Drunk with Happiness

Gooooooood morning, beautiful people! ^_^! I'm so happy right now, I could just wake up the entire household. You know? That household word makes no sense to me whatsoever. Can YOU find the part annnnywhere in that word that gives a person who, IIIIII dunno? Might be hearing it for the first time, a clue that it refers to the humans living in your house? I've looked. It's not there. What if I should decide to go and teach English in another country? How would I even charade that word as a teaching tactic where someone would even understand that it meant, "one or more people living together in a house or dwelling?" And that's why I won't apply for that English teaching position in another country. I'm not tryna get deported for becoming frustrated on foreign soil over stupid english words.

Either way, my house smarts have since convinced me to just let sleeping children lie. As stubborn as I am, I do take it's advice at times. I figured, eh! That's how I start out every single one of my figurings. EH!
It doesn't give it a dramatic effect per say but it does add to the moment. So remember that when you feel as though you're about to figure. Couple that with a short, sharp exhale-laugh typa thing, like HA, but you don't say HA, you say EH while you HA! O_o! Anyone aside from me, now totally confused?

Hold on a moment...I gotta try it to make sure that I've explained it as best as I could. Explanation clarity has become pretty important to me lately. Being on two different pages about the same thing can waste you a lot of years. Believe me. Excuse me for just a one second....................................................................................................................................................Yup! That's it. I was right, you EH! While you HA!

Now?

Your turn! Go on. Don't worry about who's sitting next to you. If they ask why you're tryna bring on hiccups? Tell'm that you'll tell'm when they're figuring. If they ask figure what? You can do one of two things. One? Tell'm, "Notchya business." Or two? Swerve the vehicle and begin yelling out random words like, "overhead projector!" That oughta get them to either sit and stare straight ahead, pissed off at you for being a rude carpool host orrrr to lose their focus on you in order to start feverishly searching for falling visual equipment.

Anyhooooooooo......I figured, Eh, if one has street smarts, then they get to do things like avoid coming home with a black eye that they've gotten out on the streets, right? That would then mean that my house smarts can help me avoid walking the streets with one that I got in my home. See? It pays to be smart.

So, in the midst of my temptation, it told me, in that, "something said to me" sorta way that if I were to wake the lot of them up? That instead of it having a joy-sharing effect? My elation might be cut short if out of reflex, Randyl decided to fling her wifi modem in the direction of her bedroom door while I stood there, clapping my hands and stomping my feet. That it wouldn't matter at that point as to how happy I was and whether I knew it or not. I'd still have to drive my swollen-eyed deflated ass to the medi-centre.

As I type this? It's 4.25am. I hear aeroplane sounds which I assume are flying saucers because we really shouldn't be hearing aeroplanes after the relocation of our airport to what feels like, another province! The only reason that I was listening that intently was 'cause since I couldn't share my joy with my household, (purse my lips at stupid english word) I was trying to listen for the chirps of birds. They're supposed to CHIRP when I'm happy, DAMMIT! Lazy ass birds! But then, it wassssss a public holiday yesterday. Must all be laid out somewhere! Drunk or high. Or something.

Haaaaaaahahhahahha..a-hem! Sorry, just laying here, imagining what it would be like to watch a drunk bird. Probably, Flyyyyy.....DOOOOOOF! FLYYYYYYY......DOOOOOOOF!!
Note to self: You-tube drunk birds! Judging from some of the outrageous video's that Dave's sent to me lately? Someone sommmmmewhere musta come across a bird with a drinking problem.

Kinda reminds me of that one Christmas day I told y'all about, some time back where my cousin or uncle or whatever he is, I forget. There's just soooooh much family in my family! He was so drunk that all we heard from inside was, THUD! THUD!! He didn't bounce. He fell twice, in succession. Funny thing is? He left my grans house with all of his teeth. -_- I can't talk for everyone but personally, I find that extremely suspicious.

Drunk people? They act all unaware and incoherent but when they fall? You watch at the next party! That hand stays up in the air, in a very coherent attempt to save that drink! To hell with the plate of food in your hand. 'Cause then it becomes your fault for sitting and eating in a place where a drunk relative could fall. Watch, the drink hand. Or like in my cousin-uncles case? The face. Watch how it remains perched as they hit the ground. The way that it appears to me is? As drunk as they are, they sommmmmehow remember that they either have no medical insurance or they remember that they have a fear of dentists.

And ofcourse, my initial suspicion of the behavioural patterns of the intoxicated person stems from that fool ass "a drunk person speaks a sober mind" myth. HOW?!? When they're drunk? Their minds are drunk. Their reflexes are drunk! Their eyes are drunk. Everything. Everything's drunk, it's not as though your body gets to choose, "Okay, I've been drowned in alcohol but I choose for my right arm to remain sober!" No! Theeeee entire body unites in drunkness! All for drunk and drunk for all.

I thought I was clever two weeks ago and decided to be all spontaneous, despite my years of knowledge and experience on the subject of me being "allergic to liquor". I ignored it all and had a glass of strawberry lips anyway. The only choice I had was to take an allergex for the sinus attack that lasted two days. You think that if we did have a choice as to which parts of our bodies will get drunk, that it wouldn't have been my allergies? Uhmmmmmmmmmm-hmm!

Drunk man speaks a sober mans mind. Hog. Wash. The obvious truth is that they just say things they won't normally say when they're sober because the alcohol has a numbing effect and if they happened to get their ass beat for saying some outa line whatever, then depending on how drunk they are? The level of pain goes from "didn't feel a damn thing" to "is that all you got?"

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Family Portrait

Happy Easter, beautiful people!

I had to come by here and share this picture with you guys! We went on a girls night out on Friday and this picture, for me? It captures everything just perfectly! This just has to be one of my all-time favourite pictures!

I called it Family Portrait because it's just us being us....in my rambling mind, that's what a family portrait should look like. Not all stiff and posed as if something they'd eaten had constipated the entire family. Poor things.

This one is Gillian being her crazy self, Wendy and I laughing at her, Leigh looking at her like, "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?" Linds looking like, "What did I get myself into....?" And Paige, "Lemme just take two steps to the side...maybe nobody will know they're with me..."

Ramble Responsibly!


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Worth!

Looking at this post from Trent Shelton. Got me thinking about the twists and turns of life.

My recent ex used to tell me all the time that I'd accepted certain things being done towards me because I believed that I wasn't worth much. That was true. Ya Rambler'd always been weighed down by a serious lack of self-confidence. But then? He proceeded to continuously make me feel as though I was worth even less than I did to begin with. Again, I believed him. But today? I'm most grateful to him because the truth is that I did learn mountains from him. He taught me both good things and not so good things.

However? While doing that? He didn't realize that he was teaching me exactly how to walk out on people just like him. I must be a really great student. Because now? I DO know my worth. And I'm not at all interested nor will I EVER be, in anyone who doesn't.

Whether we like it or not, there's a lesson in everything. You can't even trip over in peace without learning...to pay attention to what's in front of you.

Ramble Responsibly, beautiful people!

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Yeah! But Where is the Diarrhea?!?!?

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!! 

I KNEW there would be theatrics when he got into the hot seat!  To tell you the truth?  From what I hear…………. 

He let me down. 

I was expecting diarrhea but apparently all he did was cry.  BORRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNG!  And talk too softly for anyone to hear.  I’d cry too if I murdered my girlfriend.  If I had one that is.  But I don’t have testicles, so I’m outa the running on that one.  This morning I read, while driving to work, on a pole.  >_<!  Okay, I know how that mighta just sounded and I’m not in the mood to clear up any misunderstandings today.  Just…I’m good with confusion today.  Thumbs up!  I’m so tirrrrrred, I didn’t even hear the alarm this morning and at 5.22am I woke to Cruz standing up on the side of my bed, staring at me, barking.  He was probably yelling, “WAKE UP, YOU LAZY BIAAAATCH!”  I thought that’s what I heard.  Coulda been the after effects of the sinus that kept me awake yet part of me refuses to believe that he’d call me lazy.  Not after everything that I do for him. 

So?!  If you believe that I drive poles.  Then just for today………I drive poles. 

Back to what I read…he said, “I am so sorry.”  Awwwwwww, sniff.  I’m almost tempted to feel compassion.  NOT!  When I was growing up?  I was sorry too when I kicked the top of my toe open on the circle at my mum’s house.  But it didn’t stop me from kicking it open countless times after that!  Sooooooo….yessssss, yes, Mr. Pisteveryoneoff, we know exactly how sorry you must be.  But you clearly aren’t sorry enough.  Uhmmmmmmm-hm!  Clearly, the shame isn’t enough to cause you diarrhea so no we don’t accept your apology.   And don’t look at me like I’m the sadist.  We are the one’s who grew up next to an oil refinery.  He’s the one who set the standard!  Now I come to expect the expected and I get the unexpected.  How about if he expected his late girlfriend not to scream as if she was being shot?  How ‘bout that?  How ‘bout her expecting him to stop shooting when he heard her shrieking in bullet-hole pain?  Hey, I know some people who get diarrhea just from hearing something they didn’t like.  Like when the ANC was elected to presidency!  What’s your excuse!?  Being on trial for murder not stressful enough for ya?  Hmmmmmmpf!  No diarrhea!?!?!?  Then us-no-speaka-da-inglis. 

-_-

Just thinking about something?  Why the hell DIDN’T I start wearing shoes to play soccer and harbor on the ground or harbor in the air, or K.I.N.G spells kinnnnnnnnnnnnng, STOP!  OR…Just to walk?  Clearly, we were not exposed to the “once bitten, twice shy” concept up to that point.  Half the population, and I am certain of it, has had the top of their toe kicked open at some point growing up…don’t deny it.  There’re no trophies for virgin toes.  If you blame the oil refinery, please stand up.  I do.  I blame it for the fact that I can’t remember the movies I’ve watched too.  Or most of the articles I’ve read. 

I was talking to one of my Facebook contacts, Farhan, on the weekend.  He told me to take Omega 1 to 50.  Okay, okay, he said three numbers only, but that’s how I read it.  After suggesting one tablet to me, my mind becomes all garbled and I start hearing and reading things that aren’t there.  That’s how much I hate taking medication.  And how it came about was that I saw my old favourite television series, Soul Food being aired, and you know how if you don’t document the most important moments in your life on Facebook?  Then you might as well close your account?  Yeah.  So I did.  Not close my account.  Documented my important moment.  Try to keep up.  Farhan then describes to me, a specific scene that he remembers from Soul Food and I’m like, “Woaaaah.  I can barely even remember a movie I watched last month.”  He then suggests those alien tablets.  And I joked about it to avoid admitting that no, I’m quite fine with not remembering a movie that I watched last month.  I’d much rather be honest though.  If you ask me about a movie that I’ve watched, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me what it was about, I will tell you that it was nice.  And when you ask me who acted in it, I might throw out a few names, and then tell you that they were nice.

Lemme tell you a secret…you might wanna shimmy on a bit closer to me.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct...but you know what?  It’s not with evvvvvvvvverything.  There are some things that I can relate back to you as if they just happened yesterday.  Like how when I was such and such an age, and I got a pram for my Christmas present.  Think it was that year that I wore a dress, with socks and sandals!  WHOOOOOOOOOO ALLOWS THEIR DAUGHTER TO DRESS THAT WAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY?  I won’t even begin to describe my sister’s wedding.  I’ll say only this…streetdancers and Thriller.  Do with that information what you must!  Either way?  My pram / stroller, was broken by 10am on Christmas that morning because Wormy, don’t ask,  felt the need to run around the circle pushing it, “VVVVVVVVVVVVV—VVVV—VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!” as if he was driving a car on Kayalami.  I wished that he’d kicked the top of his toe open just for that but he was wearing his Christmas Day shoes.  Just wasn’t my year, I guess.

Secret?

O_o!

What secret?  Didn’t I tell you the secret? 

No?

Crap…okay.  I think my forgetfulness is in direct relation to spending too much time with the pensioners.  You had to see them last week.  Whooooooooo-whoooooo!  Don’t mistake that for excitement.  It’s me wiping the sweat from my forehead.  But I’ll give you one example, right.  I won’t mention names.  But Wendy asked aunty Di one time, what her secret pin was for her cellphone?  And she was like, “Secret pin?  I dunno!?  It’s four stars!” 

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! 

She curses us out when we laugh at her about it, but, “^$$%@$#@^^%$^%%*&^*&^*^%#%$^%$!!!!!” never scared us.  My mum?  The other morning Damon asked me send Sharde’ a message regarding something that he wanted to ask her and I promptly told him what any mother would tell her son in that situation.  Take her number, add her to your whatsapp and send her a message yourself.  Eh!  Ya Rambler is busy at work, the less time I spend being the middle man, the better. 

So my mom pipes up, “You know?  When I wanna talk to Sharde?  I have to go through Sean’s phone!” 

My one eye began to twitch.  -_*

It’s barely 7am.

Where is Chuck Norris when you need him? 

Me:  “What you mean?”

Lovey:  “When I phone Sharde, I have to dial Sean’s phone and then she answers.”

Me:  Thinkinnnnnng….”Wait, that’s because Sean gave Sharde his sim card.”

Lovey:  “Ya, but when I phone her with the number she gave me, then it comes up on my phone as Sean, I can’t phone her straight.  I have to phone Sean to get her.”

Me:  “Ma?  You’re not going through Sean to get Sharde.  All you have to do is go into your contact list and change Sean’s name to Sharde.”

Damon:  “HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, haaaaaaai granny!” 

You know what, though?  As much as we make fun of them?  Well, ‘cause it’s just soooooh much fun!  I really can’t imagine life without ‘m!  It’s like I look at my mum, and this did just happen yesterday.  When you look at her, you get to see exactly what an open heart is.     

New Writing.....Forget You

Yesterday, while driving to work, I thought about the whole, forgiving but not forgetting thing and I wondered how deep the hurt has to be for someone to reach that wonderful place of forgiveness, it truly is and I'll never stop saying too...It's a wonderful place to be!  But then, instead of concentrating on the road?  A-hem!  As you can see, I haven't lost my multi-tasking skills.  My mind wandered a little further and I said to myself, what if the depth of pain was so deep that in order to move on, that person, ima call the person the hurtee, hahahahahaha, it's a good one, and you know it.  The hurtee needed to block out the entire experience with the hurter?  I'm on a roll...normally it happens on Friday because there's something inspiring about the start of the weekend!  But yeah, that thought is what inspired this......  


Forget You

We had dreams, you and I, we shed tears, we shared laughter
We'd chant the I love you's, on repeat like a mantra
Like a flower, summer bloomed and then it wilted like in winter 
And I've been pricking you from my heart ever since, like a splinter

Now I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I'm gonna forget you too, as if you weren't ever here
You won't live in me no more, not even in my memory
I gotta do this, if not just for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
And I'm gonna forget you too

This decision didn't come out of the need to mean
I just feel it would be best for me to wipe the slate clean
We can disappear and then emerge, 'xept as just a her and him
You know, how it was before we met and before we became a them

Because I'm ready to forgive you but this time it won't end there
I swear I'm gonna forget you too, as if you were never here
You won't live in me no more, I'm gonna erase you from my memory
I'm gotta do this, not for you, but for my own sanity
I forgive you,
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

We've been apart for a while, and all I've done 's wear a stain
And as of right now, you're gone, this us will never be again
Let's walk away with dignity, what's the sense in bitterness
If you need to, we can spend a day together just to reminisce
We can talk 'bout hearts once opened, the chances and the dangers
But once that day has ended, we will part that night as strangers

But not before I tell you
I forgive you
Yeah
But I'm gonna forget you too

(c) 2014 Stacey Kell
South Africa

Another April

Unbelievable that it's April already, isn't it? Take my hand. There ya go. Let's all pretend! Come-onnnnn, just for the fun of it...let's all widen our eyes, O_O, thaaaaat's it, and GASP on three as if we didn't say that on the 1st of everrrrry month of last year and the year before and the...A-hem...in keeping up with tradition? GASSSSSSSSSSSSSSP! That's a third of this year, POOOOF!!!!!! GONE! If you can't imagine, POOOOF!!!! GONE? Then just think about ya pay cheque two days before you get it! Yup!

POOOOOF!!!!

GONE!

Almost as if it started sprinting in advance and you're there with both hands out on pay day and all you feel, is WHOOOOOOOSH! Hair blowing back and shit from...

Hold on a second. Cruz is tryna eat the paint off my bedroom wall?! Smh! He must get that from my sister.

Okay, he's gone to harass Damon now. :-/

Question?
Do any of you know what a shnigal is?

...............................................................................I'll wait.

Anybody? ..........................................................................

.............................................That chicken laying an egg?

.............................................................................Nobody?
Hmmmmmmmmm-m? I'd suspected as much. So, here's yet another collection of carefully placed letters that only Lynn can explain or n-not explain. She called me a shnigal the other night....the biaaaatch! Lol! Being the pro-activist that I claim to be, I'm retaliating jusssssss in case it wasn't as endearing a name as I thought. You really never can be too sure with her. Not that she goes around cursing people out. Just? Sometimes, even she doesn't know what she means. Eh! I blame the paint. What if? What if she was calling me something reallllllly really mean in Dubai language?

First? She was like, "I'm with it!" Good lawwwwd! I-I said that to myself, I did! I said, good lawwwwwwd! And why? Because I knew at that point...I knewwwwwww not to fall for it but then 'cause I'm sort of a "benefit of the doubt" kinda Rambler, who do I blame? But then as if that wasn't bad enough? She then tells me that it's 12h30 and its a little bit drizzle there...(Mannnn, I sure hope she meant in Dubai 'cause then the only piece of solid knowledge of the conversation that I actually believed that I possessed? Becomes nul and void) and thennnnnn called me a shanizzle. The biaaaaaatch! >_<!

It woulda been then, after I laughed the tears outa my eyes that I closed my them and prayed, "Jesus? Have mercy on my poor, confused soul." He ignored me. But!?!?! BUT! That's alright. He only does that when it's something that I want, not need. I no longer question His methods. Embracing them keeps me calm. Admit it, though....I went from sounding like a little rodent to something that would tickle your nostrils enough to incite a sinus attack, didn't I?

Maybe? Maybe, I should have asked, "You're with what?" Maybe it woulda given me a little more insight into what a shnigal or a shanizzle might mean. Maybeeeeee, I can just sit her down and ask her when she arrives to spend Easter with us. Maybe? She can shawangle up an explizzanation for a sister!

Anyhooooo, enough about how my March ended! What are your April plans? Hey, guess what happens in May this year? It's the National Elections. Why do they keep referring to it as historical? I don't get that. 1994 is long gone. That election was historical, yes! Not those that followed. Those that followed should be referred to as mistakes! So in May, we vote. The prisoners also get to vote! Hehehehe! How 'bout that?! Hell, I'm surprised the animals in the Pietermaritzburg Zoo aren't allowed to vote too!

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