Happy New Year!

It's 2013 in South Africa, as I'm sure, it is in many other parts of the globe! I can, however, only report from the land on which I stand. Actually, I'm sitting on my bed right now, but my house is set on land and I wasssss just standing, so technically? None of that even matters!
The storm has stopped! People are happy! Some are intoxicated. Some wish they WERE intoxicated! Some are mad that they're partners are intoxicated! It's very intoxicating, to say the least! Cheers to the sober people who will clearly remember why they don't have on two different shoes when they wake!
All in all?! It sounds very jovial! Even from my bedroom? I can hear the odd cracker go off. As well as the music and the ooowoooh-ooowoooh's! Someone must be intoxicated! I mean, someone must be dancing. Intoxicatingly! Hey? I'm just reporting it like it is. This is reality blogging.
Alright! Okay! Let me say this before I get empty alcohol bottles thrown at me by those who can still read right now. Not alllllll the South Africans are intoxicated! And I'm one of those people. There! I said it and I meant it, because it's the truth.
I spent the evening at my parent's house, with three cousins, one aunt, my dad, my mum, my sister, my sleeping son and my cousins girlfriend! Truth be told? And I won't mention names, but two of those people I just mentioned? TRIED to get intoxicated? But got hot flushes instead! Another two were already intoxicated and fine, when they weren't arguing about things that they've argued about seventeen thousand times before. Wait? One of those had a pre-intoxication, swollen ankle. And another was afraid to become intoxicated because of over-intoxication a few nights before.
Phewwwww! Talk about over-using a word! Unfortunately, it simply HAD to be done. In the name of honest journalism, one must do everything they need to, to create the true picture! And now that I have? I shall retire for the night! It's passed 2am and supposedly we're waking at 5am to go to the beach. -_- I feel intoxicated just thinking about that. Question? Don't you think that rules of that sort should be made by someone who has actually woken at 5am within the past decade?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm?!?!
Me too.
Either way? We'll see what happens in the morning! I foresee confusion, but no intoxication!
For those of you who have not yet seen the New Year? It's beautiful! Enjoy it!




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Be Careful What You Wish For

30 December 2012
I think the ozone layer is yelling, "See? You earth full of ungrateful @+#*?/sssss!!!! THIS is what it's gonna be like when I'm gone!" I'm assuming that it's yelling because we're far. Far things yell at each other. In their own way. I speak on behalf of all the Durban inhabitants when I say, "We've learnt whatever it is you were trying to teach us! And we miss you....please come backkkkkkkkkkkkk! We promise to be friendlier and greener and......uhhhhhh? Environmental------er!" And just because 'tis the giving season? IF I ever have more kids? GULP! I promise to name my next child, Ozone! And if I name the one after that, Turbo? I will have paid my respects to one of the movies that inspired me as a young girl. To learn how to do the worm. On a paved surface. I could have seriously injured my future, but that's okay. I was inspired to!

Pssssssssssst! That whole naming of children thing? I-I didn't say that to the layer. That's why I took it out of inverted comas. THAT promise requires contemplation. Not to mention that I'm too old now. They no longer manufacture batteries for my biological clock! But, let me tell you? The heat in Durban has been nothing short of hellish over these past two weeks or three weeks! This is serious people! Me? I'm doing my part! I'm on Duromine! Figured if I lose my appetite? I'll make less trash!

How? You're asking, how? And see that? It's no wonder we're in the hot mess that we're in and being punished by atmospheric layers! But because I'm nice, enough! I'll explain! If I don't have an appetite? You following? Okay! If I don't have an appetite? I don't eat. Much. Result? I don't have to unwrap and discard lots of things. Nuh-uhhhhh! Sigh....you can't just blurt out things like that?! Stay with me now....Nottttttt gifts! Christmas is over! I'm talking about food! So, if I'm not hungry? I then don't eat assssss many items that are wrapped up in eco-unfriendly wrappers that I will have to ultimately throw into the trash! Annnnnd thereby? Let's alllllllllll say it together! Making morrrrrre trash! The environment will then be a better place, by however small a margin! Thanks to a thinner, no longer hungry, yours truly! There! Two birds were not killed with one stone in the explanation of my theory!

A-HHHEM! Three were!

And now? Since it's past 1.30am? It's been a while since I slept before 2.30am. I shall attempt to fall asleep while my body temperature soars to inexplicable heights through no fault of my own! See you in the morning.

31 December 2012
................................................................. It's now New Years Eve evening, and I'm simply amazed! I didn't even post this YET and there's wind and....? Waiiiiiiit for it..........grey clouds in the sky! Woooooooooo-hoooooooooo!

-__-!! I need a life. Really! I'm ecstatic about wind and grey clouds?!?! O_O! That's just sad! For someone who loves Summer as much as I do? Just shows. My cup of excitement is half empty!

OL, I nicknamed the ozone layer. Shhhhhhhhh, don't tell it. I've jusssst managed to calm it down enough to come out of hiding. OL must be able to either read minds or unposted blogs on cellphones! Even my front door was thrilled! It was like, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" I don't speak door but you live with one long enough? You kinda get to know it well enough to start recognising the mood "swings".

Uhhhhh? Meanwhile? Back at the...the...outside! I might have wished a little tooooooo hard 'cause it's now thundering. >_< Not. Cool! I mean, it IS cool. Just? It's not cool. All a Rambler wanted was a breeze! Not the background sounds of a horror movie. Hey!!!! Did I ever tell you guys that we saw how they make these sounds for the movies?

Mmmmmm-hmmmm! At Universal Studios in LA. You thought they have someone outside waiting for a storm with a recorder, didn't you? Me, neither! Anyway! Gareth, my nephew and I? We were screaming! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Well, I was screaming. The man said I must! 'Cause of the giant cat by the window! And I was chilling with the Klumps on the dinner table! But I didn't meet them. Bummer! 'Cause I was on stage and they were in the movie! Gareth was a small Egyptian, building things! He was his size but he looked smallllllll on the screen while he was building!

Hmmmmmmpf! And now? Rain! WTH??!!! I shoulda just kept both my thumbs SHUT! And because of this little sarcastic elemental show? Thank you, OL! No, that's not gratitude! Ozone and Turbo? FORGET it! 'Cause it IS sarcasm. This is a sarcastic storm, if ever I saw one! It IS, isn't it??? Yeah see, you're nodding! You see it too. OMG! O_O listen to the thunder! Uuuuuurgh! And lightning!

Guess, 2013 is coming in with a BANNNNNNG! Wherever you find yourself tonight? Be safe! Be sober! And be-be-uhhhhh-beeeeee.....?? Urgh, can't think of another s-word!

Most of all, be careful! Happy New Year, everyone! See you next year! ^_^!
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Christmas Message

I always love it when Lynn comes home. If you don't know who Lynn is? That's my eldest sister! Ahhhhhhhhhh! I hear you! Yes!!! She's the one who rips the English language to ribbonic (O_o) shreds. Whether she means to or not. And then promptly blames the City of Durban for it! Hey, don't look at me? We don't even try to understand her logic anymore. Just....shaaaaaake your head. Like we do. And appreciate the fact that she said whatever she did with every ounce of confidence that she possesses.

This? Was her Christmas broadcast message;

"May the joy of xmas be with you and remember the reason we Celine this das. Merry xmas"

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHALMFAO!!!

Me? I saw Celine? I closed the message. Truth be told, I'm no fan of broadcast messages to begin with plus I was tired and lethargic but my immediate thought was, "Ay? This comes from Lynn! Expect anything!!!! She could very well be paying tribute to Celine Dion...not that I know her to even like her like that? But just like her identity crisis phases? She coulda extended those to include singers (shrug shoulders)" So, I read no further.

Some time passes, and we're sitting around the table on Christmas Day after lunch and cleaning? Her son, Lyle, literally drags himself from his bedroom, wearing this, "M-m-m....she's at it again" almost constipated look on his face, "Ma? But WHAT like? What is going on with this message? Did you even read it before you sent it?" She looks at him like, O_+! Ofcourse, us that received the message, dive to open it again, and read it all the way through and then burst out laughing! Still? She is confused, totally! Mumbling something about how her phone types in another language! HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!

The message SHOULD have read, "May the joy of xmas be with you and remember the reason we celebrate this day. Merry xmas." Heh-heh-heh! Predictive text? That's why I don't have it turned on! I make enough typo's! There's no need for my phone to help me. If you're not paying attention, it can get you into a lot more trouble than you care to find yourself in, or cause someone to think that your eldest son has been constipated for two weeks. That's just not cool! Especially if you're not constipated. For any amount of weeks. It's not an impression, false I might add, that you want anybody to have of you, just because your mum uses predictive text and then her Xmas message only makes sense UP TO a certain point! Then? You walk into a room with THAT look? Mmmmmmmmm.....Well? You know the rest!

And now? I guess I should get ready for the day. I've been in some sort of mood since I woke where I just can't get myself going. Mainly because it was Kai-Li's funeral today. December has had it's surprises this year. That's for damn sure. NONE of which I appreciate but?!? Can't change. Now? We wait for the lessons to reveal themselves. That IS how it works, right?

In all of these December surprises? I've gotten more than one not-so-friendly reminder that taking your loved ones for granted? Your situation for granted? BIG mistake! We all get comfortable with how great, or problem-free or just? Normal for that matter, things are going. Until something comes along and reminds us of who exactly is in control. Not US!

Between the lessons? Ramble RESPONSIBLY. Pray MORE! Love TRUE! Think HARD! Speak HONESTLY! DANCE often! Sing LOUD! Laugh HYSTERICALLY! Make your moments count. That's what December taught me.
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Merry Christmas!

It's been Christmas Day in South Africa for the past eight hours already! The time now? 08.05am to be precise. The time when I finally post this? Can't say since I started it at 2am and promptly fell asleep! Like this, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, scratch (damn mosquitos), ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! You can tell that I was drained by the fact that I slept in capital letters but I'm awake now and have been for the past three hours.

I-I'm being precise? 'Cause I didnt know whether someone guessing the time is a pet peeve of yours so I made sure to check before I typed that. Like right now? It's 08.23am. Precisely. Just tryna be a responsible rambler and certainly not tryna piss anyone off. Not today, at least. Let's leave that for the days between Christmas and New Years so that come New Years DAY and the "pissee" is wherever they are? Near music I hope! Music makes everything better. Having a good ole time and feeling the weight of 2012 lift from their shoulders? They'll just forgive me.

Unless they're in prison. Serving nine life sentences? Nothing lifts off your shoulders thennnnn. IIIIIIII don't know about any feel good, let me forgive, moments there would be there? So, take my lead and don't piss off a prisoner. For me, it's easy since I don't know any? But jussssssssst in case? I'm gonna wish them all a Blessed Christmas right now and tell them what a stranger came up to me and told me yesterday, "Don't worry. He still loves you. He still loves you." I might have looked like a pissed off prisoner. O_O! Who knows? What I do know? Is that I needed to hear that!

But for the free, pissed off people? Hearts tend to soften as the clock strikes midnight New Years Eve. I even hug people that I don't want to and never will for the rest of the 364 days of the year! On PURPOSE! I'm sure, out there, some people lose shoes too! That's how you know they take their childhood fairytales seriously. Not sure what significance that holds. For now? All we know is that at least a small percentage of earths population will have walked into the new year on one shoe.

On this 2012 Christmas morning, I wish for you every blessing imaginable. Time? We just never know. Make everyday count and make sure that not a day goes by without your loved ones knowing, and hearing and feeling that they mean everything to you. Today, give thanks to Jesus for the fact that you're able to spend another birthday with Him.

He still loves you! Merry Christmas, everybody!

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Kai-Li

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REST IN PEACE, OUR ANGEL KAI-LI

How ironic that my post yesterday was entitled, "Celebrate Life."

It worked for a while because earlier yesterday? Life still felt...normal. Until it just wasn't...anymore.

We lost our precious niece to Epidermolysis Bullosa, yesterday where in our hearts we all know that where she is now? Is the best place she could ever be, but selfish hearts like ours pain because in human nature, we want her, where we can see her, and smell her and hold her and watch her grow because the truth is that her pain and suffering is now all gone.

Some of us never got to meet this little Angel, and it almost seems cruel that she passed a day before we actually would get that chance. But in her three months of life? She's taken and wrapped her heart around ours, along with countless other people, near and far, who were praying so hard that we'd see a miracle in her. At the end of it all, she was the miracle, I believe.

What if tomorrow never comes? I've seen that question countless times, whether it be on some social media site or whether it be on email. But I never could, before today, tell you what it meant to me;

Our Angel Kai-Li

If tomorrow never comes
Just like it won't do for us
It takes away our only chance
To hold a hero in our arms

If tomorrow never comes
There'd be no way for you to see

The many hearts that you'd held in your very tiny hands
Or feel yourself surrounded by more love than you could stand

If tomorrow never comes
We'd beg the heavens for a favour

And that's to please take us back to the day before
So that we'd still have a day with you, just one more

But tomorrow? Tomorrow never came
That kind of tomorrow will never come again
The one where we finally get to look into those big pretty eyes
A tomorrow where we get to hear your baby cries

Instead, the tomorrow that we'll get?
Is the one without you, the one with regret

The one where we always wonder about the sound of your voice
The way that you blink or how you react to our noise

But all the tomorrows that follow this day
We will love you like we always did, we will love you the same
A martyr of strength, our youngest baby girl
To us, you mean nothing less than the world!

RIP our Angel Kai-Li
You've filled our hearts
2012.12.22
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Celebrate Life

Told myself that I'm not gonna start off my blog post talking about, "Joy to the worrrrrld! I'm still alive! OMGGGG!!!! O_O!" And I'm not, because I'm a little tired from lack of sleep this past week which means that my eyes won't properly pull off that GASPY look. They might make it to the, "Oh..." stage, but then that would alter the whole meaning of what I came here not to say!

Plus?!? Hey? You and I both know that my spirit isn't thaaaaaaaat dedicated that it would keep my blog alive while I was in the Main House. Plu-uuus?!? I'm afraid that if I type a bunch of unnecessary words? There's a good chance of me melting from this Durban Summer heat before I finish so I'm gonna try to get to as many points as I can before that!! More is less! -_- How exactly is it that when you swop THAT saying around like that? It makes no sense!

Being Libra? I'm not much of a choice person, myself. That's why I never entertained the thought of becoming a bomb-wire-cutter-person! One has to consider their strengths and weaknesses come time to decide on a career path. I can see it now... Here I come looking all bomb-wire-cutter-like? Everyone's thinking, "Yesssss! She's gonna save us!" HA! People really shouldn't be THAT hasty. Just saying. Take out my tools? The wire cutter. That should sum up the extent of my toolS. What else would I need? And then I sit there...think, and sitttttt there...okay white! Annnnnd sit there...nooooooh, maybe red? And sit there...sigh...trying to decide which one to cut! Whomever is watching? I'm thinking they kinda have a better chance of being killed by their heart giving out than an exploding device! Good thing, though. I don't write on here for myself to read. You on the other hand?!? Might be a choicaholic, so...? You'll have many points to choose from! I'm catering to the masses like a good Rambler should! :-) pat pat!

What I will say, is this? Tea tree oil is some strong smelling shit! My eyeballs were like, "Woahhhhhhh-ohhhhhhhhhh, Dudette!" That's all. They're eyeballs of few words. I can ONLY imagine the stench of the tea tree forest! Phewwwww! By the way? Does anybody know where that might be? Be nice to know so that I don't mistakenly end up there on my next vacation! I'm not really sure why you're looking at me with "WTF" eyes. Doesn't everybody plan vacations in the forest?

No?

Oh.

Well? While my eyes water to levels of blur? Yet because I know my way around this BB keypad? I continue typing anyway...... I'm hoping against hopes that those people who sold all their belongings and spent every black cent they had on a two-week island vacation leading up to yesterday? I hope they were alright when they didn't wake up dead this morning! Hmmmmmmmmm? That? I would imagine, could turn out to be quite a traumatic way to wake up! You know how it is when you're not expecting something. Like breathe.

Or when you expect something but instead of a heaven full of singing Angels? Your first sight is that painful looking flowery painting hanging on a beige bedroom wall in a hotel somewhere in Malaysia? Me? Can't say that I do! I've experienced neither, but I'm sure it doesn't go over too well when CERTAIN realizations hit home! Wherever that might now be. I hope one of them packed a hat to lay........Get it? Wherever I lay my...hat.....nevermind.

All I hear in my minds eye is....whaaaat?!? My minds eye can hear! It hears this, "@#*!?)("@+*#@?! O_______O" Coupled by a chilling scream that's carried by the morning breeze, a few hundred meters into the ocean just outside of the window causing birds to immediately migrate, season or no season! And Nemo and dolphins to shake their heads like, "Hmmmmmmm? Another one who was fooled into believing it was the end of the world! Nnnnnnnnnnn, these tourists, I telya!!" I have a hunch that perspiration plays a major part in the reaction too!

I'm making light of this but it is infact quite a serious matter if someone actually did do that! I know the last time the world ended? Wait. When was that again? Hmmmmmmmmm? Was it March? I forget now. I'm trying to picture that big billboard close to our old airport that was advertising it! Yep! A big billboard advertising that your ass is about to be fried! What is this world coming to? Supposedly the end, I know, but mannnn? When that time came? People did some crazzzzzzy things. Some fried their own asses! And I suspect that this time was no different.

My mum told me, "Last weeks paper said that nobody should pay their bills this month! What would be the point?" My response? "Heh-heh-heh!! The point is that they'll be looking crazy in January!"

Here's what I believe.

Uhhhhhhh....gimme jusssssst one minute!

Disclaimer: Opinions aren't facts. They're just theories that your imagination is entitled to come up with!

Okay!

I don't believe that the world will end where at a certain time on a certain day, it'll be like, Poooooooof! We're all gone! I believe that when a person passes on? That's the end of THEIR world. Buuuuuuuuuuuut???? As a child, I also believed that my shoe shrunk, and it wasn't my foot that was growing, so?...I'm not alwayyyyyyys right!

I hope that for now we've seen the last of the doom and gloom predictions and that we concentrate instead on living and celebrating life! Today, on his BIRTHDAY!!? I'm celebrating the fact that Geese was born! And just reflecting on the fact that my life has never been the same since he came into it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEESE! ^_^!
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Feeling Gullible

I was gonna blog yesterday, see? But I figured it'd be wiser to wait. With all of the broadcast messages I received about it being 12.12.12? My immediate thought was, "You don't say!!!" But then I said, "Hmmmmmmmmm?" Mannnnnnnnnn?!? Talk about intense!

Lemme just tell you this? To say that I was gravely disappointed that I didn't wake up in the Twilight zone this morning? Would be an understatement! I was so sure, like I had a feeling, that something out of the ordinary would happen at 12 seconds after 12am on the 12th day of the 12th month of the 2012th year. While I was asleep. Most times I'm awake at that hour but I force-slept myself on the night of the 11th.

Do you ever get feelings? Annnnnnnnnd? Crazy looks noted! Hardy-hah-hah! Yes, you do! Remind me never to pay mine any mind 'cause they let me down in a big way last night! I thought I'm gonna get on here and tell you about some wild and crazy story about 12 locusts abducting me and sitting me down next to 12 John Lennons and within 12 minutes? They were forcing me to smoke weed! Weed! Can you believe that? I was like, "Weed is bad for you!" In my thought of what might happen to me! Well, unless you have asthma? Then its medicinal! Hey?!?! Don't shoot the messenger! That's what I heard! And don't be faking asthma either! Rather, stay away from drugs and use your pump instead! But I thought? I thought I was gonna be in the Zone! I would have been too, if I named my bedroom, the Zone? But I didn't. I just call it my bedroom.

It was kinda like. And I'm certain that there are at the very least, 12 people who will understand exactly what I mean. Do you ever get a feeling? Like, "I have a feeling that when I wake up in the morning? I will be able to prove that UFO's are merely a melted collection of all lost frisbees." O_o! No? Not-nnnnnnnnnnn! Not ever a feeling you get? What about that man next to you? >_<! DRAT! I thought by now I'd meet at least one person who did. Ahhhhhh well? The search continues! I might have to hold a contest, "That Feeling" or something.

You know what? Why are things never just....easy? Why can't hair wash itself? Why? If you don't like the taste of olives? Why can't the earth make them taste like strawberries? Whyyyyy? If you love someone? Why can't things just work out where there are no visa's, no cross-country issues to work through, no waiting periods? Why are these pins and needles in my arm not going away?

Uhhhhhhhhh? -_-! A-hem! Ouch! That hurt! Do you know what a tantrum is? I just flew into one! I've met hundred's of people throughout my living years and now I've gotta resort to contests to find one person who had the frisbee feeling! Nothings. Ever. Easy! And now that my senses have returned, somewhat! I will tell you why. It's simply because we value the things that we have to work the hardest to get, don't we?

You do know what this has now caused, don't you? Now I don't believe for a second that the earth is gonna have that blackout from the 22nd December to the 25th December. I don't! I won't. Not after yesterday's anti-climax! I'd be a double fool if I did! Meanwhile? Those are two very special days in my life! Geese was born on the 22nd? And Jesus was born on the 25th! I don't have a clue what I'd do without either of them! Could the planets not align and shift positions some other time like in February? Really?!? Not even many public holidays in February! That would be a perfect month to run wild in space! Urgh, it doesn't matter though because I no longer believe it. Hmmmmmmpf!

On the brighter side, though? I begin my Christmas holiday at precisely 16.31pm tomorrow! I'd jump for joy right now but I'm on energy-save mode! Going to a concert on Monday, so? I'm using my energy wisely!

What time is it anyway? One sec...ah-HA! 22.40pm! Hahahahahahaha! I just realized that I was like, "ah-HA!" As if I just caught the clock doing something it shouldn't! No wonder my eyes are beginning to feel like two sacks of something heavy!
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The Cerealness of it All

All I'm saying is?  They had no right to do whatever they did with the Nestle' High Fibre Honey and Almond Cereal!  I don't know what they did?  Or how they did what I don't know they did?!?  But yesterday (Its day two), I was on a mission!  Mission "Why Has This Cereal Disappeared Off The Shelves!"  or for short, Mission WHTCDOTS.  Rolls off the tongue quite nicely. 

I was all revved up yesterday!  Wore my mission clothes and everything.  Although, the peace sign on my t-shirt?  I see how that could cause one to believe that my aim is conflicted......

.........O_o!  That’s it.  Just letting you know that I see how that could happen.  So?!?!?!?!?  Who's with mehhh?!!?! 

I can hear myself chewing a wine gum.  That’s not the response I was hoping for.  Think I’ll wait.  Some people need to locate their voice first.  Like Alexis yesterday.  Gorgeous new little niece of mine.  One of four actually!  When we breed, we breed!  She was tryna cry and doing that “I’m gonna distort my open mouth in as many different directions as I can, without hands, until I find my voice!  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Shew, finally!” 

My wine gum is finished and still.....Just......Me?  Guess to you, U.N.I.T.Y was just a 90’s track from Queen Latifah, huh?  Sigh....okay.  Okay.  Well?   Somebody's gonna start talking today!  I've got cornrows!  And I'm not afraid to use'm!  Meanwhile, I emailed what turned out to be this digital distributor of fast moving goods, LOL!  Or something, and after explaining that they were not Nestle’?  They wished me luck on finding my cereal.  That’s what happens when you say, “Who’s with me?”  And all you hear are what used to be winegums.  I’ve since found the correct site annnnd way to email Nestle’, on my own.  Thank you very much!  So far?  I have a response from something with no heart.  Yep!  The automated response and I are one step closer to a budding friendship. 

Lemme tell you something.  I didn't say this in the email by the way.  Something about a peace sign on my breasts?!?  Like I think harsh and all but then I act all peacified.  I was seriously born in the wrong era!  That's almost what Geese told me when I sent him a picture of my cornrows with the word, GANGSTA, attached to it!  He was like, “Til you see a mouse and you’ll be squealing and running!”  hahahahahahahahha!  The man knows me, what can I say!  

A-HEM! 

Lemme tell you something!  Person from Nestle' who signed off on the mysterious disappearance of my green box of joy!   This cereal gave me faith in breakfast.  I kid you not!  I couldn't wait to get to work because I knew...I knewwwww that I had that "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" heaven in a box waiting for me!  Now?  Now, all I have is a...a computer.  Computers hardly taste as nice as honey and almond high fibre cereal!  I kid you not....again!  I'm not kidding a lot today because its day two of my mission!  The little that I do remember of James Bond?  He was no stand-up comedian.  It's this hairstyle!  Cornrows even make your jaw clench!  When you're NOT mad!  I kid you not!  >_< 

I mean?  AlrighT.  They miggggggght be protecting me in some way.  Mayyyyyyybe just maybe, they found something not so cool in the cereal.  Where if you continued eating it, you could grow a third arm or something?  I understand that.  But even if they found sommmmmmme god forsaken reason why they had to secretly remove it the shelves?  At least tell a person, you know?  'Cause I asked the guy in the grocery store and he told me, "The supplier is out of stock."  With a straight face!  He told me with a straight face.  They weren't out of stock with a straight face.  Look?  Lies I hate!  Straight-faced lies?  I love even less!  That was two or three months ago already.  What happened?  Almonds became extinct?  Or was it that the bees immigrated because Zuma might be re-elected for a second term?  I'm right there with you Maya!  And yes!  Yes I am grasping at straws here because I'm not the one who left this to my imagination!  You know by now that my imagination needs constant guidance and supervision.

In a moment of weakness, my little heart fluttered with hope and then was like, "Enough with the fluttering?  I need a reason to ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah’"  Not that I don't already have one?  But he's a human!  And that's a different kinda "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"  If I couldn't have my reason?  I at least had my cereal!  But now?  I have neither!  So now, there's like a big black hole that even my kids can't fill!  See 'cause I have sections.  Kids section.  Full!  Cereal section........ Reason section....... Music section.  Full!  You see those dots?  The ocean and Nestle' are to blame for those!     

I have my suspicions.  It's.  It's 'cause I'm Coloured, huh?!?  Hmmmmmmpf!  Ay?!  I don't see the other race's cereals doing disappearing acts in grocery stores!  What a sad state of affairs it is when you see cereal apartheid unfold before your very eyes?!  Sad.  Eyes, I might add.  Maltabella is still up there, isn't it?!  Special K is still up there!  Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  What cereals do the Indians like again?  Rice Crispies??? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lighten up!  I'm kidding this time................................... 

It's Choco Pops, huh?!  

Festive Greetings

01 December 2012: Welcome to December everybaaardy! I'm alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll smiles today! ^_^!!!!!! And not just because I feel like baring my gums! Hell! It's December and it's Summer and soon? I shall be on vacation for two whole weeks! Running wild at the malls in the name of ye ole festive season!

Hands up!!!!!!!!!!! Those of you, who will be stone-cold broke by the first week in January and then looking for random items purchased by you or for you…(some might have been last years' unused gifts)….to return just to tide you over until the next payday!! Come onnnnnn. Don't be shy! We can't see you! You might very well be the family greyhound reading this blog, barking, "Woof, woof, woof!" Meaning,"Me, Me, Me!" In human language and we would be none the wiser!

But???? Never fear! The Rambler's near! And she's armed with a tip that will make those dark and dismal January days brighten right on up! Grab a pen or a dictaphone if you're having one of those lazy days. We all keep one of those on our bedside table, don't we?

When you get paid for December, right? You listening? Okay………take some of that money. Fold it up and stick it in the pocket of a jacket that you haven't worn in nine years, yet still it hangs in your closet! Yep! That was sarcasm. And it was directed at both you and myself! It doesn't havvvve to be nine years. Just? Old! An old jacket or shirt that you know you're not gonna reach for once you're intoxicated with the happy juice. There's a point to that too!

We all know that this season causes us to do things we wouldn't ordinarily do on sayyyyyy, the 19th of May! And when I say, this season? I specifically, mean, New Years Eve! For me? It makes me hug strangers at a ball! But?! IIIII don't wanna read a headline stating, "Breaking newssssss...last night? Two seconds before 2013?! It rained another kinda M! Money!" Because you decided that alcohol, backflips off the diningroom table and your January money jacket are a good mix! During the New Years Eve countdown. Uh-uhhhhhh! I, for one, do not see that ending well! So to make myself clear? The January money jacket is totally off limits, okay?!? Don't look at it! Don't touch it! Don't sniff it! Do not wear it!

So then? Come the 2nd of January? You're tired. You're sunburned. You have nohhhhh idea why you're wearing hot pink hot shorts and have a tattoo of the Mona Lisa on your right cheek! But?!??! That's as far as your problems will go. And why? Because when I rambled responsibly today? You followed my advice! And then hangoverly mumbled to yourself, "And what good advice that was!"

So there! Ho-Ho-Ho and eggnog and all!!!!!!! Woof-woof-woof (the greyhound remember?). That is my gift to you this Christmas. The gift of a look less painful. You know? My eyes are twinkling right now. It could be exhaustion since I've blinked about fifty-eight times during the last half-a-minute but I'm gonna go with pride instead 'cause I've always...always thought that I would one day find a way to help numerous people, in one go, to avoid looking constipated for three weeks straight in January! And now I have and it feels great!!!!!!

So you see? That's what it's all about at Christmas time! Giving! My absolute favourite time of year! Aside from my annual visit to Philadelphia to spend time with…Geese, which? By the way…didn't... happen this year! Sniff. I'm all...smiles, yep! Happy. Like this see? :_) Sniff...yesssss...Sniff is the new happy. Sniff. At least I was, until I reminded myself just now that it's been a year since I've seen him. Not as though I woke this morning and forgot. Sob! :_( No, that's....that's sadness. Noth-nothing happy about sob.

Suddenly I see a balloon darting from point to point as it descends from the ceiling to the floor and makes sure to land on the white tip of my Chuck Taylors, words up, "You've brought deflation upon yourself! Couldn't just stick to cheerful December thoughts, could you?" I'm not answering that question. I've been called alota things, fairly and unfairly. If I start talking to fallen balloons? That would just be an invitation for more name calling and if I'm the only one who sees it, then…ay talking to the tip of your shoe is none the better.

02 December 2012: Nnnnnnnnnnnnn-nnnnnnnnnnn......I "slept" and woke up! Yep! In that order! I had to take a break 'cause my post took a nose-dive into the pit of depression. Not exactly the direction I'd planned. But I'm now back to begin this blog post again. Second chances. Everybody deserves them.

A-hem! Straighten my skirrrrrrt. Shit! I'm wearing shorts. Nevermind, same difference! Pat my hair neat. Powder my nose. Allllllllright! Let's try this again.....

Welcome to December everybaaaaardy! As a show of united excitement? Sing with me! "Ohhhhhh say can you seeeeeee, by the daw...."

Ooooooooops! That's not a, uhmmmmmm-hmm? :-/ That's not a Christmas carol is it?!? O_o! No! I have this cough, okay? Uh-huh, a cough. It's a special cough that keeps me up at night and jumbles up the song categories in my head. Thank goodness I'm not a juke box! I'd be pink and pennyless by now!
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Quitting to the T

I’ve survived the 3-day diet!  Whoooooop!  In all honesty, it wasn’t sooooh bad and I do feel a slight difference.  Now if my metabolism would just work with a girl, all will be right with the world.  I did have one incident though!  It came time to have dinner last night and I read “a cup of tuna”  >_<  With one aim in mind?  I quickly looked away, giving the words time to re-arrange themselves on this page that I’d stuck on my refrigerator.  After a few minutes, I then read it again and once I noticed that the words were being as rebellious as my cellulite was?  I was left with no choice.  There was nothing else I could do.  Uhmmmm-mmm!  I switched to make-believe mode!  Works every time!  I pretended it read, “Just kidding, tonight you can have sliced ham.”   And VIOLA!  Soon after I breathed a huge sigh of relief from realizing that even diets have a sense of humour?  It did say it was kidding.  Almost got me there too!  I was wrapping lettuce leaves around pieces of sliced ham just like I pretended the diet told me to!

So as you can see?  I didn’t follow it to the t.  ‘Cause ima rebel.  And rebels prefer their tuna with some chopped chillies and mayo.  I’d done it their way twice in these three days and was not about to compromise a third time and risk being put off tuna for another couple of years.  And?!?!  Why is it “to the t” and not “to the z?”  Some things in life just don’t make sense to me.  Things like this annnnnd the fact that I can’t have a stomach like JLO’s after my two kids.  I was tempted to kick the TV when I saw her new music video.  After twins?!?!?!?  That woulda been bad, ‘cause it was my mums TV.  Not only would I not have been able to dance for however long it took for my foot to heal but then I would’ve had to replace her TV on top of that.  Just…just wasn’t worth it.  And besides?  At the end of it all, I still wouldn’t have her stomach.

Wouldn’t “to the z” portray perfection, better ?  How much more perfect can it get after you’ve done it to a z?  (Please get your mind outa the gutter.  I said it.  Not IT!)   And why?  Because Z means:  The end.  Z means that you’ve reached that point where you’ve gone as far as you can go.  You know?  Well?  Unless there are more letters to the alphabet that are being taught to a selected few who will then take over the world by means of codes using only the “secret” letters?!?!  Huhhhh?  Huhhhh? 

I made you think there, didn’t I?  Right now, in a place far, farrrrrrrrr away?  This could very well be happening and we’re all over here, obliviously going about our business until we turn on the TV one day and all we see are unrecognizable words running across the screen.  Pressing the remote impatiently won’t help us then.  Frowning and pressing the remote impatiently won’t help us either.  I’ll tell you right now what those words would say only because it’s my imagination that’s running wild all over this blog post?  But when it actually happens, I won’t know, because nobody called me to learn extra alphabet letters!  Bastards!   “If you were one of the chosen, you’d have no problem reading this?  But if you’re not?  Sorry…”  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!  Things explode.  End of the world!  Except for the handful of people who knew the other letters.  I don’t know how they think they’re gonna survive without farmers and all.  They just blew up the world without a thought of where their next meal is coming from.  

I’ll bet you that Geese could expand what I just said and turn it into a 600-page novel.     

The point I’m trying to make is this.  Look?  You either go all the way to the cliff?  Or you stay at a!  Right?  But to stop at the t?  Sometimes I just wish that people thought long and hard before coming up with these sayings.  This one?!  And no, I’m not sitting here confessing to be the world’s bravest person.  I’ve quit too, many times in my life.  The only difference is that now?  I have someone constantly picking me up, dusting me off and then giving me a good shove to keep moving.  This one encourages you to quit, six alphabet letters from the finish line.  Like, “Don’t worry to reach your full potential!  It’s okay to quit!  Just pass S and you can rest assured that you’ve done your best!”  

That’s like going to work and stopping at the top of the driveway with your boss yelling, “Rambler, are you alright?  Why aren’t you coming down?  It’s after eight already!”  And you’re yelling back, “Because I’m working, to the t, and if I take another step it means…because…see?  Sighhhhh.  Uhmmmmm, ‘cause this space?  From here to therrre?  That would be u, v, w, x, y and then z is once I open the office door.”  He will look confused and mumble at first, “WTF?!?!?  I’ve been paying a crazy person for the last fourteen years.” and then send the driver with a note saying, “You’re fired!  T that!” 

Bless you!  Sorry, Wendy just sneezed.  

Eighteen Candles

One for that sweet little morning smile you'd wake me to
Two for those tight little hugs that always got me through

Three for the moment you stood on your own two feet
Four for the words you'd listen to and then try to repeat

Five for those first very brave steps that you took
Six for the funny times you'd imitate Granny Doreen's look

Seven for the terrible I never found in your two's
Eight for that curly mop you finger-swiped like only you could do

Nine for the new friendships you formed as a little scholar
Ten for the pride that I felt when your teachers called you a star

Eleven for how fascinated you were by your brother's tiny hands
Twelve for those Friday nights at Granny's where Leigh'd make you dance

Thirteen for the breakfasts you'd make me on Mothers Day
Fourteen for those beautiful ornaments you'd made out of clay

Fifteen for the decisions you've made, both right and wrong
Sixteen for finding Gods place in your heart and comfort in song

Seventeen for the rebellious streak that Lindsie helps you let go of
Eighteen for being my baba, for being part of me, for being my first true love

Happy Eighteenth Birthday Randy-Paige!
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Don’t GrOw!!!!

Mannnnnnn!  What a crazy week it’s turned out to be!  I was supposed to give birth on Tuesday.  Eighteen years ago!  However?  It was decided from above that I would feel the excruciating, yet marvelous, epidural free, experience of childbirth, four days later!  Nevermind, three of my family members got evicted from the hospital!  I started getting pains and all of a sudden it turned into a roadtrip.  I remember walking the corridors of that hospital floor for hours.  Walking apparently does something.  >_<  Apparently.  I know for a fact that it doesn’t speed up labour because my pains started at nine at night and I gave birth at three-thirty the next afternoon.  Someone might have been having a bad day and took it out on me.  “I had a bad day, so now you walk, in labour, for hours!” 

As for the evictees?  They were lounging ever so nicely in the waiting room.  Just because the night staff are exhausted and will allow you to?  Doesn't mean that the morning staff won't race you.  Who knows?  They mighta had that look like, "We're alllllllllllllll coming into the delivery room!  That’s how we roll."  And the nursing staff thought, “Ohhhhh yeah, you’re about to roll, alright!”  With this family?  Good or bad?  They do it big!  Or get............chased home!

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that my daughter turns eighteen in two days.  O_O!  Stoppppppp!  Growing!  Can one use that famous, "You live under my roof so you will abide by my rules" line here even if they’ve never used it ‘til now?  Or the more direct route, "Don't grow!  Or else I’ll belt the age off of you!"  I almost fell on my back a few weeks ago.  It woulda hurt too since I was walking at the time.  The higher the back the harder the fall.  (shrug)  Makes sense to me.  See?  The thing is this.  I've never had a son before so I don't know....like I don't know the rate at which things hanging from their bodies grow?  So he's all twelve and all, right?  And I’m up and down from here to there in the house and he was in the bathroom.  I walk pass and I’m like, (wide-eyed frown), "Woahhhhhh!  Woh-hoahhhhhhh???  Wtf!  Who are you and what have you done with my sonnnnnnn?!"   

...And I feel the need to say this again.  I've never had a son before so I'm trial and erroring here.  Plus there's no man in the house either.  Me?  I couldn't contain myself!  "Rannnnnnnnndyl???  Randylllllllllll!  Come see here!  Look how big Damon's willy's gone!!!"  Faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil!  And Damon's smiling all shy, like, "Nooooooooooh Maaaaaah."  Randyl ofcourse came to see but then nonchalantly went back to her room when he hid his goodies!  I know what she was thinking too.  “Remind me never to react that way when I have a son.”  And there I was still trying to insist, "Show her!  Show herrrrrr!"  I can't tell you whether or not he thought that was normal because he too hasn't had a mother before me.  Not that I'm aware of, at least.  He would have mentioned her by now but?  Just now he's gonna wake up with a different voice and then what do I do? 

For a minute there I was thinking, “Where’s my phone!”  To take a picture and send it to my ex with a caption of “Look what you did, you Bastard!”  But thankfully, I had a sliver of sense left and realized that evvvvvvvvven though we’ve long since established that ex’s are to blame for everything?  They just can’t be blamed for some things.  And this is one of them.  Kids grow and there’s just nothing that you can do about it.  Not like they’re bonsai trees or something. 

Guess what?  I've been seriously contemplating the 3-day diet!  I heard that!  And I humbly succumb to the very true fact that I should be a diet guinea-pig?  Sigh....I just haven't found the one that fits yet.  Less work, more loss.  That's the ideal diet for the single working mother!  That's the one I'm searching for!  Actually, I'm looking for the one where no dieting is involved.  You just lose the weight!  A few years back I found it too.  It's called, depression.  Except now?  I don't want the depression part, I just want the weight-loss effects of it.  Nnnnnnnnnnn.... yeah, I know.  It's kind of a package deal, huh? 

Well?  That's why?  One of these tomorrows?  I just might start.  Not-nottttt being depressed.  Focus!  The diet!  I'll be sure to let you guys know when so if I appear to behave tunarish?  You'll know why!  But I won't lie!  It's gonna depress me to be on diet but that's okay.  'Cause it won't be the same as last time.  Seriously, depression is no joke.  Nothings funny when you're depressed!  Depression causes you to cry at jokes.  “That was funnnnnnnny…boooooooooooooohoooooooooooo, sniff sniff!”  And the joke teller is standing there with his/her eyes darting from left to right, looking like, wtfh?  I cursed there, sorry.  So?  If you're bursting out crying at stand-up comedy shows?  It's time for you to see a professional.  If you're bursting out crying because the bar of soap just got finished or just the fact that you had the audacity to wake up that day?  It's time to take your ass to the doctor and let him / her help you heal. 

However!  I refused to take that medication and if you can help it?  You should too!  Stress on the words, iffffffff you can help it!  Depression tablets, at least the ones that were prescribed to me?  Turn you into a numb, can’t-feel-my-lips, zombie but they don't help your psychological state.  And let’s admit it.  You can smoke weed for that!  Uhhhhhhhhhh?  And don't do that either!  You just might enjoy it and we can't have people enjoying the effects of drugs!  We’ve seen plenty horrific ends to that story, now haven’t we?

And now?  I must be on my merry way.  From me?  The Rambler…Happy Thanksgiving to all of you celebrating it today and just remember…..all it takes is two words…”Food ready?”  Hahahahahahaha, jussss kidding.  “Thank you”  That’s all it’s about today!    

M is for the million things she gave me....

I'm dedicating this post to people, just like me.  Mothers.  Then again?  By the end of it?  I might have saluted crocodiles or something.  You just.....never know!  What's important is that you were aware of my initial intention!  ^_^!

Random Trivia?  My nickname as a child was Mother.  Everytime I see Aletta, which is not very often...she still calls me, Mother.  Infact?  She nicknamed her daughter, Mother.  And that's something that's always made me grin!  It's like?  Now wherrrrrre is Pablo Franwhathisname when I need him?  I need the dude’s movie voice for this one.....The legend!  Lives on! Heh-heh-heh!  I have my moments of vanity!  You do too, so you can lower your left eyebrow now!  Thattttttt's it!  I-I can't seem to raise my right eyebrow.  Hold on a second. 

Nope!  I can raise them simultaneously and raise my left one on its own, but the right one?  Once I try, I begin to look as though I have conflicting emotions or a bad reaction to the food I just ate.  But that grin?  'Cause I grinned in that paragraph above this one!  I wouldn't exactly call that vanity.  It's more pride.  How can you not be proud to have someone nicknamed after you?  On purpose!  Normally one is surprised like, "Wowww!  You're nickname is Mother?!?  O_O!  That was mine too!"  But no, this?  This was intentionally done!

O_o!  Uhhhhhhhhhhhh?  Wait?!  But what was wrong with Stacey, though?  Now?  I'm just....confused.  And I'm not even trying to raise my right eyebrow again.  You know, I can't click the fingers on my left hand either.  It's like a dud fire-cracker!  All the evidence of a click is there but not a bit of sound. 

Pride and confusion.  Pridefusion.  Confride!  Huh?  What you say?!  Now you're confused?  Confucius says, that's okay.  You know how I love explaining myself.  Not him, me!  He just said, "That's okay."  Pridefusion...or?!?  Confride, whichever you prefer...looks like this ^_<  Sort of.  Just banish your first impression of my one eye trying to run into the other and go with the impression I’m telling you that you should have.  I'm doing it right now.  Haaahahhaha, I'm lying but I'm trying.  I rhyme at this time.  Ima poet and I know it.  If at first you don't succeed?  Then?  Then...don't try this at home!  O_o!  That was ghastly!  But now you see what happens when you're confrided.   It’s a helluva thing and the blog is the first to get it!

Annnnnnnyway?  What was I saying?  Oh!  My explanation.  ^_<  It's when your one eye shows pride about your nickname being handed down and as soon as your other eye catches on to the reality of the situation?  It becomes immediately perplexed as to why your real name wasn't good enough.  My eyes are now begging the question?  How can you be proud that someone would rather pass on your nickname?  Dammmmmmmn?!  I-I never thought about that before!  For years I was all gleeful but now I'm just....post-gleeful.  Let's see?  -_-  What can post-gleeful be?  I’ll get back to this...............

Lemme just reel in my straying thoughts for a minute.  Reeeeeeeeeel.  Reeeeeeeeeel.  Look?!?  I'm a fisherwoman!  Uhm!  I see clearly why some parents walk around the mall with their kids strapped to a leash.  'Cause they're like my thoughts.  Running wild in every different direction possible.  So now I gotta pull on my mental leash and get down to the reason that I'm here. 

Oh?  Last but not least?  Somewhere in the middle of both?  I'm sorry that I haven't been here in a while.  I meant to make an appearance three days ago but then I got tied up.  In knots and pinched nerves and a chiropractor visit.  That hasn't changed.  Except I'm not going back to the chiropractor (I used back and chiropractor quite cleverly there...) 'cause now I have pain in places that were minding their own business before I paid money to hurt more.

There have been a few times where I felt as though, too much was going on for me to keep my blog alive?  Debbie is one of the main reasons that my blog hasn’t fallen face first into the pit of the dead blogs of the world wide web.  Let's just say she was the kick to the ass that I sometimes needed.  I used to be like, "I cannnnn't!"  And she would be like, "You cannnn!"  And I would be like, "I cannnnn't"  And she would be like, "You cannnnn!"  And I would be like, "I cannnnn't!"  And she would be like, "You will!"  And I would be like, "Okay."

And now comes the bittersweet part, because on Sunday we celebrated my mum's 70th birthday and sadly, Debbie lost hers.  I thought that I’d take a minute to share my one and only experience with her as a way of paying homage to Debbie, another mother, and friend of mine.  I had the pleasure of meeting Aunty Brenda for the first time at Debbie’s granddaughter’s party earlier this year.  Wendy was just saying to me, “Remember how she was busy in the kitchen from the time we got there to the time we left that Debbie even asked her what she was doing.”  Both Wendy and I met her that day but I never imagined that when she said, “Byyyyyyyyye, sister in law?”  I remember giggling when she said that.  I didn’t think for a second, that I’d never see her again.   It’s just a harsh lesson on how unpredictable life actually is.  Death always is.  Something we should all learn from but rarely do.

My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.  

Friday Rant

I was hoping I'd wake feeling a litttttttttttle less alone today.  A bit heavy for a Friday, huh?   My bad.  On the upside, though?  The reality is that I'm not really alone.  There are billions and billions of people in the world.  Whoooooo-whoooooo!  Company!  My feelings?  The feelings.  They feel.  Too much.  They’re feeling like David Copperfield these past two days.  Delusional.  I mean, ILLusional.  Matter of fact?  If I combine his name and the word, it sounds like delusional.  Or better still, DAllusional.  Ag, same difference.  Illusions make you delusional. 

Question?  Relevant or not, you decide.  Have you ever typed or written a word and then stared at it long enough where it doesn't look familiar anymore?  I do that a lot!  It's not actually fun and there's no point to it so I can't tell you why I do it?  I just do.  Not everything in life has to have a point or be funtastic.  Some things we do, just because we can.  It's amazing, the things that you can do with eyes.  And as you can see?  English and I?  We have a strange and wonderful relationship.  I’m always using it.  Or abusing it.  Bad Rambler, and it?!  Keeps existing.  Like my silent partner.  I woulda thought by now, just from my blog alone, it woulda packed its bags and left. 

But then?  All relationships are strange.  At least they are, to me.  One thing I've always marvelled about was the fact that today someone is a complete stranger to you and then a week later, month later or even a year later?  They're the air that you breathe.  Who came up with that one?  It’s like?  “I love you so much, my darling?  That you’ve now become oxygen!”  Or your arch enemy.  Or your very best friend.  Or someone dictating to you, what you can and can't do.  I do that.  I’m human.  I guess that's what it's all about, this life. 

‘Cause if you flip the coin.  And talking about money?  Okay, wait, I’m coming back to that.  Imagine if every person on this earth didn't speak to each other?  Didn't interact with each other?  Didn’t unstrangerize themselves?  OOOOOOH THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!  Didn't, act, with each other?  YES!  Yes!  She said, act, but meant that other thing!  We’re all of age here.  Adam and Eve would've died and that woulda been the end of it.  Earth, humanless.  But?!  But!  We'd still have baboons, now won't we?  They could rule the earth, I'm sure?  In their special baboon way.  Not like we don't already have baboons ruling things, these days.   I'm thinking of a few right now.  A-HEM! 

Uhhhhhh?  Soooooooh?  How ‘bout them Mets, huh? 

No.

Idea.

And then they'd have conferences with the scientist baboons and the research baboons about how humans became extinct rather rapidly because they refused to speak to each other.  Or act.  All two of them.  I’m imagining a baboon in a suit.  O_o!       

Hey?  Do you know what every man and his dog here in South Africa's talking about right now?  Aside from the US elections?  Our new bank notes!  Mannnnn?  And womannnnnn!?  I just love how our government finds new and idiotic ways to spend their time and our money, unnecessarily!  No, I don't!  Grrrrrrrrrrrr!  It's like the last thing they do at night is lay back and ask themselves, "How do I piss theeee people off?  Let me count the ways!"  For me?  It's just evidence of the level of intelligence.  How far the brain can stretch.  2cms, comes to mind! 

Since, government hospitals are in perfect order, aren't they?  I know I don't wanna slit my own wrists just thinking about having to lay in one of those!  HA!  Sarcasm!  I lean on it way more than I should.  What about education?  How's the textbook situation in Limpopo going?  Do people honestly have to have the threat of incarceration just to do what they should be doing?  Wait!  Waaaaaait!  What about?!  What about crime?  Meanwhile?  The only changes this lot appear to be capable of making?  Is to things that don't impact us or our quality of life.........in the leassssssssssst! I mean?  I haven’t heard a single mouth mumble about, “Those road name changes?  Really made life in South Africa worth living!”  Instead?  It was, “Ay, if you’re lost, you’re lost!  I can’t help you!  Not only because I can’t remember both names annnnnd surnames on the road sign?  But because even if I did?  I can’t pronounce it so, ay...just...ay...try to imagine what it used to be called!”

Look?  Excuses aside.  Theirs!  Not mine.  It's been 18 years?  And d’you wanna know something totally outrageous?  Brace yourself, ‘cause it’s a shocker!  If I didn't do my job, right, after 18 dayssssss?!  I'd be fired!  So what the hell?!  Why do people keep voting for a party that has almost 20 years of this type of track record!  It makes no sense!  I guess the packet of groceries along with a few “Step Up” routines, during election time means more to some than four years of positive changes. 

I rather go and find an unoccupied bush, put some red tape around it and form my own little country!  There's nothing funny about living in a joke!  That's what our beautiful South Africa has been reduced to.  A sick joke!

Movember Awareness

Just saw on TV that it’s grow a moustache month.  I'm all for helping out and supporting things but hell?  I have a vagina?  O_O!  Did I say that????  No!  No!  It was my outspoken alter ego!   It spoke out.  What I was thinking...in!  What's her name again?  Hmmmmmmmm?!  You woulda never guessed but that means I'm thinking.  You didn’t have to swallow that hard too?  That is actually the medical term.  So in my defence, as well as my nameless alter ego’s?  We’re being medically correct! 

While I think, like, ~_~ hmmmmmmmm?  Lemme just declare, without the naughty giggle, ofcourse.  That moustache’s and vagina's do not go together!  Unless there is a margin of confusion, which is always possible.  Or?!?  Downright rebellion.  Against what?  I haven’t the faintest!  But I would advise Hush.  It’s painless.  It’s a cream.  And it removes hair on the upper lip.  Not like waxing.  OUCH!  Or threading.  Ouchhhhhh!  Now?  That would make a female rebellious for good reason!  

Stilllllll thinking.  The name.  For that person that looks and sounds like me but isn’t.  Whyyyy?  Do I get myself into these situations?  Some of us are our own worst enemies, I telya!  You say, vagina once, okay...twice...well?  Three times now and then you have to find a name.   Ha!  But I have an idea!  While I come up with a good name for my other self?  I'm just gonna support men’s prostates via the goodness of my moustacheless heart.  And the hair on my arms.  

SAHARA!  SAHARA!  That's it.  Ummmm...no.  That sounds too deserty.  I had visions of vast sand-blown wastelands and that’s not what an outspoken alter ego should look like.  Not like a place that Scar and his hyenas from the Lion King have just been!  She needs something fresh and fiery like......like?  A little help here peopolllllle?!?!?   Fresh and fiery.  Fresh and fiery...urgh.  Seems the creative side of my brain is hiking somewhere in the mountains.  It’s no shocker that it left me.  I much prefer the indoors.  It’s a good thing too...just shows how much my brain knows me.  We used to be so miserable, camping on Park Rynie...me and the creative side of my brain.  It’s just sent me a telepathic message now to say...”Don’t mention the words camping or Park Rynie, I almost slipped.”  I don’t blame her. 

Her is correct, right?  Heh-heh-heh-heh...double whatever the English term is for “correct, right”  At least the language side of my brain is still with me, else you could be reading, “iugajkd fba.kjdgfi 8augrjhqa be.kanmls odizsgbdfj anf!!!!!!!”  Which I can easily translate for you, too.  It means, “iugajkd fba.kjdgfi 8augrjhqa be.kanmls odizsgbdfj anf!!!!!!!”  Just the ease by which I did that?  Tells me that I belong in the UN as a translator.  Where do they speak gibberish?  It’s never too late to find your calling, you know.

It’s beyond me how I got from moustache growing month to being a translator in the UN.  O_o!  On a serious note, though?  Men’s prostates?  They’re just as important as women’s wombs.  Can I get an Amen!  I said.  Can I get an....Too much?  Okay...if you wanna be like that then I’ll just move along with the facts.  :-/  Therrrrrrrrrrre!  Fore!  This month is dubbed Movember...not my doing.  Check it out.....

“Movember (a portmanteau of the word moustache and "November") is an annual, month-long event involving the growing of moustaches during the month of November to raise awareness of prostate cancer and other male cancer initiatives. The Movember Foundation runs the Movember charity event, housed at Movember.com.^[1] The goal of Movember is to "change the face of men's health."^[2]

By encouraging men ("Mo Bros") to get involved, Movember aims to increase early cancer detection, diagnosis and effective treatments, and ultimately reduce the number of preventable deaths. Besides getting an annual check-up, the Movember Foundation encourages men to be aware of any family history of cancer, and to adopt a more healthy lifestyle.^[3]……………………………….”

I copied that straight off the Movember – Wikipedia.  It’s important, so kind me?  Is going to attach the link for you guys to read it, alright?  Don’t make me come back on here and have to test you, ‘cause I will.  Somehow!  Afterall, I’m a fundi in gibberish...proof that my limits are non-existent!

I have another idea?  Ramble Responsibly to each other about this...you never know?  You just might save a life. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Movember