Favourite Moments

I musta had one of those mornings, that in a few years, I can look back, smile and remember it, with a giggle! Giggle...^_^! See? It's already happening. Psychicness. Always knew I had it in me!

As adults, alota the time, we forget that the word fun still exists, don't we? There's just so much to do in what feels like a reduced amount of hours a day. Does that happen only when you grow up? I don't hear a single kid say, "Mannnnn!!! Where have the hours gone?!"

Oooooooooo-whoooooo! This is some good chicken breyani! m-m-M!!! Excuse me, (blush), I'm eating while typing on this Blackberry and my taste buds, sly little tongue things, waited for a weak moment and just took over like, "Move aside and let us talk for once!! Geeeeez! Yap yap yap...!" Further proof that the end is nigh. Sadly. I have about two fork fulls left. And nowwww?

None!

It was well worth the wait! At the babyshower yesterday, I chose to pile on the pounds with the sweet stuff and passed on the meal, and now I got to taste what I shouldn't have passed up on yesterday. Regret is inevitable. So it's no secret why my tastebuds are behaving like a buncha raving lunatics right now. It's okay though, I've got the situation under control. Just now, I might punish them with neat tumeric powder for that outburst. Haven't decided yet.

I always think about this. How many people look back at moments in their lives and yell with excitement, "Heyyyyy Tom! Dick or Harry! (Whichever you prefer). Do you remember that one time we were having that serious discussion...you remember! Come on! Think! Dammit! We were frowning and everything!?" >_<!

I'll bet...nnnnnnnot 'smuch as, "Hey hey hey!?!! Do you remember that one time you almost sprayed soda through your nose from laughing so hard...."

I'll tell you about the moments I hate most in life! It's when you're telling a joke and laughing your hardest because, well...it's funny and then unknowingly you struck a nerve and the other nerve stricken person is like, "What did you say?" And you find yourself uncomfortably trying to suck up your laugh and start choking and coughing and shit because all of a sudden you find out that, yo, they don't like riddles. Who knew?!? I was supposed to, apparently, but I didn't. I was witness to a moment like that a few years back. Not so pretty. Worse still, when it's between an adult and an unsuspecting child, it's that much uglier.

For me, and call me crazy, stupid or whatever floats ya boat this Sunday. I've heard them all, so feel free. Water off a ducks back by now. Why?! Because I'm free! Let's all be free. Freedom is what we strive for in life. I found mine. Now you find yours. Shackles are for prisoners. The guilty ones. Sometimes you're not guilty but you're a prisoner. That's not good. It's bad. Bad people deserve to be shackled. Good people deserve not to have their clothing thrown out by people who haven't bought them. Even if they have a hole or they're torn.

>_<! Shit!

Uhhhhh...Let's take a teeeeeeeeny tiny break. Ima have some tea and maybe two rivotrols. Hehehehe! Just kidding. Not about the tea. I don't kid about tea. All kids should make their parents' tea. Okay...this is getting outa hand. I'll be back. Calmer. And you know what? It's not about me whining about clothing. I have plenty and you look around, the stores have an abundance. But they were mine. So at this stage?!? I'runnnnnnno who's running wild on US soil with mine favourite velvet trackpants. No hole, not torn. That's the bummer right there. Favourite!

A word to the wise? Trust no-one with your favourite velvet trackpants. Thas all I'm saying. Trust. No-one. With your favourite velvet trackpants. Got it?!? Read it again just so it sticks 'cause its important.

And now, A-HEM...I shall fix myself that cupa tea! Trust. No-one. With ya damn favou...okay, okay...okay...I'm goinnnnnnnnnnng.
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I Think...

Sitting with my son on this couch, youuuu know the one. Yeah, yeah! That one! All I'm thinking about is what future? If any! Does he have in this place. This place, not meaning the couch, come now...think bigger! No, not Durban, biggggggger! Thaaaaaaaaat's it....that's it! This place, South Africa.

We've, A-hem...we've just had our own president make a speech. Sweet. Jesus! They do that sometimes. As presidents. I just wish that someone would duck tape this one's mouth when he gives even the slightest indication that he plans on opening it. Shewwwww!!!!! O_o! This is the situation.

He opened it.
Again!

In my Donald Trump voice? Minister of Prevention! You're firrrrrrrrred!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times that I question whether I'm in a circus or whether the president gods are just playing a cruel and unusual trick on us. On one hand we have his former mini-me telling us Coloureds that if his party is voted in the next elections? We can fish without worrying about needing a permit. I'm sure many celebrated that day! Yeah! Hmmm-M! I'm sure many vomited uncontrollably too. Following that, he tells the Whites that they shouldn't be afraid of Blacks IF they're willing to share! Following that! He tells the Blacks that they shouldn't be afraid to fight the White people!

WHATTTTT!?!? I got stuck. There! Which is why I can't for the life of me remember what he said the Indian people could look forward to if he was to become president.

He then says...do not pay for the e-toll in Johannesburg, when they ask for your money? Show them your red beret. SoH cool, huh?!? I wonder if that'll work for any of the other bills we have to pay.

"Sir, that'll be R500!"
"No."
"Ha?"
"No!"
"Sir. You can't pass here without paying!"
"But?!? But Malema said! Look! Look! I have a red beret!"
"Nice. I have a shirt to match that. R500 please?!?"
"But he #*?/@+ said it in a speech! If you say something in a speech! Then it's law! He said I don't have to pay you! I can just show you my cap, sorry beret, and you'll let me through?!?"
"Did you also embroid STUPID on your beret?"
"Ha?"
"Pay or stay! How! It's lunch time now! You making me late for lunch time! Just think! Like another kind of person and pay up!"
"No!"
"Eish...this one?!? This is a stubborn one!" While he calls the cops to arrest your red-beret-flashing ass!

Our president. On the other hand, says that people should not think like Africans, just pay the e-toll. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahahhaha!!! Let's all take a moment to remember that should you be kidnapped, he is not the negotiator that you want pleading your release! Not even if you're a mouse trapped between a cat and a hard place! Classic! Foolishness.

"But mr. president? I am African."
"You're African, yes. But don't think you are when you have to pass the e-toll."
"How can I do that when I am an African?"
"Easy. Just don't think. Just pay."
"I don't earn enough to afford the e-toll."
"Then don't think like a broke African too. Just pay, there are e-tolls all over the world. We must also have one. Why shouldn't we also have one?!"
"Because your people can't afford one?"
"So? That's not my fault. Just pay. Just pay, that's all."
"Even if I won't have money for petrol to even pass the e-toll by the middle of the month?"
"Yes, even then. You think too much. That's why you don't have a lot of money. Always thinking! Think, less. And just do. That's what I do. See? I'm president of a country that you shouldn't think you're from."
"Is this the #*@!?-! twighlight zone?"
"Ha?"

So now? People that aren't African.....you lucky non-Africans you....If your president states, in a speech, that you should not think like the person you are! Not think as though you are from the country in which you were born and bred and still live JUST like the non-immigrant that you so unfortunately are, you know? The one that he runsssssss? Who exactly should us Africans think like?

........................Silence

I'll wait..............

I hear nary a speech.

Uhhhhhhhh-huh! Yeah. Just as a I thought! Look for answers and you get nothing but the sound of the ceiling fan! Look for bullshit statements in presidential speeches? Never. Ending!

How about we do this? Instead of thinking like, ohhhh I dunno....an Antarctican? How about we think like someone who has a brain, and realize that butter, milk and sugar in a plastic bag isn't enough to secure a vote! How about! Next election? We take a walk on the wild side and vote for someone who will never EVER for a minute believe that telling your people to discard something he should be convincing them to be proud of, hint freakin' hint, our nationality! And just pay the damn money, that......wait for it?!? They do not have to begin with!

So then? By the time one passes the e-toll point, they're not only broke, but they don't even know who they are anymore! Tsk tsk tsk...what a mighty president serves us!

N
O
T

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ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What this track means to me?  Eh!  Wouldn't you like to know.  If i were you?  I'd also like to know.  So Ima tell you.  Oh?  And I missed you too.  Once again, I've been writing non-stop.  I wish I had four hands.  MANNNNN, I could rule the world!!!!!!!  O_o

Forgive me, but this song puts me on such a high, I literally reach for Venus!

But enough about me.

What I hear when I listen to this song?  I coulda sworn I just said enough about me.  Let's forget I said that for a moment, because I'm being you right now, and you want to know what this track means to me, so I'm gonna be me for a second and tell you.

Once you find your "voice"?  There's not a damn thing that can stop you!

Katy Perry's, Roar, is about the most uplifting, motivating track I've heard all year!  Feel as though it was made just for me!  Rambler? Vanity...tsk tsk tsk!

So??????????????  There ya go.  I'm once again running off now to conquer the unconquerable and rule the unruly!  Hehehehe!  Ramble Responsibly my friends!  ^_^!!!!!!

PS:  Enjoy!

Antibarfotic

Place in middle of palm, close hand for safe keeping, open hand, eye it, sighhhhh, close hand again, sit down, set it on counter, eye it again, sip on glass of water, check bbm's, psyche yourself up, pick up gracefully between thumb and index finger, inspect it, sighhhhhh, sip on glass of water, mentally curse makers of terrorist tablets, stand up, reply to bbm's, sip on glass of water, open mouth, try to put in mouth, fail, sighhhhhh, set it back on counter, eye it once more, will it to disappear...somehow, it doesn't, pick up between thumb and index finger for hopefully the last time, set it at back of tongue, drink water fast, skew face as if you just drank rats urine!

That?!? My ever-faithful readers, are the imaginary instructions that Paige reads on the box of medication she's getting ready to take. Tonight? Lucky for us, we were in the kitchen when first, she took a picture of all her meds. Then sat and went through most of the above steps but this time?!? And pay attention since this is the reason why I say we were lucky. As witnesses, we learnt a valuable lesson on how not to...thank you sugar! 'Cause she did something verrrrrrrrrrrrry different this time! A brand spanking new technique that she picked up from, ay, O_o! I dunno where!?!?

Lemme tell ya! Where normally she'd carefully set it on the furthest point at the back of her tongue while her pinky sticks out like the queen and her tea cup?!? This time? The girl flung that sucker so far down her oesophagus, that while she then took a swig at the glass of water, she was like heaving...uuuuuuuuaargh...uuuuuuuuuaargh...!

Ofcourse? I did what any caring, nurturing parent would do while their daughter sits there gagging on an antibiotic. I burst out laughing! Damon followed suit. That's my boy! Soon as things returned to a somewhat normal state in her throat?!? It was a quick recovery, by the way! After the uuuuuuuuaargh...uuuuuuuuuuuuargh part, she too couldn't help but laugh and then she says, "Which mother laughs at their child when they're about to throw up."

...........................................Me.

In all fairness, I did offer to break it in half for her. I wasn't laughing when I did that. It was a sincere gesture of motherly love. Her argument was, "Then I'll have to take it twice!" I couldn't deny the logic in that, plus I had things I needed to do. Imagine going through those steps twice?!?! Annnnnnnnd, I even went one step further and got a little creative in my efforts to assist. I told her to imagine it as a sweet that she likes and just pop it in there. "I don't really like sweets..." >_<!

I tried again. Desperation and reality'd begun kicking in, so against my better judgement, I offered another option....Okay then, a cigarette! "It doesn't go in my mouth."

O_o

....I gave up on the imagining of things at that point and decided to just let the cards fall where they may.

Then came time for the herbal drops. This part, surprisingly, went a lot smoother. However, she did ask, "Who came up with herbal medication????" I told her, the herbalists. I put absolutely no thought into that answer, whatsoever. My brain was still too busy laughing its ass off about the whole, open, fling..._uuuuuuuaaaargh...uuuuuuuuuargh fiasco.
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Loving Nightmares?

I could use some help. Please. Google is just so...so impersonal. Can they introduce a Google voice or something? Whaaaaaaat???? O_o

I'm not lonely! O_O! Who-who said I was lonely?! The life of a semi-hermit is farrrrr from lonely, lemme tell you-uuuu! There's a bed to sit on. A tv to watch. A passage to walk up and down in. A laptop to type on. Walls to make you feel enclosed. Or protected. Let's go with protected. Enclosed sounds like I need therapy. Tea to drink. Music to sing to. I could go on.

I have a confession to make. Real people...kinda scare me. For real. Real people that I've never met before, scare me. Come to think of it, it's not the real people that scare me. It's having to meet them, in any form, for the first time that scares me. It's like that very first kiss. I get all anxious and sweaty-palmed and what if...what it...what if?!? Funny enough, I never stress about tripping and falling. Hmmmmmmmm?

Especially one on one. I prefer meeting new people with company. With someone I'm comfortable with. Nuuuu-uhhh! Not because I don't like people, I really do like people. Mainly the ones who can make me laugh 'til I cry. But 'cause it takes the focus off of me completely. Not compleeeeeetely, completely but like the focus is not on me completely. O_o! Not completely onnnnn me.

Aaaargh, shy people out there?!? You at least have my back on this topic, don't you? Crazy fact: Once I've gotten through it though, it's never eVer as bad as I thought it would be, so the anxiety that it causes is never worth it. That's what you call stressing in vain. And somehow knowing THAT, from most of my, real people that I've never met before, experiences? It doesn't make a sliver of a difference. I think maybe I was meant to be a Dear Rambler sorta communicator. Maybe? I'll never know. Unless?!? Unless a plague of laryngitis befalls us all. I was just telling Paige the other night, I've always wanted a voice like Demi Moore. That too will never happen. Unless I'm on the road to recovery from laryngitis or just on the road to it. (Shrug). Lary, I've given it a pet name. It's the least I can do since Lary sure seems to be able to make all of my dreams come true. Ha!

That's just one out of a hundred reasons why you will never hear me tell you on here that I just been out on a date. Granted, I've been married before. I've been in a long distance relationship in recent years too, as you all know and as hard as those are? I got comfortable with it and I guess because we'd spent so much time talking on the phone and on email, I'd gotten over that initial first time meeting fear. But that's over now. And yes, I'm more than alright with my single status. However, aside from the fact that it's the one thing that least interests me? Just the thought of going on a date with someone that I don't know like that, causes a reaction that I really can't explain. Just? Creeps me out. Date-a-phobia, if you will. I know, I knowwwww. I know that you have to actually GO on the date to get to that place where you know the person like that but...neooooooooooooooooh! Nope. No.

Either way, I've rambled on long enough. You're waiting for the reason that I've brought you all here today, aren't you? Yes? Okay. I've been having a few nightmares of late and it's caused me to, firstly, thank the good Lord that I woke in my bed, and secondly? Wonder just what the hell it all means. You know like when you dream of snakes, none of them had snakes in them, I'm just giving you an example. When you dream of snakes, then the dream decoder peeps say that, that means you have an enemy out in the real world.

So?!? If someone's constantly tryna hurt me or kill me in my dreams? Does that mean either;

a) I have a snake?
b) I'm gonna get a snake?
c) Want a pet snake?
d) Any-anything to do with a snake?

It can't mean that someone's actually tryna hurt or kill me because dreams don't mean what they say. They don't say. Sigh...dreams don't mean whatever you're dreaming about. So I'm not worried about that. It normally means the opposite. So I'm thinking that it means maybe somebody is constantly tryna;

a) Love me?
b) Like me?
c) Likes loving me?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! This dream stuff is so confusing.
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Heed The Whisper

If I was me a few months ago?  I wouldn't be who I am today. 

How's that for a pre-birthday speech?   

And now!  Too bad I’m not planning a huge shindig.  I coulda used that as my opening line while I stand up on stage in front of family and friends, with my face red and hot, embarrassed to a standstill, giving my birthday speech.  Hmmmmm?  On second thought.  Thank God, I’m not planning a huge shindig! 

Nevertheless………Welcommmmmmme!!! 

Welcome!  To my birthday month.  ^_^!  Have yaself a seat, hmmm-mmmM! 

This year?  Mainly due to the fact that when I think about it, my heart starts sprinting like a steroid-pumped, over-fit, 100m Olympic runner?  I've made it a point to forget age and focus on energy!  Somehow, some way?  I have more of it now than I know what to do with!  Did that happen to you around this time of your life?  Maybe I should join the gym…..No?!?!  Good answer. 

Meanwhile, back in the streets of New York City?  My dance teacher’s running willllllllllllllllllld somewhere on Broadway!  So ofcourse, we haven’t danced in ages.  Laaaawd, please don’t come back with New York style push-ups.  My energy cannot be spent that way!  Nobody’s energy should be spent that way!  If I became Exercise Ruler of the World?  Lmao!  Doubtful on every level, but if I did?  The only thing related to a push-up anything, would be a bra.  Useful, comfortable and painless.  That’s the kinda life we all should be after, right?! 

Why do I feel this energetic, I repeat, but not for push-ups!?  Well…might be that I no longer have to stress about every little thing.  Might be that I've stopped having to check myself twenty-four-seven!  Might be that I’ve ceased being weighed down by the past!  Might be that I'm not working my ass off anymore for people’s approval. 

Orrrr?!? 

It just might be that this season puts a Spring in your step!  Simple as that!

Who knows?  Just like with anything, there are many-a-might-be.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda, and all of those Brian McKnight tracks.  But, come to think of it?  I actually do know.  Aside from everything else where it feels as though I can finally just be me...Me feels more worthy and appreciated than I ever did!  (curtsy) And that feeling right there?  It motivates me to do even more! 

Not sure about you, but I can’t thrive in a stressful environment where all you feel that is happening, is test after test, judgement after judgement, constantly fixing this and fixing that even when you didn’t know that you were breaking something.  No.  Harmony’s not only a female’s name.  It’s a need too.  I am a lot more comfortable amongst my own kind.  And I don’t mean, South African Coloureds.  I mean allllllllllll colour people that I can connect with on at least some level. 

Lessons sure can be learnt the hard way at times, but what matters is that they are learnt.  Admittedly, over recent years, I’ve spent a lot of time, doing my best to be someone I’m not.  Guess what?  Scoot on over here and I’ll tell you a secret.  The only place that train heads to is, Failure Farm.  So, ofcourse.  I failed.  See?  Unless you’re being hunted down by angry mobsters who believe that you have they black briefcase?  Then okay…by all means, be someone you’re not.  That’s the only time it’ll probably work to any kind of advantage.  But when you’re doing it, just to fit in? 

Fail. 

Fail. 

Annnnnnnnnnd? 

Fail. 

I have some advice for you.  When your instincts speak up?  Listen!  Mine have resorted to cursing me in eleven official languages.  And they’ve finalllllllly gotten my attention.  Don’t wait for that, though.  Go with ya gut!  Relent to the prodding!  Give in to ya cravings!  Uhhhhhhhh?  Strike that last one.  Chocolate has no bearing whatsoever on this particular topic.  But at least you know what's on my mind at six in the morning.  Or six in the evening.  Or six minutes passed every six hours of the day! 

Oprah, at her South African show yearrrrrrs ago, called it, life's whispers.  Which always made sense to me but then at some point I erroneously regarded them as insignificant.  They're not.  They're your silent guides to what feels right and what doesn't.  To what is and what’s not.  And when something no longer feels right, it simply means that you need to start walking in the opposite direction. 

You know like when you’re in the path of a pitbull, and its tongue’s hanging out.  It’s staring at you, while dripping pitbull saliva all over the floor?  You seriously wouldn’t be listening to your life’s whispers if for one minute, you believe that it was admiring your Adidas sweatsuit.  No.  If there’s a tree?  Climb it!  If there’s a wall?  Scale it!  Do anything but please…do not walk lovingly towards the salivating savage as if you’re two long-lost Bollywood lovers in a field of grass and daisies!  That’ll get ya ass bitten.  Badly too!

...And Off She Goes

Going, Going...

Last night was the FAREWELL farewell! Sob….She's leaving Durban just now before she goes home to pack and jet off to her new home, away from home. Dubai? You're not my favourite word at this moment, you sister stealer, you!

Meanwhile? My beloved sister has had about nine farewells by now, if you count the ones in Johannesburg. Lovable soul that she is.

But yeah….last night about thirty of our family members STORMED THE BASTILLE! That's what, I'm almost certain, the waiters thought! I could be wrong. But im not. Well? It was a restaurant. We stormed the Ocean Basket. Now I know? You see the name Ocean Basket and immediately you have visions of baby Moses drifting along a river, don't you? Not me. I used to imagine the tiny rolls they brought out before the meal. You know. The free one's. And the chilli paste and that mayonnaise mixture and the garlic. M-m! Now, however? I shall forever be reminded of Lynn's farewell and the fact that she asked Inky to send all the pics he took at dinner, to her Wuzupp! LMAO! She meant, whatsapp. With her, one has to read between the letters. While laughing 'til your cheeks hurt! Just-----just forgive her. She knows not what she says.

And like many senile elders? The waiters weren't old. But?!? Those energetic, youngsters, got a little taste of the effects that ageing sometimes has on our previous generation. I can bet both my thunder thighs that after a while, they were asking themselves, "Am I Arthur or Marthur." I don't know how that turned out. I should've asked before I left. Like, "All the Arthurs in this line and all the Marthur's in that one. Thank you, now I can tell my blog readers what the Arthur:Marthur ratio was." That's why its so important to carry your ID. But even still. Last night, not even an ID could save them.

But you know what? I'm just glad that for once in our collective gathering? People have shown that they have the ability to accept us. We didn't hear, "You are never to set foot on these premises again." Not once! By the way, that's very hurtful, other places that barred us! We will make it our duty never to return to your establishments. Not that we have a choice. But still. It's the principle of it. We won't, even when the ban period has ended. To date, we haven't had any correspondence to that effect from any of them, so at this point, a ban period, is purely an assumption. They're clearly not risk takers! That's no way to run ya business!

So thank you, Ocean Basket! At least you know that we were just born this way. Plus?! Plus?! Bonus! We weren't approached by police officers, just for talking. Too loud. Not once! They even let us re-arrange the seating. Twice! Eric and his team were on their best behaviour. Someone had to be. Lynn was refusing to leave because she thought it was 10pm when it was 11.30pm. Ali was arranging chairs outside for the elders for a group photo that wasn't taken. Then she sees light in the atm booth and suggests we move the shoot location to inside there. Zhar and Mish learnt what, "whatsabought" meant via my mum who was quietly, (but I heard), telling them that she doesn't know what she would do if I ever moved to America! And one of the many reasons why? Because when we were little, they brought us whatsabought and now? I bring them whatsabought. She obviously really likes whatsabought. A lot. We did too. We would run home when we saw my dad car pull up. We obviously liked whatsabought too. A lot.

What?! O_o

It's whatsabought. You knowwwwwww man!? Whatsabought. When ya dad or mum brings you goodies on a Friday. Like chocolates and crisps and soda and stuff. You don't know? Okay. I'm here to educate. Don't mention it. It's quite a sweet memory, actually. Whatsabought? You listening? Okay! Is short for "What you bought." Annnnnnnnnnnnd? There you go.

It doesn't end here….The storming of the airport hasn't happened yet!
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The Time Has Come

I’m not even gonna lie.  It’s kinda tough to concentrate today. 

Up to a certain point?  I don’t have any recollection of my childhood.  I know, with absolute certainty, that I was a premature baby, a very cute one by the way.  No-no!  No-no.  It’s got absolutely nothing to do with vanity.  I’ve seen the pictures!  ;-)  Then I was a toddler, then I grew a bit more, then I know what I’ve been told.  And thennnnnnnn?!?!?  I remember…eating Pronutro cereal at nursery school and falling off a swing on my way home and hiding behind our avocado pear tree when I didn’t want to go.  Before that?  I got nothing.

I’ve met some people who remember things that happened when they were two.  My first reaction when I hear them?  “Liar!!!”  In my head, though.  Not with my mouth.  Oh nohhhhhhh!  Call me a coward, call me what you like.  I just don’t see the point of instigating an altercation over a suspicion.  Some, you just have to keep to yourself.  This is not CSI Durban.  Chances are, they probably weren’t lying.  I mean?  Life is so full of things to do, who has time to make up stories about their life as a toddler?  I probably just have a bad memory and didn’t wanna admit it. 

When I was younger?  I’m talking about after my years of a blank existence but old enough only to watch my sister and cousins getting ready to go to wherever it was that they were going to…we’ve all been there, right.  Until the gap eventually closes, and then its all for one and one for all.  Possibly packed in one car too. 

But I’d lay there…she’s just so beautiful.  That’s all I would think, watching her.  Back then, alot of that had to do with what I saw, but then as you get older?  And you begin to understand that beauty is a lot deeper than skin, shape or size.  When it becomes more about an inward state than it is an outward appearance?  Ones deciding factors begin to vary.  And so did mine.  Only, I still have that very same thought.  Just for additional reasons. 

Tomorrow, we will all get together, firstly to bury my grans ashes, and then to have a farewell for my sister before she leaves for Dubai.  Celebrate.

-_-

L

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Sob!

Sniff!  Celebrations are meant for happy occasions, aren’t they?  Both of tomorrows occasions will be anything but that so I don’t really…It’s like…sighhhhhhh?  I don’t know what to call whatever it is that we’re going to be doing!  If I rationalize it? 

Varied good-byes 

That’s what they are.  That’s what we’ll be, “celebrating.”  

Despite all of this, I have no doubt that we will have fun tomorrow.  When she’s around, there rarely is a dull moment.  Or syllable.  

I just wish so hard that it was for a reason, other than this.

When One Door Closes…

There’s an old saying, “Everything happens for a reason…”  That’s one I definitely believe in.   There's another old saying, "When one door closes, another one opens."  That’s definitely something that would irritate the shit outa me if I happened to be sweeping at the time! 

But?  Domestic chores aside.….How do you handle failure?  I’m calling it failure because every time something doesn’t pan out for us, we either look at ourselves as failures, or we look at the other person, or thing, as being something that has failed us.    

It’s human nature though, isnt it?  To be angry or at the very least, disappointed, when things turn out differently than what we’d expected.  Hell!  There was a time in my life when I’d stare into the face of that closed door and b!tch and moan about things not working out the way that I wanted them to, but ay? 

Not anymore! 

At my age, the best thing I could have done was realize that doors could care less about whether you’re giving them death stares or begging them to answer your constant whining about, “Why me?!?!?”  They can’t talk.  They might be able to think.  I dunno?  I’m not a door and I don’t know anybody who ever was, so I can’t confirm that.  But!?!?  Regardless of your wants, wishes or woes, they will stand there, tightly hinged to that door frame, staring right back at you, with what appears to be thoughts of, “There she goes again with the why me, why me?!?!  Does this idiot not know that I don’t have a mouth!” 

My personal journey into the new and wonderful world of “dust it off and keep moving” per-say, took a while but once I decided to let go of some of the issues in my life that were either well on their way to rotting my personality, or just beginning to?  All I’ve been feeling is a positivity that I can barely explain.  I have not felt this way in forevvvvvvvvver!   Not even on my best day.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm….Maybe once.  When my mum told me that eventually a stranger did stop on the freeway to give them a ride to the hospital when she was about to give birth to me!  That alone gave me hope in mankind!  I just know that where I am right now, is where I’ve always wanted to be.  One word sums it all up.  Finally!  And none of it would be possible, if it hadn’t been for change! 

So yeah!  This is where I’m currently at.  Guess, what I’m trying to say is…don’t kick change when you’re down. 

You know what I’ve also noticed?  Relationship ends are the one thing, it seems, that cause people to have the most regret.  I’m sure  because so much of ourselves are invested in them, it’s tough not to feel that way.  I’d mentioned, in the beginning of this post, “Everything happens for a reason.”  To me, it’s as simple as that.  The more I think about it, the more I’m finding that things are just being made to be more complicated than they are or need to be.  I’ve been married, I’ve been divorced, I’ve been in a relationship, I’ve been single.  As far as all of those?  I no longer regret the start, I don’t regret the middle, and I won’t regret the end.  I will rejoice in my growth. 

The fact of the matter is that nothing will ever alter this…in the end, what is meant to be, will be.  Sometimes, it takes being apart to realize that you shouldn’t be together.  Other times, it takes you being together, to realize that you should be apart.  That’s it, that’s all.  Nothing more to see here, people! 

And yet, I continue typing. 

For a while now?  My relationship with my ex-husband, has been the best it’s ever been.  After we got divorced.  What that means to me?  When relationships don’t work out, it hardly means that one or both of you are dreadful people.  It doesn’t even have to be made to sound that way either.  All that does, is give power to the negative notions over all of the positive memories.  And all that does, is then turn those memories, into a lie.  I’m not interested in living my life that way, anymore!  With the world what it is, today?  It makes little to no sense to choose to turn good things into bad things, when there’s already too much bad for us to put up with. 

I’m grateful for my experiences, because they truly were experiences!  Experiences that when I sit and reflect?  Have taught me a whole lot about an array of different things.  All of them, and those still to come have no doubt prepared me for my past future and will surely prepare me for my future future, respectively.  Not all stories have a positive ending.  But then, that all depends on how you look at it.

The Early Bird…Sits and Waits

I haven't been ignoring you!  Ya beloved Rambler's been writing her fingers off!  You should be proud, so, smile!  :-)  Theeeeeeere ya go!  I'm still here.  And guess what?!?  I've been making alota progress.  Not much sleep but sleep in exchange for progress is a good trade!  Right?!

Friday?  I was given a deadline.
Monday.
Yesterday?  I worked to my own deadline.
Saturday night.
Today?  I feel dead, you know like that line?  Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! Flatlined! Yeah!  Yeah!!  That's it!  That's the one!

So, basically, after writing all the way up to 1am, I literally started falling asleep on the keyboard!  On this key...//////////

-_-

Ay, don't be asking me tough questions when I'm sitting here flatlined?!?  I dunno why that one in particular, I just know, I had to delete them twooooo many times.  My English teacher's punching her fist in the air right now, like, "Yessss!!!  She remembers what a pun is!"  Miss Canada, I'm talking 'bout!  She would be happy!  SHE knew what a pun was!  And do you know why?

Because typing that?  I just remembered that in grade 11?  You know when we had to write those letters to a television station or some place where we haven't sent one into since we learnt how!  As if they didn’t know we’d have email by now.  Or Whatsapp!  My subject was?!?  TWO Many Advertisements!  My other “English” teacher, Mrs. No-Idea-What-A-Pun-Is?!?  Underlined TWO and marked it WRONG!  I feel victimised, I telya!  For when I was in Grade 11!  O_o!  I do. 

Better late than never!

Where was I?!?
Oh yeah!
So I made sure to finish off in the midst of deleting those stroke thingies and passing out rather quickly after that.  I woke at 3.47am. Tirrrrrrred...and afraid.
Not of the boogy-man!  Come on now, we all know those only exist when you're little and you're being tricked into sitting ya ass down, by a cruel adult!  Yes!  It's cruel!  Yes, it is!  'Cause one minute y'all tell us there's a boogyman in that other room and the next minute?

Wait for it!................................................................................................................................

We're being SENT into that boggy-man laden room to fetch a scissors or a pillow or something!  And then we're standing there looking all crazy, trembling-lipped, like, "What if the boogyman catches me?!?"  All and nervous and shit?  Then!!!  Then y'all still add a promise of a spanking, if we don't agree to walk boldly into boogy-man land!

Ofcourse, it's cruel!  Okay-okay?!?  In all Libran fairness!  What IS cruel?  If that's NOT cruel?!?!  I know…JZ’s still our president.  But see?  You can tell exactly whose done this to their kids!  Over there feverishly searching for good debate swing on why it infact, isn't as cruel as I just said it was.

Give
It
Up

You should be going to kiss your little one, even if they're forty-five years old, and apologising for the deep-seeded fear they now have of the unknown!  And any place with no light!

It's never happened to me.
I'm just sayin'...it happens!
I'm up, early.  So, I'm just fighting for the cause!  That's how much fight I have in me! Enough to share some fight on behalf of victims of the boogy-man trick, everywhere!

You're welcome!

DammmiT!  Where the hell was I?!?
Ima have to check!  Gimme onnnnnne second.  There we go.

Tirrrrrrred...and afraid.
No.  I was afraid of my hearing...or lack thereof!  Sometimes when you're tired, and knocked the f&$% out, you can't hear, you know.  So, at 3.47am?  I laid in the bed.  And laid in the bed.  And laid.  In. The. Bed.  Until I said, "You know what?!?  @+#! this! Ima get outa this bed!"  So, I laid in the bed.   And laid in the bed...until I finally carried out my threat.

The good news is?  I did hear the alarm!  'Cause I was up.  So my plan worked.

By 5am I was in the shower and ready to go meet the team at 8.45am.  :-/   Now, it's just passed 7.30am and I'm sitting here, constantly blinking, having lost out on sleep, talking to you...all dressed up and nowhere to go.  Yet.

Eh, it sounded better in my head.

Music and My…Opinion

Hmmmmmmpf!  It's finally quiet around these suburban parts, I see!  :-/ 

Last night, on the other hand?  Every nook and cranny inside my little Coloured head was being relentlessly pounded by house music.  Believe you me when I say, there was only space left in there for three words, "Kill.  Me.  Now." 

You kinda know me, don't you?  We've spent a considerable amount of time together as Rambler and reader, right?  So you kinnnnnda know that music is a colossal part of my existence, but dammmmmmmn!  That deep house music is enough to drive me drink neat paraffin!  Especially when I can't understand a word that the artist is saying. 

Look?  Don't all rush at me at once, I know some of you live and breathe house music and I have all the respect in the world for artists of any kind.  Plus I never said I don't like Micasa.  That's cool house.  HoweVer?  If I am forced to, I will!  I have no problem getting all Biblical up on this blizzog!  Because God did say share...my opinion.  That's where, and share alike, stems from.  He didn't mean only sweets.  And share alike means, share your sweets, your good fortune, your jacket, your opinion.  All of it…Ya feel me?

Here's the thing.  Music for me, is a four-fold experience.   The melody, the lyrics, the emotions and the vision.  You take any one of those away?  And you lose my attention.  Period.  When I hear a song, and all I see is black barrenness in my minds abyss?  Then what's the difference between that and me just being asleep?  Music is meant to feed your soul.  It's meant to inspire you.  It’s meant translate from it's melodic form, in through your ears, seep into your mind, trapse and saunter around in your mind, into a story only your eyes can see.

Lemme ask you this?  What vision do you get from a beat that is just constant for twenty, if not more, minutes, like a brainwashing beat or something?  And then the lyrics sound like, "hfd wsosecelwox gjs aaofgfgfjaloooooo"  To me?  In my opinion.  God said I must share it, don't forget!  That's not music.  That's a tranquilizer!  That's what you use to torture prisoners of war!  In Taken 3, I think they should incorporate this, when he catches one of the bad guys.  He should tie them up and put earphones on them, hit play on the house music folder and leave them in that underground room…there’s always one of those, and then you watch.  When he comes back hours later, he wont need to lift a finger. 

So?  Amongst the other weird and wonderful things I did yesterday?  My heart was set on getting as much writing done as I could.  And I did, get alot done.  I just wasn't quite finished.  It was quiet, I was home alone, you know?  The setting was flawless.  Until the sun went down and something told my neighbour that we all wanted a piece of his party.  It was at that point that I was then forced to huff and puff and shut my laptop down. 

The thought of going out and purchasing a bow and arrow?  As anti-violence as I am?  I'm not afraid to admit, it had crossed my mind more than once but they started too late.  The stores were closed!  I coulda been in here, my bbm status set to "No calls: Stakeout in Progress.  Mission: Snipe a Speaker", peeping through my lounge window, with my lights off, after putting together the best sniper outfit I could from what I had in my closet, aiming at the speaker if I couldn't....the one song had machine gun and typewriter sounds in it, by the way...o_O...if I couldn't get a clear shot of the power cable!  Shut that muthafucker down!  I saw the smoke.  From the barbecue!  Nobody said, “Come over for some chicken since we're frying your brains with this music.”  Which means I was invited for a headache only. 

Low.

Down.

Dirty.

Shame!

Worst still is that this neighbour is a few metres from my bedroom window.  I thought of just throwing things at them?  I have a box of colourful straws in my kitchen cupboard!  Too light?  Yeah, I figured that too.  And I wasnt about to use up my kitchen utensils and then have us eating dinner with our hands until payday.  Hmmmmmmm?  That bow and arrow woulda been perfect. 

I'm thinking that they mighta gotten bow and arrowed before which is why they knew to start their house party only once it wouldn't be possible for anyone to run out and pick up a set.  That's some sneaky shit right there, doncha think?!?  I shoulda called the police!   No...noooooh, they wouldn't have pitched.  And if they did, they might've offered them barbecued meat as a means to bribe them into letting out who exactly the call came from.  HahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, you know what that reminded me of?  The last company I worked for?  We would have karaoke sometimes, right?  On one of the karaoke nights?  One of the residents called the cops for us.  I see the police come in.  We all did, they had guns.  Not aiming at us, but none of us had guns, so we recognized the fact that they weren’t one of ours.   Bree, a crazy friend of mine?  Next thing I look?  And I don’t know how she did it?  But I look again and she has the cop singing karaoke with her, hahahahahahhahahahaha!  

Last night though?  By the time I couldn't hear the movie I'd succumbed to watching, I was at a complete loss.  I considered going out there and yelling at them but then something said, "Rambler?  They might just turn around and start shooting your ass with a bow and arrow.  Then what?!?"