My Final Blog Post

Today, 5th of December 2016, I will mark as a painful reminder that somewhere inside all of us, there is a fragility that can't handle being pierced over and over and over again and that if we can help it? We should all try to remain mindful of the effects that that can have on each other.

This is my final blog post.

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That Voice!

My high school reunion was Saturday. On Friday, I'd decided not to go. My reason? Well you know part of it. The other part? I always feel like when you're having doubts about doing something, it's always a good idea not to do it. Like you're ignoring warnings or some shit like that. Ay? Straighten up that face and quit looking at me crazy, we were granted intuition for a reason.

We all have those little voices that try to guide us. And when we ignore them, that's when we land ourselves in the crapper. But lessons are good for our growth. I've learned that God has a plan for us but he will let us go ahead and bang our heads if we insist on our own plan. And that's when things go wrong and ofcourse we start blaming Him for why things went wrong in our lives.








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Two Down....

Two and a half actually! ^_^!

Lemme tell you, Sunday just about over. All the time that's left is to head on home, take a shower, relax a little and get to bed.

Bellbottoming (is that even a word?) these jeans take time and are quite niggly to do, but these are the finished ones. Thinking about it now, doing this by hand woulda been much easier simply because it's the leg of the jeans.




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Bell-Bottoming Busy!

Just finish cleaning, good morning! It's Sunday morning and I'm marvelling at the cleaning power of baking soda, vinegar and water. I've been using it for a while now to clean my shower and floors. Works great and pretty inexpensive too. Just used it to wipe down my cupboard doors. I was on Pinterest today and saw that its a great drain cleaner as well. So I did that too hahahaha! No, I'm not obsessed.

A-hem!

I'm about to hit the shower now, I've got a full day of sewing ahead. Thank goodness for my mums sewing machine. Or else I'd be doing this by hand. It's not impossible but it does take longer and my fingers deserve better. All these jeans that are sitting in my closet are about to get a facelift. Well some of them are. Some are fine the way they are. Plus you never can have too many bell-bottoms. That pic? I didn't do that, but I will be in a few hours.

I'd intended on doing this after my bag phase and then just didn't because I couldn't do it at home which meant to do it, I'd have to leave my house and on the weekend? That for me, takes some convincing! That was until I saw this lady at the mall last week and that was all the push that I needed. Loved her dreadlocks too. I wish I knew how to do that to my hair. Anyhow, one thing at a time! And since I'll be Thailand during their Winter, leaving Durban's Summer for the first time in my life! But hey, this is my first grandchild, so byyyyyyye Summer, hello cuddles!

So! I'm gonna need some jeans to wear. And I've got too many already to go out and buy more. Woman and clothing, huh! I blame the stores. If they didn't keep bringing in new things that we have to have, we wouldn't have too many of anything in our closets.

Apparently the average temperature over Winter is 22 degrees celsius and then can drop down to 10 in the evening. Me don't like the cold so I have to be prepared.

Let me get on with my day. You all have a good one!


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The Bait of Satan

This is a book worth reading. If you're able to, pick up a copy, the book is written by John Bevere and is thought provoking at the very least.

It's core message is the trap of offences. How we deal with being offended, how holding onto that offence can destroy us and how we actually should deal with being offended.

From personal experience, I've felt just how much of an effect forgiving someone, no matter how big or small the offence was or is, can have on my life. Harbouring unforgiveness only causes bitterness and after that day at my desk where all I heard was a voice telling me over and over and over and over to forgive. I listened and it changed my life, my relationships and my outlook.

Right now, I can't fathom why anyone wouldn't forgive. I only know why I refused to. Because it was my excuse, it was my crutch and it defined who I knew how to be at the time. But then I look back and I see that it didn't only rob me of a better life, it didn't only affect me. It affected my children too. And I can't give them back what my unforgiveness took from them. Heck, I can't give me back what my unforgiveness has taken away. I was just thinking last night about the fact that I will never celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary, with anyone. Honestly, it hurts to even type that because it's not what I wanted for my life but I was wide awoke when I made my choices, that's just the long and short of it. My point is this, unforgiveness changes the course of your life.

Unforgiveness tore my marriage apart. I know now that if I was able to overcome that one thing, my marriage would have had at least half a chance. But as I sit here, I refuse to throw blame solely on my ex-husband for the failure of my marriage because I was just as much to blame, simply by not being able to forgive. If I was able to forgive, I would have been a better wife, period! And a better wife could have made him a better husband but I will never know.

And I believe that acknowledging that I too was a hindrance to the success of our marriage and actually telling him that I forgive him and apologising for my own shit, is the reason that we are as close as we are today because it released him and it released me where I became Stacey again and he became Zane again, not the Stacey or Zane who did this and that to each other.

Unforgiveness kept resentment alive as far as members of my family. It prevented me from enjoying blessings like having siblings and extended family and parents. It wasn't always like that. There was a very long period of time where I'd pushed certain things so far back and pretended that they didn't happen. But! But once I'd brought them out again, that was when all hell broke loose between us.

Unforgiveness made me sick. Literally. I'd succumbed to depression. I was passing out left and right, I was always sick. My blood pressure dropped, my appetite suffered. My concentration flew outa the window. Honestly, I felt like I wanted to die. Like that would be easier.

So?

Why on earth would anyone want to hold on to anything that causes those kinds of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual meltdowns? You look around and you tell me if I am wrong. You tell me that someone who is harbouring such bitterness towards someone else, whoever that might be, friend, sibling, parent, anyone?! Tell me if they are coping with that burden and whether the world through their eyes is one big ball of negativity. And then you tell me if you see a difference in someone who isn't harbouring bitterness like that.

I am not telling you this just to have something to type. I haven't used the examples that I have to highlight what any of those people did to me and make myself out to be some victim, no. Not anymore! I'm telling you this because it's something that I have been through. Where now that I've been on both sides, I can point out the difference.

I am telling you this because you know what? Life is hard enough because of things we can't control. But we have to remain thoughtful about how we handle the things that we can and whether the way that we are handling those are hurting or helping us.

While I understand that we all once believed or still believe that we good and great people and that we don't need help or advice on how to live out our lives, we do. We all make different mistakes, but they are mistakes nevertheless. Whether those mistakes are towards ourselves or towards others, at some point or another, we find ourselves at a place where we are faced with a decision. And that is to forgive or not to forgive. Even ourselves. Sometimes that's the hardest part right there and it's a constant work in progress. Nothing stops while live goes on, at least not when it comes to trying to do or be better.

I hope that you all take the time to read this book at some point in your life. As for me? I am going to bed, Durban is sizzling hot since December began, which is a pleasant change from what the weather has been like these past months. It's my favourite time of the year and the sun helps with reminding me that Christmas is jussssst around the corner! December means a lot to me for many reasons and seeing as my grandson is about to be born any week now, it makes December that much more special.

God bless you all in everything that you do, in your walk, in your talk, in your mannerisms, in your thought and in the decisions that you make.

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My High School Reunion...

Is this Saturday. O_O! It's been twenty six years since my final year of high school. O_o! Mannnn! Time is a ruthless muthafucker.
Just wondering, while I'm typing this, if there is anything I would do differently. YESSSS!!!! YES I WOULD! I wouldn't have went to march for the ANC with my fellow school mates. With their crooked asses!  Not my school mates.  The ANC!  I didn't even know what the ANC was, I just wanted time out from the classroom. We didn't even learn about Nelson Mandela in history class. If we did, it must have been for five minutes in one lesson because I could swear I didn't know what the fuck I was going to march down West street for. Viva viva.  I was vivaring.  I didnt know why but I was vivaring like a fool!  And happy too!  Met my dad there. That was cool. But the truth is, I was as interested in politics as I was in walking on hot coal.
Let's see. What else...I would have eaten healthier, worked out often, not started smoking and definitely not chewed on so much ice. That's just for starters.
Teeth? Teeth are one of those things that we take for granted. Shameful. Until we realize there are no third chances in life. The life of molars and incisors. Once your milk teeth fall and your REAL teeth grow out? Listen to me when I tell you.......these should be the top priority on your list of "must take care of's." No matter how addictive ice is. If ya body's lacking something and forcing you to eat the ice, drink water. Water's good for you. Because I've got a story for you. Once upon a time, I want my enamel back! The end!
The reunion? I've been milling over it for a while now. Attending, that is. Up until this morning, I was under no circumstances attending. As of now, I'm still torn but leaning more to the side of attending. Or not. Like should I, shouldn't I? Uuuuuurgh! I dunno. I dunno. What do I do?  What would Jesus do?  Hmmmmm, nope.  He didn't have a high school reunion from what I know.
Back to square one.
Dammit, Libra's don't do this deciding thing well.
The good thing is that so far, I've secured a date! My sister in law just so happened to be free. Hahahhaha! Don't look at me like that. -_- Whaaaaat? Do not under-estimate the power of my extrovert-ism. Extrovert-ness? Extrovertitis?
Fuck it!
The point is, don't under-estimate it. Don't pay any attention to the fact that it doesn't exist either. Just play along. We'll get through this blog post much faster if we all agree.
Thing is...'Cause I'm thinking that you might be thinking that maybe I can't. But I can. I can get a proper date just as much as you can if you had a high school reunion to go to but you weren't married anymore. If I wanted to. But see, I don't do that casual dating shit. It's crap. Firstly. Because talking to and holding strangers....NO! And secondly, no proper date will be good enough if it's not MYYYY proper date! Ya know....?
Therrrrre, hmmmmm, hmmmmm------see, I knew you'd understand.
Meanwhile,
I'm still no closer to a decision.
>_<! I suck at being excited about events!

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Juuuuust A Little While Longer!

I'm over here wishing that I was already cuddling and coo-ing my grandson. It won't be long. There are just a few weeks left until he arrives. Happiness! ^_^ ! I have one, infact two more little people to love more than life itself.

What is life without love, huh?

Empty and meaningless.

Like my arm without my half sleeve tattoo. I won't mention names but Sean, I hope you're reading this. Wait. Just in case he's not, lemme send him a Whatsapp to remind him that four weekends have passed since I planned, drew and prepared for the pain. That should get him to prioritise my tattoo in the midst of all of the important things he has to do today.

I'm loving having them with me for the past few weeks while the contractor purposely or should I say, typically, drags out the renovations to their home. Nothing like a full house! It feels alive! It feels like Christmas came early. With Paige gone, I've really missed the noise, the laughing and the traffic.

Sharde's baby bump is not so much a baby bump anymore. She's also having a baby boy! :-) yeah, I'm sure you've guess, he was the second little person I'm gonna smother with love! There's been a boom in baby making in our family this year. Peeps have been busy, hehehe!

In other news, since it's been on repeat since this morning, along with Too Good to Say Goodbye, I'm loving Bruno Mars track, Versace on the Floor. He's a genius, that guy!






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Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving with ya families and friends.

Mine? Was non-existent. In South Africa, we don't celebrate this holiday. We try to be thankful everyday. Thankful that nobody showed up in the middle of the night and carried us out of our homes and claimed ownership of the property that we've been paying mortgage on for umpteen years. A-hem. I could go on, but I'm still groggy from that sinus tablet I took yesterday.

I do see that we've caught onto the Black Friday concept. Whoooooooop! What a waste. Of. Time!

Regardless of my opinion, there are people sleeping in trolleys outside stores as we speak. No, LOL! I'm serious. Wait, I've got proof. Never fear......when you're able to save pictures off of Facebook. I guess that dude really needs a new flat screen tv. Or a kettle at R99.

These stores though? Okay.....correct me if I'm wrong. From what I imagined Black Friday to be? Things are meant to be dirrrrrrrt cheap, right? Like 'faint in fuckin public when you see the price' kinda cheap, isn't it? Hmmmmmmm, well, NOT! There should be rules. Did the US send these stores the rules? I doubt it. 'Cause I've seen the catalogues and needless to say, I'm extremely disappointed, South Africa. Not shocked 'cause y'all are greedy asses. Just disappointed and I really don't like being disappointed on a Friday.
No matter what colour it is!

This is just like that time they started Survivor SA and then brought back one of the people who was voted out and they went on to win...O_o! This place is just ruleless to the core, I telya! Howww?!?!? How can you be voted out and then......you know what? Not my business.

What is my business is listening to music while I go to work. Lemme go do that.




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Happy Birthday, Paige

I miss you like crazy but that's okay, it won't be for too much longer.

Happy 22nd birthday, sugar! I love you!
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Life

Saw this meme on FB this morning and immediately identified with it.  DO YOU SEE THE SIMILARITIES?  LOL!  Not the wake up call that I was looking forward to but a-hem......let's continue, shall we.

If you had to ask me 20 years ago about what I envisioned to be my middle aged life to be?  This would never have been it.  Not a first, fifth or final choice.  Hahahahahaha!  Ofcourse, I laugh but reality sure does bite. And why?  Because somewhere along the way, in whatever way, I did choose this life.  

Either way.  I thought I'd share one of my realist reminders of how life can go so easily switch from one reality to another and also from one dream to a totally unexpected situation.

It's both enlightening and depressing at the same time.  Especially when you know that it could be or could have been so much more.  But then that's where your own good or bad decision making comes into play.  Where your own sometimes fairytaled expectations or even lack of a sense of value comes in.  Sometimes these things, the positive and the negative parts of you, conflict and when you dont believe that your worth validates a better outcome as much as you should, you settle and wave real opportunities for happiness, bye bye. 

Sometimes you're simply afraid to take leaps of faith and that fear is crippling almost.  Fear?  That comes in big and small doses.  Even in the form of boxes that we've checked as far as what we will never do, or which type of men or women will never give a chance.  But it's effects are the same.  We create our own limits.  I read somewhere that your type might be the reason that you're always a part of failed relationships.  I think it's true. 

So much goes into what brings us to our here and now.  And if anything, life has taught me that there's no going back and pulling that moment in time outa the past and redoing it, that second chances are far and few between where even if they do come around, some of the initial result becomes limited and has to be sacrificed because well?  Life goes on and while it went on, life happened.  Rarely do you find that second chances bring with them a stagnated life, especially when they involve people, where you can just pick up where you left off.  You can't and if you can, it's not as easy as you'd like.  Circumstances almost always differ.

That's why, to you out there, you are responsible for your own happiness.  If it feels right, wasting time thinking about how that one decision will cause others to see you, you're doing your own life a disservice.  UNLESS, it causes someone immense pain or trauma, I say go for it.  

Like I said, life goes on regardless of your fear of judgement.  If you find extraordinay love, act on that.  And do it right.  That's why I love the fact that my brother and his wife woke one day and were like, "fuck it (okay not fuck it, he is a pastor, dammm, lemme start again.)  "To hell with it, we love each other, we've never been happier, it feels right, we're getting married!"  And they got married with their witnesses and a pastor.  Done.  Happier than ever.  And that's what I meant by second chances don't bring stagnated lives.  When they dated in high school, they were simply highschoolers.  Along came their second chance and it brought with it, children, ex-spouses and challenges.

If you find a better career opportunity, act on that.  The reality is, at your job especially, you are replaceable.  That company won't crumble without you and soon you won't even be thought of because the work will get done.  

Loyalty is a gem of trait to have.  But your loyalty should be treasured too and it should be returned with the same level of loyalty that you invest.  In a job, your employers loyalty lies with the success of their business, not you.  In love, your loyalty shouldn't lie with someone who in turn gives theirs to someone else.

Look, we all know right and wrong.  Wrong is what keeps you up at night wondering if hell will be your home in the afterlife  Wrong is what steals your peace in quiet moments.  But when it, let's say won't send you to burn for an eternity, sitting there worried and anxious about "what will they think of me" will get you safe and settling.  Yes, growing old with a dog for company or worse, a cat.  Hahahahaha!  Sorry, cat lovers.

The world is not sitting there, with nothing better to do than continuously watch you and judge you, they are living and grabbing their own opportunities for happiness, despite what you think.  And you can always rely of your fellow human being to distract them from you and give them something else to judge.  

Find your happiness and take good care of it when it's in your possession.

Happy 16th Birthday, Damo!

It's such a treasure being your mum!





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Opportunities for Writers

Further opportunities to consider.....

http://www.aerogrammestudio.com/2016/08/16/opportunities-for-writers-september-and-october-2016/


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$6000 Grant for Writers And Artists With Children

Check it out......

http://www.aerogrammestudio.com/2016/08/11/grants-for-writers-and-artists-with-children/


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Ring-A-Ding-Dollar

I'm quite excited, I had a good enough sleep last night. ^_^! But I had to come and tell yall about what I saw on Facebook! A ring. Yeah! Not precioussssss. But a ring that if you're in a long distance relationship, you and your partner sinc your rings through a smart phone app and BAMMMMMMM!

YOU CAN FEEL EACH OTHERS HEARTBEAT!

How cool is that? Cool, right?! Clearly someone's been on Tinder or something. Seen the plight of the lonely. Decided to make money off of it. Talk about retail therapy, HA!

Someone I know signed up on Tinder. Hahahahhahahaha! I mean it, don't look at me like that. I know those "friend of mine" stories too, this aint one of them. Anyway, I asked her this weekend, "So, how's the guy you were talking to on Tinder?" She was like, "Fuckin liar!" Hahahahahahahahaaaaaa! If you knew her, just that statement alone is hilarious! "He told me he is working in London, I go on Facebook and there he is under a different name!" Me? Shame really is me, I shouldn't laugh but I can't help it!

I count myself lucky on both occasions. When I met my penpal, Kobi, online? And then when we all met him in New Orleans for the Essence Festival? He was still Kobi, my crazy penpal friend. Then when I met Geese on Penpal International? When I met him face to face, he was who he said he was too. I understand now why my brother was stressing like he was when I first went over to Philly. In today's mental climate, it's actually a dangerous situation to put yourself in, in general. I have read some honest to god, horror stories about these situations.

Okay, so the ideal situation, I'm sure for many out there, is not a long distance relationship, but you fall in love with whom you fall in love with, right? And hopefully for you, that goes well. If ya love happens to be thousands of miles away? Then this ring is for yall! At the introductory price of-------

Drummmmmmmroll please----------$2990 a pair.

I choked. You just didn't know. But see? If we had our rings? 'Cause we're in a sorta long distance relationship, aren't we? You'd have heard it via my staggered heartbeat and then--------

Nnnnnnn---------:-/
I just realized that mayyyyyyybe it's not so cool afterall. 'Cause what if I you did happen to hear your partners staggered heartbeat? That could turn unfavourable in, well.....a heartbeat! Then instead of you thinking vagina thoughts, you're all stressed out thinking angina thoughts. All while you're supposed to have ya eyes closed feeling mushy inside with the ring to ya chest making your hearts beat as one. One with the hearts. Uuurgh, nevermind. Stick to calls and texts and Skype. Hell?! Better still, stick to local relationships.

Y-you, not me.

My sister in law asked me last week, "So when are gonna get a chap, here?" To make a long story short, I told her, in a few more words but they meant the same thing. "When pigs fly". Had I known about this ring then, my argument woulda been a little stronger. It woulda went from acute anxiety about regular, local dating to why? When there's a ring to bridge the distance? She'd have understood me better. But instead, she just walked away from that conversation with the conclusion that I have "issues" hahahhahahahahhaa!

I was just explaining to my daughter yesterday that I can't quite self-diagnose my "issue." It's a mix between social and anti-social, introvert and extrovert. Family functions or visits to family homes? I'm good. Movie dates with my bestie or my mum, I'm fine. Beyond that? The introvert almost always wins and if I can't get out of it, then I'm sweating bullets all the way leading up to whatever event it is. That's not to say that I won't enjoy myself when I get there, O_o! The time between the invite and the event is the problem.

Go see the ring for yaself.
http://www.higherperspectives.com/heartbeat-ring-1969018894.html

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Minute Massage

We were supposed to be having these free thirty minute massages from this company at work today. Whoop whoop, right?
(Blink)

-----------

--------

-----

--

I see now why it was free.

She rubbed lotion on the top of one of my hands and then asked me to compare it to my other one and if I saw the difference. I didn't know we're being tested but I played along. I told her, "shiny?" One point, Rambler.

She rubbed oil, wiped it off, then lotion on my neck. I wasn't quizzed after that. DRAT!

Then she put that silver spider iron thingy on my head. My hair got tangled in it. And that was the end of the story.

I'd say it was well under seven minutes. Oh oh oh! And last but not least? She gave me an order form for the products she used. I say used because I did get shinier. On my one hand. I have hand lotion to the left of me, by the way. My own. Only difference is, I don't use it on myself under the guise of a free massage.

-_-

I have definitely seen today why some businesses only get as far as the door. But then they still have the nerve to give you an order form when they couldn't even deliver on the hook.
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Wayde van Niekerk

Congratulations Wayde, on your gold medal at the Rio 2016 Olympics! You record breaking Coloured South African, you! ^_^! You did us so proud!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UbT6F1ybXH4


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Fishing For Sleep

Wellllllllllllllllllllllll, that right there was a shitty night's sleep, if I may say so myself!  If I got two hours, I'd be surprised.  Like this.  O_O! 

But hey, I guess it's all good.  It's a new day, I woke up, I can see, I can breathe, I can speak.  Coherently.  Which means that at the end of the day, the night I mean, 'cause really?  Who's fortunate enough to head straight home from work, hit the shower and then the bed.  Not me.  Not many of us.  If you're in prison, maybe.  Then yeah.  But what I am fortunate enough to do is safely navigate myself back to my bed at some point tonight and try again.

Just talked to my daughter, we had a good ol' laugh.  J That lifted my spirits.  Both her and baby are doing great.  You know?  I do love Whatsapp Call.  I love Whatsapp on the whole.  It's so inexpensive as well.  You can have verbal diarrhoea on that app!  No, for real!  You can talk 'til ya tongue is numb to whomever, wherever and something like an hour and a half's call will only use up about 12mb's of data.  Impressive, huh?  'Cause data is like gold.  At least it is here.  Until we catch up to everyone else who's made data on some level, affordable.

Meanwhile?  Back on my Blackberry screen, I keep getting a message to say that from 31 December 2016, Whatsapp will no longer be available.  -_-  !  See it's that type of giver-taker behaviour that inspires me to use bad words.  It's no secret that I much prefer the Blackberry keypad to the Samsung touchscreen keypad and since I've already put that out there many times before, why isn't Samsung designing a phone with a qwerty keyboard keypad?  (Shrug)  Oh yeah, they don't need my business if I don't wanna give it to them seeing as they have customers by the millions. 

That's what they say about getting over someone huh?  "Get over it.  There are plenty of fish in the sea." 

"But?!?!?!  I don't want a fish, I want my person.  Sniff, sniff." 

"Well?  The sun will still come out.  It will still set.  Which means, life?  It goes on.  You will LIVE without your person, no matter how impossible it might seem at this moment."

"Sniff……..Okay." 

HA!  How we wish it were that easy, huh?  Just because we know that there are billions of men or women in the world, it hardly eases the pain of losing someone that we really love.  That's why, don't.  It's as simple as that.  As far as you can control that, don't.  There are countless ways for you to avoid losing the person that you love.  Love, trust, loyalty, faithfulness, forgiveness, communication, compromise, to name a few.  Lemme tell you something, it doesn't even feel like work.  It doesn't even feel like, "uuuuuurgh, do I have to be loyal again today."  When you have that real connection and every fibre of your being tells you that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with.  In a perfect world, you protect that without even having to think about it.  However, we are imperfect creatures.  There are times too when you feel all of those things and still mess up.  Humans do that.  That's where you count on your person to love you enough to forgive you.  On the other hand, if you losing them is their choice?  Then sorry.  Thennnnnn you can stand on your head and whistle through ya ass, they're going fishing, anyway. 

Buuuuuuuut.  I'm thinking that Samsung will feel none of that heartbreak should I choose to cut ties with them over a keypad, huh?  Hahahahahaha!  So I guess Ima spend the rest of my life with my touchscreen.

 
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The Fight Within

Can't say that I didn't have a fabulous day with the family today, even with all of the commotion going on in my head.
I know, right?
When is there never commotion in my head? I can think only of ONE time. The drive was long. I wore jeans. A white fitted shirt. And (cough) heels. Travelling to an unfamiliar place. With a very familiar person. As our destination grew closer, my palms began to sweat. Finally. My heart smiling and ambitious----believing that it was an Olympian. My throat closed as it began to sprint. I palmed my face. We neared the finish line. Time shrunk. Our destination just minutes away. My excitement chokingly difficult to contain. I wore heels. Oh wait, I said that. But not for long. I heard them in the distance, crying, free us-----freeeeee us. So I did, I slipped outa those suckers the very moment that I could. My mind just as free as my toes. All ten of them. Wriggling against the carpeted floor. Being there, blissfully confined, optimistically nervous yet centred in my sense of belonging--------it began-----

A-hem!
That's all I can tell you for now. Believe it or not, that is a true story. In my life. At least, the beginning of the story. The middle and ending is just too personal to get into and one day I might but that was the one and only time that my mind, body and soul were calm and carefree. Just like I believe life should be. But noooooooooooo------! :-/ They're bombing in Thailand. Ups. Downs. They're tryna extort money from us for new vehicle license plates every year. Highs. Lows. France, Turkey, the US, Zuma. Droughts, wildfires, death, love-------the world! Is in a shambles!

I'd appreciate my thoughts and my emotions going on a hiatus for a while. I don't mean temporary brain dead or something, Lord? Please, I don't mean that. Lord? I DON'T mean that, let's just be clear. I know you're listening to me.

I'm just saying that I need a break from all of the conflicting and the challenging and the questioning, to feel a little settled inside. Yo, it's like a gang fight going on in there and nobody's winning. It's very confusing to feel at peace and not feel at peace at the same time. Like, to be okay but not okay. Uuuuurgh! See?!? They say that Libra's see both sides of a situation, which makes it hard for them to make a decision. Which explains this gang-fight. To me.

My sensible side tells me that if I'm not settled inside then I don't feel inner peace but my other side, the whatyoumacallit side tells me that I've personally never felt so much peace in my life. Both sides are right, though.

See what I have to deal with?

These are the phases that I go through. Sometimes. Depending on where I feel that I am in my life or the things going on around me.
That's normal. Isn't it?
Yes.
These are the things that are meant to make you think or re-assess or reboot or wonder. Aren't they?
Yes.
Am I talking to myself right now?
Nnnnnnn-----Yes!

I'm going to bed.

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Uhm...

Munching on this very low carb brownie bar.  Whooooooo------good times on a Friday I telya with tears in my bloodshot eyes.  I had trouble getting to sleep last night.  Uhm.  That's normally how it starts.  Before I start crying, my throat mutters a tiny, choking whimper of "Uhm."  Inwardly, I'm dissuading my tear ducts from letting loose right now and the poor things, as hard as that is for them, shame, they're being obedient.
I tell them, "I'm proud."
"Uhm."  They whimper too, putting forward their best attempt at restraint.
This extremely low carb bar?  See how things have progressed already?  (Why am I rubbing my throat?)  This bar went from very to extremely with each bite.  It's brown.  Eh!  I'm taking their word for it.  Not that it's brown, that it's extremely low carb.  Seeing as I'm no expert, I'm at their mercy which lemme tell you, is not the best qualification for the job.  I should have been an expert, I'm thinking.  Being at the mercy of anyone holding the true carb values is not the best position to put yourself in.  Let that be a lesson to you.
Where was I?  Ahhhhh, yes, it's dark brown, brownie-looking and doesn't taste toooooo bad.  :-/  Says my taste buds who evidently have a yearning for the sleek, rich taste of sun-melted Cadbury's chocolate but have undoubtedly and so desperately settled for an aftertaste of some kind, instead.  Really.  I couldn't describe the aftertaste even if I wanted to.  I just know that it kinda, slightly burns?  (Scratches her forehead, above her temple, wondering why-----but see?  Had she been an expert though, she wouldn't have to wond………….)  See that?  That's baaaaad.  That's called betrayal by cravings.  I just turned on myself, ready to highlight my shortcomings and for what?  Anger over the burning sensation that I am forced to endure just to feel human?  (Chocolate makes me feel human okay?!?!?!)  It's a good reason, but still.  You still have to have your own back.  Even when your throat wants to throw itself up.  Stay loyal to your back.
While we're on the subject of loyalty, I'm very pleased that the ANC government has lost a whole bunch of their supporters.  We just had an election, local election and the results clearly show that I have not been sucking complaints outa my thumb.  And the lack of results yet abundance of bullshit from the ruling party has finally gotten to levels of "enough is enough".  As I suspected before, too many were loyal to the party because they were the ANC and turned a blind eye to the fact that they kept getting a kick up their backsides for that unwavering loyalty.  This election has showed that some people are so tired that they are willing to vote for the DA, some are still loyal to the ANC, and others are so disillusioned by the doings of the ruling party and the fact that that makes it real easy to run and vote for the opposition but they still can't bring themselves to so they just chose not to vote.  Therein lies the problem.  Your vote is your voice.  Although some voices do land up in boxes dumped in bushes.  Anyway.  I do hope that this is a wake-up call, that they straighten up and fly right so that we can alllll be proud to be represented by A GOVERNMENT who holds the interest of its people, not their pockets, as a priority.  That's all, that's it.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/aug/05/anger-and-apathy-behind-south-africas-shock-local-election
And now?  Ima go eat some strawberries.  


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Congrats To The Newly Weds!

A huggggge congratulations to my brother and the love of his life on making their union official today! I truly couldn't be happier for them both. Even though we had Bible Study just last night and I've been done out of a bridesmaid dress and JUST found out on Facebook, not to mention that my cousin Pastor Shaun knew before me. No, it doesn't matter that he married them....it's the principle of it!

Hahahahahaha! Even I had to laugh at that last reason to rant! But all jokes aside, I love the spontaneity, he told me just now that they just decided today. That's what big love does, huh!? It doesn't see the need for delay.

Shhhhhhhhh....he doesn't know yet that he owes me a dress for the one I woulda worn to their wedding! A-hem!

^_^!!!!!




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9th of August

When I think back on this day a few years back, I feel two distinct emotions. Giddy elation on one side and then guttering sadness on the other. That's normal, right? I guess that's what they mean when they talk about something being bittersweet. Or when they say, "Don't talk rubbish man, how can you feel those together?!?" Well, I'm here to tell you that you can.
I realize that since then nothing has ever given me that feeling again. It was like every flower was in bloom, every blade of grass was green, the sky was blue and cloudless and nothing could taint any spec of beauty in the world. I felt extraordinarily complete. As if I was isolated in a bubble of absolute joy. I felt an existence, a sense of belonging, however temporary, that I can only describe as------indescribable. If that makes any sense.
Hey? I could go on and on but I don't wanna sound too (cough) corny. HA! Too late huh? Hahahahha, yeaaah, I thought so.
Here's where the guttering sadness comes in. I don't believe that anything ever will. There are some things, some people, some experiences in life that just can't and won't be replaced by others and you can search for them far and wide, up and down, over the mountain and everywhere and to be that fortunate twice, hell?!? Does that ever happen?
Never
Ever
Ever!!!
The lesson in this, I suppose, is both time and the willingness to take those leaps of faith when you're faced with these extraordinary moments in your life. You either take the chance or you watch ANY chance walk further and further away from you. Nothing waits until you think you're ready. Time certainly doesn't. Opportunity rarely does. Once you've lost both of those, you either spend your life searching for it or you settle for the next best thing.
But what you don't do? Is stop with the wondering. Stop with thinking about the what if's and the why's. Stop with pacifying yourself about however that thing happened, was how it was meant to happen. All while deep in your soul, you're feeling that empty space that nothing else will ever fill.


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Happy Women's Day

Don't you just love it when you wake up to an email, open it and read your horoscope talking about petty arguments? Me neither. :-/ Now see, if it didn't say petty? If it was talking about full blown arguments, then....
Uhhhhh, nope! Still not interested. I'll leave that bullshit drama for those housewives of potatoe. Pomato? Po-something. Crazy how much money is being made from women willingly showing themselves to be nothing more than immature high school girls. It's a shame.

As for me? I see that I might have to pay special attention today.....to my legs. And walking skills. Walking backwards. Forward. Crab style....slow motion running man. Whip and nay nay. Away! Besides, I can't argue when I have the flu. Who does that? Pffffffffft!

It's Women's Day today. I! Am a woman! Who hates confrontation of any kind, so Ima do my stretches before I leave home.

Have a happy Women's Day, ladies! And I mean, happy!


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IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE, IT'S A...

And that's what's wrong with healthcare today!  Money talks and you walk--------right outa there feeling inadequately taken care of. 

Yesterday, I woke up to a swollen lymph node under my arm, right?  If you asked me the night before, what it was that I would prefer to wake to?  That wouldn't have been my first choice, but hey?  We're dealt the cards we're dealt.  But it doesn't hur…….

Whaaaa----? 

How do I know?  You should know by now.  Google is my friend.  He's forthcoming with answers, he's intelligent, loyal, he's calm, he is reliable and I have to share him with the entire world, DRAT!!  Well, except China.  But I went to work as usual and ofcourse, hooked up with Googs, see?  See how close we are?  A-hem!  And this is what I read;

"A lump under armpits usually means that a lymph node under arms has swollen or enlarged. As part of lymphatic system Lymph nodes are responsible for fighting off infections and bacteria, but also abnormal growths such as cancer. This is why a swollen lymph node commonly means that an illness is coming, or that cancer has already shown up. Pay much attention to this symptom."          

You already know what ya ole Librambler did, don't you?  Exacles.  My indecisiveness deserves to be grounded for a month!  Without parole.  After arguing with myself for a good few hours at work, the rational part of my living being stood firm and convinced me that I should just go on to the doctor and ofcourse that he will be patient and detailed about what I just read.  Especially since somewhere in that piece of information, cancer is mentioned.  I learned me a good lesson.  Rational parts of living beings sometimes lie! 

When I got to the doctor, and this is after making an appointment, I got to the doctor at 1.30pm and was seen to at 2.45pm.  Somewhere within that time, the poor chap sitting next to me called the receptionist to ask her if he was forgotten about.  He was there for an hour and a half by that time but see, he?!?!?  Didn't have an appointment!  So what was the difference between him and I?  Not a damn thing!  I had an appointment and he didn't, so essentially, nothing.  He was waiting for ages, I was waiting for ages.  Same difference.  Anyhooooo…she tells him that they are dutied to see the appointment patients first.  Really?  She told him too that she had called the doctor and told him to hurry with his patients because there are still about ten more to see him.

Eventually, yours truly is called and doc says, take a seat inside, I'll be right back.  By then the palm of my hands are warm and I'm saying a silent prayer that my boss' flu that he brought home from China didn't make it's rounds already.  I shouldn't have a fever.  Not even a slight one.  But I did.  Or maybe my palms were warm from fisting them for too long.  Sometimes, I don't even realize……that's besides the point….I also had a headache.  Guess what doc does?

He leaves me sitting in there for another fifteen minutes. 

He had to eat something. 

I showed compassion. 

Who wants a starving doctor diagnosing them?  Not me.  So I show him my underarm.  Now remember that when I hook up with Googs, it's not a shallow interaction.  I'm looking for explanations, natural remedies, causes, and most importantly, images.  Comparing is vital.  So I find an image (attached) that exactly matches my underarm and what I copied above is what I found when I opened the page.  This thing still doesn't hurt as I sit here.  First thing the amply-dined doctor says is, "hmmmmmm, yeah see, it's a cyst."  I think I shook my head slightly in disagreement, I can't be sure because I kinda spaced out after he said, "I'll just give you an injection and cut…."  He was giggling when I snapped back to reality which only means that my face skewed into the horrified mixed with angry expression of "F you and the food you just ate if you think you're cutting anything of mine!"  For the most part, I think those things.  I don't say them.

Instead, I kindly responded, "Nooooh no, we will try antibiotics first."  He wasn't listening to my lymph node story, in fact, he flat out said, no.  Dude didn't even take my blood pressure!  I didn't make it off the chair, you know how they check your pressure, look into your eyes and ears and go ahhhhhhh…………….no!  Not nothing.  I stood up, lifted my arm and sat down.  Then he happened to see my thyroid and cholesterol tests from thaaaaaat time while I am asking him questions about whether the grapefruit, apple cider vinegar and honey drink that I'd started could have caused this since it's like a detox.  I'm really trying to achieve satisfaction.  He was really trying to get me outa there.  He totally switches the subject and talks about my cholesterol and thyroids and when can I come for a fasting test.  Before I can say, "But doctor?"  In his Indian accent, he rattles, "Come early Saturday, we do the blood tests and check, put you on a small thyroid dosage and…"  Me (fed up-aint nobody came here for that), "No, I need to check with medical aid first."  He then suggested I go into hospital overnight and get all the tests done and the look on my face told him just what he said, "…I know you don't want to stay in hospital."

Here's the problem that I had with that visit yesterday.  Getting through those ten patients after me was more important than being thorough and making sure that all possibilities of something more serious was ruled out.  For me?  The first thing that should have been done is a biopsy, just like the more thorough doctor had previously done a few years ago, on my breast.  Not because I think it's any more serious than it is, but even if it's a 1% chance of it being, then I deserve it being ruled out.  Send it for testing and WHEN IT comes back NEGATIVE, thennnnnn tell me about a cyst or thyroid medication that you want to ram down my throat for the rest of my life.  In the meanwhile, give me the antibiotics and anti-inflammatories.  I had already initially told him that it's slightly tender but not painful.  I have had a recurring cyst before, he knows it and once that sucker inflamed?  By the time the next few hours came?  That pain was a muthafucker!  That pain?  It doesn't exist now.  My nodes might as well be fine as rain.  That's the level of pain I am experiencing right now.  As a woman?  With breasts?  This lump shouldn't just mean, Oh oh oh, wait, lemme guess?!?!?!  Cyst!  It means, lemme rule all possibilities here, so that we're safe.

But what should be about care, is about money.  I won't be using that particular doctor in a hurry again.   

 
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Awesome August

It's my boy's birthday month, the big and suweeeeeet ONE SIX and, and, and------ one month closer to meeting my grandbabyboy in December (SooooooO praying that he arrives by the time gran gets there. I want alllllll of the time that I can possibly get with my lil munchkin), so hey? Two for the price of one......reason...... to be happy about this month!

In all honesty? Those aren't the onnnnnly reasons that I love August. I have another. Hmmmmmm? Two. (Ya Rambler blocks face and blushes.....he-he-he!) But, A-HEM! Those? Those are stories for another day.

So, August?!? Yayyyyyyyyyyy! Whoooooop! And hip-hip-hooray!

I hope that you guys find a reason to be grateful for this month and all of those to follow. Lawwwd knows it didn't help me to be flabbergasted about how quickly the months are both approaching and ending. The speed of light comes to mind. Don't you wish that fat disappeared at that crazy rate? Seriously, don't you wish that our metabolism was so fast that we all just reached our goal weight in two days and stayed there for the rest of our lives no matter how much chocolate or fudge we ate? Nod, nod, nod, nod! Me too.

Yeah! Now? Wait------Where are my manners? Sorry, they were distracted by the extraordinary memories of yesteryear. In my Madea voice-------H'lurrrr, e'rybody! Hope you're all well! Me? Awwww, thanks so much for caring. I'm still sewing bags and giving them away. The reactions are priceless. Been writing here and there as well, so my apologies for the extremely lengthy pause in posting.

Guess what's happening on Wednesday-------we have the local elections here in South Africa. That equals a public holiday! ^ _^!!!!!!!!! I will definitely be casting my vote. But I won't be voting for the ANC.

Nope, not, never and ever.


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Weather Woes!

We're stuck in traffic now. I'm not driving and typing. Worry not. Annnnnnd now, we've diverted, so we're on our way once again!

Up until about 5.30am this morning, it was still hell windy and pouring!

At 7am, I waited for Wendy on the road and this is what the weather was like....apparently the rain is not finished with us but it is for now until------well? The clouds decide to do what they're gonna do.



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And The Rain Came Down In Torrents!!

Ooooooooo-mannn! O_O!!!

When I tell you that today we had one long, scary drive home from work?!? Believe I! For I?!?! Do not ever recall driving in that much water in my lizzzife and I'm driving for many years now. The water was like THIS--------- high! It was herrre for the cars (if by some miracle you can see me? I'm showing you hand to ground measurements!) It was here!!! For the cars.

It's been pouring down since the weekend and hasn't stopped. Good for the drought.....horrible for the thousands of people in KwaZulu Natal who don't have proper shelter or any shelter at all.

We diverted from our usual highway route because ambulance with flashing lights were heading that way. I don't know what it is about drivers and rain but they lose their mind. Wouldn't you be extra careful? Yeah? Well, we need more of you on the road.

So then we head for the alternative route right------nope! I was like, head fall with a curse mumble and a sigh!

As if that wasn't enough? Right before we enter the flooded road? My back windscreen wiper falls off. >_<! *#?!#@*#!! Someone's ears musta been on fiuuuure because that's what I was thinking about that petrol attendant at the petrol station at this mall up and down the road from my house who broke it a few weeks back and was tryna leave it on the floor until I noticed something was missing. (Breathe) So I got out and there's my little back windscreen wiper lying all lonely on the concrete floor. I didn't bother saying a thing, I had no proof. I just know that it wasn't broken before he cleaned my windscreen. But still, I had no proof. Meanwhile? I'd just replaced it. About a y-(cough)-ear ago. Hey?!? I expected it to last eleven years like the original one and it would've too if----------
Okay, I'm over it.

Now where was I? Oh, right. Luckily, I was making an illegal turn to avoid that traffic build up on attempted route number two so Igshaan was able to get out and retrieve it. It's broken. Poor thing. But it was retrieved. It was my fault, I should have replaced it before the heavens opened up on us.

Lesson learnt! Replaced AGAIN, it shall be. #*?!#*@ petro-------
Okay, I'm over it!

These pics were taken by Nicole, stretched from the back seat between Wendy and I....

We reached home, safe and well-----cold! To those of you who are still out there, however you are travelling, I hope that you too arrive home safely.

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Good Still Exists

Came across these pages on Facebook today, I'm gonna share 'm because well? I think we need to see that good still exists on planet earth.

https://m.facebook.com/rjr.smith?v=timeline

https://m.facebook.com/samps247?v=timeline

Have a great Friday! My work day? Is ovvvver!

Oh? And running wild after Pokemon? Seriously! Yall getting knocked and crashing cars and shot at for some dumb non-existent thing in a game?!? The timing of that app coming out is way too suspicious for even ME, the benefit of the doubt giver.
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Woahhh, That's Going Too Far!

Wednesday already.  Wow!  Happy Hump Day to ya!

Hold on a s…………aaaaaah-ti-shoooo!  Shew!  Bless me!  My sinus is running rampant this past week.  Hate it, hate it, hate it!  But I'll live.

I see a new painting from Ayanda Mabulu has emerged, portraying the controversial relationship between the Gupta's and Zuma.  Look, you all know that I am anything but a fan of our president but like many others, even I think that this painting is in bad taste.  Despite the story behind it being what it is, he has a family.  The painting has already gone viral and if they haven't seen it yet, his kids surely will.  Their friends will see it.  Their rivals will too.  Which makes their job a little easier.  Kids are ruthless when it comes to teasing and embarrassing other kids.  Especially when they don't like you.  Matter-o-fact, I'm certain that even if they are not teased about it, just knowing that their peers have seen something so vile about their father, is more than enough to have a harmful effect on them.        

There is no doubt in my mind that Ayanda is an extremely talented artist.  There is also no doubt in my mind that Ayanda, like too many others here, is angry enough at the current state of affairs of this country.  That he is motivated enough by that anger to let his feelings spill out on that canvas this way.  But, it's still not the best way to tell his story.  I'm saying that because now that it's out, now that another one is out, he is the one being ridiculed, not Zuma.  Zuma is being regarded, over this painting, with sympathy, regardless of how people feel about him or his leadership.

http://www.thesouthafrican.com/ayanda-mabulus-newest-painting-of-zuma-and-atul-gupta-has-gone-viral-very-nsfw/

 
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Home Safe

The boys are back in town, safely! My daughter is fine.

A good ole time was had. Damo looked so grown and got to go with Chicken, (yes, the guys name was Chicken, bwaaaaahahahahah! Too cute!) and Noon to play soccer! But the rain ruined that so they just kicked the ball around. Zane, like Zane does, made friends, brothers, as Damo said, hahahahhaha! He was like, "Chicken said, 'I cry now coz my brother go home!'" Apparently, they were invited to a wedding in April next year, hahahahahha!

My dad wouldn't stop talking, LOL! I see that he noticed the same thing that I did. Something that hit me quite hard, in a good way. Clearly, him too.

As we were leaving last night, he said, "It's a different life over there. They live very differently." I said, "It is, I love it so much." He then said, "They are poor but they're not crying about it. They find some way to make money. But they aren't sad and miserable, they are still happy." And I couldn't help but smile because it's something that I'd told everyone when I came back from Chiang Mai. And I said, "I knowww, you don't see anyone coming up to you and begging. But you do see many of them coming up to you and selling something they've made. Even if they are simply flower chains that they've sewn together. They are doing something." I already knew, because he was always such a hard worker and still now won't sit still, that he would notice that.

I respect that about the people of Thailand. I have no doubt that they were given the gift of hand. And they use it well.

It made me miss being there even more.


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Reconcile, Relive or Release

Sometimes that's really all one can do to keep from letting those "other" emotions take over.  I'm feeling sooooooo much as I type this.  I'm feeling cold too, by the way.  Brrrrrrr and all that. 
 
:-/ 
 
But life, mannnnnnn!  Life also has its Winter's sometimes, doesn't it!  And so does love.  But the sun always comes out---if you let it.  Remember that.  You gotta let it.  Brooding over pain, over hurt, over negative, keeps a strong grip on that very place in your life that you would do anything to get away from.  It becomes a very unhealthy crutch.  That's not to say that you shouldn't feel and you shouldn't process.  That's how you go from being a work in progress to tipping the scale on the other side, you know?  I'm just saying, don't live there.  Come on now, don't you deserve to be released from all of those damaging feelings?  Hmmmmmmm?  I'd say.  
 
When you find clarity in situations as far as why this happened and why that happened in your life, in your relationships, in your friendships?  Especially if you're able to admit, "Wow, that ones on me, I royally fucked that up."  That's when you're able to decipher what about you needs to change.  We can't do anything about the faults and flaws of others.  We all have them.  You, me, the president, the gardener----nobody's exempt.  That's for them to change.  And like yourself?  They have to realize the changes they need to make for whatever result they are hoping to achieve.  Whether it be for reconciliation purposes or next relationship success purposes. 
 
Being the victim of someone else's indiscretions is painful.  There are times when it's so excruciating that it results in you laying a blanket of judgement over that entire gender (allllllllllll men are like this and all women are like that) and then push you towards choosing either to date the opposite gender (again, don't look at me as if you've never heard of this) or simply never to date again.  Sure, that's the extreme but you haven't heard someone say I'm sick of pain, I'm better off alone?  You haven't heard someone being hurt by men too often or too badly that they turn to women?  Or a notch less extreme, you continue dating but you refuse to trust.  Another notch, you can't let your total guard down and even will go as far as making sure you do the hurting before you get hurt.  Nothing foreign about anything I've just typed, is there? 
 
If you're the one who's hurt someone, ideaaaaaaally-------------ideally, at some point, it should cause you to rethink your own behaviour and work on improving the parts of you that were broken enough to break someone else.  However, that can only happen if you're able to admit that to yourself.  You can always go on believing that it's never your fault, sure.  Then you can also go on believing that you're perfectly intact.  Even though, none of us are.  But you will forever question why all of your relationships end, won't you?  Granted, there will always be a place in our past that we don't ever want to revisit.  A time when you were the worst possible version of yourself.  Sometimes wilfully so because you've locked it away and sometimes because you've worked your ass off not to be that person anymore.  The absolute last thing that you then NEED, is someone constantly taking you on an emotional roller coaster ride back there with the constant, "Remember when you….remember why you"  Remember, remember, remember--------------the old you.  Shocker, but?!?  Not everybody is who they were in their past.  Rehabilitation is not unusual and highly recommended, right?  But unless they have journeyed that road of progress with you?  Unless they have witnessed who you are now as opposed to who you were then?  They will never know and rightfully so.  They weren't there to see it happen and they're not there to see the results now.  All they will remember is who you were when you….? 
Hurt them.   
 
Guess what?  It's not supposed to be any different than that.  If they weren't there.  They will not know!  They're not supposed to know.  So ofcourse, in their thoughts, in their memories, that's the person that they are referring to.  Only? 
 
That person no longer exists. 
 
As far as reconciliation goes?  Why would you even attempt to reconcile if you feel that the other person is exactly who they were when you parted ways, that they're doing exactly the same things that turned you off from wanting to carry on with them in the first place, etc, etc.  Why would you want to invite that same drama and upset and confusion into your life once you have had a taste of living without it? 
 
I believe that the safest place for both parties?  Is nowhere near each other.  Wouldn't that be like being a recovered alcoholic and then deciding to frequent bars with your old alcoholic buddies from back in the day?  One has no place in the life of the other any longer. 
 
Why? 
 
'Cause it means that already there is a gap in understanding. 
'Cause it means that in order to be with them, you have to be willing to go back to someplace that is detrimental to whatever progress you've made. 
'Cause they are stuck at a point where you both were when whatever happened, happened and you are long gone from that spot.  
 
If they are expecting to deal with you as the person that you were, they will already be anxious about specific behaviour and anticipate signs of them, even when they're not coming.  No peace for either of you. 
It means that they will make specific accusations out of mistrust of what "just might happen" because it happened before.  
It means that what you have tried to move away from, forgive yourself for, grow out of, they will continuously pull you back towards. 
What all of that means in a nutshell?  It means that the slate is not clean and in that case, it's never a good idea.  Never a good idea to mar a second chance by still begrudging the mistakes of the first.  I believe that for any couple to reunite and have a lick of a chance at success? 
 
Firstly, forgiveness is key. 
Secondly, after forgiveness, those mistakes should never be brought up again. 
 
If one cannot do either?  Then that attempt towards reconciliation should NEVER be made. 
 

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Cody Banks

Meanwhile, I'm kinda wide-eyed, listening to this movie that's on tv right now, Cody Banks, where they're talking all openly about "mind control is a reality, God help us all", "the world leaders are meeting at Buckingham Palace". Anthony Anderson's character goes as far as introducing himself as Cody Banks' "handler".

O_o!

I'm not shocked by what they're saying. Nope. I've read enough and watched enough over the past months to know that yes, that shit and more, is a reality so I have a pretty good idea of what's going on "behind the scenes". I'm just surprised by how openly it's being displayed. But then am I? Am I surprised? Since that's what de-sensitizing is all about, right? Put it out there, keep it out there until it no longer has that shock factor.

Researching this has opened my eyes to such an extent that I can't even believe that the sky is blue even when I'm looking at it. I won't say that it's made me paranoid. More so, sceptical of everything that my eyes can see. I also was able to answer a question that I couldn't get answers to no matter how hard I tried to make sense of it. The education system. I now know that the OBE system was introduced to do exactly what it's done and still doing now. Fuck it up!



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Ocsar Update

Front page of the newspaper states that Oscar has been cleared to take part in the 2020 Olympics. The man got 6 years, pathetic, for murder. This is the year 2016. Something doesn't add up.

Or does it? :-/

South Africa must be seriously desperate for gold medals.
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Can't Wait!

This little guy already has my heart.  A month with him is gonna be heaven.

Hurry, December!

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Saddened

I've spent some time last night, today, watching the video's and reading the articles.

It's been a very emotional morning. All this death around us, for what? And then I've been talking to my Uncle earlier about our lineage and then about my late Gran and remembering her, how encouraging she was to me, my heart feels heavy right now.

My condolences go out to all of the victims of these just senseless killings in the US, in Turkey, in Bagdad, allllllll over the world, I'm sorry for your pain.

:-(
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Fifty Shades Darker

Because I caught some of the movie the other night on the telly? The way that it ended, I was compelled to read what happened next. Curiosity hasn't killed me yet.

So I'm finally reading the second book, Fifty Shades Darker. I've had these books for ages and I still haven't read the first book.

Lemme tell you something? Yes, there is sex all over this book, almost every second page and as entertaining as that is, I'm finding the book--------- just heartwrenching. In sooooooooo many more ways than one.

His horrific past. The effects that it's rightfully had on him his whole life. His pain and his deep fears. His protectiveness over this woman that he loves. His desperation not to lose her. Their attraction. Their connection. The way that she'd changed the very core of who he's been. Her innocence coupled with her strength. Her calming effect on him. The comfort that she finds just being near him. It's as if she is saving him slowly, from one day to the next on so many levels. She's dragging the human out of him, slowly, from one day to the next. The way that he regards her a treasure to him. I'm assuming that this book digs into the reasons that he was who he was since I haven't read the first one.

But reading? I can't stop and I can't stop feeling as though I wanna reach into this book, take this fictional man, just like Ana, and hold him close and show him that life is not as cruel as it is in his nightmares. That he is worthy of being loved despite his pounding belief that he's not.

I didn't expect this. At all. Not to mention the way that it's draining my own psyche. And very little of that has anything to do with sex.

Wow!


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Memories of Kebab House

If you're ever in Chiang Mai and you love Indian food? This is the spot to go to!

Zane reminded me today of how fantastic their food was, they're eating there as I type so he took a pic of our pic of the wall inside the restaurant.

The owner takes pics of all of the restaurants patrons and puts them up. Love that idea! So ofcourse, he took a picture of us as well when we ate there and I see that he knew exactly where to put it! Right below Paige and Kana's.

What a nice surprise!

^_^!


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Shhhhh!

Don't worry about the fact that it's just passed 2am! I'm not. Don't even worry about the fact that I gotta be up in under 3 hours. I'm up now.

I watched the news earlier while I was at mums and saw all these people with tape crossed over their mouths. My first thought was, "Oooo that's gonna hurt you, man with a penis and balls, when you pull it off. Unless you just waxed." Those were journalists. Journalists pissed at the SABC for demanding that news about the president be censored. Apparently, he deserves our respect. He just doesn't need to earn it.

>_<!

Me? I'm thinking then just shutup then. Cancel the news broadcasts. Don't tell us shit if all we're supposed to hear is how great he is when behind the camera's he's running a clean mock. And while yall at it, SABC, in the last news broadcast? Officially announce the end of democracy too, okay? Oh, oh, oh, and don't forget to announce that we shouldn't pay for the tv license too! Cool?

Cool!

What a mess.......!


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Burning Question

Brrrrrrrr! Can Winter end already! And then it's tryna be cute with blue skies, sunshine and white clouds as if we're not gonna feel it's invasive icy wind penetrate the fabric covering our goosebumped flesh! Hmmmmmpf! I don't appreciate that attempt at deception.

Nevermind that my son is holding the tail of a tiger and quadbiking almost into bushes in Thailand so I don't even have his hot breath to warm up my home. Who I'm supposed to talk to? Cruzzles? Fine. Until even he turns around and walks off in the hopes of finding Damon to rescue him from human gibberish!

Hey? O_O!

I wonder what we actually sound like to dogs? Loud as shit, that much I know but what do we sound like? You ever wonder what you sound like to your pet? Let's see. Who can we ask? Studies will not suffice. Then we might as well just believe what we already believe. I actually don't know what I believe in this particular case.

I went to see what Google had to say and ofcourse, there's a study that says something about left hemisphere of the brain and when the human voice was heard, the dogs turned to one particular side. Blah! Blah! Blah! See how interested I was? I can't even tell you which side. Why? 'Cause that's not what I wanna know. What I wanna know, only a dog can tell me. Do we sound like ourselves or do we sound like we barking? I need this answer to come straight from the hors----from the dog's mouth!



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Happy 4th of July!

Just came by to wish all of you out in the US, a safe and blessed 4th of July!

Enjoy!


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Grans Baby Is A.......

BOYYYYYYYYY!!!!! ^_^!

I laughed so hard when I watched the video of the ultrasound! It was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes this morning. My grandson practising to be a contortionist. Just look at how he's laying, those are his legs over top of him, hahahahahaha, like he's doing a breakdance stance, hahahahahaha!

Maybe he'll be a gymnast?! Hmmmmmmmm?

I was real surprised that Paige couldn't feel those movements because he wouldn't lay still during the ultrasound. Hypers like the mum. That was my first thought. She said because he is still so little, 100grams, the movement is not as intense as it will be once he's grown some.

I just canNOT wait 'til the end of the year to meet this lil pumpkin of mine!



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1am Serenade

What better time to blog than 1am in the morning, huh? Well that was when I started this post. Eventually slept after 3am.

I was far from pleased that I was laying awoke listening to Sam Smith, ironically, Lay Me Down, but hey? Things could be worse. I coulda been laying awoke WITH Sam Smith.

NOT a lick of an insult intended there, I have no problem with gay people, orange people, square people, tall people or short people, it don't matter to me, that's my boy right there but then the ever-watching world would be all confused and lose sleep over wait, did you see Sam Smith laying awoke with the Rambler?

Even if, as one of my favourite artists, he took it upon himself to find me out of the goodness of his heart and serenade me to sleep as my gift for being a fan of his gift, the paparazzi would have their own agenda. Wait until I'm sobbing in his arms, over HIS heartache, to snap us up! And then what?!? You already know what! His good deed is then turned into something to fall of a chair over. Nuuuuuh-uh!!! Do we honestly need any more confusion on this earth?

Therrrrre you go.
No!

So, for now. We're all the better for it. Me, Sam and the worlds population of nosey asses.

Yo, I slept half the day away yesterday. :-/ Which could explain why I was wide-awake at that part of the morning. I was hoping that it didn't cause me to sleep until noon today 'cause then I woulda been hopping mad with myself. Wasting away the days like that. I didn't take leave from work to catch up on sleep. Pffffffft! Normal people leave that for a Saturday.

Was reading just now that Penny Sparrow was fined to pay R150,000.00 to some NGO's for her hate speech towards Blacks. In the same token, I wait to see what will happen to Ayanda George after posting on social media that all Coloureds are slaves and useless drug addicts.

I'm not holding my breath, though.

But let's see, shall we?


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