The Thief That Is WWW

And I don't mean World Wide Web. I mean Wondering, Wasting, Whining.

You ever find yourself overspending time on wondering why your relationship ended? I did but I don't. Not anymore. Here's what experience has taught me. One of my best friends in the whole wide world has told me on more than one occassion that "Experience is the best teacher." He didn't say that that phrase applied more to the stubborn that the one listening to good advice and he didn't have to. He probably knew that I'd eventually figure that one out for myself. After I made sure to ignore the advice and go with the "let me give myself a concussion first, then I'll listen" route. Don't he-he-he like you've never done it.

Ever since my marriage failed and then my relationship thereafter, took a sharp nose-dive straight into a concrete floor? It didn't happen overnight, not the nose-dive, that was inevitable. I'm talking about my outlook and it's not to say that I was like, shrug, "oh well, that's over", but I've since learnt that pondering on things beyond one's control slowly steals your moments of joy.

Why? Because sometimes, you won't ever find the answers. Sometimes, it's just as simple as it wasn't meant to be. Or as the cliche' goes, some people are meant to be a lesson and nothing more. I won't wonder beyond that.

Why? Asking that question a lot, aren't I? Just said I wouldn't, didn't I? Well? I forgive me.

Why? 'Cause these are why's to different questions.

Truth is. Time is really all we have. Why? (Just kidding)

Once you're over that initial hurt or whatever it is you feel after your relationship has ended. I understand that we're all different. So you might feel, oh I dunno? Itchy where someone else feels serial killerish. When you're finally over that, don't spend any more of your precious time on what could have been, should have been, would have been, wanted it to be. Spend it on what is and what still can be.

And blame? Uuuuurgh! Blaming is the most childish of all reactions when you're tryna dissect a failed relationship. Guess what? Somebody's always going to be wrong, including you. Something could always have been done better, by you too. More effort could have been made, on your part too. All it does, is it shows you to be a whiner who doesn't take responsibility for your own part in it's failure.

Blame keeps you bitter and blame prevents change and most importantly? It's a block. It's a block where you won't ever really see what it is that you were meant to learn from it because you're so busy focusing on making yourself shine bright like a diamond, LOL! My jam! So busy focusing on making yourself look like the good little victim that you will never understand what that person's purpose was, in your life.

Here's the thing-a-majig! If your relationships keep failing and you refuse to OWN your part in it? Then what's gonna happen?!? Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy! They will keep failing. Ownership doesn't only apply to your successes. Nope! Uh-uh! It applies to your failures too.

So take a minute, or months or years and work on improving who you are as a person or a partner. Instead of wasting those minutes, months or years on blaming your ex for the end result. Psssssssssssst! Lemme tell you a lil secret...a lot more good will come from that than another string of failed relationships and ex's to blame for wherever you find yourself in life.

At the end of the day, with whatever it is? The final choice is yours. To stay or leave, it's yours. To lead or control, it's yours. To encourage or discourage, it's yours. I can go on and on and show you how well I know my opposites 'cause I do. He-he-he. You can see that I'm quite learned on the subject of opp....A-HEM...I-I know them.

In my childhood fantasies? Right now, I'd be happily married with a family to love and a dog that sticks to peeing on his towel. In reality, I sit here today with no partner, a family to love and a dog who won't leave my side since I've had this surgery. That's what happens when you make sure to put ya foot down! On the floor so he can sleep on it. That shit pays off in the end. All that I have now? Ay, that's A-okay!

Why? Because what's behind me? Won't stop me from remembering why I'm single but I'm so damn grateful that I have successfully managed to remember that, without holding onto bitterness. And I can remember it all too, without playing the blame game. No doubt, I'd lose because it would be like an anchor to misery and even though time would be moving along, my life would be standing still. My growth would become non-existent. And the smile that I just found again? Would disappear faster than a relative who owes you money!

And now? I've come. I've taught. I've got to sleep. It's 11pm and I have a date in the morning! Uh-huuuuuh! With a doctor! Doing alright for myself, aren't I? ^_^!

Lmao!

Before another rumour starts! It's my follow-up doctors' appointment. Removing stitches I think...OUCH!

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All's Well That Ends Well!

I'm typing this from my very own bed!  Whoooooooooop!  Yes!  That means I'm home and happy to be!  I left the hospital laughing about the crazy things that my surgeon said once again.  He comes to see me before he discharges me..............

Doc: Hey, that thing was bigger than I thought huh!
Me: For real!
Doc: Ya.
Me: But you took it all out?
Doc: Oh ya and I closed it up, it may turn septic
Me: O_o........gulp.....OHHkay
Doc: I tried to save you from another anesthetic
Shows me my own wound
Me: So what do I do if it does turn septic?
Doc: (makes a face) Don't worry, it won't get septic. You pray, I pray, we all pray! Won't get septic!
Me: LMAO! But if it does?
Doc: Phone me, say, Doc, my breast is sore, swollen? U come in, I open it up again, and clean it out. I tried to save you from anesthetic again 'cause see here, if I didn't close it, you woulda needed an anesthetic when I stitched it up, if it gets septic, you'll need anesthetic, but if it doesn't then you, ay, you hundreds! Come see me, what was yesterday? Tuesday?
Me: Wednesday
Doc: Ohya, come see me Tuesday k.

I'm praying that he's praying hahahahahaha!  As crazy as he is, I feel no fear as far as he is concerned though.  And that's crazy even for me, because my mom shoulda named me Worry.

Butttttt!  The worst is over, now it's just for ya Rambler to heal up and then I'm good as new!  Just a lot of pain right now but you know the old saying, "I'd rather be in pain from healing than from the cyst!"  Okay, alllllright! You caught me.  It's a brand new two minute ago saying.  But I said it so it automatically becomes a saying.

Sitting up right now, thinking as usual and grateful mostly.  My niece Sharde' and my daughter Paige have been really amazing since I've gotten home yesterday, doing everything that they can to make sure I did little to nothing and for whatever reason I'm kinda thinking that since I got so much sleep during my hospital stay, that that was maybe the reason that this happened.  Sometimes I honestly have to be forced to do things that I should be doing naturally so I killed two birds with one stone this week.  I got the rest that I needed and got this alien outa my breast!  (Don't tell anyone but it's sorta 1.27am right now.)  I totally blame these pain meds.  The bottle clearly states, "CAUSES DROWSINESS!"  Lies.  I'm gonna try to get some rest now though, orders from my daughter!  LOL!

And that, my faithful friends, is the update from the land of the Rambler and now over to you, John...

A-hem.

John's my journalist alter-ego for those of your who didn't know.  Yeah.  We just met!  And from John and myself, we'd like to wish all of the citizen's of America, a happy, healthy, safe and blessed Fourth of July!

We remember being in the States on the Fourth of July, yep.  John and I!  We were absolutely amazed at the fireworks in Chicago!  Smiley faces!  Red, blue and white and then I told you about the rainy Fourth of July New York fireworks Ali and I enjoyed with our freshly made up faces!

Mannnnnnnnn, I have wonderful memories of the US!  And I'll surely be back one day to make more of those.

The Nipple That Was!

I miss you guys, but works been just crazy and then time just disappears into thin air when I get home, I've started a new book, Exile. That's not say that I didn't wanna come by and tell you about the conversation that I had with my surgeon! 'Cause I did! I swear! I went to see him last week and I'm sitting an arms length away from him and he looks at me and says;

Doc: Lemme see your breasts! Big or small?
I kinda second-guessed my own breasts after that because if he couldn't tell being that close to me? Then I must be a flat-chested somebody who'd been lying to herself all these years about them being.....
Me: Normalllllll?!?! O_o!
Doc: Lay on my bed!
Me thinks: Pushy bastard you!
Doc: Where's hubby? (After he asks how many kids I have)
Me: Sitting on his bed, (he said lay----clearly ima rebel right?!?) I have an ex!
Doc: Y'all tango?
Me: (Internal gasp!). Nooooooooh)
Doc: So? Who you tango-ing with?
Me: Nobody
Doc: Why?
Me: 'Cause I got nobody to tango with!
Doc: Okay, okay, just needed to make sure there's no possibility of pregnancy
Me: Still rebelling! (No wonder I'm not tango-ing!)

I love him though, he's so real and rough hahahahahhaha! Not what you'd think a surgeon would be like. Did I say rough? And I liked it? And I'm scheduled for him to cut open my left breast tomorrow?! Okay-------hmmmmmmmm?!? I guess the lack of tango is getting to me. LOL!

He told me in no uncertain terms that he's gonna destroy my nipple. I'd appreciated that if we were in the throws of passion but we weren't. However? My immediate though was, "Ahhhhh well? Not like I'm using it anyway." That was before I thought about having my family come and march in a small circle at the entrance of the hospital chanting, "Save her nipple! Save her nipple!" It was cute. In my mind.

The nightmare that I had last night was not! I kept falling over, numb, on my face. Imagine that? I think I went to bed thinking about going under anaesthetic for the first time. Was I glad when I woke up?!?! And didn't fall!

Can you tell that I'm rushing? No? Well, I am. I can't be here for too long. My battery is about to die and I don't have my charger! Nevermind that I have a needle stuck in my vein and curving my hand, holding this phone is not helping. I'll let you guys know how surgery went okay?!! Soon as I'm awoke enough to!

While I'm away, Ramble Responsibly! Hugs!
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It's time...!

Well? They finally got ya beloved Rambler! Bastards!

Yup! I'm going for that mammogram! Not voluntarily though, noooh-no_no! I didn't go to the doctor and OFFER my breasts, if that's what you're over there thinking.

Pssssssssssst...Between you and I? I think he just likes writing the word. And saying it. 'Cause I was chilling in the patients chair, right? And then he's like, when was your last mammogram? I wanted to blurt out, "Damn! Not again? Don't you people ever let up with that question?!" But I didn't. He mighta thought that I was being defensive and all I wanted him to think was that I'm normal. I was at his mercy and I didn't know what kinda day he was having so far. I merely blinked and let the words flutter off of my tongue. Never. At 41, apparently, I'm a year late.
 
Anyyyyhoooo. We talk. He talks, I talk, he says mammogram again, I pretend to be unaffected by it. Until he writes it down on one of those mammogram order sheets.

That's when it HIT me! Shit. Just. Got. Real. Up in that rizoom! But my bravest face was on. I was even smiling. Whether or not he knew it was a slightly painful smile? I really can't decide. And if he did? He didn't care too much. He was focused on mammogramming ya Rambler!

But then he's not tryna stop there! Oh-neooooooh! The man goes on to order me an x-ray AND a biopsy too. That's how a persons' ex-husband's medical aid gets depleted! I'm thinking, "Why not be like, eeny-meeny-miny-mo and just choose one?"

Before he started going wild with his doctor pen, I finally gave him a little clue 'bout what's going on in my mind. "I hear those things are very sore!" And because he's seen me naked, I instinctively pressed my breast. I don't do that in front of just anybody and you shouldn't either! They might just order you a mammogram.
So now it's his turn to be unaffected. "Naaaah, it's not sore. They just put your breast between these plates and press 'm together."
 
"Mmmmmmm-hm, that casual, huh?" I could immediately tell that he'd never had breasts. No person, with breasts, could be THAT blaze' about flattening round things. But I gave him that one. He had the pen and order form. I'm was about to put myself at risk for a colonoscopy too! The truth is, I'm not a troublesome patient. Even if I zone out? I still appear to be giving doc my full attention.

But then he puts the order form in front of me and explains that a biopsy is done where they stick a needle in your breast and suck out whatever they're gonna test. O_O!!!!!!!! Followed by, "that's very sore!" At that point my eyes squeezed shut! He was looking at me with an expression of sorrow. I don't know whether it was because he didn't find a way to squeeze in the word, mammogram again or whether he realized that some things? Some things are better left unsaid. Especially when I just expressed concern about the pain from the thing about the breast between the plates and flattening and then the lump is already sore so how much worse is it gonna be when....!

Whatever it was? It was enough for him to say to me, "Hold on a second okay? Lemme just call the surgeon and ask him if it's better just to cut it out than you having to do all of this." Nevermind, he did manage to tell me, you'd still have to have the mammogram done, though.

DRAT! Now the surgeon wants to see me. So I go, like the good little patient that I am. And fill out more forms and wait, until the other surgeon sees me, I dunno where surgeon no.1 was...
He examines me and everytime I wanted to get up? He's like, "relax...". Look? I've become accustomed to my single, secluded life. Two men seeing my breasts in one day? It was a bit hard to relax! Especially when one's tryna get 'm flattened and the other is tryna get 'm cut!

Surgeon no.2...draws me a picture of what's going on and then he says, "It might just be a blocked duct or something, and because it's blocked, that might be a build up, so I think its best to...." He outlines the possible build up, "cut that out and then sew you back up! But..." He reaches for the infamous mammogram order form, "Let's do a mammogram first."

>_<!!!!

"Okay, but I already have one of those from the other doctor." I hand it to him and he says, "Alright, but I'm just going to amend what he wrote." Which was a good thing because surgeon no.2 wrote that IF the mammogram shows any strangeness? THEN! A biopsy must be done! Bless his sweet soul!

It might have been a teeny weeny bit hard to tell, but what I'm trying to say to y'all in all of this, especially if you're 40 and have breasts? Listen to the sister in Diskem and go for your annual mammogram! It's cool to feel twenty-five and all of that but hear me.....Eve meant business. If it's not mammograms, its pap-smears! If it's not pap-smears? It's Calcium tablets. If it's not Calcium tablets? It's menopause! It's not the easiest being a female!

So? Wish me luck! I'd wish you luck if you had to go get your penis galvanised or something! That's just the kinda Rambler that I am....


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INKED AM I!

GUESS WHAT, PEOPLES!!! Tonight I got my first AND last! Tattoo! When I say last, I mean, for tonight. Tomorrow? Welllllll? LOL! I'm kidding...kidddddding...!

This is it for me. I have my "Peace, Love, Music and Happiness" symbol now and that's all I've ever wanted. Both as a tattoo and a way of life! I now have all of those in more ways that I could have ever imagined. And the further away that I get from the way that I've spent the last four or five years of my life, the better it feels.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. When you give up your own and agree to live according to the ideals and expectations of those who want nothing other than to turn you into an ugly, bitter person? Because that's the way that they have always lived their lives? Ofcourse it becomes their natural way of existing. It's just not and never will be yours.

Try it. I dare you. And when you return to your own self, because you always will. Who you are can only be changed temporarily. After a while, you feel your own absence. I'll be standing right HERE to say, "There, there my brave friend. It was an experience, wasn't it? I've been there and now so have you! Go out there and let everybody know this.......".

When you feel as though you have nothing left. Nobody left. And someone happens to pass by you with seemingly the right words and seemingly your best interests at heart but then in exchange for all of that "right" you have to agree to be remolded? And then you do???!?!

Eh!

You will never EVER find peace. You will never EVER be happy. You will never EVER dance to your own tune. And whatever it was that you believed that that passer-by was offering you? That will never EVER be love. Well, unless love isn't meant to be freeing, but binding. Unless love is not meant to be beautiful, but quick to blame. Unless love is not meant to be encouraging, but derogatory. If that's what love was meant to be. Then you just hit the jackpot! Right?!? Right?!? Uhhhhhhhhhh...No. Not right.

Because what I know about love? Just...it's just not all of those things. So be very careful when you're searching for it. Anything can feel like everything when feel like you have nothing. But it very well could be in the wrong place. Me? I've seen both sides of love. The wrong place love and the right place love. And the difference between the two might not be obvious from the start but be sure, it will show itself.

For right now? I can't tell you what comes next. A scab. I guess. At least that's what the tattoo putter told me.
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Sweet Jesus, It's a Fiuuuure!

Yo! Yo! Peep this! Word on the street is....People be runnin' on Sunday. ON PURPOSE!!!! O_o Mmmmmmmmmm-mmmmm! From the 033 to the 031! Yep....It's that time again...The Proudly South African, Comrades Marathon! Whoooooo-oooooo!

NOT!
-_-

Not exciting, I mean. Not to me, I mean! You wouldn't catch me running NO.WHERE! Unless I'm being chased and normally I'm in my car so I'll say it again. You wouldn't catch me running NO.WHERE. Well, unless I'm walking to Noddy's with Bubs and a dog starts acting clever. Then maybe.

D'you wanna know what I remember most about primary school aside from being petrified of my needlework teacher? And playing sick when it came to sports trials? And what 'bout those cup ice-blocks we used to buy for 10c on our way home? Huuuuh?! The B.O.M.B! And seeing Betty standing outside my classroom door with an umbrella for me because it started raining? God Bless her precious soul for loving me when she didn't have to!

Ofcourse, those were nothing like my memories of standing in the line sweating bullets on vaccination day for injections that left a circle of holes on my arm, which I still have by the way....praying to God that if He could just take me before my turn came, that I'd be forever grateful for his Favour! I-I know what you might be saying to yourself, "Dammmmn, she that scared of needles?!?" To that, I say, "Yeahhhhhh," sigh. "I-I'd rather be dead."

But aside from sommme beautiful and other somewhat traumatic memories of my earlier days, I remember this! Knowledge is Power! That was the motto at my Primary School. Principal whats-his-name would be real proud. Mannnnn, what WAS his name? Nnnnnnnnnnnn, >_<! You know when the answer's on the tip of your tongue? Just waiting for you to think about or do something totally unrelated, and then suddenly it falls straight outa your mouth like when you're eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich and you suddenly yell out, "APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!!!" Well? It's not one of those times. That name isn't making a guest appearance even on my epiglottis.

From my later years...like now...I remember this! Experience is the best teacher! That's what Dave constantly tells me! And I believe him too. Boy! Have I had some experiences that have taught me a thing or ten! But that's life, isn't it! Living and learning. Yep! We learn something new everyday. Like yesterday? I learned that no matter how old I get, I'll never warm up to the idea of a dentist visit. Nevermind that the pain has now reached the side of my right eyeball even as I type this...IIIIIIIIII dunno. Still not convinced that the time to make that appointment is now. I'm hoping that my teeth are just in a bad mood 'cause it's Winter or something. So, I'll wait for the season change and then decide.

Right now though, I turn my attention over to you, you brave athletes you! There's no need for me to pussyfoot, I'm here to urge you...to encourage you...to learn from the past experiences of previous runners. In particular, those that were robbed DURING the race. Lucky for us. Well? For all intents and purposes, for you! There's no rule that states that we should only learn from our own experiences! Let's be real. We all know that they'll be hiding in bushes just waiting to strip you of your Nike runners! So there! Now we have the knowledge. Now we can be powerful. I dunno why I keep saying we. I won't be there. You! You be powerful!

I have two words. Super. Glue! First the socks to your feet, then the runners to the socks. Hold on a minute before you knock my solution. Don-don't knock it 'til you try it. Yes, I've resorted to cliche's. That's because I'm desperate to save YOUR shoes. Hey look? You might wonder about, "Ohhhh, then how'm I gonna get them off me when I'm finished the race?" Or "What if my feet catch alight while I'm running down Field's Hill, from the glue and friction." I will admit, those are valid enough questions. But wait. Ask yourself this. Do you wanna finish the race with or without your shoes?!? Hmmmmmmm? Hmmmmmm? If so? Shouldn't THAT be more important than whether or not your feet could be charred to a crisp! Because the thing that really matters here is that you will be making a point to the bush robbers! And that point will be...(it's okay, I'll think of everything.)

The point will be..........
I know what you're about and I've done something to prevent it! Yes, you're saying that to the runner robbers. Without words. Granted that their day won't end with them possibly setting themselves on fire...that's okay but then again neither you nor I know what their favourite past-times are. So, at this point, it's purely an assumption. What matters is...you would have made your point!
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Annnnnnnnnd That's a Wrap!!!

HELLO, HELLO!  I COME BEARING GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!

Nahhh, I'm not gonna ask you to guess and all of that, I'm too psyched for that!

Well?!  Ya Rambler completed her 2nd book, The Switch, last night!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!  YES, SHE DID!

I'm real excited about having two completed books under my belt now, and that excludes the children's book I did.  With that I plan to do a series, so now?  I can concentrate on getting that done!

Have a wonderful Thursday, I gotta drive now!  Yeah.  I know.  Talk about a buzz kill!

Love_Lindsie Photoshoot

Well? I've been up and down with a cold, flu or really bad sinus attack for the past few days. Winter's being nasty already! Yeahhhhhhh...good news though? I had a box of Advil CS tablets in my medicine cupboard, as well as Med Lemon for Children, so I'm almost there! I figured hey...ya Rambler's got spleen and intestines just like them kiddies?! Okay, a teeny weeny bit older but the meds should still work. And it has. One more day of sleep and I should be A-OKAY!

Oo-oo-oooo! Shhhhhhhhhhh.....Think I just heard Damon talk in his sleep. Aaaaargh, he's stopped now. One sentence! Who has a one-sentence conversation in their sleep?!? 'Especially when their mother wanted to leap outa bed and record him for future embarrassment purposes. DRAT! Ima have a word with him in the morning! About using more words when he's either talking jiberish or spikkin secrets in his slumbered state. As a parent, take my advice. You can never be equipped with enough of those.

Wow, you know what I've just realized! I haven't been ill for the longest time. Noooooh, that's not disappointment, it's a reflection of great decision making. Fo rizzle! I've heard it being said, but I've lived it by now. Your health has everything to do with what and who you choose to keep in your life. Unless bad health is hereditary....but a few tweeks here and there can make a world of difference. Believe. You. Me! "How?" You wanna know how? Do this. Go on. Rid your life of toxic relationships and situations and then watch your health suddenly take flight into the clouds of wellness!

Awww, you're welcome!
I speak from nothing but experience.

But now? I'd like to introduce you to an amazeballs photographer, my niece Lindsie, (one of my claimed daughters). I do that. A lot. And their mother's don't mind. It's called sharing the love. The subject of my blog is her Photography signature. I was so excited about how great these looked, I couldn't keep 'm to myself. These are from a recent shoot that she did for a college assignment of my daughter, Randyl and I.

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Sliding Suspicions!

So. By now you know that the ANC has won the national elections. Yet. Again. :-/

Note. My. Excitement.

-_-

And by a landslide, too. If there was an unhappy land to slide on? That's what I'd be doing. Zooooooooooooooooooom! Anything BUT celebrate that blasted win. Eh, I won't even throw my hands up in the air like I care!! Nothing! Nothing that could be confused for a gesture of celebration.

Hey? Pssssssst! You there.....remember how we used to slide down banks on flattened cardboard boxes when were young-----er? They were just there, weren't they? (Frown) W-wait a minute. O_O! Just hit me... the suspiciousness of it all. Aren't you suspicious? I'm suspicious. It just washed over me like hot suspicious rain. What? Ofcourse there's such a thing!

Lemme tell you why.....

'Cause where? Where are they now? Yes, I know they're stacked up in the front of Fruit and Veg City, but I'm saying, where are they NOWWW LIKE THEY USED TO BE. HUUUUUUUUUUH? HUH? See that? I'm making you think, aren't I? When you get right down to the nitty gritty of what I might've just stumbled upon. The regression of availability of the cardboard boxes to children. You'll realize that like me....you also don't see cardboard boxes just laying around waiting to be flattened and slid on at a whim, do you? No!

I don't think it has anything to do with cleanliness or recycling. You DO remember who our government is, right?! Maybe that's what they'd like us to belieeeeeve. I'm not falling for it. If a person can't translate monetary value in speeches, then recycling has to be the furthest thing from their mind. I have the video and I'm not afraid to use it! And then clean streets? Pffffffffffffffft!!! Have you seen the city centre lately. By lately, I mean since 1994. Let us have a moment of silence in memory a spotless-ish, vendor free West Street.

Here's the thing. We'd do our homework. Some of us. Other's preferred getting lashed with canes in school the next day. You know who you are. Probably into all that S&M shit now too as adults. Yup! Bondage lovers aren't born. They grow out of one's who didn't do their homework in school. It's true. I've not a shred of proof but if it makes sense...hey, you know. Go ahead and ask an S&M'er, they'll tell you. (And then after you get ya ass whipped, A-HEM...c-come back here and tell ME what they tell you.)

We'd all come out to play and it took but one of us to even just suggest sliding!!! For them magic boxes to suddenly appear! Suddenly! I say suddenly because how did anyone know? Boxes can't know. They don't have brains. They can't know and just walk over to within an eye-view of children talking amongst themselves! So how do you explain there being enough for each of us on any given weekday to have our own when one of us suggested sliding down the bank and possibly flipping over onto oncoming traffic on Amoora Road? It never happened. I don't----i don't think? But it could have.

And that could be IT!!!!!!! It could have been a conspiracy to get rid of us. Like here. Have a cardboard box. Slide to your demise. Whaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha!!!! Or banks. Because they're dangerous like that. I dunno yet. I'm weighing up options here and you're not helping.

Maybe the cardboard placers realized that kids of today would rather slide their fingers across a cellphone screen than slide their asses down a bank on a piece of cardboard. Sad. They know not what they're missing. Yep! Still grasping at straws here, feel free to jump in at any time. LOL, just had an vision. Imagine sliding on a cellphone? Whoooooooo-hooooooo! Ya ass would be grass-burned to a standstill! But at least you'd be able to call someone to bring you Vaseline.

I'm just saying...the neighbours weren't always moving or buying new furniture. Room dividers came fully built back then. Plus they were called room dividers. Even that?!? I mean, seriously? Our's stood against the wall. Walls divided rooms. WTF!?

Allllll of those logistics, but yet? There were enough boxes when we felt like sliding down dangerous banks. Think people! Think! And the banks were readily available too. Okay, there still are readily available banks. That's taking it too far. Strike that. And I don't remember keeping mine, either. Not like the stocking. Man, I loved that game!

The stocking? We kept the stocking ropey thingy that we made to do the hoppy one leg over out other leg over turn and all, so much fun, because laddered stockings were not a dime a dozen. We went home prayiiiiiiiiiing that our mothers thigh got caught by a nail or something 'cause the longer the stocking, the better. We'd visit family members hoping their thighs were ill-fated during that week too. "You want some juice?" "No, but do you have any laddered stockings?" "O_o"

Hmmmmmmmm?!? Makes you wonder, huh? I don't know what! But I'm sure you're wondering something. I'm wondering how the ANC still won by such a huge margin! No, I'm not. Like half the population, I DO know. Didn't stop me from being as shocked as I was though. Not because they won. But because they won! Like THAT! I didn't think they'd win like THAAAAA-AAAT! Even with all of the ballod boxes that were found dumped in the bushes or in the houses of ministers.

Hey? You think they wanted to flatten them, like------------ to slide?

Blink.
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Mother's Day Pics

MOTHER'S DAY

Happy Mother's Day to all of you very important human's out there! Without mother's? Lemme tell ya! There'd be no kids!

I just heard a voice in my head say.....duh?!?!

So, ima leave it there for today and share some pics with you instead! Pictures speak louder than words...I hope yours was as lovely as my day was!

Oh! Oh! Oh! And I wanted to share with you, my Mothers Day thought!

If ever you wanna watch the theory of "seeing is believing" being blown outa the water? Look inside the heart of a woman who's just been told that she's pregnant. A mother's love will quickly demonstrate the power of a love so extra-ordinary that it begins not with sight nor sound but simply with the knowledge of a presence.

'Cause I'm a mom and I know how that feels!? I came up with that all on my own too....deeeeeeep dude!


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My Joy

Yes! She is!!


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Voting Protocol

That's not the result of me painting my nails while I'm drunk and sneezing. NnnnnnnnnnnneO! That simply means that I've exercised my F W de Klerk-given right to vote, today! For those of you who don't know who he is? He is the reason that we can now swim in Ansteys beach without being told to "Fok outa our ocean! Can't you read? It says, No Coloureds Allowed! Don't you know where foken Isipingo beach is?!" I learnt to swim in foken Isipingo Beach, by the way.

So I enter the voting station, right? Everything appears as normal as a voting station should be. I turn to my left and see a male and female sitting at the first table that's labelled, "Voters Roll." I knew not to dive onto the floor with outstretched arms and pointed fingers like we did in PE class in primary school, so ofcourse, I didn't. At my age, you tend to realize that everything in life's not THAT literal.

There I was. Staring at the first table. That's where I have to start. You-you figured that, huh? Okay...so I traipse on over there. I repeat, I didn't roll on over there, I traipsed. The young man says to me, a little more excited than IIIII thought he shoulda been but hey? As a South African? I'm well aware that we're all not the same. You say excited, I say....uhhhh....I say...hmmmmmmm?!? Excited?!

A-hem.

Bad examples aside...Besides, I'm not the boss of him. I was there to vote! Not be the judge of inexplicable heights of excitement. And I had a rough sinus night plus Cruz barked me awake at 3am. I'm still mad at him. "YOU'RE ALSO AN ORGAN DONOR!?"
There's a sticker in my I'd book, he's not psychic. So I smile despite my confusion, "Yes!"
He then asks, "So? Are therrrrre-are there any missing?"
Me, giggling, while instinctively feeling my stomach for missing organs, "Noooooh, no, not yet!"
The female rules out my name, evesdropper that she is, and then says, "I'm just asking for asking sake okay, not to make you frightened or anything. But aren't you scared that they'll finish you?"
I really do try my utmost not to use my frown lines as often as I used to but it wasn't easy today. I immediately think, "Where the ?!*#@?! hell am I?" By now I'm looking around, trying to spot anyone who resembles the them that she's referring to. I had no idea what it was that I'd do when I found them, maybe run and scream. Scream, point and run. Scream, point, run and yell, "They wanna finisssssssssh me?!?" I dunno.
But then I respond, nonchalantly. I was acting. Brave. "Ay, it won't matter when I'm dead."
As if I hadn't already been through enough? Female clarifies, "No, I mean if you're critically sick or something? Aren't you scared that they'll finish you off just to take your organs?"
Ya Rambler busts out, "BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHHA!!!!!!" while thinking and praying, "LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY ORGANS! Well? At least I know I'm in South Africa!"

I then move onto the next table that's labelled, "Inking". I was tempted to tell the woman where I wanted the peace sign and the music sign and the happy face and the little heart tattood but after my first table experience? I changed my mind. Voting stations can be volatile places and I was already not that comfortable. Eh! I start asking for peace, love, happiness and music tattoos at the inking table and next thing I know I'm arrested for being a rebel terrorist just so that they can remove my organs. No, thank you very much. I have work tomorrow!

So then I move onto the third table and the woman gives me my ballots and goes onto explain that "this one is provincial and this one is national" and then says, "I like your style!"

Now see? See that?

I could have exposed my panic then and there but I'm not stupid. That's what they wanted. To break me into a panic-stricken voter and then steal my organs! I had to listen to the voice inside my head that whispered, "Just. Act. Normal." So, I quickly say, "Thank you," with a broad smile. Yesssssssss, okay, YES, I meant, nervous smile but that's only because I do understand that in my state of mind, I coulda very well confused it for, "I like your spleen."

At the end of it though? I'm happy to report that once I'd reached that cardboard thingy that we have to hide behind and place our X where we want it? Once I reached that leg of my voting journey and realized that there was nobody there waiting to gut me like a guppy for my large intestine? It went pretty smoothly after that. Nobody tried to finish me. Maybe 'cause I wasn't critically ill. :-/ I'll never know.

All I know is this! When he was THAT happy to see that I was an organ donor and then asked if I had any missing? He coulda been using code for "Seize her! We could use a kidney at the table labelled, 'Cut her!'" LOL! No, no, I'm just kidding. There was no table labelled, "Cut her!" But lemme tell you something....I did keep an eye out for it after that female started talking about them "finishing me." You'd be wary too, wouldn't you?

So? Do they mark parts of your body when you vote? In your country? Do they remove an organ maybe? Heyyyyyyyy! Don't judge. I'm just trying to see whether it will become voting protocol in the future.
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Ode to My Soulmate

Love. It's supposed to happen a certain way, isn't it? You know? You meet a person, you get to know them, you hold hands, you kiss, you're stomach flutters and blah blah blah...sometimes it just happens in that order. The ordinary order. The way that you've probably heard it happen for about seven billion people when they talk about their first real experience with love.

I've witnessed that process so many times. Being the last born, I had my siblings to observe and then ofcourse, I'd missed that process with my parents and only got to see the end result. They'd spoken of many things but never once mentioned that it was a meeting out of the ordinary. Even so, nothing will make me believe that what they have isn't real love. What else could have kept them glued together for over 50 years?

At times, I saw them, arguing one minute, and slow-dancing the next. I saw them disagreeing on a subject one minute and then asking each other for answers the next. I saw how totally incomplete my dad would even LOOK, when my mum was away from him for too long a time and then I watched him literally glow the very moment that he'd either heard her voice or saw her face. And that was just last year.

What I saw was the aftermath of true love. Because there is an aftermath. In everything, there is an aftermath. In love? It's your life together once you've found it. Just like a volcano. The aftermath of its eruption is that scorched part of the earth. And the life of it's survivors, thereafter. That's how I view my parents' love. I wasn't there to watch them meet, fall in love, get married, have us...I came in the midst of their aftermath yet still? To this day, it has its moments of inspiration for me.

At 41 years old, I've done it their way. And in between that, I've done it, as what turned out to be, my own way. I'd loved in person. I'd loved from a distance. And then I'd loved, inexplicably. Simply put? I fell in love the "normal" way. And then I fell in love, my way. Guess what?!? There doesn't have to be lightning bolts in the sky or meteors dropping from it either. It just feels that way. There's no tell-tale sign that it would be THAT particular day that your life would change forever. Nohhhh, no. What fun would that be, right? Right!

Ofcourse, before I knew what pure love really was, I believed that I'd found it. At least a part of it, if that's at all possible. Is it? Possible, I mean? 'Cause I had the butterflies. The racing heartbeat. The thoughts that wouldn't go away no matter what I was doing. And it happened in that normal order too. Except? It appears that my love life, like so many others', wasn't meant only for the conventional experiences. Nope. Which is fine by me since I'd rather be amongst the smaller population than it's counterpart. Conventional anything, get's you conventional everything, right? Well? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm sure that someone out there would argue that very point but lemme just ask you this? Have you ever experienced love at first sight?

I have.

We all knew that it exists, especially us girls, didn't we? All the way back to the days when we silently fantasize about being that someone that another person would immediately fall in love with, even without seeing us first thing in the morning. HA! From all the way back to those days when we would write our very own love stories about how Ken met Barbie and how they'd fall in love and become each other's happy and everlasting end.

But that's the thing about fantasy and make-believe. You get to make it whatever you want it to be. The only hang-up with that privilege is that once your mum calls you in at the end of your play time? It is then that you realize that anything less than reality, is merely temporary. As I got older, though, I realized too that anything that IS reality, can also be temporary. That's the difference between age and experience.

From as far back as I can remember, I've always wished for a love SO GINORMOUS that it defied all and any sense or explanation. One that would tell me in it's own rebellious way that, "you've been chosen by his soul." The times throughout my life that I did have love, I still found myself searching for more. Something. More. Not knowing whether it was out there or not but even that? Even not knowing. It was never something that stopped any one person from either dreaming, wanting or continuing their search for whatever it was that their hearts pined for.

But then it begs certain questions. Does that mean that I did infact have true love? Or no? Does it mean that maybe I just had plain ol' love? If such a thing exists. Maybe I got bored? Greedy even? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is that I'd decided that once I'd found it? My search would be over. My heart would settle down. I'd be complete and we'd ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. That at that point, I'd clutch onto it like bunjy chord and hold on for dear life and then spend the rest of my days, enjoying both my more and the notion that I never gave up.

Love at first sight? It's not a myth. It's not a script written specifically for a romantic movie. And it's certainly not a lie. It's a truth that you spend half your lifetime trying to fathom and the other half revelling in its total disregard for the rules. I do feel, even as I type this. I feel chosen, still, by his soul and it feels exactly as I thought it would. For me, it can't get any deeper than that. Apart or not. Nothing will change our moment in time. Nothing will make it un-happen. Nothing will ever convince me that I don't know what pure love is.

Two things happened to me that night. I'd found my soulmate. And I'd found that love that made no sense whatsoever. But then....a third thing happened. Circumstance decided that I'd lose him the very next day. "Oh? How can he be your soulmate then?" I knew you'd ask...Well?

Firstly? Certain experiences in life, they kinda slap you square in the face with a giant blinding sign that flashes, "This is your level of bravery. And yes, loosely translated? You're a big ol' quacking chicken!" I wasn't brave enough to defy circumstance and if I could go back, I'd surely be less of a coward and more of whatever it was that I'd absolutely needed to be at the time. My one chance was blown completely. You wanna know why? Not like I haven't already told you. But I'll tell you again. Because I let my head decide that what my heart begged for for soooooh long? Was ill-timed. Because it was...remember my post about finding your soulmate? And it being the wrong time?

Secondly? And lemme just say this. Your reaction or lack thereof, to an extraordinary moment, doesn't take away it's extraordinary--ness! All it means is that you either reacted to it the way that it deserved or you didn't. Which is why I can safely say, almost sixteen years later, that he IS my soulmate. The fact that I just let him walk away, won't change that.

It won't change the fact that he was the one who exposed to me, just how limitless love truly can be. Or that he was the one who showed me what my heart was capable of feeling, without a physical presence, without another word spoken, without another sight seen. Without all of those things that usually caused a love to grow from absolutely nothing. As if all of me, fused, with all of him and it didn't matter from that point on, where we were in this big ol' world or even who it was that we were with. He'd carry with him a part of me and I'd carry with me, a part of him.

No, nothing has and nothing will change that because he was the one who had consumed me so much that the few moments we'd shared that night, still causes my heart to bulge today. It was only when he sat side by side with me that I'd completely lost sight or recognition of my surroundings where every single person in that room disappeared and left just the two of us to do what soulmates did. And he was the one that life kept leading me to, at the most unexpected times until in some way shape or form, he'd finally have a physical presence in my life.

I believe that we get what we wish for in two ways. One? We settle for what feels the closest to it and then brand it as that. I've been there. I was wrong. The other, we meet our granted wish head on. The thing about settling though, for me? It's that it's never enough. Not that never enough, where you can't get enough. But that never enough that forces you to sometimes sit and wonder "is this is all that there ever will be."

I really don't know what it was that compelled me to write this. It might have been the feeling that I would burst if I didn't get it out. Or it might be that I'm trying to tell the world, or anyone reading this, that love is possible, even in reverse. That's what love at first sight feels like. Love in reverse. And nothing can be purer than loving when you don't have a reason to. Reasoning comes from the head. Loving comes from the heart. But loving without a reason comes from the soul.

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Back On Track

Remember when you told me that I was no good
When you made me feel like no man ever should
Convinced me that you're the only one who'd ever love me
Pulled the wool over these naïve eyes oh so easily

But that's why you're sitting there with nobody at your side
You don't get to break my spirit without losing your pride
Eventually, you'll have to watch me win it all back
'Cause I will, and I am, oh yeah, I'm gettin' back on track

You took credit for my trophies and crucified me for failure
Took advantage of my weaknesses with your constant thirst for power
But I let you, I admit it, until I saw a stranger in the mirror
And realized that your only motive was to wrap me around your finger

Yeah, that's why you're sitting there with nobody at your side
You don't get to break my spirit without losing your pride
Eventually, you'll have to watch me win it all back
'Cause I will, and I am, oh yeah, I'm gettin' back on track

Just came here to show you what's become of me regardless
And to let you know that what I found despite you, is endless
D'you remember how you said it'd never be this way for me
It is, and it's real 'cause he's all you could only pretend to be

(c) 2014 Stacey Kell
South Africa
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