Bilingual Much...?

It wouldn't be a visit from my beloved big sister if she didn't ask me, "Are you on i-tube?"  O_o! Haaaaaaaaahahahahhaha!  I love her so much!  And then tried to redeem herself by insisting that she meant to say i-tunes. LOL!  I heard no sssssssss!  Meanwhile?  She knows full well that we're all very much aware of her social media skills.  

And by that I mean, total lack of.....her head is too full of work information.  No, true.  She's brilliant at her job and I'm starting to believe her when she says that she does just let loose when she's around us and simply enjoys, us, enjoying her silly side!  

By now Sharde' and Paige, our daughters?  Created a Facebook profile for her, invited the family and everything.  So you know how it is when people start accepting invites and stuff?  In typical, my sister, fashion?  Girl was about to start replying to notifications!  Thank goodness my niece caught her in time.  "I'm getting emails and emails from everyone?!?"

Pssssssssst...she meant she was getting notifications of being accepted as a contact or a relative!  I don't think that it hit her that they were all saying the same thing, like "(Insert Name) accepted your Facebook invitation..."  

Oooooooooo-wooooooooooh!  I shudder.  

If she was left to her own social media devices?  Facebook, I'm sure, woulda banned her by now and then sent her name to all and every other network with a huge flashing red note, "SUSPEND ACCOUNT UPON CREATION!"  

I cringe when I think about what both Facebook and her contacts are gonna be in for once she learns how to update her status.  Learns?  A-HEM!  Hmmmmmmmmmm?  Shown, rather.  I can see it now.  "But I thought that's where you search for people?"  That's after someone calls her up and asks, "Why do you have so-and-so's name as your status so many times?"  

Do any of you Remember her Christmas broadcast?  The BILINGUAL one she sent to the whole family?  I think it even sobered up our drunk relatives.  I'm willing to bet the cellulite on both my thighs that her phone is still defaulted to predictive text, so don't be shocked if you need to download a translation application to decipher her updates.  And don't say I didn't give y'all the heads up, either!

I can see it now.  Come.  Come see it with me...it's a quiet morning at the office.  You're boss is out to a meeting so you do what any person, aside from my sister, would do in those circumstances.  Work.  

Heh-heh-heh-heh!!  Not!

You log onto Facebook!  Thaaaaaaat's it.  The truth shall set you free.  So, you're relaaaaxed, log in, check for red flags.  New messagessssss.  Delete people, if you're nasty like that.  And finalllly?  It's time to scroll through your news feeds.  You can't be having a more stress free day until you see....

"Hey familia! How's everyone dobraye? (doing)" 

She's all chuffed about having successfully statused and while she's listening to her new favourite song, Beautiful by Miguel and Mariah Carey?  She wonders why it's taking a teeeeeeeny bit of time for one of them to comment.  

Meeeeeeeanwhile?  Like her Christmas message?  She didn't bother reading it before she hit send!  On the other side of her computer screen?  After they've craned themselves up off the floor from laughing so hard!  Her South African contacts are scrambling to google the word "dobraye".  However?  Out in Russia?  They know exactly what that word means! 

It's rather sinful that I'm not on Facebook anymore.  I just know how much fun I'm gonna be missing once she gets going!  Haaaaaahahahahhaha! 

...After Some Time

Mannnnnnnn?! Feels like FOREVER since I've been on here. In dog days, it probably is. I feel like an imposter! SEIZZZZZZE MEEEEEEE!!!

A-hem!

Dramatic entrances aside....

Helllllo YOU! And YOU and YOUUUU! Here's a smile to brighten up your day! ^_^! 'Cause I've missed you! And and and? It's a public holiday on Monday! If you have work on Monday? I'm sorry, but Na, na-na, na, naaaaaa!

I might as well come clean about why I've been AWOL of late. See, this is what happened, and it's pretty simple, realllllly. Nothing too complicated or difficult to understand, y'know? Truth is....I can't find me thumbs...so sad...like this :-( Me thumbs have gone amiss! And it's all Summer's fault! This is her, "Staceeeeeeeey? Can you take your thummmmmmbs off for me, pleeeeeease?" Ruthlessly too, even if I'm eating. Or drinking tea. Travesty-ish!

I can do that too. Without having alien DNA. And lemme not mislead you. I can PRETEND to do that. Convincingly so. If you're under ten. Me? I'm her Godmother, so I'm not allowed to say no to most things. It's a Godparent rule to say yes when your beautiful Godchild asks you to detach parts of your body that are vital for blogging. Or holding your mug of tea. SMH! Tea is extremely important to me. If you invented it? Bless your soul. And if you didn't? Bless your soul, too. Maybe that Blessing will inspire you to invent something else I can't live without!

Plus? When her eyes get all big and wondrous? Awwwww man, the sugar lump! "HOW DO YOU DO THAAAAT?" It's the cutest thing eVer! Who wouldn't risk losing their thumbs for that?

So, yeah! That's precisely what happened.

P-precisely.

O_o!

Okay, the glares of disbelief are totally ruining my story. Stop it! You don't even KNOW that it's not true. And I know what you're thinking too. Without being a mind reader. I can do lots of things without having the things you need to do those things. Gifted or mentally disturbed. I'm still deciding. I just have to Ohhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm....Ohhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm...and it comes to me. You're saying to yourself, "Liar!" Too harsh? K, let's try again! Sometimes it takes more than one Ohhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.... ohhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.....

You're saying to yourself....?

Rambler? Come-on? Losing your thumbs is as believable as us looking at our television, seeing words scurrying across the screen, that say, "BREAAAAAAKING NEWS: A CERTAIN PERSON (I WON'T MENTION NAMES) HAS STEPPED DOWN FROM HIS POSITION AS SOUTH AFRICA'S PRESIDENT DUE TO OPEN-HIS-MOUTH-AND-CURRENCY-DROPS SYNDROME!"

Ay, don't look all skewed at me. I just report the news as I hear it. Not sitting here, sucking things outa my---my thumbs. I don't even HAVE thumbs! I told you, p-precisely, how I lost them.
All I know is that the day he gave a speech about the labour unrest here? POOF! We suddenly had to pay over ten Rands for one Dollar. It's no fun being South African when the odd's are ten to one, out of your favour! Odds that can easily be translated from currency to how many possibilities there are of you being hijacked on your way to somewhere, in one day! Meanwhile? Now he's like, "Don't blame me for the dip in the Rand!" Eh! I know it wasn't me.

I'd bite my tongue in twelve different places if I told you how much one Pound now costs us! So I'm not. We have a barbecue at work today and I need my tongue to eat. Besides, I'm not the one who should be biting my tongue anyway. Then again, maybe I am. (Shrug) Just not today.

On a serious note though, I've been tied up in my sons exams and just had a lota other stuff going on over this pass month or two and because of some of that stuff? I've totally lost any and all inspiration I had to write. The post that you're reading right now? Took me three days to finish! Hor-rible! The barbecue? Is long-time over. But?!? The good thing is that I AM trying. Struggling, but trying. No matter how long it's taken me? At the end of this earnest attempt, I'll have posted SOMETHING on a blog that means a whole lot to me.

Close your eyes and picture this. Picture how, as a writer, or wait! Lemme say it right, aspiring, writer. You're at your creative best. Your head feels like it's gonna explode if you don't either put a pen to paper or type out your thoughts. Idea's are flowing through your mind like a river. The Nile River. Well?

Unpicture it.

My head was a dam. My mind was dam wall. My creative idea's? They were like the fish. Trapped to a standstill! And that, my friends! Is one disadvantage of water energy, aka, hydro-electric power! (-__- There she goes again!) I heard that. Shhhhhhhhhhh, knowledge is power! It's that it traps fish. In dams. Poor disadvantaged things. Their one and only mode of transport is to swim freely and then BAMMMMMMMMMM! Smooching concrete, thinking, "URRRRGH! MF@*#.?/ DAM WALL!"

Wait? So, if a few of them manage to find a hole in the dam wall? And swim through into the vast, open, free ocean waters? Does that make them previously-disadvantaged fish? Hmmmmmmm?

I shall leave you with THAT thought on which to ponder and if you were the unfortunate recipient of my na, na-na, na, naaaaaaa? An excuse to get out of work on Monday.

It's time for me to love and leave you! My eyes are jussssssst about closing. But I will be back! You're not getting rid of me that easily. Oh oh oh! And if I don't see you before Sunday, Happy Father's Day!

Ramble Responsibly, ^_^!!!
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Jolly June

Hello-hello! I won't be on here long. I've had weeks of late nights and early mornings, followed by hours of Maths today. Burnt. Out.

Now?

As my reward? I'm off to the spa for some well-deserved pampering sessions. Mmmmmmm-M! That's right! And tonight?!? Aliens from planet NeverandEver shall appear at my door, bearing chocolates and a karaoke machine. After which we will perform duet after duet, solo after solo, until one or all of us pass out on the lounge carpet, hoarse-throated, O_o OMG, what was that?!? Throated? And drunk on cocoa and nuts. 'Cause they brought me Ferrera Rocher's.

You believed me, huh? Lol!

Things like that evade me. The ONE time I do get a professional massage, which I send myself for? My next stop was the chiropractor...eh! So......since spa treatments, alien visits, karaoke or an overload of carbs aren't in the cards for me in this lifetime? I mean? Who needs to be spoilt, anyway :-/ so over-rated. :-\

I will do the next best thing. Curse!

I mean......nothing!

Nothing but soak up this deafening silence. It's not often anymore that I get to enjoy spending time with just walls. God, I hate life SO much right now.

A-hem! I knew that was coming, which is why? To avoid further random outburst of displeasure? I'm just stopping by to wish you all the best for June. I hope the second half of the year is a fulfilling and successful one for all of you.

I have a date with painted cement! Yippppppppeeeeeeeee! -_-
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!