Yup! I'm going for that mammogram! Not voluntarily though, noooh-no_no! I didn't go to the doctor and OFFER my breasts, if that's what you're over there thinking.
Pssssssssssst...Between you and I? I think he just likes writing the word. And saying it. 'Cause I was chilling in the patients chair, right? And then he's like, when was your last mammogram? I wanted to blurt out, "Damn! Not again? Don't you people ever let up with that question?!" But I didn't. He mighta thought that I was being defensive and all I wanted him to think was that I'm normal. I was at his mercy and I didn't know what kinda day he was having so far. I merely blinked and let the words flutter off of my tongue. Never. At 41, apparently, I'm a year late.
Anyyyyhoooo. We talk. He talks, I talk, he says mammogram again, I pretend to be unaffected by it. Until he writes it down on one of those mammogram order sheets.
That's when it HIT me! Shit. Just. Got. Real. Up in that rizoom! But my bravest face was on. I was even smiling. Whether or not he knew it was a slightly painful smile? I really can't decide. And if he did? He didn't care too much. He was focused on mammogramming ya Rambler!
But then he's not tryna stop there! Oh-neooooooh! The man goes on to order me an x-ray AND a biopsy too. That's how a persons' ex-husband's medical aid gets depleted! I'm thinking, "Why not be like, eeny-meeny-miny-mo and just choose one?"
Before he started going wild with his doctor pen, I finally gave him a little clue 'bout what's going on in my mind. "I hear those things are very sore!" And because he's seen me naked, I instinctively pressed my breast. I don't do that in front of just anybody and you shouldn't either! They might just order you a mammogram.
So now it's his turn to be unaffected. "Naaaah, it's not sore. They just put your breast between these plates and press 'm together."
"Mmmmmmm-hm, that casual, huh?" I could immediately tell that he'd never had breasts. No person, with breasts, could be THAT blaze' about flattening round things. But I gave him that one. He had the pen and order form. I'm was about to put myself at risk for a colonoscopy too! The truth is, I'm not a troublesome patient. Even if I zone out? I still appear to be giving doc my full attention.
But then he puts the order form in front of me and explains that a biopsy is done where they stick a needle in your breast and suck out whatever they're gonna test. O_O!!!!!!!! Followed by, "that's very sore!" At that point my eyes squeezed shut! He was looking at me with an expression of sorrow. I don't know whether it was because he didn't find a way to squeeze in the word, mammogram again or whether he realized that some things? Some things are better left unsaid. Especially when I just expressed concern about the pain from the thing about the breast between the plates and flattening and then the lump is already sore so how much worse is it gonna be when....!
Whatever it was? It was enough for him to say to me, "Hold on a second okay? Lemme just call the surgeon and ask him if it's better just to cut it out than you having to do all of this." Nevermind, he did manage to tell me, you'd still have to have the mammogram done, though.
DRAT! Now the surgeon wants to see me. So I go, like the good little patient that I am. And fill out more forms and wait, until the other surgeon sees me, I dunno where surgeon no.1 was...
He examines me and everytime I wanted to get up? He's like, "relax...". Look? I've become accustomed to my single, secluded life. Two men seeing my breasts in one day? It was a bit hard to relax! Especially when one's tryna get 'm flattened and the other is tryna get 'm cut!
Surgeon no.2...draws me a picture of what's going on and then he says, "It might just be a blocked duct or something, and because it's blocked, that might be a build up, so I think its best to...." He outlines the possible build up, "cut that out and then sew you back up! But..." He reaches for the infamous mammogram order form, "Let's do a mammogram first."
>_<!!!!
"Okay, but I already have one of those from the other doctor." I hand it to him and he says, "Alright, but I'm just going to amend what he wrote." Which was a good thing because surgeon no.2 wrote that IF the mammogram shows any strangeness? THEN! A biopsy must be done! Bless his sweet soul!
It might have been a teeny weeny bit hard to tell, but what I'm trying to say to y'all in all of this, especially if you're 40 and have breasts? Listen to the sister in Diskem and go for your annual mammogram! It's cool to feel twenty-five and all of that but hear me.....Eve meant business. If it's not mammograms, its pap-smears! If it's not pap-smears? It's Calcium tablets. If it's not Calcium tablets? It's menopause! It's not the easiest being a female!
So? Wish me luck! I'd wish you luck if you had to go get your penis galvanised or something! That's just the kinda Rambler that I am....
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