Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^!

I couldn't NOT come to wish you all the very best for 2015. That would be real rude of me, wouldn't ya say? So, how's it looking there? I know some of you have seen it before we did.

The scene from where I lay?

Hmmmmmmmmmm, let's see. Right now, I hear music. Faint, faint music. From what sounds like a distance away. It's not. It's just a fence away. The neighbours are trying to compete with this extremely grumpy thunderstorm we're having. They're like, "We will not let you ruin the one and only New Years Eve of 2014 for our Rambler! She's home alone and needs to hear something other than Cruz barking at...at...movement!"

Thank you, neighbours. I do appreciate that since the storm has cut my television signal. I-I didn't manage to get up on the roof to put the bottom of a two-litre soda bottle over the dish receptor. Not that I'd planned to, I'm just sayinnnn. Might be why I'm being punished right now but hey, first thing in the morning though, I'm gonna get right on up there and-and...ohhhhh! Who the hell am I kidding? I don't even have a ladder.

That's cool though, quiet New Years Eve's are rather foreign to me, I guess the heaven's are merely trying to give me the experience in it's entirety which I think is a sweet gesture, you know? This way I get to compare the norm to the new. One thing I've learnt this year is to use negative happenstances as lessons.

(BTW? The neighbours are STILL trying to out-watt the thunder.) They're losing. But nobody tell them. Their hearts are in the right place. Someone saw the need to light a cracker as if the thunder wasn't loud enough....okay well? Cruz has just been woken by that and went flying off the bed in crazy mode. On second thought? This might be my loudest New Years Eve yet!

Let's see how this plays out, shall we!

Have yaselves a safe and wonderful New Year!


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Crossroad

It's been a lonnnnnng month, and I haven't even begun the rush of preparing for Christmas. Shew!

Wrote this, this morning, after quite an eventful day and night taught me that sometimes you really have no choice but to love certain people from a distance.


Crossroad

I've reached it again, the turning point, the crossroad
Where I've had to decide to leave or carry the load
It's not as easy as it sounds when you're part of my veins
But it's either this or take the risk of you adding to my stains

I don't wanna go but it hurts way too much to stay
Nothing changes, nothing makes you stop treating me this way
I can't constantly keep building up what you tear down
I'm worn out and dizzy from this merry-go-round

The world as it is, it forces us to look over our shoulder
To expect that someone's behind us throwing the next boulder
That as it is, there's always someone watching out for us too
And I can't exist in this world where my danger comes from you

If you believe that this is something I'm happy to do
You're wrong but it's not up to me to give you a clue
About the do's and the don't's or the wrongs and the right
This stick on my end is finally too short to grasp tight

So I gotta let you go now before I hurt myself trying
To keep holding on when I've already begun sliding
This is my stop, before I fall out, lemme make the jump
That way I land on my feet instead of being thrown in a slump

I never thought we'd be back here doing this again
Too many times that I've been run over, you were driving the train
That's how I recognise this place, I can't hurt, I can't stay
Nothings ever gonna change, you'll always be treating me this way
I'm all out of bricks, no more building, no more tearing me down
I'm so tired......just so tired of this merry-go-round

2014 (c) Stacey Kell
2014.12.12
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Double Jeopardy

T'was within the wee hours of Sunday that I laid in my bed, unable to sleep and then thought about couples going through this. It sucks, huh? Yeah, it does. And it don't taste like that bubblegum lollipop that they discontinued either. >_<! I'm still hectically pissed off about that, by the way. They were called, Bubblepops. They were pink and once you got to the middle, you found the bubblegum and.....hey?! I'd go without bread if they brought those back! Hint. Hint. I'm just sayinnn'......I refuse be blamed for my carb intake if those lollipop manufacturers aren't reading my blog. It has yet to be proven that Bubblepops, as opposed to bread, causes one to pile on the kilo's. They stopped making the damn things before anyone could find that out and I'm here, volunteering to be the guinea-pig. Scient-scientific research. Yeah.

Eh. You already know. I'm way passed the point of taking these discontinuations lightly too. It happened with the Woolies cheesy popcorn, the Beacon Bubblepops, that Nestle honey and almond cereal. Who knows what other product on the Rambler's favourites list!

Fatal effects on the liver in the long run?!?! My ass!

Look?

I make it a point not to run. -_-

I don't run for long periods, I don't run for long distances. Why not let ME decide the level of fatality that I am willing to accept? As a human, I have rights and totally taking the choice away from me is a violation. 'Cause they say that shit just to scare you! Whooooooooooooo....fatal effects, whoooooooooo! Puuuulease! One or two people collapse and suddenly it was the Bubblepops. What about dehydration? Did they even check dates of collapse? Like I could be sitting here salivating over a lollipop that I used to know because people collapsed from dehydration from running the Comrades. Who's to say?

What was that?
Oh no. No-no, I didn't hear of anyone collapsing from the lollipop but when in doubt....I use my imagination. Handy tool, if you ask me.

Alllllll around the world, there are people who really don't mind that their intestines could be dyed yellow by the time they reach 60 from the cheese spice over the popcorn. I know I don't! I'm all for bright colours. Matter of fact? The sunflower is my favourite flora species and it's yellow. Yep! Bet quality control didn't know that little piece of colourful information, when they were like, "Stop production now!!!!!! Throw all of that popcorn away! Someone is suing us for dying their intestines against their wishes!" Pffffffffffffft! Plus?!? Plus.....check it out. I eeeeeeven love yellow on walls!

So then I ask? Beacon, Nestle' and Woolies.....Why wouldn't I be excited about yellow intestines? And see, they don't know that I'm an over-thinker too because I see the pattern. He-he-he! Look at those names. How they start with the letters B and N and W. Now.....all I have to do is find the manufacturers with-with names starting with the missing alphabets, find my favourite products and then buy them as if I were preparing for the Apocalypse. Why I'd need them then? I don't know just yet but I'm keeping in mind that someone will have to be the new Eve. It could be me.

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Jussss bringing my pressure levels down before I attend Tre's First Holy Communion just now. Can't be going to church filled with aggravation at three of our leading manufacturers. Hummmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Oh yeah?!? (Slaps air with one hand). The reason I'm here. Lol! Lose my way, find my way, lose my way, find my way....that's how you know me.

Here's the poem I wrote last night. A word of advice to anyone in this situation? You don't have to accept responsibility for mistakes that you did not make. I'm all for working through past issues with my partner, but if he's only about making me pay for his ex's flaws...like her, I'll also become the one that got away! I wanna be punished for my OWN set of flaws. Hmmmmmm?! Yes.

Double Jeopardy

I can accept at the wrong time being at the wrong place
What I can't understand is why you're still searching for his face
After all that I've done right, you seem to find it in mine
I didn't sign up for paying the price for another man's crime

It's real hard tryna scrub away at another man's dirt
While at the same time pickin up the pieces of your heart
Something's gotta give, it's either me or babe, it's him
But I won't be his bad and my good when good is all I've been

I don't wanna lose you but what am I really fighting to keep
It's not getting any easier playing your game of double jeopardy
Because I'm the one in front of you don't mean I become the target
I swear I will not let you sentence me for a crime I didn't commit

So it's all up to you, you tell me what it's gonna be
I can stay and heal your hurt but I won't let you blame it on me
I'm man enough to stay and keep the promises that I make
But if you keep this up, stepping outa your life is a trip I'm willing to take

Now take a look behind you and when you're done, turn around
The only thing in front of you is me and this love that we found
If it's worth it to you, then you gotta let it be known
'Cause I ain't settling for less, I'd rather go it alone

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.11.23
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Stutter Inducing Love

People of cyberspace! I cometh bearing a message! A simple, yet.....nope! Just simple. No need for dramatisation! See this picture? Read this picture! I mean, read this words!

Did I just say.........mannnnnnnn?! >_<!!!

I. Meant. Read the words on this picture?!? I'm a lillllllllll high on pain meds right now. (No, I'm not one of those). So don't be holdin' anything against me. I won't lift my right hand and swear by ANYthing that I've written on here that don't make no sense.

Pssssssssst...lemme tell you somethin' in ya ear. Can't tell you in my ear, it's off duty for a while. Listen now....I'm whispering. I believe that most people who have developed a stutter? Have developed that stutter 'cause of nerves. Nerves are finiSHed 'cause something or someone has traumatised their calm senses SO much that now? Their calm senses start jumping up and down, smacking into each other and shit, looking for a place to hide in their voice box everytime they see that bastard or feel the way that that bastard made them feel. That's the ....ththththth----or the a-a-a-a that you hear? That's where it comes from. Senses just running wild tryna find a safe place. Picture a crowd when there's like a bomb scare. You see how everyone's so frantic to get outa there before the BOOM?

Yeah.

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to people with a stutter. I swear that on my life. Not like at family functions I'm like, stutterers over there! Non-stutterers over here! No. WTF!

But if I don't try to steer you clear of a situation that might cause you to develop one? What type of loving, caring, Rambler would I be?

Understand this. It is horrible when you're an adult under that much duress. I remember being seriously broken over the death of my baby niece and then instead of some compassion? I was yelled at for her choosing to pass on his birthday and ruin things for him! To that I say? Good riddance to bad rubbish!

And once I put that trash in the garbage truck? I've never felt better! Free-er than I've ever felt and why? The people that I've chosen to be a part of my perfectly, imperfect life, are people whom I never have to worry about developing a stutter around.

If there's one thing that I hope to leave you with, more than anything....it's to strive to find a love that lifts you because when you're lifted in spirit and mind and soul by the person you're looking to make a life with? You automatically want to give of your best to them simply because they've allowed you to find the best parts of yourself, after you've stumbled, fallen, erred, cried, hurt, whatever! And didn't punish you for it! They gave you the freedom with an outstretched hand and an encouraging voice....to walk through it WITH them, not WHEN they demand it be done.

Yes! That's because your growth alongside them is more important than their power over you. Let's say that again...........................................ohhhhhhh I know you're not waiting for me to retype that when you can just lift ya eyes up two lines right?!?

You will know that you're in the right arms. They give you solace, not salty tears.

And now? Off to sleep I fall....good morning from ya Rambler! And thank you, Tony Gaskins!

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Let Me Be A Father

I woke thinking about this today.

Let Me Be A Father

Don't shut me out, we're not the ones who'll suffer
All I want is what he deserves, not an unnecessary buffer
Our fight's not his fight, but he's paying the price anyway
I'm here and I'm willing to be day after day

I'm begging you, please just let me be a father
Give me the privilege and save us all this bother
I wanna be the one to teach him what he needs to know
But everytime I come around, you're telling me its time to go

Aren't you proud of what we created out of love?
Can we put aside our differences for our gift from above?
The world can be a dark place, we've gotta show him different
But that's gonna take you growing up so that I can be a parent

All I hear about are dead beats and father's who don't care
Yet here I am on my knees, pleading for a chance to be there
But you'd rather strip me from him because you have that power
Only so you can turn me into the statistic of the hour

I'm not asking for your time, I'm not asking for your nothing
What I'm asking is that you find the sense enough to do the right thing
He's not a pawn, he's our son, he's both our responsibility
Don't make me watch my boy growing up without me

My money won't make him the man I know you want him to be
So let go of the spite and realize, this is not about you or me
Kids are dying on the streets from a lack of guidance
Can't you see the effects on a child through a father's absence

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.11.07

Gangsta Gran

I had to tell you guys about my early evening!!!

The day had been humid as sin and as murphy would have it? The clouds very cleverly timed their downpour for just as we leave the office! Naturally, my ass was mad as hell at the elements, so I wrote a Facebook status about it, that's where all protests begin. Suddenly, it started thundering so I said not a single thing further. I wasn't tryna be dented by hail for my big mouth!

So it gets seriously darker right by the blink as we're driving and the wind is doing its best to make sure that Wendy works really hard behind that wheel! Needless to say, I got soaked running into my mums house. And then I decide to wear this hoodie that was made for a hamster or someone with a disproportionate face or something! I literally had to bend my back, neck and chin to be able to see out of it after I put it on my head! I bought it on the streets of NYC, it couldn't have been a reject! Let's go instead with my hamster theory.

Anyway, my son and I wait for the rain to die down and then leave my moms. I think people were busy covering their mirrors because of the lightning 'cause I've never seen the roads that empty unless I'm driving at three in the morning and if you knew me, you'd know that I don't drive at three in the morning so....go figure! Either way, I spot this old lady carrying a bag and a little boy behind her so I turn the car around to give them a ride to wherever they were going.

Gran gets in and our conversation goes like this!

Gran: I'm going to Rooks Road lovey. I just come from my granddaughter, she's going back to (I forgot the name of the place) tomorrow.
Me: Oh okay!
Gran: You know Lee-anne?
Me: UHM-M?
Gran: Farah? She's Farah's sister
Me: No, I don't think so. I really don't know a lot of people. (Because I didn't wanna make her feel like she's talking to a stuck-up prude, I add). Maybe if I see them, I'll know them.
Gran: Ay, you just like me.
I turn into the road that she lives in.
Gran: I also went pass Langer's house to see how his son was after he got shot!
Me: Wade?!!
Gran: No, the other brother, the eldest brother.
Me: Ohhh, I don't know his eldest brother.
Gran: You know where I stay, huh darling?
Me: (Thinking) Gran, I don't know you from a bar of blue soap (but I say). No, you will have to show me.
Gran: There by those white pillars.
I stop the car and she thanks me....
Gran: Ay, they're getting strict with the gun laws now huh?!
Me: They should take the guns away completely!
Gran: Not mi----iiiiiiine!!
O_o!!!!!!!!
Me: BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! You have one!!!
Gran: Ya! What if they interfere with you? How ima help you? (Clearly Gran has plans on seeing me a second time in my life)
Me and Damon: HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!
Gran: You can be driving and I'll be BANG BANG!!! (Clearly gran is planning a drive-by and was excited to have met a driver!)
Me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA OMG! (Forgot about the storm!)

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HIP HIP HOOOOORAY! That was the vibe on Saturday when I had my family over for my birthday! Gotta say, this was one of my most enjoyable birthdays! I haven't fully recovered, right now it's a case of heavyeyelidvitus! SLEEEE-PYYYYYY!




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Prologue to Psssssssst!

Because I've become such a huge fan of learning from each other, I've started writing another book called Psssssssst...here's a snippet!

Since the dawn of time, relations have been viewed through a magnifying glass. The man's role. The woman's role. The leader. The follower. Remember Eve? Said no woman ever! She was our very first lesson in just how messed up things can get when we already know the rules but choose to ignore them. Hell! We got to see how that alone had changed all of existence as we might have known it. Eve showed Adam though, huh? She stood her greedy-ass ground and was like, "ADAM! Lemme tell you somethin' dude! Gone are the days (meanwhile…the earth had JUST been created!) Gone are the days where woman shall be kept naked and starved for knowledge. Munch munch!" Poor Adam was already palming his face about, "Women! Tsk Tsk Tsk!"

No! The way I look at it, she didn't show Adam! Greedy ass showed us woman just how manipulating we can be but more so, how to make life painfully difficult for the next one!

See, making things painfully difficult for the next woman doesn't only apply to birth and a monthly menstrual cycle! Within the realm of relationships, we're talking trust, loyalty, honesty and love. We see it everyday. Being loved the wrong way has some harsh effects on one's behaviour within a relationship going forward and that's where ours affects the next poor sod that has to come post us and try to convince whomever we've damaged, that all men aren't dogs orrrrr that all women aren't just cold bitches. Being loved right!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh well! Goosebumps! Isn't that what we all dream of!?

I'm no psychologist but I've live almost forty-two years. Some aspects about love and relations, I've never understood better than I do now. Not that I expected to know these things at six or even twelve. It took me going through some things. Things that felt hard and hurtful but I wouldn't have the understanding that I do now, if everything had always gone right for me and relationships, right? Riggggggght! That's just my truth.

Right now? I sit here a divorcee who once believed that she had everything under control. I clearly didn't. I'm well…divorced. My only wish is that I'd known all that I know now, beforrrrrrrrrrrre I got married. Who knows? I might have waited or not have gotten married at all! This is not me claiming to have been the best wife in all the land. All it is is me feeling that better decisions could have been made on both our parts had we known a little more than we did at the time.

That's the mistake that most of us make though, isn't it? Especially us women. The fairytale of the wedding, the ignorance of the whole picture! We're rather famous for that, aren't we? Aside from that, we have both society and that one aunt who keeps hammering us about our biological clock being a ticking time bomb! To that I say?!? (No disrespect). Shutup! There's enough pressure in the world without us being made to feel as if, come a certain age, then single is a punishable crime!

Something tells me that being little girls at one point in our lives, is what reallllllly messed us up 'cause in our little girl dreams, everything works out for the best and then you grow up and then shit becomes real hard! I think the lesson in that is that we should make big girl decisions when we're actually big enough girls to make them. And I don't mean age!

I'm hoping that with this book, we all learn to look transparently at some of the signs of good and bad relating, through my eyes and through my experience. It's no secret that once you reach a certain age, the aspired destination of any relationship generally becomes marriage and I'm really eager for us, before we take that step, to be light-hearted about our decision to exchange those vows and be comfortable enough that we know all that we need to know about our men and woman and that we too, have divulged enough of our own selves to them so much so that they too are making a decision that would grant that union no end.

Over the years, the hardest part for me was being cautious. Trust was always an issue for me. Trusting too easily, that is. Trusting even after it was shown to me that I'm racing into another brick wall, face first! If I felt love, then I was in love and that's all that mattered. I would then give one hundred and ten percent of me, according to my own ability. Charge ahead like a freight train…toot toot! Only thing is? It's not. It's not all that matters and if nothing else, my aim is for you, the reader to stumble upon something in here that you recognise. Something that challenges you out of your relationship comfort zone with, "I never thought about that...hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?! Lemme take a minute to rethink this."

You do know that that's a mighty dangerous place to live, don't you? So much of life can be and is missed when we're stuck there, it's frightening. But yeah. Read. Enjoy. Learn from my mistakes!

Oh! Just in case you're wondering? My inspiration?

Love! (I'm Libra!)

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.09.30
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October's Herrrrre!

October's rolled around with a CRRRRR-CRRRRR-CRRRRACK BANG! That's the sound of trees all over Durban being blown over into the streets by violent wind storms. What's worst?!? Nobody's even trying to pull them outa the way! I mean? You see a tree in strewn across the street? You move it, right! Don----don't you?

O_o!

Who me? No, I do not but that's not the point! Last I checked, my vagina gave me the right to have trees moved outa the street forrrrrrr me. Says me, an independent woman who can do anything that you can do, better! BUT!?!? My anatomy just doesn't believe that it's chivalrous to have me lug wet wood off the streets! I shall drive around them until they're either forcefully removed or they get up and walk themselves over to the paper mill. Whichever comes first.

Man?!? The weather's been seriously menopausal these past two days. The poor sun doesn't know whether its arthur or mar....wait?!?

Tell me something? I grew up and who knows where I got this crazy idea from but I grew up knowing that a rainbow meant that the rain is finished. Was I wrong all of these years? 'Cause this morning, we had a thick rainbow, WHILE it was raining! And then this evening, we had another rainbow, while it was raining again! Can somebody please enlighten a girl on what's the actual deal with rainbows? Or are these millenium rainbows different to the 20th Century ones?

If this turns out to be another one of my inarguable childhood beliefs that it was shoes that did the shrinking and not our feet that did the growing! Then clearly I have lots to rethink! But I'm not gonna start rethinking 'cause I don't wanna waste my re---uhmmmm---my---rethoughts so until I'm certain that I had the whole rainbow thing wrong....I'll wait.

If I did, then I totally answered all of those questions in my English matric exam wrong too! DRAT! They had this piece, I think it was about a hair salon or something, I forget, but they used the word, rainbow as a metaphor in it and I confidently wrote that it signified change! Depending on what you tell me, I might demand a rewrite because I don't really know who to sue at this point. Someone taught me that...I just can't remember who but justice must be served!

Talking about justice. Oscar Pistallofusoff was found not guilty of murder. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Shocker, huh! I guess that shooting you don't' know whoooooooo, four times, in the throws of fear, is meant to tickle them, not kill them. On purpose. But this is South Africa, isn't it! The place where unless you're having the sense strangled outa you by someone you didn't invite to come and steal your belongings while you're asleep but then your bladder decides to feel full because you're doing your utmost to get rid of your cellulite by drinking gallons of water so you wake and catch them in the act because well? Your bladder made you! You cannot hurt them. They must hurt you first! It's the law! Maybe bladders should be illegal! Eh!

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Cracks at the Core

Mannn, it realllllllllllllly doesn't feel as if I've been away for an entire month and then some! I can't keep up with what feels like fifteen hour days anymore.

The last I talked to y'all was after my procedure but you know what? What's crazy with the time that's passed is that it doesn't appear that I've completely healed from my breast procedure because I still get an ache inside. My nipple, I mean. And I don't mean the good kind. -_-! Drat!

I'm working on it though!

Hehehehe!

You should too! Hey? At least I'm getting ANNNNN ache! If you're not even getting bad ache's then you're worst off than I am, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?!?! And you really shouldn't stand for that shit! 'Cause well, It's shit! So change it. Go out there and meet someone who can make your nipple ache.

I-I never said that.

Look? If your guardian questions me about why I'm dishing out such sinful advice? I'm not even gonna ask why you have a guardian at your age. All I'm gonna do is tell 'm that I meant the doctor. I'll be like, "Guardian? When I said go out and find someone to make her nipple ache, I didn't mean anybody who didn't study for seven years! Neither did I mean anyone who hadn't just put her in a deep sleep armed with a knife."

I told yall this already, but it's not like he didn't use the word, destroy! Being the benefit of the doubt giver that I am, I just thought he always wanted to tell a woman, "Ima destroy your nipple!" You know? We all have that one thing we're just waiting to say at least once in our lives. I figured that coulda been his so I let him have his moment. More than once. And when he said it the third time, it hit me that he might have nipple destroying OCD but then I let it go. It was either that or run outa the hospital in a gown that flashed my ass!

All I'm saying is this. If you're a goer, then go. I'm a stayer. In my house. Don't learn from me. I'd lead you to lonely hell! But?!? I'm working on it! And this morning, I woke up missing my one and only soulmate...sixteen years and still going strong! That's how soulmates roll! A-hem!

This one is called, Cracks at the Core

Here I am, another morning of me doing what I gotta do
Going through the motions with a million thoughts of you
Repeatedly, I wonder how I even landed in this place
Then I remember, it was that moment that I saw your face

And then my heart bleeds for however long
Vibrating in my chest about it's wrong, this's so wrong
I can stand it at times and other times it's sore
But constantly it feels like I'm cracking at the core

I get angry every so often, that's how I pass the hours
And then I ask myself what I ever did to deserve a love like ours
The cruelest on my spirit yet the mightiest of it's kind
'Cause I see you in everything but it's not you, it's my mind

And then I start to bleed again, too long, it's been too long
My heart pounds this song in my chest about it's wrong, 's so wrong
I don't wanna find strength to stand it or feel sore anymore
'Cause distance swallows any chance of mending these cracks at my core

In the middle of everything, I stop and beg for mercy
From this aching need that I feel so deep inside'a me
It's still an empty morning with love dripping from my soul
So then if the universe won't help, does that mean I just live with this hole?

Bleeding love pain
Too long
There goes my heart again
This's wrong
I can't stand it
Soul is sore
Just gotta sit
With cracks at my core

Just gotta sit
With cracks at my core

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
17 September 2014
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The Lowdown on Alone-liness

I know what you're thinking! But uh-uh. I haven't been on vacation on an internet accessless exotic island. I've just been healing up and working hard. Kinda puzzling to believe that you can do both, I know. But I don't work with my boob so...sometimes it just depends on the dynamics, ya know.

I found this image on the net and I thought I'd talk a little bit about an aspect of it. I've lived now for forty-one years. If there is one thing that stands out to me it's this. If your intention is messed up. Your result will be no different.

One thing that's really important to me? Love. Shocker, huh?!?! If you're one of my Facebook contacts then it's almost guaranteed that you're sitting there like, "NOOOOOH! I woulda never figured!" He-he-he! Ya Rambler is a Libra afterall. Here, lemme show you. Astrostyle.com quote on Libra. "Secret Wish: To love and be loved in return"

And there you have it. It's on the internet, so it's true. O_o. Seriously though. I can live without a lot of things. Like castor oil. Ewwwwwwwww! That shit can put you off oranges for life. Any South African Coloured's reading this are having their childhood Saturday morning memories traumatise them as we speak. 'Specially if you had a sibling and just one bathroom.

But love? It's right up there with chocolate on the list of things that I have a constant craving for. It is. Eh? Howww can love not be important when it's such a phenomenal part of our existence. It's this ridiculously magnificent feeling that soars your spirit and instigates your need to discover what is your absolute best self! Here's the kicker though? Come a lil closer, you might wanna hear this, less the disturbing garbles of printers and power drills. WHEN. IT'S. DONE. RIGHT!

Notice? I didn't say perfect. I said right. While I understand that right is different for us all, some aspects are universal.

Right, just like this image says....is not if you're with someone simply because you'd rather not spend your nights alone. I've continuously observed my fellow humans as far as this very concept. Myself, included. I'm also a fellow human, thank you very much and when you just gotta have someone because you just gotta have someone...nnnnnnnnnn, to me? That's just not enough of a reason. What about the attraction? What about that new love excitement? Instead of, okay well, now I have someone. Cool. I'm part of the greater statistic.

See, I've always believed that if you've made a decision to enter into a relationship, it's never without a destination in sight. First you take it slow. See whether there's compatibility. Weigh the importance of giving it all up because of the parts of their personality that irritates the living daylights outa you, against the way they make you feel when you're with them. Daydream about how much you'd love it if they were still a part of your life when you think about next week? You know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Where exactly are you trying to get to if your reason for being there is because you don't want to be alone? Where exactly is the other person going? Where's the part about him/her feeling like that special person. Do you even need a special person then? 'Cause if you had any person, you wouldn't be alone, right? All you're trying to do is not be alone. So then. Whoooooop-di-dooooo! Now you're not alone. And then what? What if the other person has expectations and they're all gungho about this relationship and you're just like, bleh, long as I'm not not alone.

See there's two kindsa ways to look at this. From being the victim of someone with this mentality to being the one with this mentality.

The normal process for relationships, if you're adult enough, is to take it somewhere. Did I hear someone say destination bedroom?!?!? Nasty ass! I'm not talking about fornication. Gosh! What dirty minds some people have! Thought I was bad. LOL! I saw a quote the other day that read. "I don't have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination." I'm going with that. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

What about destination living together? Hmmmmmmmmmm-mm! Yeaaaaaaah, I agree with you on that one. That's just a nice way of saying, fornication.

Destination engagement? Well, that leads to fornication too, doesn't it? Where the hell am I going with this!? I knew when I started the blog. I don't anymore. Definitely not to fornicate though. But I am beginning to question.......is there any relationship destination that doesn't lead to fornication???

Yes.
Destination marriage
Legal fornication

A-hem. I never said that. However true that might be. Ay. Don't be shooting the messenger. My brain told me to type that so I did. Look at my brain all funny, not me. I'm innocent. I'll look away. Okay, GO!

Nuf now. My brain gets shy when people stare. Lemme rather tell you what I've come to know. Fornica------uhhhh. Nope. Nope. Not that.

I have some advice that has nothing to do with any F words. On the other side of alone? Is lonely. Yours truly is of the opinion that those two words with a lot of the same letters in the same places? Are not the same thing. Loneliness? Is worst, because it's more emotional than it is a fear. It's more a yearning than it is a situation. And when you have a scenario where it's emotions vs predicament? If emotion is what drives your decision making? Then what trumps what? Don't all scream at once. You in the blue shirt, you're quite correct! Fornication!!! Hahhahhahahhha! Kiddddddding! Kidding! Emotions, yes!

Now I know that you've possibly been plodding along this grassy earth with the theory that if you're alone, you're lonely. Just 'cause one word appears to derive from the other, don't mean they're similar in meaning! Said not one English teacher. But I'm not English. I'm South African. And I'm not a teacher. Not a paid one at least.

Let's do this. Let's paint a picture. I'm not an artist either but I have an imagination. It's a start. Imagine a starry night. Imagine the waves crashing at the shore. Imagine you're walking alone on the beach? Pfffffffffffft! Who does that?!? Anyway, let's do that for the sake of examplirisations. I SHOULD be an English teacher. Clearly!

It might just be that you're taking yourself for a walk but are you lonely? Don't look at me? I'm asking you. If it were me and I wasn't lonely? I would say, "No, Rambler! I would just be walking alone on the beach because nobody was fool enough to agree to put their lives at risk in the quest to get rid of cellulite." See it might very well have nothing to do with loneliness and everything to do with exercise or your lack of ride or die friends.

But see when you're lonely and that loneliness is what causes you to jump into the first relationship that'll get you outa your misery of loneliness. You hafta admit, it's miserable being lonely. Believe you meeeee, next thing you know? You're bailing them outa jail because you've allowed them to convince you that it's okay to use you as the scapegoat for the reason that they wound up in there to begin with. Meanwhile! Back at house of horrors? They weren't taking care of their responsibilities long before you came on the scene. But you cared not! You needed out of your misery! > _<! Stop! Waiiiiiit. Listen to me for a minute. You think I'm talking crap but I'm not. Worst things have happened and you know it!

Maybe this is a better way to explain the difference. Loneliness, the emotion and being alone, the fear…..can make you do either of these two things in a relationship. Leave or stay.

More likely than not, you will cheat if you're lonely. Whether physically, emotionally, or nowadays, online-ally! Because well? Humans….like dogs. Need attention. Plain and simple. End of story. All it takes is for someone to take an interest. Someone to say to you, "I see you." In whichever way they're saying it and it's towards that person that you will gravitate. Ay, I didn't make the rules. But honesty is the best policy. And when I honestly tell you that when one thirsts, that one needs to drink? Then please believe me when I tell you too that when that faucet is opened and nothing coming out of it? It's only a matter of time before that throat is so parched that one has no choice but to notice that other faucet with water running out of it!

When you're afraid of being alone? You will stay in that vile relationship at all costs! Most times, it costs a lot. Your confidence, your life savings, your sanity, your self-respect, your dignity. I could go on but I'm strapped for time. Thing is, you do see it for what it is but us humans tend to choose the worst times to ignore reality. However you're being treated, you'll take it. Whatever you're lacking, you'll accept it. You know you deserve better. You know that you're worth more, yet there you are. Day in and day out, slowly withering away inside while content in the fact that physically, you have someone. Why>>>>>>>>>>>>> say it with me now...jussssssss so you are not alone.

If you're still not convinced…consider this…You're in it. You're not feeling it anymore. Both of you have drifted so far apart that you need a binoculars to see each other and you're a couch apart. But you can see this. You can see clearly that your relationship has or is heading straight into the gutters. You've tried everything but nothing's changing. One day, you're staring the situation in the face, he's sitting there and watching tv. Probably the soccer world cup. Else he woulda noticed you staring a hole through his head.

You think to yourself, "Blah, blah, blah….But then if I leave? What if I never find someone else? Then I can't even fornicate or nothing. What if?!?!? OH! The HORROR! O_O! What if I end up gumless and alone because my cat…&%$@# bastard will keep the cat if I leave? Aaaargh. Ima just stay put. 'Least I have somebody, you know. Anything is better than nothing!"

WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! Anything is never better than nothing when it makes you short-change your happiness and your worth and your quality of life.

Annnnnnnnnd?! See what I'm dealing with! The shower has beckoned and I haven't even touched on the other parts of this image stroke quote. He-he-he…stop thinking about fornication just 'cause I typed out that word! LOL!
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My Little Protector

He's been my shadow! I heart this little fellow!


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The Thief That Is WWW

And I don't mean World Wide Web. I mean Wondering, Wasting, Whining.

You ever find yourself overspending time on wondering why your relationship ended? I did but I don't. Not anymore. Here's what experience has taught me. One of my best friends in the whole wide world has told me on more than one occassion that "Experience is the best teacher." He didn't say that that phrase applied more to the stubborn that the one listening to good advice and he didn't have to. He probably knew that I'd eventually figure that one out for myself. After I made sure to ignore the advice and go with the "let me give myself a concussion first, then I'll listen" route. Don't he-he-he like you've never done it.

Ever since my marriage failed and then my relationship thereafter, took a sharp nose-dive straight into a concrete floor? It didn't happen overnight, not the nose-dive, that was inevitable. I'm talking about my outlook and it's not to say that I was like, shrug, "oh well, that's over", but I've since learnt that pondering on things beyond one's control slowly steals your moments of joy.

Why? Because sometimes, you won't ever find the answers. Sometimes, it's just as simple as it wasn't meant to be. Or as the cliche' goes, some people are meant to be a lesson and nothing more. I won't wonder beyond that.

Why? Asking that question a lot, aren't I? Just said I wouldn't, didn't I? Well? I forgive me.

Why? 'Cause these are why's to different questions.

Truth is. Time is really all we have. Why? (Just kidding)

Once you're over that initial hurt or whatever it is you feel after your relationship has ended. I understand that we're all different. So you might feel, oh I dunno? Itchy where someone else feels serial killerish. When you're finally over that, don't spend any more of your precious time on what could have been, should have been, would have been, wanted it to be. Spend it on what is and what still can be.

And blame? Uuuuurgh! Blaming is the most childish of all reactions when you're tryna dissect a failed relationship. Guess what? Somebody's always going to be wrong, including you. Something could always have been done better, by you too. More effort could have been made, on your part too. All it does, is it shows you to be a whiner who doesn't take responsibility for your own part in it's failure.

Blame keeps you bitter and blame prevents change and most importantly? It's a block. It's a block where you won't ever really see what it is that you were meant to learn from it because you're so busy focusing on making yourself shine bright like a diamond, LOL! My jam! So busy focusing on making yourself look like the good little victim that you will never understand what that person's purpose was, in your life.

Here's the thing-a-majig! If your relationships keep failing and you refuse to OWN your part in it? Then what's gonna happen?!? Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy! They will keep failing. Ownership doesn't only apply to your successes. Nope! Uh-uh! It applies to your failures too.

So take a minute, or months or years and work on improving who you are as a person or a partner. Instead of wasting those minutes, months or years on blaming your ex for the end result. Psssssssssssst! Lemme tell you a lil secret...a lot more good will come from that than another string of failed relationships and ex's to blame for wherever you find yourself in life.

At the end of the day, with whatever it is? The final choice is yours. To stay or leave, it's yours. To lead or control, it's yours. To encourage or discourage, it's yours. I can go on and on and show you how well I know my opposites 'cause I do. He-he-he. You can see that I'm quite learned on the subject of opp....A-HEM...I-I know them.

In my childhood fantasies? Right now, I'd be happily married with a family to love and a dog that sticks to peeing on his towel. In reality, I sit here today with no partner, a family to love and a dog who won't leave my side since I've had this surgery. That's what happens when you make sure to put ya foot down! On the floor so he can sleep on it. That shit pays off in the end. All that I have now? Ay, that's A-okay!

Why? Because what's behind me? Won't stop me from remembering why I'm single but I'm so damn grateful that I have successfully managed to remember that, without holding onto bitterness. And I can remember it all too, without playing the blame game. No doubt, I'd lose because it would be like an anchor to misery and even though time would be moving along, my life would be standing still. My growth would become non-existent. And the smile that I just found again? Would disappear faster than a relative who owes you money!

And now? I've come. I've taught. I've got to sleep. It's 11pm and I have a date in the morning! Uh-huuuuuh! With a doctor! Doing alright for myself, aren't I? ^_^!

Lmao!

Before another rumour starts! It's my follow-up doctors' appointment. Removing stitches I think...OUCH!

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All's Well That Ends Well!

I'm typing this from my very own bed!  Whoooooooooop!  Yes!  That means I'm home and happy to be!  I left the hospital laughing about the crazy things that my surgeon said once again.  He comes to see me before he discharges me..............

Doc: Hey, that thing was bigger than I thought huh!
Me: For real!
Doc: Ya.
Me: But you took it all out?
Doc: Oh ya and I closed it up, it may turn septic
Me: O_o........gulp.....OHHkay
Doc: I tried to save you from another anesthetic
Shows me my own wound
Me: So what do I do if it does turn septic?
Doc: (makes a face) Don't worry, it won't get septic. You pray, I pray, we all pray! Won't get septic!
Me: LMAO! But if it does?
Doc: Phone me, say, Doc, my breast is sore, swollen? U come in, I open it up again, and clean it out. I tried to save you from anesthetic again 'cause see here, if I didn't close it, you woulda needed an anesthetic when I stitched it up, if it gets septic, you'll need anesthetic, but if it doesn't then you, ay, you hundreds! Come see me, what was yesterday? Tuesday?
Me: Wednesday
Doc: Ohya, come see me Tuesday k.

I'm praying that he's praying hahahahahaha!  As crazy as he is, I feel no fear as far as he is concerned though.  And that's crazy even for me, because my mom shoulda named me Worry.

Butttttt!  The worst is over, now it's just for ya Rambler to heal up and then I'm good as new!  Just a lot of pain right now but you know the old saying, "I'd rather be in pain from healing than from the cyst!"  Okay, alllllright! You caught me.  It's a brand new two minute ago saying.  But I said it so it automatically becomes a saying.

Sitting up right now, thinking as usual and grateful mostly.  My niece Sharde' and my daughter Paige have been really amazing since I've gotten home yesterday, doing everything that they can to make sure I did little to nothing and for whatever reason I'm kinda thinking that since I got so much sleep during my hospital stay, that that was maybe the reason that this happened.  Sometimes I honestly have to be forced to do things that I should be doing naturally so I killed two birds with one stone this week.  I got the rest that I needed and got this alien outa my breast!  (Don't tell anyone but it's sorta 1.27am right now.)  I totally blame these pain meds.  The bottle clearly states, "CAUSES DROWSINESS!"  Lies.  I'm gonna try to get some rest now though, orders from my daughter!  LOL!

And that, my faithful friends, is the update from the land of the Rambler and now over to you, John...

A-hem.

John's my journalist alter-ego for those of your who didn't know.  Yeah.  We just met!  And from John and myself, we'd like to wish all of the citizen's of America, a happy, healthy, safe and blessed Fourth of July!

We remember being in the States on the Fourth of July, yep.  John and I!  We were absolutely amazed at the fireworks in Chicago!  Smiley faces!  Red, blue and white and then I told you about the rainy Fourth of July New York fireworks Ali and I enjoyed with our freshly made up faces!

Mannnnnnnnn, I have wonderful memories of the US!  And I'll surely be back one day to make more of those.

The Nipple That Was!

I miss you guys, but works been just crazy and then time just disappears into thin air when I get home, I've started a new book, Exile. That's not say that I didn't wanna come by and tell you about the conversation that I had with my surgeon! 'Cause I did! I swear! I went to see him last week and I'm sitting an arms length away from him and he looks at me and says;

Doc: Lemme see your breasts! Big or small?
I kinda second-guessed my own breasts after that because if he couldn't tell being that close to me? Then I must be a flat-chested somebody who'd been lying to herself all these years about them being.....
Me: Normalllllll?!?! O_o!
Doc: Lay on my bed!
Me thinks: Pushy bastard you!
Doc: Where's hubby? (After he asks how many kids I have)
Me: Sitting on his bed, (he said lay----clearly ima rebel right?!?) I have an ex!
Doc: Y'all tango?
Me: (Internal gasp!). Nooooooooh)
Doc: So? Who you tango-ing with?
Me: Nobody
Doc: Why?
Me: 'Cause I got nobody to tango with!
Doc: Okay, okay, just needed to make sure there's no possibility of pregnancy
Me: Still rebelling! (No wonder I'm not tango-ing!)

I love him though, he's so real and rough hahahahahhaha! Not what you'd think a surgeon would be like. Did I say rough? And I liked it? And I'm scheduled for him to cut open my left breast tomorrow?! Okay-------hmmmmmmmm?!? I guess the lack of tango is getting to me. LOL!

He told me in no uncertain terms that he's gonna destroy my nipple. I'd appreciated that if we were in the throws of passion but we weren't. However? My immediate though was, "Ahhhhh well? Not like I'm using it anyway." That was before I thought about having my family come and march in a small circle at the entrance of the hospital chanting, "Save her nipple! Save her nipple!" It was cute. In my mind.

The nightmare that I had last night was not! I kept falling over, numb, on my face. Imagine that? I think I went to bed thinking about going under anaesthetic for the first time. Was I glad when I woke up?!?! And didn't fall!

Can you tell that I'm rushing? No? Well, I am. I can't be here for too long. My battery is about to die and I don't have my charger! Nevermind that I have a needle stuck in my vein and curving my hand, holding this phone is not helping. I'll let you guys know how surgery went okay?!! Soon as I'm awoke enough to!

While I'm away, Ramble Responsibly! Hugs!
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It's time...!

Well? They finally got ya beloved Rambler! Bastards!

Yup! I'm going for that mammogram! Not voluntarily though, noooh-no_no! I didn't go to the doctor and OFFER my breasts, if that's what you're over there thinking.

Pssssssssssst...Between you and I? I think he just likes writing the word. And saying it. 'Cause I was chilling in the patients chair, right? And then he's like, when was your last mammogram? I wanted to blurt out, "Damn! Not again? Don't you people ever let up with that question?!" But I didn't. He mighta thought that I was being defensive and all I wanted him to think was that I'm normal. I was at his mercy and I didn't know what kinda day he was having so far. I merely blinked and let the words flutter off of my tongue. Never. At 41, apparently, I'm a year late.
 
Anyyyyhoooo. We talk. He talks, I talk, he says mammogram again, I pretend to be unaffected by it. Until he writes it down on one of those mammogram order sheets.

That's when it HIT me! Shit. Just. Got. Real. Up in that rizoom! But my bravest face was on. I was even smiling. Whether or not he knew it was a slightly painful smile? I really can't decide. And if he did? He didn't care too much. He was focused on mammogramming ya Rambler!

But then he's not tryna stop there! Oh-neooooooh! The man goes on to order me an x-ray AND a biopsy too. That's how a persons' ex-husband's medical aid gets depleted! I'm thinking, "Why not be like, eeny-meeny-miny-mo and just choose one?"

Before he started going wild with his doctor pen, I finally gave him a little clue 'bout what's going on in my mind. "I hear those things are very sore!" And because he's seen me naked, I instinctively pressed my breast. I don't do that in front of just anybody and you shouldn't either! They might just order you a mammogram.
So now it's his turn to be unaffected. "Naaaah, it's not sore. They just put your breast between these plates and press 'm together."
 
"Mmmmmmm-hm, that casual, huh?" I could immediately tell that he'd never had breasts. No person, with breasts, could be THAT blaze' about flattening round things. But I gave him that one. He had the pen and order form. I'm was about to put myself at risk for a colonoscopy too! The truth is, I'm not a troublesome patient. Even if I zone out? I still appear to be giving doc my full attention.

But then he puts the order form in front of me and explains that a biopsy is done where they stick a needle in your breast and suck out whatever they're gonna test. O_O!!!!!!!! Followed by, "that's very sore!" At that point my eyes squeezed shut! He was looking at me with an expression of sorrow. I don't know whether it was because he didn't find a way to squeeze in the word, mammogram again or whether he realized that some things? Some things are better left unsaid. Especially when I just expressed concern about the pain from the thing about the breast between the plates and flattening and then the lump is already sore so how much worse is it gonna be when....!

Whatever it was? It was enough for him to say to me, "Hold on a second okay? Lemme just call the surgeon and ask him if it's better just to cut it out than you having to do all of this." Nevermind, he did manage to tell me, you'd still have to have the mammogram done, though.

DRAT! Now the surgeon wants to see me. So I go, like the good little patient that I am. And fill out more forms and wait, until the other surgeon sees me, I dunno where surgeon no.1 was...
He examines me and everytime I wanted to get up? He's like, "relax...". Look? I've become accustomed to my single, secluded life. Two men seeing my breasts in one day? It was a bit hard to relax! Especially when one's tryna get 'm flattened and the other is tryna get 'm cut!

Surgeon no.2...draws me a picture of what's going on and then he says, "It might just be a blocked duct or something, and because it's blocked, that might be a build up, so I think its best to...." He outlines the possible build up, "cut that out and then sew you back up! But..." He reaches for the infamous mammogram order form, "Let's do a mammogram first."

>_<!!!!

"Okay, but I already have one of those from the other doctor." I hand it to him and he says, "Alright, but I'm just going to amend what he wrote." Which was a good thing because surgeon no.2 wrote that IF the mammogram shows any strangeness? THEN! A biopsy must be done! Bless his sweet soul!

It might have been a teeny weeny bit hard to tell, but what I'm trying to say to y'all in all of this, especially if you're 40 and have breasts? Listen to the sister in Diskem and go for your annual mammogram! It's cool to feel twenty-five and all of that but hear me.....Eve meant business. If it's not mammograms, its pap-smears! If it's not pap-smears? It's Calcium tablets. If it's not Calcium tablets? It's menopause! It's not the easiest being a female!

So? Wish me luck! I'd wish you luck if you had to go get your penis galvanised or something! That's just the kinda Rambler that I am....


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INKED AM I!

GUESS WHAT, PEOPLES!!! Tonight I got my first AND last! Tattoo! When I say last, I mean, for tonight. Tomorrow? Welllllll? LOL! I'm kidding...kidddddding...!

This is it for me. I have my "Peace, Love, Music and Happiness" symbol now and that's all I've ever wanted. Both as a tattoo and a way of life! I now have all of those in more ways that I could have ever imagined. And the further away that I get from the way that I've spent the last four or five years of my life, the better it feels.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. When you give up your own and agree to live according to the ideals and expectations of those who want nothing other than to turn you into an ugly, bitter person? Because that's the way that they have always lived their lives? Ofcourse it becomes their natural way of existing. It's just not and never will be yours.

Try it. I dare you. And when you return to your own self, because you always will. Who you are can only be changed temporarily. After a while, you feel your own absence. I'll be standing right HERE to say, "There, there my brave friend. It was an experience, wasn't it? I've been there and now so have you! Go out there and let everybody know this.......".

When you feel as though you have nothing left. Nobody left. And someone happens to pass by you with seemingly the right words and seemingly your best interests at heart but then in exchange for all of that "right" you have to agree to be remolded? And then you do???!?!

Eh!

You will never EVER find peace. You will never EVER be happy. You will never EVER dance to your own tune. And whatever it was that you believed that that passer-by was offering you? That will never EVER be love. Well, unless love isn't meant to be freeing, but binding. Unless love is not meant to be beautiful, but quick to blame. Unless love is not meant to be encouraging, but derogatory. If that's what love was meant to be. Then you just hit the jackpot! Right?!? Right?!? Uhhhhhhhhhh...No. Not right.

Because what I know about love? Just...it's just not all of those things. So be very careful when you're searching for it. Anything can feel like everything when feel like you have nothing. But it very well could be in the wrong place. Me? I've seen both sides of love. The wrong place love and the right place love. And the difference between the two might not be obvious from the start but be sure, it will show itself.

For right now? I can't tell you what comes next. A scab. I guess. At least that's what the tattoo putter told me.
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Sweet Jesus, It's a Fiuuuure!

Yo! Yo! Peep this! Word on the street is....People be runnin' on Sunday. ON PURPOSE!!!! O_o Mmmmmmmmmm-mmmmm! From the 033 to the 031! Yep....It's that time again...The Proudly South African, Comrades Marathon! Whoooooo-oooooo!

NOT!
-_-

Not exciting, I mean. Not to me, I mean! You wouldn't catch me running NO.WHERE! Unless I'm being chased and normally I'm in my car so I'll say it again. You wouldn't catch me running NO.WHERE. Well, unless I'm walking to Noddy's with Bubs and a dog starts acting clever. Then maybe.

D'you wanna know what I remember most about primary school aside from being petrified of my needlework teacher? And playing sick when it came to sports trials? And what 'bout those cup ice-blocks we used to buy for 10c on our way home? Huuuuh?! The B.O.M.B! And seeing Betty standing outside my classroom door with an umbrella for me because it started raining? God Bless her precious soul for loving me when she didn't have to!

Ofcourse, those were nothing like my memories of standing in the line sweating bullets on vaccination day for injections that left a circle of holes on my arm, which I still have by the way....praying to God that if He could just take me before my turn came, that I'd be forever grateful for his Favour! I-I know what you might be saying to yourself, "Dammmmn, she that scared of needles?!?" To that, I say, "Yeahhhhhh," sigh. "I-I'd rather be dead."

But aside from sommme beautiful and other somewhat traumatic memories of my earlier days, I remember this! Knowledge is Power! That was the motto at my Primary School. Principal whats-his-name would be real proud. Mannnnn, what WAS his name? Nnnnnnnnnnnn, >_<! You know when the answer's on the tip of your tongue? Just waiting for you to think about or do something totally unrelated, and then suddenly it falls straight outa your mouth like when you're eating a peanut butter and jam sandwich and you suddenly yell out, "APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!!!" Well? It's not one of those times. That name isn't making a guest appearance even on my epiglottis.

From my later years...like now...I remember this! Experience is the best teacher! That's what Dave constantly tells me! And I believe him too. Boy! Have I had some experiences that have taught me a thing or ten! But that's life, isn't it! Living and learning. Yep! We learn something new everyday. Like yesterday? I learned that no matter how old I get, I'll never warm up to the idea of a dentist visit. Nevermind that the pain has now reached the side of my right eyeball even as I type this...IIIIIIIIII dunno. Still not convinced that the time to make that appointment is now. I'm hoping that my teeth are just in a bad mood 'cause it's Winter or something. So, I'll wait for the season change and then decide.

Right now though, I turn my attention over to you, you brave athletes you! There's no need for me to pussyfoot, I'm here to urge you...to encourage you...to learn from the past experiences of previous runners. In particular, those that were robbed DURING the race. Lucky for us. Well? For all intents and purposes, for you! There's no rule that states that we should only learn from our own experiences! Let's be real. We all know that they'll be hiding in bushes just waiting to strip you of your Nike runners! So there! Now we have the knowledge. Now we can be powerful. I dunno why I keep saying we. I won't be there. You! You be powerful!

I have two words. Super. Glue! First the socks to your feet, then the runners to the socks. Hold on a minute before you knock my solution. Don-don't knock it 'til you try it. Yes, I've resorted to cliche's. That's because I'm desperate to save YOUR shoes. Hey look? You might wonder about, "Ohhhh, then how'm I gonna get them off me when I'm finished the race?" Or "What if my feet catch alight while I'm running down Field's Hill, from the glue and friction." I will admit, those are valid enough questions. But wait. Ask yourself this. Do you wanna finish the race with or without your shoes?!? Hmmmmmmm? Hmmmmmm? If so? Shouldn't THAT be more important than whether or not your feet could be charred to a crisp! Because the thing that really matters here is that you will be making a point to the bush robbers! And that point will be...(it's okay, I'll think of everything.)

The point will be..........
I know what you're about and I've done something to prevent it! Yes, you're saying that to the runner robbers. Without words. Granted that their day won't end with them possibly setting themselves on fire...that's okay but then again neither you nor I know what their favourite past-times are. So, at this point, it's purely an assumption. What matters is...you would have made your point!
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Annnnnnnnnd That's a Wrap!!!

HELLO, HELLO!  I COME BEARING GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!

Nahhh, I'm not gonna ask you to guess and all of that, I'm too psyched for that!

Well?!  Ya Rambler completed her 2nd book, The Switch, last night!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!  YES, SHE DID!

I'm real excited about having two completed books under my belt now, and that excludes the children's book I did.  With that I plan to do a series, so now?  I can concentrate on getting that done!

Have a wonderful Thursday, I gotta drive now!  Yeah.  I know.  Talk about a buzz kill!

Love_Lindsie Photoshoot

Well? I've been up and down with a cold, flu or really bad sinus attack for the past few days. Winter's being nasty already! Yeahhhhhhh...good news though? I had a box of Advil CS tablets in my medicine cupboard, as well as Med Lemon for Children, so I'm almost there! I figured hey...ya Rambler's got spleen and intestines just like them kiddies?! Okay, a teeny weeny bit older but the meds should still work. And it has. One more day of sleep and I should be A-OKAY!

Oo-oo-oooo! Shhhhhhhhhhh.....Think I just heard Damon talk in his sleep. Aaaaargh, he's stopped now. One sentence! Who has a one-sentence conversation in their sleep?!? 'Especially when their mother wanted to leap outa bed and record him for future embarrassment purposes. DRAT! Ima have a word with him in the morning! About using more words when he's either talking jiberish or spikkin secrets in his slumbered state. As a parent, take my advice. You can never be equipped with enough of those.

Wow, you know what I've just realized! I haven't been ill for the longest time. Noooooh, that's not disappointment, it's a reflection of great decision making. Fo rizzle! I've heard it being said, but I've lived it by now. Your health has everything to do with what and who you choose to keep in your life. Unless bad health is hereditary....but a few tweeks here and there can make a world of difference. Believe. You. Me! "How?" You wanna know how? Do this. Go on. Rid your life of toxic relationships and situations and then watch your health suddenly take flight into the clouds of wellness!

Awww, you're welcome!
I speak from nothing but experience.

But now? I'd like to introduce you to an amazeballs photographer, my niece Lindsie, (one of my claimed daughters). I do that. A lot. And their mother's don't mind. It's called sharing the love. The subject of my blog is her Photography signature. I was so excited about how great these looked, I couldn't keep 'm to myself. These are from a recent shoot that she did for a college assignment of my daughter, Randyl and I.

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Sliding Suspicions!

So. By now you know that the ANC has won the national elections. Yet. Again. :-/

Note. My. Excitement.

-_-

And by a landslide, too. If there was an unhappy land to slide on? That's what I'd be doing. Zooooooooooooooooooom! Anything BUT celebrate that blasted win. Eh, I won't even throw my hands up in the air like I care!! Nothing! Nothing that could be confused for a gesture of celebration.

Hey? Pssssssst! You there.....remember how we used to slide down banks on flattened cardboard boxes when were young-----er? They were just there, weren't they? (Frown) W-wait a minute. O_O! Just hit me... the suspiciousness of it all. Aren't you suspicious? I'm suspicious. It just washed over me like hot suspicious rain. What? Ofcourse there's such a thing!

Lemme tell you why.....

'Cause where? Where are they now? Yes, I know they're stacked up in the front of Fruit and Veg City, but I'm saying, where are they NOWWW LIKE THEY USED TO BE. HUUUUUUUUUUH? HUH? See that? I'm making you think, aren't I? When you get right down to the nitty gritty of what I might've just stumbled upon. The regression of availability of the cardboard boxes to children. You'll realize that like me....you also don't see cardboard boxes just laying around waiting to be flattened and slid on at a whim, do you? No!

I don't think it has anything to do with cleanliness or recycling. You DO remember who our government is, right?! Maybe that's what they'd like us to belieeeeeve. I'm not falling for it. If a person can't translate monetary value in speeches, then recycling has to be the furthest thing from their mind. I have the video and I'm not afraid to use it! And then clean streets? Pffffffffffffffft!!! Have you seen the city centre lately. By lately, I mean since 1994. Let us have a moment of silence in memory a spotless-ish, vendor free West Street.

Here's the thing. We'd do our homework. Some of us. Other's preferred getting lashed with canes in school the next day. You know who you are. Probably into all that S&M shit now too as adults. Yup! Bondage lovers aren't born. They grow out of one's who didn't do their homework in school. It's true. I've not a shred of proof but if it makes sense...hey, you know. Go ahead and ask an S&M'er, they'll tell you. (And then after you get ya ass whipped, A-HEM...c-come back here and tell ME what they tell you.)

We'd all come out to play and it took but one of us to even just suggest sliding!!! For them magic boxes to suddenly appear! Suddenly! I say suddenly because how did anyone know? Boxes can't know. They don't have brains. They can't know and just walk over to within an eye-view of children talking amongst themselves! So how do you explain there being enough for each of us on any given weekday to have our own when one of us suggested sliding down the bank and possibly flipping over onto oncoming traffic on Amoora Road? It never happened. I don't----i don't think? But it could have.

And that could be IT!!!!!!! It could have been a conspiracy to get rid of us. Like here. Have a cardboard box. Slide to your demise. Whaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha!!!! Or banks. Because they're dangerous like that. I dunno yet. I'm weighing up options here and you're not helping.

Maybe the cardboard placers realized that kids of today would rather slide their fingers across a cellphone screen than slide their asses down a bank on a piece of cardboard. Sad. They know not what they're missing. Yep! Still grasping at straws here, feel free to jump in at any time. LOL, just had an vision. Imagine sliding on a cellphone? Whoooooooo-hooooooo! Ya ass would be grass-burned to a standstill! But at least you'd be able to call someone to bring you Vaseline.

I'm just saying...the neighbours weren't always moving or buying new furniture. Room dividers came fully built back then. Plus they were called room dividers. Even that?!? I mean, seriously? Our's stood against the wall. Walls divided rooms. WTF!?

Allllll of those logistics, but yet? There were enough boxes when we felt like sliding down dangerous banks. Think people! Think! And the banks were readily available too. Okay, there still are readily available banks. That's taking it too far. Strike that. And I don't remember keeping mine, either. Not like the stocking. Man, I loved that game!

The stocking? We kept the stocking ropey thingy that we made to do the hoppy one leg over out other leg over turn and all, so much fun, because laddered stockings were not a dime a dozen. We went home prayiiiiiiiiiing that our mothers thigh got caught by a nail or something 'cause the longer the stocking, the better. We'd visit family members hoping their thighs were ill-fated during that week too. "You want some juice?" "No, but do you have any laddered stockings?" "O_o"

Hmmmmmmmm?!? Makes you wonder, huh? I don't know what! But I'm sure you're wondering something. I'm wondering how the ANC still won by such a huge margin! No, I'm not. Like half the population, I DO know. Didn't stop me from being as shocked as I was though. Not because they won. But because they won! Like THAT! I didn't think they'd win like THAAAAA-AAAT! Even with all of the ballod boxes that were found dumped in the bushes or in the houses of ministers.

Hey? You think they wanted to flatten them, like------------ to slide?

Blink.
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