Outa The Bluuuue...I Mean, Pink...

InnOcenTly?!? As Wendy's very loyal smoke break sidekick cousin and her----mine, we go downstairs, right?
For a smoke.
Bad Rambler.
In my defense, I DO live here. Between the poor neighbouring African countries' foreigners once again being targeted in xenophobic attacks for opening businesses that the locals actually weren't even thinking about to begin with and then the constant yoyo in the petrol price that's got me thinking i'm about to gallop to work in the near future, NOT to mention the Moses Mabhida staff striking for reasons unbeknown to yours truly? I won't even add to that, the annual student strikes at the Technikons for crap like "We want free sanitary towels and shit!" See? See? My emotions are being played with on the daily.

By the way, I later came to find out that there was not one innocent bone in Wendy's body as far as what was about to happen. Okay, okay, lemme give credit where credit is due, she provided the address, he made the rest of the plans! Beautiful man that he is.

But wait....I should------i should start at the beginning. Now normally? I go down with a cigarette, bad Rambler (refer to detailed explanation above), and almost always come back with just a lighter....unless the promoters are out there handing out free bottles of water or shampoo or pamphlets...don't you hate that? Not the free water or shampoo. The pamphlets? I spot those mutha's at the traffic lights? I start vigorously rolling up my window, look straight ahead and inch forward when they reach me. On one of my more aggressive days, I will leave that sucker slightly open, just slightly and say no thanks, 'cause you never can be too sure about who's the promoter and who's just robbed one, pretending to be a promoter.

The Chris Brown concert was great, by the way! It poured with rain! Question? Why do we feel the need to say----with rain----as if it's ever poured with litchi juice? Anyhoooooo, the rain didn't stop us. As I said to Dave, if I'd taken off my bra in that crowd, I'd have won that wet t-shirt competition that they didn't have! If they were smart, they would have. Just saying. Entry fee: Tits. It pouuuuuuuuured....you'll see! He made sure that his buddy on this end took care of our tickets and his buddy on this end, made sure to keep his word, every step of the way.

But today? Today at smoke break time, t'was a lil different from other days. Again, you'll see. Nevermind, the promoters were still missing in action, spiteful bastards. I'm just saying, I could use some free stuff after the cost of petrol alone, was increased by almost R2/per litre. It doesn't cost, R2/per litre, it was innnnnnncreased byyyy almost R2.

The delivery guy comes, and I'm thinking, "Wooooo-hoooooo, lucky-ass woman about to be surprised!!

Well?

She sure was!!!!!!!! When Wendy said it was for me, I must have had a turnover of seventeen very different expressions of confusion.

O_o!!!! Whaaaaaa-----------?!
*_¤!!!! Me----------?!?!
O_O!!! Fr--from Dave?!?
:-)!!! You wonderfully sneaky sweetheart youuuuu!!!

A-hemmmmm!

You get the picture.

Once all of that settled, ofcourse I was done for! It took me a verrrrrrry long minute to get myself in order. You could not get rid of the smile on my face for nothing! And then the cards and the words? Awwwwwwwwwwww!! My shoulders slump in emotional overwhelm----overwhelm------ment? That a word?

I had to share....now? I'm off to blush some more!

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Compassion, Choice and Carrying On

Sitting here cooking dinner at 10.40am. I know right, it's barely passed breakfast. Feels as though I was injected with energyvites or something today. I'm like whooooooooosh, clothing Ironed, whoooooooosh, linen and more clothing washed, whoooooooooosh, linen and more clothing hung, whooooooooosh, house vacuumed, whoooooooooosh dinner started...I'm on a roll.

Is this what....dammmmmm! Hold on, hold on.....Gotta whoooooooooosh to get that washing off, this rain is relentless! Uuuuurgh.....

Okay, done. Annnnnnnnd it stopped raining as I walked back into the house! Ha! Ha! Rain. You got jokes huh?!

Is this what missing your daughter does to you? Turns you into the energiser bunny?

It's been an eventful week to say the least. Still doesn't feel as though I've been off work since Wednesday. Time has been very, very unkind. I've learnt something quite significant this week. You'd think that it'd be how to let go of my twenty year old daughter, right? Not. Not yet. This week has taught me that pride and admiration? These are better invested in someone for their compassion for a life, not for their achievements in life.

I've come across many different kinds of people in my days and often, like we all do I'm sure, have found myself looking up to those who have made it in their careers, have all that they've ever dreamed of, etc. Sure, those deserve admiration on some level but I can't anymore. That type of reverence I'm now hellbent on reserving. And if I don't smell, see or hear a sense of compassion, then I'm saving my reverence for someone who deserves it.

Afterall? What is more important on this earth than life? I can't be proud of anyone who has everything BUT compassion. It is through compassion that we display humanity and if one doesn't posses humanity, then this planet is definitely not a home for them.

I can't admire someone who HAS everything but thinks nothing of whistling through their day, knowing that their family's in darkness. Literally.

I won't respect anybody who turns vicious or vindictive towards a person that they'd once loved as a means to validate their own failures.

Not a bone in my body will feel pride, admiration, respect for someone who preaches love and compassion but downright refuses to practise it.

I'm done wasting these wonderful feelings on humans like this. Right now? I'm loving that I feel comfortable with choice. That I'm cool with deciding what I want to do or not do, where I want to or don't want to go, who and who not to keep in my circles. It used to be realllll hard to say no to any of that.

They say as you get older and ofcourse wiser, your circle shrinks, your perceptions alter, your outlook transforms. And that's what's been happening to me. Do I miss the people I've distanced myself from, you ask? Places I don't want to go or things I don't want to do? Yes, as much as I'd miss a thorn on the inside of my sneaker!

I heard this the other day. Someone mentioned something that Oprah had once said. "God drops pebbles on your head before he drops the brick." It was the Wendy Williams show, yes.

That tells me that no matter who we are, no matter what our situation? In retrospect, we were warned. We were warned well in advance that something just wasn't right or that it would end badly. Whether once, twice, thirty times. Our choice in ignoring those warnings is nobody's fault but our own. And that's inescapable. I've lived it, I've learnt it, I admit it and I now keep it in mind!

As I sit here, ya Rambler too, has to deal with retrospect. I'm 42 years old. I have a lot of retrospect following me around. But I am, who everyone else is. Not exempt from the ramifications of my own choices or lack thereof. Within my immediate surroundings, I'm faced with watching how thirty years can be turned into nothing but dust and disrespect due to lack of compassion.

Not everyone in this world is going to do the right thing for you, say the right thing to you, be the right person for you. And even if they have tried their utmost best to? You might have needed more. More than they could say, do or be for you.

Since the dawn of time, this has been how relationships end. That's how friendships end. I'll even go as far as saying, that's how careers end. Any type of union between yourself and someone or something, will end at some point, if one party feels that they are not being fulfilled by it. Period.

And yes, it's tough not to be angry at someone or something that you've invested love and time in only to find that you wake one day and its all become nul and void. But there again? Are you going to be mad at every single person in your past? Every single thing that you've ever done that didn't pan out? That's a lot of anger to carry around.

But the way of the world has often shown me that even then? Even when you've made a horrid choice in a person, a place, a career? Ultimately, you always have the choice to either leave or stay or do or don't. And if you make the wrong choice, that's okay but it's your choice nevertheless. Life is full of wrong choices. Someone is making a wrong choice right now. Tomorrow, a wrong choice will be made, yet again.

But don't let it lead to a life of anger, hatred, blame, revenge and despair. You're here. You have two legs, two arms, a heart that beats, nostrils to breath through and a mouth to eat with. It's okay to make mistakes. But that doesn't mean that that's the end for you. It doesn't mean that that mistake is what defines your tomorrows.

But your tomorrow and what you make of it will depend on you taking ownership of your mistake, receive it's teaching and doing better moving forward.
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My Babies Are Grown

My house sure does feel empty today...here they are taking their first real steps into the real world and it fits. It fits, that they would decide to do that in a whollllle different country.

I'm so proud of them.

You know? This is something that my generation hardly did. At least, more of us didn't, than did. I can only speak of South Africa here but my daughters generation, it seems? They're a braver lot.

I remember going to Johannesburg to look for work after I finished school. I lasted about two weeks. I'm not mad though. We all have a path that we're gonna take, one way or another. I can't imagine having stayed in Johannesburg then. It woulda changed the course of my life completely. But that wasn't my road. This was my road.

And this? This is theirs!





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One Flew Outa the Cookoo's Nest...Well? Almost!

In just a week, my daughter will begin a new life, in a new place, surrounded by new people and I couldn't be more proud of her. I've spent the past weeks fighting back the tears, yessssss, yes, you already know this.......losing mostly but trying my damnedest to remember that this experience will be an extraordinary one for her. And a learning curve for me. Learning to live through the morning and evenings knowing that she's no longer under my roof. I can't say that it's going to be one that I'm gonna enjoy. Missing someone that you life for, never is.

Proud and heartbroken. That's honestly what I am. A good heartbroken, hahahhahaha! A happy heartbroken. As if there is such a thing. I guess you could say I've reached a milestone in my parenting life. I kinda forgot that as a parent, that happens too. Dammmmit! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?

A-hem! Ummmmmmmmmm-woooooooooooooo-ummmmmmmmmmm-woooooooooooooo. A-deeeeeeeeep-getting-myself-in-order-breathing-exercise is currently underway....

It had to happen at some point, right? Your children generally don't stay with you forever, they grow up too. But d'you know what makes this eeeeven harder? Being a Coloured! Yes, I said, being a Coloured.

You'd relate if you're one of us. If you're one of us, you know exactly what I'm about to say. Uh-huh. Us Coloureds have this possessive habit of trying to hold onto our children and needing to have them up in our faces 'til we're alllll old and grey but.......

OMG! Wait, I gotta show you this.....there ya go, had to snap that, let me just...lemme just attach this pic.....meanwhile, he's fast asleep! LIKE THAT! Exposed balls, twisted up like a pretzel, tongue peeping outa his mouth! Hahahahahahhaha! SMDH! Men, I telya! That's probably how some of you women look on your honeymoon night too, huh!? Excluding the balls, ofcourse. Unless?! Unless, you kept that a surprise! Hehehehe!

Yeah but times are a-changing and we simply have to adapt, don't we? No, we don't. I mean, yes, we do! Easier said than done, though. I will now understand in it's entirety, how my mum felt when she walked into my empty room once I'd gotten married. The difference here is that my baby won't be just five minutes away. Even if I swim fast, LOL!

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd? This post is about to end 'cause ay, I really can't think about this for very long.

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Just a phase

When did we even get here?
Lying in the same bed, feeling anything but near
It's as though our emotions have packed up and gone
Present in body only and the rest of us somewhere far

I'm not sayin' anything you're not already thinkin', I'm sure
But baby, staying silent to avoid the pain only hurts more
Maybe we should consider going our separate ways
We won't be the first to have confused love with what was just a phase

You gotta admit that this emotional distance is crippling
And I've been through too much to stay some place unfulfilling
I know you have too, that's why I'd rather we cut our losses
I'd rather we part than keep looking at this through rose-coloured glasses

We don't have to be like the others, we don't have to wait to feel that resentment
That's usually where the heart heads when emptiness replaces contentment
Both secretly unhappy but too afraid to make the first move
But should we fear living our lives and the point it'd prove?

If I thought there was anything left worth fighting for it'd be different
The years we've spent together somehow don't feel relevant
At least not enough to drift through another ten or even twenty
And then look back and hate on the fact that we missed out on plenty

By (c) 2015 Stacey Kell
2015.03.18

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Imbecile's Asses!

http://mgafrica.com/article/2015-03-12-south-african-tv-crew-gets-mugged-live-on-camera

I know I’m late on a ramble about this.  I had to get myself in order.  My mind kept repeating these words…what kinda imbecile’s ass MUST YOU BE?!?!  To mug a reporter on live tv?  If at any point, you saw me walk by you since this happened and I appeared dazed and confused?  That woulda been why.

Meanwhile…and peep this…there is a R100,000.00 reward for ANY INFORMATION leading to their arrest!  HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!! 

Blink.  Blink.  (With the cartoon sound) 

Turns out that we’re the only imbecile’s asses around here since it’s our money that’s going to be paying either one of these fools when they get wind of that reward.  I’m sorry, but?  I’m not very  confident in their loyalty to each other.  And I might be wrong, but it looked to me like they really (cough) needed money.  Poor things.  R100,000.00 will bring out the rat in anyone who can go ahead and rob a reporter and his crew for cellphones and laptops. 

I’ve been doing my utmost to imagine what their parents’ reaction to this was.  I did.  Because I’m imaginary…no I’m not imaginary, because I’m imaginated… the hell is imaginated?!?!?  Sound like an imbecile’s ass.  Because.  I.  am.  Here we go.  Imaginative.  I’m pReTTy sure that when they saw this on the news, at least ONE of their dad’s turned to his wife and asked, “Mabel.  Did we really make that?”  And out of sheer terror in the realization that it was from her now very embarrassed vagina, (it happens, vagina’s get embarrassed sometimes).  Hers had to be so embarrassed about a moron of this caliber having escaped it, that she swore then and there, never to have rrreLLLations again.  To sew it F UP!  With gut!

I say escaped because had she known, I’d bet my cellulite that she’d have clenched so damn hard tryna keep him IN that her cervix woulda cracked!  CUUURACK!!!  She owed it to Africa to have clenched and cracked.  I’m just sayinnnn, and let it be a lesson to moron makers of the future.  It was just irresponsible.  More thought and consideration ought to have been put into going allllll the way on that birthing bed because we?  We don’t deserve this.  I mean I know there’s no comparison because you have to look at them daily and think, “You stupid f&%$#er, I wish there was a way I could shove you back up my birthing canal…” but you can’t.  What’s done is done.  Learn from it.  It’s just…we can’t keep giving up R100,000.00 for the lack of clenching on Mabel’s part.

For me?  1 + 1 will always equal 2.  Everything is just as it should be when you have a buncha circus freaks controlling shit!  Uhhh-huh.  Nod with me now.  Now let’s all say it together;

It

Very

Quickly gets real.  Shit, I mean.  Yup!  For-AHEM-for reporters and their crews.  >_<!  How in the world did they not see the camera light and lens pointing straight at them?  And then?  And then, they’re parading back and forth like runway models in full view of whomever was watching…not one single policeman, clearly, since they need any information that could lead up to their arrests.  Here’s what they were probably doing. 

This video?  I watched in shock.  Frankly, I’m shocked that I was shocked and I’m tempted to say that I’ve now seen it all but you and I both know that we can’t draw lines in the sand of that sort with our current president still in power.  I blame him for this.

I’m still at a loss as how mr. president…no!  No, I shall not!  I am not wasting capital letters!  WTF!?!?!  You save those for when you’re showing respect or-or-or trying to pass an exam.  Right now, I’m stubbornly doing neither but I’m still tryna figure out how he can’t communicate six figure numbers in televised speeches yet he can so easily steal so many from us.  Told you, we’re the imbecile’s asses ‘round here.  But there’s NO mention of “six million three forty four seventy hundred cents” and alla that shit then, is there?  Not when the calculations are in is favour!

Something’s amiss, my fair land of South Africa.  Something’s af^%$#nmiss here and we’re the fools bearing the brunt of brilliant stupidity!

Tell Me Why

Tell me why this love came when it did
And when you find it'll all makes sense...
They said
They lied
Ohhhh, ohhh why....?

I need you to be standing here
So I can touch you for it to feel real
I'm just so tired of... hanging on to memories
Make it real, come to me,
But if you can't....then tell me

Tell me why this love came when it did
And when you find it'll all makes sense...
They said
They lied
Ohhhh, ohh why....?

I only have this one wish
That's to stop missin you, I can't breath
I go to sleep trying, I'm crying
Stop these tears, I'm dying
But if you can't....how am I s'posed to feel?

I saw it in your eyes, a look that shoulda made you stay
But life had its own plans and couldn't make a way
Got me lying here feenin for your love,
I need you, tell me
Somebody tell me

Tell me why this love came when it did
And when you find it'll all makes sense...
They said
They lied
Ohhhh, ohh...tell me why....?

Tell me why this love came when it did
And when you find it'll all makes sense...
They said
They lied
Ohhhh, ohh...tell me why....?


(C) 2015 Stacey Kell
2015 March 8
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Outa the Box

Wrote this thinking about the fact that sometimes we really don't see what's been or who's been in front of us all along. Sometimes we actually do but because it doesn't fit the picture of how we've always imagined life or love to be, we pass it up, trying to create that perfect imagery and wonder why at the end of it, it's back to the imaginary drawing board. These little boxes that we've built to live in can be what prevents us from being our happiest. It sometimes takes just one decision, one decision to punch through the boxes and then discover a whole new sense of existence. Here's to what and who I've always known to be my missing piece.


U R Me

If I had to put together the perfect man from scratch
He'd have your heart, your soul, every thread of hair would match
Your smile he would smile, the same eyes through which you see me
I'd mould him into your likeness so that he'd fit me completely

To me you're the truth I never thought I'd be told
A movie about purity I keep watching, never gets old
You're the warmest sweater I have hanging in my closet
I'm so in love with the way you're my favourite place to visit

If I could I'd switch places with you for just a few minutes
That's all the time that you'd need to be convinced
To feel how in every existing way it is that you fill me
How no matter what comes or goes, to me, you mean eternity

I've never been able to reach this level of elation
That tells me that every step I ever took were steps in your direction
I believe in this bond, I believe in the feelings that you inspire
I've always dreamed of being linked to a love I knew would never expire

I'm thinking I musta done something right, eventu-ally
'Cause you came like this gift, wrapped just for me
One that I get to open, over and over, on the daily
And then listen to it whisper three words, "U R Me"

By (c) 2015 Stacey Kell
2015.02.27



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Positive Vibes

I watched the documentary called, The Secret, which is, The Law of Attraction, day before yesterday. Interesting indeeeeed. I'd recommend everyone and their aunts to watch it or if you're not into watching things, to read the book.

So I'm sitting there and they're talking and I'm listening. I was eating popcorn too so I really set the mood and everything! Thas how I roll! Well, I-I----sat with the popcorn, I'm not tryna choke or nothing, but I roll like that, ya know. And I'm listening and they're talking and they're talking and I go, "AH-HA!!!! That's #@*?!@!# why it used to be THAT way!" Ya Rambler sat up straighter, clutching the popcorn bowl! It used to be one of those delicious indian melting biscuit canisters. I turned it into a popcorn bowl by removing the lid. I shoulda patented that idea but I was thinking about paperwork at the time.

At this stage, I'm crunching that popcorn with a passion I telya! For some reason it tastes that much better when you're fascinated. 'Cause now my adrenalin's pumping right and I'm remembering this, this and that and a mixture of epiphany's and realisations are flying left, right and centre, knocking mosquito's over and shit! You really shoulda been there!

One thing stood out for me while I continued to watch. When I chose to surround myself by the doom and gloom kinda company, including my own, it was almost all that I was experiencing in my life. One thing after another but once I chose to rid my life of the negativity that kept coming at me through my thoughts and through my words and the words of people that I intentionally and really just stubbornly kept close to me? Now that I've made better choices as far as the company that I keep, including my own? Evvvvvvvvverything has changed.

I don't think I've ever felt this content and excited, even with everything NOT YET exactly the way that I want it to be, the happiness that I feel absolutely outweighs any misplaced parts of my life's plan. And it helps too that I now understand that my life is a current work in progress....^_^!

More and more I'm starting to see that it has taken a direction of growth and being a lot more honest with myself, more than anything else where when I reflect on what it was like some years ago----where I was emotionally and psychologically? I'm like, "DaaaaaaaaaaaYaaaaaaaaaam, Rambler!" I'm constantly learning and accepting but what I've learnt most to do is relax. I'm not the stress bag that I used to be, feeling inside as if I'm this headless chicken running WILD, crashing into walls everytime a challenging situation arose. Naaaaaah! I'm surfing those waves with a smile on my face, confident that everything will work out for the best. It helps.

Life feels so much calmer when you learn to relax and instead of looking for the doom in a situation, look for the lesson and teach it after everything is said and done. There are so many out there dealing with the same or similar that could use your words of encouragement. Don't be selfish with the words of encouragement. Words of encouragement are good. Like chocolate. I couldn't have even begun to experience any of that had I not cut the ropes of negative influence and presence in my life.

Even just leading up to watching this documentary, in retrospect, I can visualize myself walking up to this door, ya know? Do you----do you know? What I'm saying?

And this is what this documentary basically teaches. It teaches a conditioning of the mind towards positive thought, positive words, positive reflection, you know? Negativity breeds negativity, positivity breeds positivity. Yeah. And the gratitude for what you have right now and for what's to come, belief in what you desire being fulfilled simply by asking for it and then focusing your mind on living daily as if you already have all that you desire. Conditioning it so that you don't give life and power to the struggle in a situation.

See? See what I'm saying? That last sentence alone! That was deep----ish!

My kids are doing great! My relationship with my family is way, wayyyyyyyy better than it has been over the past years! I'm gonna give credit where credit is due and that's to forgiveness. It's made all of the difference but I know with all certainty that if I didn't make the choices that I've made? I wouldn't have been able to. Or more truthfully, I wouldn't have been allowed to until I put myself in a position to allow myself to. Forgiving doesn't eliminate the memories, ofcourse but even so, the most important part of that is that the grudges that one holds onto, the part that was crippling you, is released. Besides, not forgetting keeps you aware.

I'm now in a relationship that feels like a Godsend in my life. Every day feels like a magical place to live. This is what I feel as though I'd been preparing for, growing for, changing for. There's a quote I've happened upon that read, "One day you will meet someone who makes you see why it didn't work out with anybody else."

I finally have the answer that I've been looking for, for aggggggges. "Is this all that there is...?" Well? The answer was, "Nope..." And if you're asking yourself that very same question, be patient and instead, tell yourself, "I really can't wait to enjoy all of the wonderfully DESERVING things that life still has in store for me!"

So all in all, I do agree with what this documentary teaches. Being positive has changed my life for the BEST! With all of that said? Ya Rambler has a full day at the office tomorrow which means she's gotta hit the sack in a few!

Ramble Responsibly while I'm away, okay?
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My Valentines Day Surprise

CUZ I'm HAPPPPPPPPY! CLAP ALONG IF YOU FEE-EEL LIKE A ROOM WITHOUT A ROO-OOF! CUZ I'm HAPPPPPPPPY!

Sighhhhhhhh! That was such a beautifully loving, sigh right there.

My babylove sweetly went behind my back and planned this surprise with my daughter and my cousin for me for Valentines Day! And I wondered what was up, 'cause she kept asking have you talked to him, is he awake, where's he. They get along like a house on fire. But HE! Doesn't live in South Africa.

So, we're skyping today like we often do and my buzzer goes off and I can't for the life of me imagine who it could be because I wasn't expecting anybody. My daughter goes flying down my driveway so I go back to the computer and say, "Aaaah, must be Linds (her sister-cousin)." He casually let's me believe that until my daughter comes into my room with these two absolutely stunning bouquets and a huge card, smiling as if she just met Santa in Summer! I'm like, "Wowwww, who sent you those?!?"

She gleams at him on the computer screen, he's gleaming back at her, she says, "They're for you, from him!" Now I'm gleaming, he's gleaming, she's gleaming, we're just up on there having a gleamfest on skype, and I'm just floored, I didn't see that coming. AT ALL!

There are these gorgeous deep pink daisies and baby pink roses in the one bouquet and these deep red roses in the other, just! Just! Beautiful! I was dreading Valentine's Day being here and him being there, he knew that and I look at him and he says, "Happy Valentines Day, baby."

I could have exploded with emotion, right on that bed! I'd still be gleaming though! A gleaming explosion, is what I woulda been! I still haven't stopped smiling. Ya Rambler is floating on Cloud 99999999999999999999 right now. My Valentine is theee best ever, he's just everything and I've never been happier. This man has given me a new lease on life in every single way possible!

I needed to share this with all of you, if I could shout it out to the world I would because his effort and his time and his thought and his love, he put into making sure that I didn't have the "I'd rather sleep through it" Valentines Day that I was imagining. He showed me today. And THAT'S how you love a person. You show it, not say it. But then, he always does, in one way or another.

Happy Valentines Day everybody! I wish for you, a memorable day just like this. I know I'll never forget this one! I plan on book pressing every single flower in those bouquets so that today can last for a lifetime, hahahahhaahahaha!

Thank you too, to Santa's silent helpers! This means everything to me.

XOXOXO!
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Video Coverage of the #SONA2015 Dramafest

Here you go....


http://www.enca.com/south-africa/eff-disrupts-sona-ordered-leave-parliament

#SONA2015 Disgrace of the Nation

I'm speechless!
The State of the Nation address tonight, well...what I could stomach to watch that is, was funny to say the least, wasn't it? And not in a HAHAHAHA kinda way. Noooooh, no ne-ooooh. More like in a, "Funny how they didn't see that coming from the EFF and us little people could!" kinda way.
My mum had called me to see how I was doing earlier and she was beyond excited about it! I was sitting there watching it and thinking, "You did say 'I'm just waiting for it to see what mad acts are gonna go on.'" That was after I said, "I'm not watching it, that foolishness is just gonna make me angry!"
It worked! I'll give our South African government this much though. That buncha "I've run our of names", they never disappoint! Not when it comes to turning our beautiful country into a three-ring circus.
Right now we don't have electricity on a continuous basis, yet we have this arrogance. We don't have security on any basis, yet we have this arrogance. We don't have hygienic government hospitals, yet we have this arrogance. We don't have desks and chairs and textbooks in certain government schools, yet we have this arrogance.
Appalling, and that's putting it mildly. I say arrogance because if our government genuinely cared about this country, they would recognise that they are hardly equipped to run it yet they refuse to admit it but what they are more than willing to do is blame a government structure that was last in power, 21 years ago! That's arrogance of the worst kind.
If you're reading this, you must have internet access and if you have internet access, I dare you to go and look up the video's of what went down tonight in parliament. Needless to say? After the drama....and something as simple as this....When the President was introducing his special guests, whoooo-hooooo, how nice, and referred to our Miss World, as Ronell Strauss and not Rolene? I got up and walked out! JUST like the DA did after Madam Speaker #2 took us all on a TOTALLY UNNECESSARY roller coaster ride just to get a simple answer from the question, "Were those the SAPS or were those the parliamentary security that came in to remove the EFF!"
D'you know what came to mind? When a kid presses their lips together so hard that you can't even hope or threaten to get one drop of their antibiotic into their mouth! Or when you're eating a sandwich next to your son and think to yourself, "He will like this." And you're like, "Damo, taste this...." While lovingly shoving the slice of your sandwich so close to his face that crumbs are falling on his eyeballs.
And then;
Damon: "No thanks, Ma."
The mother (just because I named him my son's name, doesn't make the mother, m(cough)e): "Just taste it, you will like it."
Damon, eyeing the lettuce: "Nooooh, Ma, I don't want. I just ate."
The mother: "Damon?!?! I'm ordering you! Just a smalllllll bite! Taste iT!"
Damon, appearing slightly confused at the mother's insistence, puts distance between himself and the slice of bread: "M-mmmmmm, how Ma?"
The mother, with pursed lips begins to speak without separating her top row of teeth from her bottom: "J------Jus------JUST taste it! A small bite! You will LIKE it!"
Damon relents and opens his mouth jusssssssssst enough for a minute bite."
The mother watches his reaction!
Damon stares at the rest of the sandwich.
The mother: "See?!?"
Damon: "Can I have another bite please?"
She would not answer that question for NOTHING!!! Until she was felt the breadcrumbs in eyeballs! Until she realized that they were not gonna stop asking that question! Only then, after all of the pointless round-and-round-the-merry-go-round vomit she kept spewing out, she then decided to be arrogant enough to say that she couldn't pick out who is SAPS and who wasn't. Arrogance! That's when the DA walked out. I bet I know what was in their minds at that point but freedom of speech will not allow me to divulge.
Anyhoo.....Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Out they go. Meanwhile back on the presidents face? Not a damn thing is happening! His mouth did not open! I guess when it all comes down to it, one cannot demand the respect that they don't deserve and I couldn't help wondering if something like this would ever happen when Nelson Mandela spoke, when Obama spoke?
The man sat silent amidst all of these top class performances. And if he did speak, it might have been during my trip to "WTF hell goes on in this place I call home?!?!" We've all been there so-so you know very well how distracting that journey is.
I didn't watch any further so I can't responsibly ramble about what followed. Most of my stitches came out today, I'm just not tryna bust open my wounds due to frustration. I refuse to put myself in any kinda danger over this bullllllsh!t! Watching the parts that I did watch were already threatening the little bit of sanity that I have left.

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You're Beautiful

What kinda life are you over there settling for?
Draggin yourself along that extra mile while he keeps fallin' short
Don't you even believe that you oughta be treasured?
Against what is it that your worth is being measured?

Look at you, so beautiful yet you've turned blind to that very fact
That mirror that you're lookin' into is riddled with lies cracks
You've got so much more to offer than you even realize
It's all waitin' beyond the reflection you see in his broken eyes

Don't give up on your self, you've done all that you can do
For someone who won't show a lick of appreciation for you
Begin feedin' your own spirit with some-a-that honour from now on
'Stead of plantin' it in places from which you should be long gone

Maybe you thought your constant sacrifices would mean somethin' to him
Sometimes they do, or they don't, depends for whom you're making them
Release it all, everything you've been desperately clutchin' since
Take those arms of yours and wrap'm around your chokin' confidence

It's okay to be without a him, lonely is better than being stripped
And when your dignity grows back, you'll find that we all at one time, tripped
So now rise to a kneel, then crawl and stroll before you run
'Cause you will, you're beautiful, don't give you up for none


By (C) 2015 Stacey Kell
2015.01.29
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Reporting Live.....

I thought I'd wait for them to give me that special blue tablet that makes me sleep for a day and a half, before I came up on here. More to wake up tomorrow to see what kinda blog sleeping med's caused me to post, heh-heh-heh! An experiment of sorts. My future self was real excited at the thought of what my present self would be thinking in that delirious state but my sensible self remembered that I'm here to ramble responsibly and said, "No! What d'you think this is? Blog of a high-ass patient?" My future self was like, "What kinda boring......!"

But I stopped. I gotta listen to my self, you know. The less mistakes you have to fix in life, the better. Plus it's raining.

O_o?!?!

What?!?

That piece of information is very relevant to some people, you know. Like farmers or-or-or people waiting to wear a new raincoat.

Yeah, yeah, I'm in the hospital once again. Soon, it will be "Live from the red ovaries." Hahahahahaha! -_-! I'm not laughing. I am. No, I'm not. At least, not because it's funny. Just....I handle these things better when I can find humour in them.

The camera crew goes in on Friday. I'm having those procedures that end with -----scopy. Two of them. But it's all good though, I have my eyesight, my ability to speak and walk! I have my health! I mean, I'll have my health on Saturday. But I'm chilled 'cause I'm gonna be better for it. I mean it. I'm not afraid. Matter-o-fact, I'm so chilled about the procedures that I'm hypotensive.

I have to say, through the years, (I won't lie, I hit a few snags along the way---that sorta happens when you have help to stress!) it's been good to watch the improvement I've made in handling things like this. A good support system helps a lot. Near and far. I guess that knowing without a doubt that you are cared for and loved, is what helps the most. To add to that, my boss has been really understanding. It's made a real difference to my stress about being back here.

Sometimes, I watch those sitcoms like Big Bang Theory and say to myself, or whomever the poor sucker is sitting next to me that's heard it before, "I wish I'd experienced living with roommates and having fun like that!" Now, on some level, I have my wish. We have the loudest, most cheerful room in the house---pital! Loving that! I'm rooming with the coolest buncha women. Fo rizzle my readizzles!

Two of them leave tomorrow, :-(! I'm thinking we should all put the goodies we have left, together and have a farewell. The hospital provides the food and drinks anyway! It'll be perfect. Our cellphones are all charging, that takes care of the music! What d'yall think of that idea?

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Mourning the Loss of an Ideal

Good evening, from sunny South Africa! Don't let the sweet sound of that greeting fool ya! We're roasting like peri-peri chickens over here.

Right now, I'm covering school books and ofcourse that automatically requires therapy....hahaahhahha, kidding, not me, I love it.

But I came across something on GoodTherapy.org just now that might be useful to you personally or you as a support system / parent / partner / friend. The just of it was this.......naturally, we all assume that mourning only takes place or needs to take place when there's been a loss of a loved one.

However?

'Cause there was a question posed about "is it harder to mourn an actual loss or a loss of an ideal" right, and because it was something that I was thinking about as well, which is how I came across it, it kinda helped me realize that, "Hey? You're actually quite normal, dear Rambler!"

The therapist found the question intriguing...while I found my eyes racing over word after word, excited to find some advice that I could actually use for myself and for whomever else I might run into one day.

We have a huge piece of a young generation being diagnosed with depression, the rich and famous who have it all committing suicide for the same reason, etc and I've said it myself and I've heard it being said too, "He has everything, what is there to be depressed about?" Or, "She has a chilled life, having fun with her friends, not much responsibility...."

Well? Do we ever consider that there are dreams and visions and aspirations that we carry from childhood into our adult lives that we never ever get to live out? Whether it be that career, that business idea, that relationship, that marriage, whatever! That moment of realization of, "Wow? That's really never gonna happen for me?" It's quite shattering. Young and old, I would assume that it affects us, similarly and my favourite run-back-to line about "everything happens for a reason" doesn't suddenly lift the disappointment one feels within that realization.

If this is you, I still say that there's a reason for everything and it doesn't hurt to keep that at the back of your mind but moreso it doesn't hurt either to allow yourself to grieve that loss, it's how you begin to come to terms with it and how you then eventually get over it and keep your feet moving on a road that will no doubt lead you to the reason that whatever that ideal was, was not meant for you, to begin with.

We have this bad habit of believing that everything that we really want, we should get. There's no harm in belief. But there is harm in that particular belief. I say that because if all of our focus and even hope is set solely on that ideal, never seeing it come to light equates to a huge loss. Is this why we hear people talk about a Plan B? Hmmmmmmmmm? Maybe.

With all of that said, I don't see this changing and honestly, I don't want it to. I will never advise anybody to stop hoping and believing in their dreams. Whether or not they are ever realized. We can't reach a place where we sit back and do nothing "just in case it's not meant for us." We might as well not even exist.

This blog entry is merely to tell you that if you or your loved one is confused about why there are suddenly feelings as bad as there are when just the other day you/them were feeling right as rain? If there is little understanding about how those bad feelings came about and where they stem from, then this is something for you to consider.

Loss is not limited to the tangible.

Here is the link to the blog on GoodTherapy.org
http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mourning-loss-ideal/
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