Drunk with Happiness

Gooooooood morning, beautiful people! ^_^! I'm so happy right now, I could just wake up the entire household. You know? That household word makes no sense to me whatsoever. Can YOU find the part annnnywhere in that word that gives a person who, IIIIII dunno? Might be hearing it for the first time, a clue that it refers to the humans living in your house? I've looked. It's not there. What if I should decide to go and teach English in another country? How would I even charade that word as a teaching tactic where someone would even understand that it meant, "one or more people living together in a house or dwelling?" And that's why I won't apply for that English teaching position in another country. I'm not tryna get deported for becoming frustrated on foreign soil over stupid english words.

Either way, my house smarts have since convinced me to just let sleeping children lie. As stubborn as I am, I do take it's advice at times. I figured, eh! That's how I start out every single one of my figurings. EH!
It doesn't give it a dramatic effect per say but it does add to the moment. So remember that when you feel as though you're about to figure. Couple that with a short, sharp exhale-laugh typa thing, like HA, but you don't say HA, you say EH while you HA! O_o! Anyone aside from me, now totally confused?

Hold on a moment...I gotta try it to make sure that I've explained it as best as I could. Explanation clarity has become pretty important to me lately. Being on two different pages about the same thing can waste you a lot of years. Believe me. Excuse me for just a one second....................................................................................................................................................Yup! That's it. I was right, you EH! While you HA!

Now?

Your turn! Go on. Don't worry about who's sitting next to you. If they ask why you're tryna bring on hiccups? Tell'm that you'll tell'm when they're figuring. If they ask figure what? You can do one of two things. One? Tell'm, "Notchya business." Or two? Swerve the vehicle and begin yelling out random words like, "overhead projector!" That oughta get them to either sit and stare straight ahead, pissed off at you for being a rude carpool host orrrr to lose their focus on you in order to start feverishly searching for falling visual equipment.

Anyhooooooooo......I figured, Eh, if one has street smarts, then they get to do things like avoid coming home with a black eye that they've gotten out on the streets, right? That would then mean that my house smarts can help me avoid walking the streets with one that I got in my home. See? It pays to be smart.

So, in the midst of my temptation, it told me, in that, "something said to me" sorta way that if I were to wake the lot of them up? That instead of it having a joy-sharing effect? My elation might be cut short if out of reflex, Randyl decided to fling her wifi modem in the direction of her bedroom door while I stood there, clapping my hands and stomping my feet. That it wouldn't matter at that point as to how happy I was and whether I knew it or not. I'd still have to drive my swollen-eyed deflated ass to the medi-centre.

As I type this? It's 4.25am. I hear aeroplane sounds which I assume are flying saucers because we really shouldn't be hearing aeroplanes after the relocation of our airport to what feels like, another province! The only reason that I was listening that intently was 'cause since I couldn't share my joy with my household, (purse my lips at stupid english word) I was trying to listen for the chirps of birds. They're supposed to CHIRP when I'm happy, DAMMIT! Lazy ass birds! But then, it wassssss a public holiday yesterday. Must all be laid out somewhere! Drunk or high. Or something.

Haaaaaaahahhahahha..a-hem! Sorry, just laying here, imagining what it would be like to watch a drunk bird. Probably, Flyyyyy.....DOOOOOOF! FLYYYYYYY......DOOOOOOOF!!
Note to self: You-tube drunk birds! Judging from some of the outrageous video's that Dave's sent to me lately? Someone sommmmmewhere musta come across a bird with a drinking problem.

Kinda reminds me of that one Christmas day I told y'all about, some time back where my cousin or uncle or whatever he is, I forget. There's just soooooh much family in my family! He was so drunk that all we heard from inside was, THUD! THUD!! He didn't bounce. He fell twice, in succession. Funny thing is? He left my grans house with all of his teeth. -_- I can't talk for everyone but personally, I find that extremely suspicious.

Drunk people? They act all unaware and incoherent but when they fall? You watch at the next party! That hand stays up in the air, in a very coherent attempt to save that drink! To hell with the plate of food in your hand. 'Cause then it becomes your fault for sitting and eating in a place where a drunk relative could fall. Watch, the drink hand. Or like in my cousin-uncles case? The face. Watch how it remains perched as they hit the ground. The way that it appears to me is? As drunk as they are, they sommmmmehow remember that they either have no medical insurance or they remember that they have a fear of dentists.

And ofcourse, my initial suspicion of the behavioural patterns of the intoxicated person stems from that fool ass "a drunk person speaks a sober mind" myth. HOW?!? When they're drunk? Their minds are drunk. Their reflexes are drunk! Their eyes are drunk. Everything. Everything's drunk, it's not as though your body gets to choose, "Okay, I've been drowned in alcohol but I choose for my right arm to remain sober!" No! Theeeee entire body unites in drunkness! All for drunk and drunk for all.

I thought I was clever two weeks ago and decided to be all spontaneous, despite my years of knowledge and experience on the subject of me being "allergic to liquor". I ignored it all and had a glass of strawberry lips anyway. The only choice I had was to take an allergex for the sinus attack that lasted two days. You think that if we did have a choice as to which parts of our bodies will get drunk, that it wouldn't have been my allergies? Uhmmmmmmmmmm-hmm!

Drunk man speaks a sober mans mind. Hog. Wash. The obvious truth is that they just say things they won't normally say when they're sober because the alcohol has a numbing effect and if they happened to get their ass beat for saying some outa line whatever, then depending on how drunk they are? The level of pain goes from "didn't feel a damn thing" to "is that all you got?"

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Family Portrait

Happy Easter, beautiful people!

I had to come by here and share this picture with you guys! We went on a girls night out on Friday and this picture, for me? It captures everything just perfectly! This just has to be one of my all-time favourite pictures!

I called it Family Portrait because it's just us being us....in my rambling mind, that's what a family portrait should look like. Not all stiff and posed as if something they'd eaten had constipated the entire family. Poor things.

This one is Gillian being her crazy self, Wendy and I laughing at her, Leigh looking at her like, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?" Linds looking like, "What did I get myself into....?" And Paige, "Lemme just take two steps to the side...maybe nobody will know they're with me..."

Ramble Responsibly!


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Worth!

Looking at this post from Trent Shelton. Got me thinking about the twists and turns of life.

My recent ex used to tell me all the time that I'd accepted certain things being done towards me because I believed that I wasn't worth much. That was true. Ya Rambler'd always been weighed down by a serious lack of self-confidence. But then? He proceeded to continuously make me feel as though I was worth even less than I did to begin with. Again, I believed him. But today? I'm most grateful to him because the truth is that I did learn mountains from him. He taught me both good things and not so good things.

However? While doing that? He didn't realize that he was teaching me exactly how to walk out on people just like him. I must be a really great student. Because now? I DO know my worth. And I'm not at all interested nor will I EVER be, in anyone who doesn't.

Whether we like it or not, there's a lesson in everything. You can't even trip over in peace without learning...to pay attention to what's in front of you.

Ramble Responsibly, beautiful people!

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Yeah! But Where is the Diarrhea?!?!?

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! 

I KNEW there would be theatrics when he got into the hot seat!  To tell you the truth?  From what I hear…………. 

He let me down. 

I was expecting diarrhea but apparently all he did was cry.  BORRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNG!  And talk too softly for anyone to hear.  I’d cry too if I murdered my girlfriend.  If I had one that is.  But I don’t have testicles, so I’m outa the running on that one.  This morning I read, while driving to work, on a pole.  >_<!  Okay, I know how that mighta just sounded and I’m not in the mood to clear up any misunderstandings today.  Just…I’m good with confusion today.  Thumbs up!  I’m so tirrrrrred, I didn’t even hear the alarm this morning and at 5.22am I woke to Cruz standing up on the side of my bed, staring at me, barking.  He was probably yelling, “WAKE UP, YOU LAZY BIAAAATCH!”  I thought that’s what I heard.  Coulda been the after effects of the sinus that kept me awake yet part of me refuses to believe that he’d call me lazy.  Not after everything that I do for him. 

So?!  If you believe that I drive poles.  Then just for today………I drive poles. 

Back to what I read…he said, “I am so sorry.”  Awwwwwww, sniff.  I’m almost tempted to feel compassion.  NOT!  When I was growing up?  I was sorry too when I kicked the top of my toe open on the circle at my mum’s house.  But it didn’t stop me from kicking it open countless times after that!  Sooooooo….yessssss, yes, Mr. Pisteveryoneoff, we know exactly how sorry you must be.  But you clearly aren’t sorry enough.  Uhmmmmmmm-hm!  Clearly, the shame isn’t enough to cause you diarrhea so no we don’t accept your apology.   And don’t look at me like I’m the sadist.  We are the one’s who grew up next to an oil refinery.  He’s the one who set the standard!  Now I come to expect the expected and I get the unexpected.  How about if he expected his late girlfriend not to scream as if she was being shot?  How ‘bout that?  How ‘bout her expecting him to stop shooting when he heard her shrieking in bullet-hole pain?  Hey, I know some people who get diarrhea just from hearing something they didn’t like.  Like when the ANC was elected to presidency!  What’s your excuse!?  Being on trial for murder not stressful enough for ya?  Hmmmmmmpf!  No diarrhea!?!?!?  Then us-no-speaka-da-inglis. 

-_-

Just thinking about something?  Why the hell DIDN’T I start wearing shoes to play soccer and harbor on the ground or harbor in the air, or K.I.N.G spells kinnnnnnnnnnnnng, STOP!  OR…Just to walk?  Clearly, we were not exposed to the “once bitten, twice shy” concept up to that point.  Half the population, and I am certain of it, has had the top of their toe kicked open at some point growing up…don’t deny it.  There’re no trophies for virgin toes.  If you blame the oil refinery, please stand up.  I do.  I blame it for the fact that I can’t remember the movies I’ve watched too.  Or most of the articles I’ve read. 

I was talking to one of my Facebook contacts, Farhan, on the weekend.  He told me to take Omega 1 to 50.  Okay, okay, he said three numbers only, but that’s how I read it.  After suggesting one tablet to me, my mind becomes all garbled and I start hearing and reading things that aren’t there.  That’s how much I hate taking medication.  And how it came about was that I saw my old favourite television series, Soul Food being aired, and you know how if you don’t document the most important moments in your life on Facebook?  Then you might as well close your account?  Yeah.  So I did.  Not close my account.  Documented my important moment.  Try to keep up.  Farhan then describes to me, a specific scene that he remembers from Soul Food and I’m like, “Woaaaah.  I can barely even remember a movie I watched last month.”  He then suggests those alien tablets.  And I joked about it to avoid admitting that no, I’m quite fine with not remembering a movie that I watched last month.  I’d much rather be honest though.  If you ask me about a movie that I’ve watched, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me what it was about, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me who acted in it, I might throw out a few names, and then tell you that they were nice.

Lemme tell you a secret…you might wanna shimmy on a bit closer to me.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct...but you know what?  It’s not with evvvvvvvvverything.  There are some things that I can relate back to you as if they just happened yesterday.  Like how when I was such and such an age, and I got a pram for my Christmas present.  Think it was that year that I wore a dress, with socks and sandals!  WHOOOOOOOOOO ALLOWS THEIR DAUGHTER TO DRESS THAT WAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY?  I won’t even begin to describe my sister’s wedding.  I’ll say only this…streetdancers and Thriller.  Do with that information what you must!  Either way?  My pram / stroller, was broken by 10am on Christmas that morning because Wormy, don’t ask,  felt the need to run around the circle pushing it, “VVVVVVVVVVVVV—VVVV—VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!” as if he was driving a car on Kayalami.  I wished that he’d kicked the top of his toe open just for that but he was wearing his Christmas Day shoes.  Just wasn’t my year, I guess.

Secret?

O_o!

What secret?  Didn’t I tell you the secret? 

No?

Crap…okay.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct relation to spending too much time with the pensioners.  You had to see them last week.  Whooooooooo-whoooooo!  Don’t mistake that for excitement.  It’s me wiping the sweat from my forehead.  But I’ll give you one example, right.  I won’t mention names.  But Wendy asked aunty Di one time, what her secret pin was for her cellphone?  And she was like, “Secret pin?  I dunno!?  It’s four stars!” 

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! 

She curses us out when we laugh at her about it, but, “^$$%@$#@^^%$^%%*&^*&^*^%#%$^%$!!!!!” never scared us.  My mum?  The other morning Damon asked me send Sharde’ a message regarding something that he wanted to ask her and I promptly told him what any mother would tell her son in that situation.  Take her number, add her to your whatsapp and send her a message yourself.  Eh!  Ya Rambler is busy at work, the less time I spend being the middle man, the better. 

So my mom pipes up, “You know?  When I wanna talk to Sharde?  I have to go through Sean’s phone!” 

My one eye began to twitch.  -_*

It’s barely 7am.

Where is Chuck Norris when you need him? 

Me:  “What you mean?”

Lovey:  “When I phone Sharde, I have to dial Sean’s phone and then she answers.”

Me:  Thinkinnnnnng….”Wait, that’s because Sean gave Sharde his sim card.”

Lovey:  “Ya, but when I phone her with the number she gave me, then it comes up on my phone as Sean, I can’t phone her straight.  I have to phone Sean to get her.”

Me:  “Ma?  You’re not going through Sean to get Sharde.  All you have to do is go into your contact list and change Sean’s name to Sharde.”

Damon:  “HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, haaaaaaai granny!” 

You know what, though?  As much as we make fun of them?  Well, ‘cause it’s just soooooh much fun!  I really can’t imagine life without ‘m!  It’s like I look at my mum, and this did just happen yesterday.  When you look at her, you get to see exactly what an open heart is.     

New Writing.....Forget You

Yesterday, while driving to work, I thought about the whole, forgiving but not forgetting thing and I wondered how deep the hurt has to be for someone to reach that wonderful place of forgiveness, it truly is and I'll never stop saying too...It's a wonderful place to be!  But then, instead of concentrating on the road?  A-hem!  As you can see, I haven't lost my multi-tasking skills.  My mind wandered a little further and I said to myself, what if the depth of pain was so deep that in order to move on, that person, ima call the person the hurtee, hahahahahaha, it's a good one, and you know it.  The hurtee needed to block out the entire experience with the hurter?  I'm on a roll...normally it happens on Friday because there's something inspiring about the start of the weekend!  But yeah, that thought is what inspired this......  


Forget You

We had dreams, you and I, we shed tears, we shared laughter
We'd chant the I love you's, on repeat like a mantra
Like a flower, summer bloomed and then it wilted like in winter 
And I've been pricking you from my heart ever since, like a splinter

Now I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I'm gonna forget you too, as if you weren't ever here
You won't live in me no more, not even in my memory
I gotta do this, if not just for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
And I'm gonna forget you too

This decision didn't come out of the need to mean
I just feel it would be best for me to wipe the slate clean
We can disappear and then emerge, 'xept as just a her and him
You know, how it was before we met and before we became a them

Because I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I swear I'm gonna forget you too, as if you were never here
You won't live in me no more, I'm gonna erase you from my memory
I'm gotta do this, not for you, but for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

We've been apart for a while, and all I've done 's wear a stain
And as of right now, you're gone, this us will never be again
Let's walk away with dignity, what's the sense in bitterness
If you need to, we can spend a day together just to reminisce
We can talk 'bout hearts once opened, the chances and the dangers
But once that day has ended, we will part that night as strangers

But not before I tell you
I forgive you
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

(c) 2014 Stacey Kell
South Africa

Another April

Unbelievable that it's April already, isn't it? Take my hand. There ya go. Let's all pretend! Come-onnnnn, just for the fun of it...let's all widen our eyes, O_O, thaaaaat's it, and GASP on three as if we didn't say that on the 1st of everrrrry month of last year and the year before and the...A-hem...in keeping up with tradition? GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSP! That's a third of this year, POOOOF!!!!!! GONE! If you can't imagine, POOOOF!!!! GONE? Then just think about ya pay cheque two days before you get it! Yup!

POOOOOF!!!!

GONE!

Almost as if it started sprinting in advance and you're there with both hands out on pay day and all you feel, is WHOOOOOOOSH! Hair blowing back and shit from...

Hold on a second. Cruz is tryna eat the paint off my bedroom wall?! Smh! He must get that from my sister.

Okay, he's gone to harass Damon now. :-/

Question?
Do any of you know what a shnigal is?

...............................................................................I'll wait.

Anybody? ..........................................................................

.............................................That chicken laying an egg?

.............................................................................Nobody?
Hmmmmmmmmm-m? I'd suspected as much. So, here's yet another collection of carefully placed letters that only Lynn can explain or n-not explain. She called me a shnigal the other night....the biaaaatch! Lol! Being the pro-activist that I claim to be, I'm retaliating jusssssss in case it wasn't as endearing a name as I thought. You really never can be too sure with her. Not that she goes around cursing people out. Just? Sometimes, even she doesn't know what she means. Eh! I blame the paint. What if? What if she was calling me something reallllllly really mean in Dubai language?

First? She was like, "I'm with it!" Good lawwwwd! I-I said that to myself, I did! I said, good lawwwwwwd! And why? Because I knew at that point...I knewwwwwww not to fall for it but then 'cause I'm sort of a "benefit of the doubt" kinda Rambler, who do I blame? But then as if that wasn't bad enough? She then tells me that it's 12h30 and its a little bit drizzle there...(Mannnn, I sure hope she meant in Dubai 'cause then the only piece of solid knowledge of the conversation that I actually believed that I possessed? Becomes nul and void) and thennnnnn called me a shanizzle. The biaaaaaatch! >_<!

It woulda been then, after I laughed the tears outa my eyes that I closed my them and prayed, "Jesus? Have mercy on my poor, confused soul." He ignored me. But!?!?! BUT! That's alright. He only does that when it's something that I want, not need. I no longer question His methods. Embracing them keeps me calm. Admit it, though....I went from sounding like a little rodent to something that would tickle your nostrils enough to incite a sinus attack, didn't I?

Maybe? Maybe, I should have asked, "You're with what?" Maybe it woulda given me a little more insight into what a shnigal or a shanizzle might mean. Maybeeeeee, I can just sit her down and ask her when she arrives to spend Easter with us. Maybe? She can shawangle up an explizzanation for a sister!

Anyhooooo, enough about how my March ended! What are your April plans? Hey, guess what happens in May this year? It's the National Elections. Why do they keep referring to it as historical? I don't get that. 1994 is long gone. That election was historical, yes! Not those that followed. Those that followed should be referred to as mistakes! So in May, we vote. The prisoners also get to vote! Hehehehe! How 'bout that?! Hell, I'm surprised the animals in the Pietermaritzburg Zoo aren't allowed to vote too!

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You Think The Rambler can be Harsh? Check this out....

Columns 21.3.2014 07.02 am

I’ll stand up for the president

Finally that thorn in everyone’s side, Public Protector Thuli Madonsela, has released her report on Nkandlagate.

• About the Author

Columnist
Sibusiso Mkwanazi

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She has lambasted the SAPS ministers, state attorneys and everyone else for letting the costs of the project spiral out of control, with a final bill of about R250 million.

As a journalist, it is my duty to be fair, objective and unbiased and with that in mind, I disagree with every single enraged South African, Madonsela and the official opposition.

This is the president of South Africa and it is vital that his organic chickens be kept in the most secure chicken run ever imagined, while his A-Grade cows have to be enclosed in the world’s most elaborate kraal, because after all, they will surely be used to pay lobola for the 100 first ladies that South African citizens will once again fund. Duh!

Mr President, do not listen to anyone who goes against you, as I believe you when you say that you had no idea what was going on in your own backyard.

None of us really ever know why tippers, architects and other service providers suddenly pop up on our properties anyway. You did not even bat an eyelid when the bricklayers for those low-cost rondavels were cat-whistling at MaKhumalo. Sir, how were you supposed to know that what started off as a R25 million project would balloon to about R250 million?

What your detractors are conveniently forgetting is that you only have a primary school education and this is evident each time you have to deliver a speech that has numbers in it. How do they expect you to know the difference between R25 million and in excess of R250 million, when it is all the same to you?

Mr Zuma, rumours are rife that because of some petty allegations of a tiny fire pool and a tuck shop that will bolster your security needs, you might not get a second term in office, and I think this would be the most tragic event ever to befall our beautiful land. Who would comedians look up to? Who would I be inspired by when I sit down to write this column?

However, if you ever decide to step down as our fearless leader, may I suggest you take up the role of ambassador for Teflon, as nothing sticks to you, sir; not corruption and rape charges, not the extremely sticky Guptas, not the adhesive Schabir Shaik, not even a Matric certificate, sir.

http://citizen.co.za/147375/ill-stand-president/

Speaking the Unlaughable!

Had a conversation with a friend today.
.
.
.
Sssssss.sss.sss.ssssss...s-s-ssssss (I'm whistling with my tongue against my teeth)
.
.
.
It's not finished so I can't tell you about it. 'Cause if I tell you now and then..'Cause see the ending, today's ending, right? Might not be tomorrows ending then I'll be lying. I'll be Lying At Random. Better still? What if the conversation turns from aspirations to asp...aspi?...aspirins or something wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to the North of our initial subject. Or South? What if the conversation goes South?

You've had one of those, haven't you? Those convo's where you just said something that you thought was @#*@?! hilarious and you're laughing sooooh damn hard that you start coughing and shit? Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone or table, the victim of your joke just gave the cat their tongue like, "Here, catch this. I need to drain this snorting idiot of all her comfort!"

Yeaaaaaaah! Whoooooooo-woooo! Have I been there!! There have been times in the not too distant past where I thought my sense of humour was hitting levels of putridity...LMFAO!

It's been a while....grinnnnn.

A-HEM!

Either way, that was until I realized that it's not me. It's the other person. It's their experiences and hang-ups that caused that reaction. Which when I think about it? Happens. It does. It happens. Ofcourse, we found a lot of the same things funny and we found verrrrrry different things funny too. But I've since learnt from disasters of that kind. I've learnt that even though its been scientifically proven that opposites attract? When relating to another person, that's sometimes just bullshit on a bun! Sommmetimes.

The people that I surround myself with now are like-people. By that I mean, like me in most ways. Look? Diversity is not a bad thing but when it IS a bad thing? It's a baddddddd thing.

But enough of that!

It's got to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings on earth to say something that you don't really know or think would upset someone and you're tearing the sides of your mouth laughing....then you hear, "What did you just say?"

O_O! (Intro cartoon sound when the characters eyeballs are going from side to side. Plop plop plop plop!)

You immediately forget what you just said too, huh?!?. Almost like that question in THAT scenario shocks your memory into blankness! You're looking in the mirror, I don't have a mirror by my phone, I'm talking about those people who do. I told you some time back, my vanity has limits. You're looking in the mirror or okay, just looking...at the blinds. Looking at the blinds and you can actually feel your face burn. Possibly because you're so nervous that you lit your left cheek instead of the cigarette you suddenly needed.

Now you're tryna remember what you said, 'cause you were asked. It would be rude to ignore a question directed straight at you. You're wishing that Telkom would mysteriously cut your line. THAT MINUTE! At least to give you time to remember what "unforgivably insensitive" thing you just said. Your face is on fiurrrrrre! SWEET JESUS! You're probably looking ugly as shit with that weirded out, expression on your face! Plus burnt cheeks is not a look that most people are able to pull off. Alllllllll because you asked a riddle or said something that evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvverybody else found funny. Well? Except for the person who didn't. You thought you were safe. There, there...I understand.

Me? I live to laugh so I take offence when I'm laughing and it's gotta lead to all of that drama. Laughter is meant to lead to happiness. I take offence to anything that could lead to me setting fire to my face. I've never experienced that though but I know this much! You gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Fires are for bushes. Or hiding evidence or something.

-_-

Whaaaaaaaaat?!?

They do it all the time on the Crime and Investigation Channel! You must not be paying attention. I'll bet OscaR's wishing he started some fires right about now. His ass is still up in that court room crying like a baby. I guess that's what you do when you're being faced with the deadly truth about who you've (cough) ALLEGEDLY, become.
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My Weekend in Still and Motion

What a wonderful weekend! But don't take myyyy word for it! Lol...here! You can decide for yourself! And in case you were wondering, those WERE tv remotes being used as mic's until we were adequately hooked up!

Family is everything! Heart heart heart!




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Really, Oscar?!?

Last night, among other nightmares? I had a dream that Oscar Pissedeveryoneoff walked free from this murder trial. Tsk Tsk Tsk! If that happens, then I'm officially psychic and it'll only be a matter of time before I run in slow motion in one spot while being chased by a four-headed monster just for the fun of it! For the fun of the monster, I mean. When I'm running, nowhere? It's more like, first I was afraid, I was petrified!

As I write this? My dad is torturing my mum with bouts of random yelling, "DID SHE SHOOT HERSELF!!!!?!? DID SHE SHOOT HERSELF!!?!? MMMMMMXM!" He ends the sudden rant off with a sharp, disgusted, snubby glance away from the television. It makes for a good finish, I must say. Ima use that one. As I wrote that, I was enveloped in gratitude...I'm so glad she's not a dog. Dammmm??!?! If you know my dad? You know his voice. Ten times THAT volume woulda bust her short little happy-go-lucky doggy eardrums by now!

On the positive though, instead of her air-smacking her hand in his direction and responding with, "Wait man! Wait!" While she's tryna listen to the lady on the street talk about her feelings on the case, she coulda just bitten him. When I get there tomorrow, ima ask her what she'd prefer. If she had a choice. I'll start the conversation off with something that Cruz did, even if I have to make it up and then I'll subtly sneak in, "Ma? Let's say you're a dog, right...?"

My question to you, my responsible ramblers? Anybody wish they committed a crime just so that they could employ the services of Oscar's lawyer?! DAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! The man is a PITBULL, isn't he! Goodness. Gracious. Me!! I know for sure that Zuma's given up his day job ever since the trial started. You know that too. HE-HE-HE! Don't be sideways snickering as if you're not sitting there, thinking that he's over in his living room salivating about allegedly raping someone or allegedly corrupting something just so that he could be represented by whats-his-face!

Ay, it's gotta be an experience! To watch a man twist a witness' testimony soooooooh badly where it becomes crystal clear that halfway through their story, they don't know anymore if they heard cat's bark or monkeys meeeeeow!! And that's right after they've barely gotten over the nausea of witnessing the accused vomit his guilt out into brown paper bags.

DAFU#*!????! Who does that? I'm sure whats-his-face ordered, "OscaRR! Show emotion! oRR. ERLSE!" Show emotion? Okay. That I get. But over-playing-your-role with the vom...HM-MMM!!! I never once heard that he vomited a drop of his Valentines Day dinner after he shot her, heard her scream, shot her some more and then shot her some more! Then whats-his-face reckons that when OscaRR's hyped up, he screams like a girl!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahaahahahah!!!!! SMDH! I hope OscaRR is gonna sue the pants off of him, or is planning to...just for putting that in print! You don't wanna go to jail with that reputation. I'm not taking sides...okay maybe I'm leaning more towards the guilty until proven innocent, bias? I'm just sayinnnnnn...vomit when the situation calls for it!
You eat bad take-out? Vomit! You're mum forces curdled milk down ya throat, maybe she didn't like to waste or something. I can't think of no other reason that she'd wanna do that to you. You vomit! I know! I know! When you were a child, you vomited wrong, so she was tryna teach you as a teenager, how to vomit, the right way 'cause let's be real for a minute. Ever notice how when kids vomit? They make sure that they're either onnnnnnn the bed, or near enough to a carpet? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!? You wouldn't mind if they're running to the bathroom and vomit on their way there, on the FLOOR! Where all you would need to do is wipe it up. But then they gotta be all nasty about being sick. Now that I think about it? I'm pretty sure that that's the reason you got the curdled milk!

Anyway. I'll be back soon with an update on what OscaRR did in my dreams or what other horrid rumour whats-his-face started to prepare his smooth path to jail. He screams like a female? Hahahahahhahahhaha! WHAT?!?!

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The Cost of Procrastination

Every fantasy, every dream, every wish she'd ever had
She was leading lady and he was always her man
She didn't know him then but she had hope that he was out there
Searching for her too, searching for her everywhere

That girl is all grown now but she never once let go
Of the possibility that they'd meet and a love would grow
She musta wished real hard because his path led him to her
He knew, she knew, that was their moment for sure

It would exist, never die, whether near or from a distance
It would outlive every obstacle, every challenge and circumstance
It would be bigger than time, than ever changing seasons
That love that she'd longed for was stronger than reasons

Lucky for her, her every wish was granted
Where sometimes she would feel like a princess enchanted
Though she'd learn that nothing worth having was ever easy to keep
With life playing its games but their love was too deep

'Til she would wake one day and realized that she'd lost
That through procrastination she would pay the ultimate cost
He couldn't wait, she wouldn't move, he needed a sign of some sort
It would come when he wasn't looking, she'd given up, he had thought

Her dream, her fantasy, her wish, would be torn to pieces
When he'd move on without her, her gleam turned into creases
Though their love lived on, that's all it would ever be
A timeless entanglement of two souls, infinitely

Stacey Kell
South Africa

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So We Think We Can Sing!

We're off to karaoke! I'm sure I'll have some stories for y'all when I get back! LOL!

Lalalalala
LALALALALA
LAAALAAALAAA!

Jus practising, don't mind me...
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Conflict Management

I'm still here! Been putting the second draft touches on my book as well as battling the heat! D'you know what a hell pit it's been here lately?!?!? Woahhhhh!!!! And by that I mean, woe!!!! Is us! We're walking around here like wet fowls, dripping from head to toe in hotness! Wait, hehehehe, I think I should rap about it!

Woe, whoooooooah, woe!
Dis heat got us dripping from head to toe
Da sun it aint playin'
Just got us all sayin'
Phewww! Dannng! What the hell?!?
Dis heat got our ankles a-swell!
Eskom be sayin, put them ac's on twenythree's
We're like, huh?!? Ya'll tryna bring us to our knees
Den just for askin' that simple question?
Dey turn off the lights and say electricity recession!
Hmmmmpf! No warning, just be pullin the plugs!
Havin us leaving wet trails like dem nasty ol' slugs
Melting like someone done sprinkled salt on our backs
Can't hide our steps coz da sun got us leavin' tracks
Woe, wh

LOL! Lemme stop talking hogwash...rapping...hogwash and get down to business! The business of sleeping. ZzzzzzzzZzzz! Okayyyyy, alrighhhhht, I'll wait 'til the ennnnd of the blog post to ZzzzzzzzzzzZ! People are so sensitive these days. Why can't we all just sleep when we need to?!? Eh! I've been needing to sleep a lot these days. 'Specially at work, dunno if I'm being tested or what! To see how I handle conflict. Yep! It sure does feel that way. That I'm conflicted, tryna stay awoke but tryna sleep at the same time. It's tricky! It's like hearing theeee best joke and fighting against laughing! O_o! I'd never survive that.

Other day, I was sitting there, doing my work. All of a sudden? I hear a LOUD BANG! Like, BOOM! I know you're over there saying, OH NO SHE DI'INT! And you'd be right! Oh no, I di'int! It's funny though, isn't it? How everytime there's an "all of a sudden"? We immediately think that something loud s'posed to have startled us! You wanna know what startled me? I bit my damn tongue! >_<! Don't laugh! No, no, don't laugh! It woke me hectic! It mighta been my teeth's way of protecting my face? Not sure. But thank you, teeth! You saved me from what coulda been an embarrassing situation had I needed to walk over there to ask my boss if I could leave to see the doctor.
"Why's your nose bleeding?"
"I was pretending to meditate 'cause my eyes wouldn't stay open..."
"So? You were asleep?"
"Sleep is such a strong word! I'd prefer to say that my face slipped for no apparent reason..."
"Get out!"
"O_O!"

I'll bet the heat caused that. Or my upside down insides. Not fair to single out the heat like that, it's cooler today and I dowanna make the cooler weather fairy mad! Ya never know when she could stumble across ya blog and then be like, "Okay, ingrate...ima roast ya Coloured ass jusssssssss for that!"

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How They Do That?!?

I simply cannot fathom that it's already March! SMDH!

And then? I put my mouse into my laptop bag, right? The chord wasn't tangled. I repeat! Was not tangled! I then wake up illegally early this morning so I was like, "Sighhhh, Well, I AM up. Why not start singing at the top of my voice and wake Paige up too?" I shouldn't suffer through this alone. All for one and one for all.

Then I remember that on an ordinary day, like when nobody's doing things they shouldn't be? 'Cause sometimes, she forbids us to speak. Damon and I are in morning noise prison. :-/

So with THAT in mind. THAT she's not a morning person on a normal day? I really can't tell what her reaction would be if I startled her awake tryna reach notes that would shatter eardrums. And I'm not tryna find out either, she's strong plus if she thinks I'm a burglar with a high pitched voice? Eeeeeeeven worse!!! For me. And I've got big plans for my future, you know? So what other option did I have but to tiptoe on the side of caution?

Then I go to plan B, "Lemme, transfer my written edits from my book to the laptop, then when I'm done, transfer the updated version to my secret hiding place." YEAAAAAAH babay, fathom THAT!!!! All women should have those. 'Cause we have allllll sorts of things to hide. Celluliiiiiiiite and grey hair and...know what? Let's forget about that for now. Unfortunately, I don't have one single cupboard that locks, >_<! Not that I woulda been able to keep my cellulite in there but in keeping up with that tradition, all I can contribute to that initiative is to hide electronic documents. Ay, ima team player, what can I say?

Hmmmmmmmm? You shoulda never asked me that.

I can say, if it's anything but sports. Don't choose me for the ladies soccer team, I'm fine with being the last person to be chosen. IF it's sports. Actually, you'd recognise me by looking for the person standing there, staring you down. Yep! Deep, deeeeep in thought. In life you have the thinkers and the players. Since I'm not the player? I'll be thinking of ways that I can break my own leg just by staring at you.

A-HEM!

I saw little to no danger in that plan, so I went with it. Wait? Which plan was this again?

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Plan B, update future hidden documents. Got it! So I open the bag and the take the mouse out! The thing is TANGLED TO A STANDSTILL! In March! On the 1st! O_o?!? Immediately, I start wondering whether it snuck out to my cousin Inky's social club Mardi Gras dance that they held last night? But then I remembered, "Uhm-mmm, it doesn't have a remote for my gate."

As I sit here right now? I'm confused.

I haven't yet fathomED, how the mouse chord got that tangled up if all it did was lay in the bag all night. I lay all night, every night! Nobody needs to untangle the Rambler?!? See what I'm getting at here?

To make matters worse? I was listening to music yesterday morning, getting my stubborn streak on with La La La! Put it in my bag when it was time to leave! In a SEPARATE pocket in my bag. I take it out to listen to music while I'm editing and THAT too is tangled to the point of loose knots! Can somebody please tell me what goes on in our bags with our chords when we're not looking!?! Please?

'Cause I couldn't fathom that whole ipod chord knot thing too. Nobody deliberately sits and knots their chords before they put it in their bags. Thas all I'm saying. I'm sayinnnnng....There's a whole lot of unfathomable things going on in my bags. And when I can't fathom things? Think about what it's doing to my equilibrium?!?!

I-I can't even begin to fathom that!
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Proudness!

Just stopped by to give you guys the good news.  And to congratulate...well?  Me.  

You should never by afraid to pat yourself on the back for accomplishing your goals.  Let me tell you something.  Life waits for nobody.  It's either you decide to do it or you decide not to.  And if you put your mind to something and actually see a finished result...or like in this case, a near finished result?  You better give yourself the recognition that you deserve.  It only motivates you to do more and more.

I remember that I'd gotten this idea for The Switch immediately after I'd completed my first book, Broken in 2012.  Man, I went to work on it right away and before I knew it?  Fifty pages were staring back at me.  Figuratively ofcourse, 'cause I'm yet see a page with like, eyeballs.  That would just scare the bejesus outa me!  Ooooooooooo-wooooooo!  That would be me looking at a page never ever ever ever again!  Imagine I'm typing and the page eye blinks?  I'm looking for the cursor and the eye is like, I got something in me...blow me blow me!  @#%^$!  Neoooooh!

Then?  I had gotten another twenty pages typed out, where after that....nothing.  After a really long break from writing, books...'cause I'd been blogging during that time.  I went back to Broken and started working on that again from the very beginning just to get myself back into the feel of it.  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the-en. Stopped any further work on Broken last year August.

And why?

M-M-M!  Forwardjitus.

Because firstly, I was happy with my finished product!  But more importantly, come last year August, my inspiration was at an alllllllllllllllllll time high!  When I tell you that never in my life have I ever experienced something where it was like a bolt of lightning that just woke every part of me?!!!!!    Higher than a thousand Mount Everest's.  Yep, for real.  That high.  Life felt amazing and new and just beautiful, perfect infact and I just went for it!  Like I was being chased by pages with eyeballs...I ran!!!!!  But with my fingers.  E v e r y single chance I got to write, I wrote and the pages kept piling up and piling up.

Today, I just reached 301 pages on my second book, The Switch!  Like I'd mentioned on my FB status just now?  I'd planned for 300 to be my target for completion, but no, nottttttt yet. Not just yet!