Mother's Day Pics

MOTHER'S DAY

Happy Mother's Day to all of you very important human's out there! Without mother's? Lemme tell ya! There'd be no kids!

I just heard a voice in my head say.....duh?!?!

So, ima leave it there for today and share some pics with you instead! Pictures speak louder than words...I hope yours was as lovely as my day was!

Oh! Oh! Oh! And I wanted to share with you, my Mothers Day thought!

If ever you wanna watch the theory of "seeing is believing" being blown outa the water? Look inside the heart of a woman who's just been told that she's pregnant. A mother's love will quickly demonstrate the power of a love so extra-ordinary that it begins not with sight nor sound but simply with the knowledge of a presence.

'Cause I'm a mom and I know how that feels!? I came up with that all on my own too....deeeeeeep dude!


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My Joy

Yes! She is!!


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Voting Protocol

That's not the result of me painting my nails while I'm drunk and sneezing. NnnnnnnnnnnneO! That simply means that I've exercised my F W de Klerk-given right to vote, today! For those of you who don't know who he is? He is the reason that we can now swim in Ansteys beach without being told to "Fok outa our ocean! Can't you read? It says, No Coloureds Allowed! Don't you know where foken Isipingo beach is?!" I learnt to swim in foken Isipingo Beach, by the way.

So I enter the voting station, right? Everything appears as normal as a voting station should be. I turn to my left and see a male and female sitting at the first table that's labelled, "Voters Roll." I knew not to dive onto the floor with outstretched arms and pointed fingers like we did in PE class in primary school, so ofcourse, I didn't. At my age, you tend to realize that everything in life's not THAT literal.

There I was. Staring at the first table. That's where I have to start. You-you figured that, huh? Okay...so I traipse on over there. I repeat, I didn't roll on over there, I traipsed. The young man says to me, a little more excited than IIIII thought he shoulda been but hey? As a South African? I'm well aware that we're all not the same. You say excited, I say....uhhhh....I say...hmmmmmmm?!? Excited?!

A-hem.

Bad examples aside...Besides, I'm not the boss of him. I was there to vote! Not be the judge of inexplicable heights of excitement. And I had a rough sinus night plus Cruz barked me awake at 3am. I'm still mad at him. "YOU'RE ALSO AN ORGAN DONOR!?"
There's a sticker in my I'd book, he's not psychic. So I smile despite my confusion, "Yes!"
He then asks, "So? Are therrrrre-are there any missing?"
Me, giggling, while instinctively feeling my stomach for missing organs, "Noooooh, no, not yet!"
The female rules out my name, evesdropper that she is, and then says, "I'm just asking for asking sake okay, not to make you frightened or anything. But aren't you scared that they'll finish you?"
I really do try my utmost not to use my frown lines as often as I used to but it wasn't easy today. I immediately think, "Where the ?!*#@?! hell am I?" By now I'm looking around, trying to spot anyone who resembles the them that she's referring to. I had no idea what it was that I'd do when I found them, maybe run and scream. Scream, point and run. Scream, point, run and yell, "They wanna finisssssssssh me?!?" I dunno.
But then I respond, nonchalantly. I was acting. Brave. "Ay, it won't matter when I'm dead."
As if I hadn't already been through enough? Female clarifies, "No, I mean if you're critically sick or something? Aren't you scared that they'll finish you off just to take your organs?"
Ya Rambler busts out, "BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHHA!!!!!!" while thinking and praying, "LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY ORGANS! Well? At least I know I'm in South Africa!"

I then move onto the next table that's labelled, "Inking". I was tempted to tell the woman where I wanted the peace sign and the music sign and the happy face and the little heart tattood but after my first table experience? I changed my mind. Voting stations can be volatile places and I was already not that comfortable. Eh! I start asking for peace, love, happiness and music tattoos at the inking table and next thing I know I'm arrested for being a rebel terrorist just so that they can remove my organs. No, thank you very much. I have work tomorrow!

So then I move onto the third table and the woman gives me my ballots and goes onto explain that "this one is provincial and this one is national" and then says, "I like your style!"

Now see? See that?

I could have exposed my panic then and there but I'm not stupid. That's what they wanted. To break me into a panic-stricken voter and then steal my organs! I had to listen to the voice inside my head that whispered, "Just. Act. Normal." So, I quickly say, "Thank you," with a broad smile. Yesssssssss, okay, YES, I meant, nervous smile but that's only because I do understand that in my state of mind, I coulda very well confused it for, "I like your spleen."

At the end of it though? I'm happy to report that once I'd reached that cardboard thingy that we have to hide behind and place our X where we want it? Once I reached that leg of my voting journey and realized that there was nobody there waiting to gut me like a guppy for my large intestine? It went pretty smoothly after that. Nobody tried to finish me. Maybe 'cause I wasn't critically ill. :-/ I'll never know.

All I know is this! When he was THAT happy to see that I was an organ donor and then asked if I had any missing? He coulda been using code for "Seize her! We could use a kidney at the table labelled, 'Cut her!'" LOL! No, no, I'm just kidding. There was no table labelled, "Cut her!" But lemme tell you something....I did keep an eye out for it after that female started talking about them "finishing me." You'd be wary too, wouldn't you?

So? Do they mark parts of your body when you vote? In your country? Do they remove an organ maybe? Heyyyyyyyy! Don't judge. I'm just trying to see whether it will become voting protocol in the future.
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Ode to My Soulmate

Love. It's supposed to happen a certain way, isn't it? You know? You meet a person, you get to know them, you hold hands, you kiss, you're stomach flutters and blah blah blah...sometimes it just happens in that order. The ordinary order. The way that you've probably heard it happen for about seven billion people when they talk about their first real experience with love.

I've witnessed that process so many times. Being the last born, I had my siblings to observe and then ofcourse, I'd missed that process with my parents and only got to see the end result. They'd spoken of many things but never once mentioned that it was a meeting out of the ordinary. Even so, nothing will make me believe that what they have isn't real love. What else could have kept them glued together for over 50 years?

At times, I saw them, arguing one minute, and slow-dancing the next. I saw them disagreeing on a subject one minute and then asking each other for answers the next. I saw how totally incomplete my dad would even LOOK, when my mum was away from him for too long a time and then I watched him literally glow the very moment that he'd either heard her voice or saw her face. And that was just last year.

What I saw was the aftermath of true love. Because there is an aftermath. In everything, there is an aftermath. In love? It's your life together once you've found it. Just like a volcano. The aftermath of its eruption is that scorched part of the earth. And the life of it's survivors, thereafter. That's how I view my parents' love. I wasn't there to watch them meet, fall in love, get married, have us...I came in the midst of their aftermath yet still? To this day, it has its moments of inspiration for me.

At 41 years old, I've done it their way. And in between that, I've done it, as what turned out to be, my own way. I'd loved in person. I'd loved from a distance. And then I'd loved, inexplicably. Simply put? I fell in love the "normal" way. And then I fell in love, my way. Guess what?!? There doesn't have to be lightning bolts in the sky or meteors dropping from it either. It just feels that way. There's no tell-tale sign that it would be THAT particular day that your life would change forever. Nohhhh, no. What fun would that be, right? Right!

Ofcourse, before I knew what pure love really was, I believed that I'd found it. At least a part of it, if that's at all possible. Is it? Possible, I mean? 'Cause I had the butterflies. The racing heartbeat. The thoughts that wouldn't go away no matter what I was doing. And it happened in that normal order too. Except? It appears that my love life, like so many others', wasn't meant only for the conventional experiences. Nope. Which is fine by me since I'd rather be amongst the smaller population than it's counterpart. Conventional anything, get's you conventional everything, right? Well? Maybe. Maybe not. I'm sure that someone out there would argue that very point but lemme just ask you this? Have you ever experienced love at first sight?

I have.

We all knew that it exists, especially us girls, didn't we? All the way back to the days when we silently fantasize about being that someone that another person would immediately fall in love with, even without seeing us first thing in the morning. HA! From all the way back to those days when we would write our very own love stories about how Ken met Barbie and how they'd fall in love and become each other's happy and everlasting end.

But that's the thing about fantasy and make-believe. You get to make it whatever you want it to be. The only hang-up with that privilege is that once your mum calls you in at the end of your play time? It is then that you realize that anything less than reality, is merely temporary. As I got older, though, I realized too that anything that IS reality, can also be temporary. That's the difference between age and experience.

From as far back as I can remember, I've always wished for a love SO GINORMOUS that it defied all and any sense or explanation. One that would tell me in it's own rebellious way that, "you've been chosen by his soul." The times throughout my life that I did have love, I still found myself searching for more. Something. More. Not knowing whether it was out there or not but even that? Even not knowing. It was never something that stopped any one person from either dreaming, wanting or continuing their search for whatever it was that their hearts pined for.

But then it begs certain questions. Does that mean that I did infact have true love? Or no? Does it mean that maybe I just had plain ol' love? If such a thing exists. Maybe I got bored? Greedy even? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is that I'd decided that once I'd found it? My search would be over. My heart would settle down. I'd be complete and we'd ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. That at that point, I'd clutch onto it like bunjy chord and hold on for dear life and then spend the rest of my days, enjoying both my more and the notion that I never gave up.

Love at first sight? It's not a myth. It's not a script written specifically for a romantic movie. And it's certainly not a lie. It's a truth that you spend half your lifetime trying to fathom and the other half revelling in its total disregard for the rules. I do feel, even as I type this. I feel chosen, still, by his soul and it feels exactly as I thought it would. For me, it can't get any deeper than that. Apart or not. Nothing will change our moment in time. Nothing will make it un-happen. Nothing will ever convince me that I don't know what pure love is.

Two things happened to me that night. I'd found my soulmate. And I'd found that love that made no sense whatsoever. But then....a third thing happened. Circumstance decided that I'd lose him the very next day. "Oh? How can he be your soulmate then?" I knew you'd ask...Well?

Firstly? Certain experiences in life, they kinda slap you square in the face with a giant blinding sign that flashes, "This is your level of bravery. And yes, loosely translated? You're a big ol' quacking chicken!" I wasn't brave enough to defy circumstance and if I could go back, I'd surely be less of a coward and more of whatever it was that I'd absolutely needed to be at the time. My one chance was blown completely. You wanna know why? Not like I haven't already told you. But I'll tell you again. Because I let my head decide that what my heart begged for for soooooh long? Was ill-timed. Because it was...remember my post about finding your soulmate? And it being the wrong time?

Secondly? And lemme just say this. Your reaction or lack thereof, to an extraordinary moment, doesn't take away it's extraordinary--ness! All it means is that you either reacted to it the way that it deserved or you didn't. Which is why I can safely say, almost sixteen years later, that he IS my soulmate. The fact that I just let him walk away, won't change that.

It won't change the fact that he was the one who exposed to me, just how limitless love truly can be. Or that he was the one who showed me what my heart was capable of feeling, without a physical presence, without another word spoken, without another sight seen. Without all of those things that usually caused a love to grow from absolutely nothing. As if all of me, fused, with all of him and it didn't matter from that point on, where we were in this big ol' world or even who it was that we were with. He'd carry with him a part of me and I'd carry with me, a part of him.

No, nothing has and nothing will change that because he was the one who had consumed me so much that the few moments we'd shared that night, still causes my heart to bulge today. It was only when he sat side by side with me that I'd completely lost sight or recognition of my surroundings where every single person in that room disappeared and left just the two of us to do what soulmates did. And he was the one that life kept leading me to, at the most unexpected times until in some way shape or form, he'd finally have a physical presence in my life.

I believe that we get what we wish for in two ways. One? We settle for what feels the closest to it and then brand it as that. I've been there. I was wrong. The other, we meet our granted wish head on. The thing about settling though, for me? It's that it's never enough. Not that never enough, where you can't get enough. But that never enough that forces you to sometimes sit and wonder "is this is all that there ever will be."

I really don't know what it was that compelled me to write this. It might have been the feeling that I would burst if I didn't get it out. Or it might be that I'm trying to tell the world, or anyone reading this, that love is possible, even in reverse. That's what love at first sight feels like. Love in reverse. And nothing can be purer than loving when you don't have a reason to. Reasoning comes from the head. Loving comes from the heart. But loving without a reason comes from the soul.

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Back On Track

Remember when you told me that I was no good
When you made me feel like no man ever should
Convinced me that you're the only one who'd ever love me
Pulled the wool over these naïve eyes oh so easily

But that's why you're sitting there with nobody at your side
You don't get to break my spirit without losing your pride
Eventually, you'll have to watch me win it all back
'Cause I will, and I am, oh yeah, I'm gettin' back on track

You took credit for my trophies and crucified me for failure
Took advantage of my weaknesses with your constant thirst for power
But I let you, I admit it, until I saw a stranger in the mirror
And realized that your only motive was to wrap me around your finger

Yeah, that's why you're sitting there with nobody at your side
You don't get to break my spirit without losing your pride
Eventually, you'll have to watch me win it all back
'Cause I will, and I am, oh yeah, I'm gettin' back on track

Just came here to show you what's become of me regardless
And to let you know that what I found despite you, is endless
D'you remember how you said it'd never be this way for me
It is, and it's real 'cause he's all you could only pretend to be

(c) 2014 Stacey Kell
South Africa
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Drunk with Happiness

Gooooooood morning, beautiful people! ^_^! I'm so happy right now, I could just wake up the entire household. You know? That household word makes no sense to me whatsoever. Can YOU find the part annnnywhere in that word that gives a person who, IIIIII dunno? Might be hearing it for the first time, a clue that it refers to the humans living in your house? I've looked. It's not there. What if I should decide to go and teach English in another country? How would I even charade that word as a teaching tactic where someone would even understand that it meant, "one or more people living together in a house or dwelling?" And that's why I won't apply for that English teaching position in another country. I'm not tryna get deported for becoming frustrated on foreign soil over stupid english words.

Either way, my house smarts have since convinced me to just let sleeping children lie. As stubborn as I am, I do take it's advice at times. I figured, eh! That's how I start out every single one of my figurings. EH!
It doesn't give it a dramatic effect per say but it does add to the moment. So remember that when you feel as though you're about to figure. Couple that with a short, sharp exhale-laugh typa thing, like HA, but you don't say HA, you say EH while you HA! O_o! Anyone aside from me, now totally confused?

Hold on a moment...I gotta try it to make sure that I've explained it as best as I could. Explanation clarity has become pretty important to me lately. Being on two different pages about the same thing can waste you a lot of years. Believe me. Excuse me for just a one second....................................................................................................................................................Yup! That's it. I was right, you EH! While you HA!

Now?

Your turn! Go on. Don't worry about who's sitting next to you. If they ask why you're tryna bring on hiccups? Tell'm that you'll tell'm when they're figuring. If they ask figure what? You can do one of two things. One? Tell'm, "Notchya business." Or two? Swerve the vehicle and begin yelling out random words like, "overhead projector!" That oughta get them to either sit and stare straight ahead, pissed off at you for being a rude carpool host orrrr to lose their focus on you in order to start feverishly searching for falling visual equipment.

Anyhooooooooo......I figured, Eh, if one has street smarts, then they get to do things like avoid coming home with a black eye that they've gotten out on the streets, right? That would then mean that my house smarts can help me avoid walking the streets with one that I got in my home. See? It pays to be smart.

So, in the midst of my temptation, it told me, in that, "something said to me" sorta way that if I were to wake the lot of them up? That instead of it having a joy-sharing effect? My elation might be cut short if out of reflex, Randyl decided to fling her wifi modem in the direction of her bedroom door while I stood there, clapping my hands and stomping my feet. That it wouldn't matter at that point as to how happy I was and whether I knew it or not. I'd still have to drive my swollen-eyed deflated ass to the medi-centre.

As I type this? It's 4.25am. I hear aeroplane sounds which I assume are flying saucers because we really shouldn't be hearing aeroplanes after the relocation of our airport to what feels like, another province! The only reason that I was listening that intently was 'cause since I couldn't share my joy with my household, (purse my lips at stupid english word) I was trying to listen for the chirps of birds. They're supposed to CHIRP when I'm happy, DAMMIT! Lazy ass birds! But then, it wassssss a public holiday yesterday. Must all be laid out somewhere! Drunk or high. Or something.

Haaaaaaahahhahahha..a-hem! Sorry, just laying here, imagining what it would be like to watch a drunk bird. Probably, Flyyyyy.....DOOOOOOF! FLYYYYYYY......DOOOOOOOF!!
Note to self: You-tube drunk birds! Judging from some of the outrageous video's that Dave's sent to me lately? Someone sommmmmewhere musta come across a bird with a drinking problem.

Kinda reminds me of that one Christmas day I told y'all about, some time back where my cousin or uncle or whatever he is, I forget. There's just soooooh much family in my family! He was so drunk that all we heard from inside was, THUD! THUD!! He didn't bounce. He fell twice, in succession. Funny thing is? He left my grans house with all of his teeth. -_- I can't talk for everyone but personally, I find that extremely suspicious.

Drunk people? They act all unaware and incoherent but when they fall? You watch at the next party! That hand stays up in the air, in a very coherent attempt to save that drink! To hell with the plate of food in your hand. 'Cause then it becomes your fault for sitting and eating in a place where a drunk relative could fall. Watch, the drink hand. Or like in my cousin-uncles case? The face. Watch how it remains perched as they hit the ground. The way that it appears to me is? As drunk as they are, they sommmmmehow remember that they either have no medical insurance or they remember that they have a fear of dentists.

And ofcourse, my initial suspicion of the behavioural patterns of the intoxicated person stems from that fool ass "a drunk person speaks a sober mind" myth. HOW?!? When they're drunk? Their minds are drunk. Their reflexes are drunk! Their eyes are drunk. Everything. Everything's drunk, it's not as though your body gets to choose, "Okay, I've been drowned in alcohol but I choose for my right arm to remain sober!" No! Theeeee entire body unites in drunkness! All for drunk and drunk for all.

I thought I was clever two weeks ago and decided to be all spontaneous, despite my years of knowledge and experience on the subject of me being "allergic to liquor". I ignored it all and had a glass of strawberry lips anyway. The only choice I had was to take an allergex for the sinus attack that lasted two days. You think that if we did have a choice as to which parts of our bodies will get drunk, that it wouldn't have been my allergies? Uhmmmmmmmmmm-hmm!

Drunk man speaks a sober mans mind. Hog. Wash. The obvious truth is that they just say things they won't normally say when they're sober because the alcohol has a numbing effect and if they happened to get their ass beat for saying some outa line whatever, then depending on how drunk they are? The level of pain goes from "didn't feel a damn thing" to "is that all you got?"

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Family Portrait

Happy Easter, beautiful people!

I had to come by here and share this picture with you guys! We went on a girls night out on Friday and this picture, for me? It captures everything just perfectly! This just has to be one of my all-time favourite pictures!

I called it Family Portrait because it's just us being us....in my rambling mind, that's what a family portrait should look like. Not all stiff and posed as if something they'd eaten had constipated the entire family. Poor things.

This one is Gillian being her crazy self, Wendy and I laughing at her, Leigh looking at her like, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?" Linds looking like, "What did I get myself into....?" And Paige, "Lemme just take two steps to the side...maybe nobody will know they're with me..."

Ramble Responsibly!


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Worth!

Looking at this post from Trent Shelton. Got me thinking about the twists and turns of life.

My recent ex used to tell me all the time that I'd accepted certain things being done towards me because I believed that I wasn't worth much. That was true. Ya Rambler'd always been weighed down by a serious lack of self-confidence. But then? He proceeded to continuously make me feel as though I was worth even less than I did to begin with. Again, I believed him. But today? I'm most grateful to him because the truth is that I did learn mountains from him. He taught me both good things and not so good things.

However? While doing that? He didn't realize that he was teaching me exactly how to walk out on people just like him. I must be a really great student. Because now? I DO know my worth. And I'm not at all interested nor will I EVER be, in anyone who doesn't.

Whether we like it or not, there's a lesson in everything. You can't even trip over in peace without learning...to pay attention to what's in front of you.

Ramble Responsibly, beautiful people!

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Yeah! But Where is the Diarrhea?!?!?

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! 

I KNEW there would be theatrics when he got into the hot seat!  To tell you the truth?  From what I hear…………. 

He let me down. 

I was expecting diarrhea but apparently all he did was cry.  BORRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNG!  And talk too softly for anyone to hear.  I’d cry too if I murdered my girlfriend.  If I had one that is.  But I don’t have testicles, so I’m outa the running on that one.  This morning I read, while driving to work, on a pole.  >_<!  Okay, I know how that mighta just sounded and I’m not in the mood to clear up any misunderstandings today.  Just…I’m good with confusion today.  Thumbs up!  I’m so tirrrrrred, I didn’t even hear the alarm this morning and at 5.22am I woke to Cruz standing up on the side of my bed, staring at me, barking.  He was probably yelling, “WAKE UP, YOU LAZY BIAAAATCH!”  I thought that’s what I heard.  Coulda been the after effects of the sinus that kept me awake yet part of me refuses to believe that he’d call me lazy.  Not after everything that I do for him. 

So?!  If you believe that I drive poles.  Then just for today………I drive poles. 

Back to what I read…he said, “I am so sorry.”  Awwwwwww, sniff.  I’m almost tempted to feel compassion.  NOT!  When I was growing up?  I was sorry too when I kicked the top of my toe open on the circle at my mum’s house.  But it didn’t stop me from kicking it open countless times after that!  Sooooooo….yessssss, yes, Mr. Pisteveryoneoff, we know exactly how sorry you must be.  But you clearly aren’t sorry enough.  Uhmmmmmmm-hm!  Clearly, the shame isn’t enough to cause you diarrhea so no we don’t accept your apology.   And don’t look at me like I’m the sadist.  We are the one’s who grew up next to an oil refinery.  He’s the one who set the standard!  Now I come to expect the expected and I get the unexpected.  How about if he expected his late girlfriend not to scream as if she was being shot?  How ‘bout that?  How ‘bout her expecting him to stop shooting when he heard her shrieking in bullet-hole pain?  Hey, I know some people who get diarrhea just from hearing something they didn’t like.  Like when the ANC was elected to presidency!  What’s your excuse!?  Being on trial for murder not stressful enough for ya?  Hmmmmmmpf!  No diarrhea!?!?!?  Then us-no-speaka-da-inglis. 

-_-

Just thinking about something?  Why the hell DIDN’T I start wearing shoes to play soccer and harbor on the ground or harbor in the air, or K.I.N.G spells kinnnnnnnnnnnnng, STOP!  OR…Just to walk?  Clearly, we were not exposed to the “once bitten, twice shy” concept up to that point.  Half the population, and I am certain of it, has had the top of their toe kicked open at some point growing up…don’t deny it.  There’re no trophies for virgin toes.  If you blame the oil refinery, please stand up.  I do.  I blame it for the fact that I can’t remember the movies I’ve watched too.  Or most of the articles I’ve read. 

I was talking to one of my Facebook contacts, Farhan, on the weekend.  He told me to take Omega 1 to 50.  Okay, okay, he said three numbers only, but that’s how I read it.  After suggesting one tablet to me, my mind becomes all garbled and I start hearing and reading things that aren’t there.  That’s how much I hate taking medication.  And how it came about was that I saw my old favourite television series, Soul Food being aired, and you know how if you don’t document the most important moments in your life on Facebook?  Then you might as well close your account?  Yeah.  So I did.  Not close my account.  Documented my important moment.  Try to keep up.  Farhan then describes to me, a specific scene that he remembers from Soul Food and I’m like, “Woaaaah.  I can barely even remember a movie I watched last month.”  He then suggests those alien tablets.  And I joked about it to avoid admitting that no, I’m quite fine with not remembering a movie that I watched last month.  I’d much rather be honest though.  If you ask me about a movie that I’ve watched, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me what it was about, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me who acted in it, I might throw out a few names, and then tell you that they were nice.

Lemme tell you a secret…you might wanna shimmy on a bit closer to me.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct...but you know what?  It’s not with evvvvvvvvverything.  There are some things that I can relate back to you as if they just happened yesterday.  Like how when I was such and such an age, and I got a pram for my Christmas present.  Think it was that year that I wore a dress, with socks and sandals!  WHOOOOOOOOOO ALLOWS THEIR DAUGHTER TO DRESS THAT WAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY?  I won’t even begin to describe my sister’s wedding.  I’ll say only this…streetdancers and Thriller.  Do with that information what you must!  Either way?  My pram / stroller, was broken by 10am on Christmas that morning because Wormy, don’t ask,  felt the need to run around the circle pushing it, “VVVVVVVVVVVVV—VVVV—VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!” as if he was driving a car on Kayalami.  I wished that he’d kicked the top of his toe open just for that but he was wearing his Christmas Day shoes.  Just wasn’t my year, I guess.

Secret?

O_o!

What secret?  Didn’t I tell you the secret? 

No?

Crap…okay.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct relation to spending too much time with the pensioners.  You had to see them last week.  Whooooooooo-whoooooo!  Don’t mistake that for excitement.  It’s me wiping the sweat from my forehead.  But I’ll give you one example, right.  I won’t mention names.  But Wendy asked aunty Di one time, what her secret pin was for her cellphone?  And she was like, “Secret pin?  I dunno!?  It’s four stars!” 

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! 

She curses us out when we laugh at her about it, but, “^$$%@$#@^^%$^%%*&^*&^*^%#%$^%$!!!!!” never scared us.  My mum?  The other morning Damon asked me send Sharde’ a message regarding something that he wanted to ask her and I promptly told him what any mother would tell her son in that situation.  Take her number, add her to your whatsapp and send her a message yourself.  Eh!  Ya Rambler is busy at work, the less time I spend being the middle man, the better. 

So my mom pipes up, “You know?  When I wanna talk to Sharde?  I have to go through Sean’s phone!” 

My one eye began to twitch.  -_*

It’s barely 7am.

Where is Chuck Norris when you need him? 

Me:  “What you mean?”

Lovey:  “When I phone Sharde, I have to dial Sean’s phone and then she answers.”

Me:  Thinkinnnnnng….”Wait, that’s because Sean gave Sharde his sim card.”

Lovey:  “Ya, but when I phone her with the number she gave me, then it comes up on my phone as Sean, I can’t phone her straight.  I have to phone Sean to get her.”

Me:  “Ma?  You’re not going through Sean to get Sharde.  All you have to do is go into your contact list and change Sean’s name to Sharde.”

Damon:  “HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, haaaaaaai granny!” 

You know what, though?  As much as we make fun of them?  Well, ‘cause it’s just soooooh much fun!  I really can’t imagine life without ‘m!  It’s like I look at my mum, and this did just happen yesterday.  When you look at her, you get to see exactly what an open heart is.     

New Writing.....Forget You

Yesterday, while driving to work, I thought about the whole, forgiving but not forgetting thing and I wondered how deep the hurt has to be for someone to reach that wonderful place of forgiveness, it truly is and I'll never stop saying too...It's a wonderful place to be!  But then, instead of concentrating on the road?  A-hem!  As you can see, I haven't lost my multi-tasking skills.  My mind wandered a little further and I said to myself, what if the depth of pain was so deep that in order to move on, that person, ima call the person the hurtee, hahahahahaha, it's a good one, and you know it.  The hurtee needed to block out the entire experience with the hurter?  I'm on a roll...normally it happens on Friday because there's something inspiring about the start of the weekend!  But yeah, that thought is what inspired this......  


Forget You

We had dreams, you and I, we shed tears, we shared laughter
We'd chant the I love you's, on repeat like a mantra
Like a flower, summer bloomed and then it wilted like in winter 
And I've been pricking you from my heart ever since, like a splinter

Now I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I'm gonna forget you too, as if you weren't ever here
You won't live in me no more, not even in my memory
I gotta do this, if not just for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
And I'm gonna forget you too

This decision didn't come out of the need to mean
I just feel it would be best for me to wipe the slate clean
We can disappear and then emerge, 'xept as just a her and him
You know, how it was before we met and before we became a them

Because I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I swear I'm gonna forget you too, as if you were never here
You won't live in me no more, I'm gonna erase you from my memory
I'm gotta do this, not for you, but for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

We've been apart for a while, and all I've done 's wear a stain
And as of right now, you're gone, this us will never be again
Let's walk away with dignity, what's the sense in bitterness
If you need to, we can spend a day together just to reminisce
We can talk 'bout hearts once opened, the chances and the dangers
But once that day has ended, we will part that night as strangers

But not before I tell you
I forgive you
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

(c) 2014 Stacey Kell
South Africa

Another April

Unbelievable that it's April already, isn't it? Take my hand. There ya go. Let's all pretend! Come-onnnnn, just for the fun of it...let's all widen our eyes, O_O, thaaaaat's it, and GASP on three as if we didn't say that on the 1st of everrrrry month of last year and the year before and the...A-hem...in keeping up with tradition? GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSP! That's a third of this year, POOOOF!!!!!! GONE! If you can't imagine, POOOOF!!!! GONE? Then just think about ya pay cheque two days before you get it! Yup!

POOOOOF!!!!

GONE!

Almost as if it started sprinting in advance and you're there with both hands out on pay day and all you feel, is WHOOOOOOOSH! Hair blowing back and shit from...

Hold on a second. Cruz is tryna eat the paint off my bedroom wall?! Smh! He must get that from my sister.

Okay, he's gone to harass Damon now. :-/

Question?
Do any of you know what a shnigal is?

...............................................................................I'll wait.

Anybody? ..........................................................................

.............................................That chicken laying an egg?

.............................................................................Nobody?
Hmmmmmmmmm-m? I'd suspected as much. So, here's yet another collection of carefully placed letters that only Lynn can explain or n-not explain. She called me a shnigal the other night....the biaaaatch! Lol! Being the pro-activist that I claim to be, I'm retaliating jusssssss in case it wasn't as endearing a name as I thought. You really never can be too sure with her. Not that she goes around cursing people out. Just? Sometimes, even she doesn't know what she means. Eh! I blame the paint. What if? What if she was calling me something reallllllly really mean in Dubai language?

First? She was like, "I'm with it!" Good lawwwwd! I-I said that to myself, I did! I said, good lawwwwwwd! And why? Because I knew at that point...I knewwwwwww not to fall for it but then 'cause I'm sort of a "benefit of the doubt" kinda Rambler, who do I blame? But then as if that wasn't bad enough? She then tells me that it's 12h30 and its a little bit drizzle there...(Mannnn, I sure hope she meant in Dubai 'cause then the only piece of solid knowledge of the conversation that I actually believed that I possessed? Becomes nul and void) and thennnnnn called me a shanizzle. The biaaaaaatch! >_<!

It woulda been then, after I laughed the tears outa my eyes that I closed my them and prayed, "Jesus? Have mercy on my poor, confused soul." He ignored me. But!?!?! BUT! That's alright. He only does that when it's something that I want, not need. I no longer question His methods. Embracing them keeps me calm. Admit it, though....I went from sounding like a little rodent to something that would tickle your nostrils enough to incite a sinus attack, didn't I?

Maybe? Maybe, I should have asked, "You're with what?" Maybe it woulda given me a little more insight into what a shnigal or a shanizzle might mean. Maybeeeeee, I can just sit her down and ask her when she arrives to spend Easter with us. Maybe? She can shawangle up an explizzanation for a sister!

Anyhooooo, enough about how my March ended! What are your April plans? Hey, guess what happens in May this year? It's the National Elections. Why do they keep referring to it as historical? I don't get that. 1994 is long gone. That election was historical, yes! Not those that followed. Those that followed should be referred to as mistakes! So in May, we vote. The prisoners also get to vote! Hehehehe! How 'bout that?! Hell, I'm surprised the animals in the Pietermaritzburg Zoo aren't allowed to vote too!

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You Think The Rambler can be Harsh? Check this out....

Columns 21.3.2014 07.02 am

I’ll stand up for the president

Finally that thorn in everyone’s side, Public Protector Thuli Madonsela, has released her report on Nkandlagate.

• About the Author

Columnist
Sibusiso Mkwanazi

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She has lambasted the SAPS ministers, state attorneys and everyone else for letting the costs of the project spiral out of control, with a final bill of about R250 million.

As a journalist, it is my duty to be fair, objective and unbiased and with that in mind, I disagree with every single enraged South African, Madonsela and the official opposition.

This is the president of South Africa and it is vital that his organic chickens be kept in the most secure chicken run ever imagined, while his A-Grade cows have to be enclosed in the world’s most elaborate kraal, because after all, they will surely be used to pay lobola for the 100 first ladies that South African citizens will once again fund. Duh!

Mr President, do not listen to anyone who goes against you, as I believe you when you say that you had no idea what was going on in your own backyard.

None of us really ever know why tippers, architects and other service providers suddenly pop up on our properties anyway. You did not even bat an eyelid when the bricklayers for those low-cost rondavels were cat-whistling at MaKhumalo. Sir, how were you supposed to know that what started off as a R25 million project would balloon to about R250 million?

What your detractors are conveniently forgetting is that you only have a primary school education and this is evident each time you have to deliver a speech that has numbers in it. How do they expect you to know the difference between R25 million and in excess of R250 million, when it is all the same to you?

Mr Zuma, rumours are rife that because of some petty allegations of a tiny fire pool and a tuck shop that will bolster your security needs, you might not get a second term in office, and I think this would be the most tragic event ever to befall our beautiful land. Who would comedians look up to? Who would I be inspired by when I sit down to write this column?

However, if you ever decide to step down as our fearless leader, may I suggest you take up the role of ambassador for Teflon, as nothing sticks to you, sir; not corruption and rape charges, not the extremely sticky Guptas, not the adhesive Schabir Shaik, not even a Matric certificate, sir.

http://citizen.co.za/147375/ill-stand-president/

Speaking the Unlaughable!

Had a conversation with a friend today.
.
.
.
Sssssss.sss.sss.ssssss...s-s-ssssss (I'm whistling with my tongue against my teeth)
.
.
.
It's not finished so I can't tell you about it. 'Cause if I tell you now and then..'Cause see the ending, today's ending, right? Might not be tomorrows ending then I'll be lying. I'll be Lying At Random. Better still? What if the conversation turns from aspirations to asp...aspi?...aspirins or something wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to the North of our initial subject. Or South? What if the conversation goes South?

You've had one of those, haven't you? Those convo's where you just said something that you thought was @#*@?! hilarious and you're laughing sooooh damn hard that you start coughing and shit? Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone or table, the victim of your joke just gave the cat their tongue like, "Here, catch this. I need to drain this snorting idiot of all her comfort!"

Yeaaaaaaah! Whoooooooo-woooo! Have I been there!! There have been times in the not too distant past where I thought my sense of humour was hitting levels of putridity...LMFAO!

It's been a while....grinnnnn.

A-HEM!

Either way, that was until I realized that it's not me. It's the other person. It's their experiences and hang-ups that caused that reaction. Which when I think about it? Happens. It does. It happens. Ofcourse, we found a lot of the same things funny and we found verrrrrry different things funny too. But I've since learnt from disasters of that kind. I've learnt that even though its been scientifically proven that opposites attract? When relating to another person, that's sometimes just bullshit on a bun! Sommmetimes.

The people that I surround myself with now are like-people. By that I mean, like me in most ways. Look? Diversity is not a bad thing but when it IS a bad thing? It's a baddddddd thing.

But enough of that!

It's got to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings on earth to say something that you don't really know or think would upset someone and you're tearing the sides of your mouth laughing....then you hear, "What did you just say?"

O_O! (Intro cartoon sound when the characters eyeballs are going from side to side. Plop plop plop plop!)

You immediately forget what you just said too, huh?!?. Almost like that question in THAT scenario shocks your memory into blankness! You're looking in the mirror, I don't have a mirror by my phone, I'm talking about those people who do. I told you some time back, my vanity has limits. You're looking in the mirror or okay, just looking...at the blinds. Looking at the blinds and you can actually feel your face burn. Possibly because you're so nervous that you lit your left cheek instead of the cigarette you suddenly needed.

Now you're tryna remember what you said, 'cause you were asked. It would be rude to ignore a question directed straight at you. You're wishing that Telkom would mysteriously cut your line. THAT MINUTE! At least to give you time to remember what "unforgivably insensitive" thing you just said. Your face is on fiurrrrrre! SWEET JESUS! You're probably looking ugly as shit with that weirded out, expression on your face! Plus burnt cheeks is not a look that most people are able to pull off. Alllllllll because you asked a riddle or said something that evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvverybody else found funny. Well? Except for the person who didn't. You thought you were safe. There, there...I understand.

Me? I live to laugh so I take offence when I'm laughing and it's gotta lead to all of that drama. Laughter is meant to lead to happiness. I take offence to anything that could lead to me setting fire to my face. I've never experienced that though but I know this much! You gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Fires are for bushes. Or hiding evidence or something.

-_-

Whaaaaaaaaat?!?

They do it all the time on the Crime and Investigation Channel! You must not be paying attention. I'll bet OscaR's wishing he started some fires right about now. His ass is still up in that court room crying like a baby. I guess that's what you do when you're being faced with the deadly truth about who you've (cough) ALLEGEDLY, become.
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My Weekend in Still and Motion

What a wonderful weekend! But don't take myyyy word for it! Lol...here! You can decide for yourself! And in case you were wondering, those WERE tv remotes being used as mic's until we were adequately hooked up!

Family is everything! Heart heart heart!




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