughing when I did that. It was a sincere gesture of motherly love. Her argument was, "Then I'll have to take it twice!" I couldn't deny the logic in that, plus I had things I needed to do. Imagine going through those steps twice?!?! Annnnnnnnd, I even went one step further and got a little creative in my efforts to assist. I told her to imagine it as a sweet that she likes and just pop it in there. "I don't really like sweets..." >_<!

I tried again. Desperation and reality'd begun kicking in, so against my better judgement, I offered another option....Okay then, a cigarette! "It doesn't go in my mouth."

O_o

....I gave up on the imagining of things at that point and decided to just let the cards fall where they may.

Then came time for the herbal drops. This part, surprisingly, went a lot smoother. However, she did ask, "Who came up with herbal medication????" I told her, the herbalists. I put absolutely no thought into that answer, whatsoever. My brain was still too busy laughing its ass off about the whole, open, fling..._uuuuuuuaaaargh...uuuuuuuuuargh fiasco.
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