Return of the Rambler

I did say in my last post that since school has begun? Time belongs to no man, didn't I?

Exhaustion!! Is. Not the word.

Frustration, is! I blame me, though! Had I resolutionized at the top of the year, not to get involved in the wheelings and dealings of Grade 7? None of this would be happening! So now?!? A girl has to wait an entire year to right that situation! And it is a situation, too! One very, very, very, draining situation! Lemme warn you. I'm seriously contemplating inventing a "Late Resolution Day" for people like me. At this point? I'm frenzied enough to attempt anything!

Tuesday night? I was so fraught...hmmmmm? Frenzied annnnd fraught? I'm so full of f words? Anyhoooo....I was so fraught about making sure that my son evaded detention for failing a test? They threatened us like that at the meeting last week. All we heard was detention, demerit, detention, don't, and mayyyyyyybe a few positive nouns thrown in here and there to soften the blow! I was thinking that too. School meetings aren't what they used to be where all they wanted was our money. They are now demanding our emotions too!

Yeah, yeah, I just saw that. And I'm gonna correct it, because it's, well? The proper thing to do, and possibly the correct perspective to have. What a pity that nary a person can assign detention to me. Because I? Have not reach that place of correct perspective as yet. Still on the anti-detention phase! It's a process. Like South Africa and democracy? Yeah! We may not live to see if the two ever really do meet at some point. Cough. As if nineteen years isn't long enough. But guess what? Patience. Aaaaah yes. That, wait...I need to....one, two, three.......double-edged eight-letter word....where on one side sits many a like-named woman who probably voted for the circus running this joint....and on the other side? A virtue thrown around by people who regret voting for the circus, but won't admit it.

A-hem! Not sure how I got there.....but........

For the sake of correctness? I wassssss also desperate, seriously...I was. Wink. Desperate for those history definitions to be a source of valuable education for him. I can tell you right now?!?! They certainly were for me. Yep! I can't even count the number of times I use the term, "Palaeontology" in my everyday conversation. You don't even realize just how many people approach you with, "What do you call the study of fossils?" Just yesterday? I looked at Mavis and thought, "Archaeological source." She's the tea lady at our office who insisted that I find out from H.R. whether pension age is 60 or 65 years old. Seems, at 58 years old? You can apparently tell that you're gonna be olllllllld once you reach 60!? LOL! Her words not mine! She coupled them with actions too! While the voice in my head roared with, "Why me?" The voice in hers was like, "Perhaps, if I do the slight head bend to the side with the sorrowful look, she might know what I mean when I say, Olllllllllllllllllllllld." Who knew that our very own tea lady was the Black Charlize Theron! O_o!

Aaaaargh! I've lost track of...OH! Tuesday night! Desperate for him to pass! No detention! Right!

By the time 10pm rolled around? After a day, for him, that consisted of nothing but school work, three meals, and a shower? When I noticed the fact that his eyes began altering their normal appearance and functionality? My desperation to avoid detention soared! I mean, uhhh, for the history to enhance his band of knowledge! I sent the boy for his cellphone? Ohhhhhh yeah! While he?!? Looked at me both drained and confused. I voice recorded myself. That's how I deal with desperation! Recording my voice calms me. Haaaahahahahahhaa! LOL! Alllmost had you with that one, huh?

I did voice record myself, though. And this time? Totally, not out of vanity or usual belief that I become one with whomever sings my "at the time" favourite song. Instead, I was purpose driven! Driven by the depths of desperation to the need to brainwash him! Yep! I said, "need to, brainwash and him" allllllllllllllll in the same sentence! Detain me, why don'cha! I'm being pushed to my limits here! Retaliation becomes a must! Mmmmmm-hmmm!

Heh-heh-heh! I always mistake myself for Black American when I say, "Mmmmmmm-hmmmm!" You know like when I'm singing? And mistakenly believe that I can? It's such a beautiful world in my head.

But! Hey?!? Desperation is one of the strongest emotions there is! Right?!? It has to be if it's brought out the mind controller in me. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I'd stoop that low, but yohhhhh?!? Shawdy got low low low low low low low..... Much like Damon's eyelids. My first step was to create my tool. So, I voice-recorded myself reading out that entire page of terms and definitions.

Execution....

I then told him to hook his ears up to the soothing sounds of mummy's history definitions for the weary! The boy listened for a few minutes, awoke?!? And was then knocked the fackkkk ouT! To add insult to injury? I then had to sit up while he slept, to hit the play button on the cellphone after every 4 minutes.....that one I didn't see coming but I had no choice but to carry out the plan to its completion....If I didn't know for sure that he was so worn out? I'd have taken gleeful pride in the fact that my voice sent him packing on an all expenses-paid trip to dreamland! Although, I'm doubting wholeheartedly, that I could squeeze any glee out of these pockets of offence that I feel towards teachers at this moment. Harsh? Yes. But, nevertheless, true!

And the truth shall set me free. Or?! Cause my boy to be upped to the level of victim if one of them actually read this. That was the reason he begged me not to write them a letter regarding the detention that he so rightfully earned. Well? If you're now wondering how I've gone from brainwashing the child in order to prevent him getting detention to now, writing letters because he got detention?

SMH!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! He gets detention for not attending sports practise on Monday! As if? As if he has his own vehicle and can simply drive his twelve year old ass home once his daily transport has left! Something's soh wrong with that reward! I was about to let them taste the wrath of the Rambler? Until he pleaded with me not to. Hence me setting your eyes on fire with all of this! Sorry. I am sorry, but I needed to let off some of this intense steam bubbling in my brain right now.

Look? I'm definitely not opposed to discipline, especially in school, but not attending sports practise because you didn't have a way to get home, thereafter? Bullshit, if you ask me! And then we get a circular last night, talking about how they're being detained for good reasons! So with all of that? I'm sure you're able to deduce the reasons why both him and I, are quite the nervous wrecks by now! It's like? A touch is a move! If you knew me? You'd know very well that walking on eggshells isn't something I enjoy on any level.

I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around the reason why sohhhh much work has to come home. It's daily homework. Unfinished work from that day's lesson. Whatever Oral presentation is due. Whatever test is due. Whatever assignment is due. The kid hasn't been able to play, a thing, after school. It's just been school, from morning to night, literally!

I was in Grade 7 twice before. No, noh! No, noh! Once me, and once Paige! This whole scenario that's playing out with Damon? Didn't happen with me, and neither did it with my daughter! Infact, I can't recall one time where my parents sat doing schoolwork with me until it had gotten so late that they had to formulate brainwashing methods to force me to remember what I'm being tested on. And I'm talking about righhhhhhhht up to the last day of my schooling career! Yes, yessssss! You won't find me arguing that alot can change in six years but in another twenty years, I don't want my son singing, "Have you seen my Childhood?!?"

Nevermind, I'll be right there as backup with, "Your primary school has it packed on the shelf along with the childhoods of all your classmates....!"

Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

POSITIVITY?!? BANNED!

FRONT PAGE NEWS!!!!!!!  THE ANC...and its allies.....ARE MADDDDDDDDDDD AS ALL HELL AT FIRST NATIONAL BANK! 

Nope!  They didn’t reject their loan application.  Uh-uhhh!  They didn’t make them wait three hours in the line for enquiries, either!  Instead?  They did the absolute unspoken!  Come.  Come sit next to me and I’ll tell you allllll about it!

Once that advertisement played out its 3.28 minutes?  After I desperately tried to turn over my screen like a page, looking to see whether there was more to come?  My first reaction was, “What a total waste of held breath that was!  >_<!!  I coulda saved that for when I had hiccups!”  PheW! 

Had my serious face onnn.  Chair was set at a precise angle.  Tea mug in my hand and popcorn in the microwave.  Alright!  Okayyyyyy!  No popcorn.  Mood set overkill.  And as though the man with the hooked-hand was two steps away from the shrieking woman?  But only I could see him?  I found myself at the edge of my seat, WATCHING, WAITING...and waitinnnnnnng and watching...and waitinnnnnng and waitinnnnnng.......to hear what the big fuss was with the FNB advert!  More specifically?  Why the ANC....and its allies, are reacting the way that they are!  And DAMMMIT!  Do you know what I saw?   (I don’t know how people think they can get away with these kinda ads to begin with!  SMH!)  I saw?  No finger pointing, no hate speech, no name dropping and not a mention of anything pointing directly at somebody or someparty! 

Downright...travestish, I telya!

I’m not gonna lie!  I might exaggerate a bit!  But?  I almost fell right off my chair when the only thing I saw?  Worth screaming this loud about?   Was simply a positive message by a 17 year old girl, bless her heart...to South Africa about its people working together in order to build. a. better. country.  The nervvvvve of those FNB advertising department bastards! 

That had to be theeeeeee worst display of patriotism that I have eVer seen!  O_o!  How dare FNB think for a minute that they could attempt to create an ad, containing an innocent yet passionate voice?  O_o!  A soft-toned melody!  O_o!  And a positive message!  O_o!  And then!?  To make matters worse?  Make sure that it reaches the 24 million television sets, that that website I just checked on, assumed there to be!  Not to mention the computer screens.  As a way to motivate the despondent masses!

Tsk  tsk  tsk.........don’t they know that we live in a democracy?  Free, fair and...and...one minute while I get something off of my chest quickly.... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! 

--_--

Seriously, though?  What’s with all the treachery allegations against FNB by the ANC...and its allies?  So what if some of our youth expressed their fears, disappointments and opinions about the state of a country that they will one day inherit?!?!  And then?  Was the ad, truthfully THAT unbearably encouraging?  That it’s caused this kind of reaction from the ruling party......A-HEM......and its allies? 

It’s sending out very confusing signals.  There was a time when all that mattered to the ANC was to be heard!  Whatever the cost!!  So that freedom could be gained!  But because people are now talking stridently, to gain freedom from them?  It now becomes a crisis.  I don’t know where anybody thinks they’re going by basically ordering its population to sit down, shut up....and like it!  That would make for a very silent future for South Africa, wouldn’t it? 

http://www.iol.co.za/news/politics/anc-fnb-clash-over-treacherous-ad-1.1456016

Probable Cause

First things first?!?  ^_^!  I am pleased to report that I am no longer suffering from RNS.   O_o!  I see you!  LOL!  After much deliberation and a sleepless night here and there?  Dreaming that you're about to be blown to smithereens tends to set off insomnia.  Go figure.  But all was not lost because I came up with what I believed to be an appropriate term for what was wrong with me. 

Rebellious Nipple Syndrome.  Mannnn!  I just amazzzzze myself at times.  Clearly, having to go to these lengths means that I haven’t been to the doctor as yet.  I have good reason.  Fear.  Until I build up the courage to go and voluntarily have my breasts assaulted like waffle dough.  The only amazing thing at that point will be how loud I wanted to scream but didn’t.  I’ll have good reason for that too.  Embarrassment. 

I'm willing to bet the larger parts of my thighs that they were not made for that!  At nary a point in the Bible, did it mention aNnnnything about mam........'Cause it states... women will give birth painfully.  We give birth painfully, right?  Cool!  We were fully aware of that when we became women.  Unless you have an epidural.  But still?  That biblical fact still remains just that, because had you gone au naturel?  It most definitely woulda felt like nineteen hands were gripping and twisting your organs and in an attempt to uproot them. 

Uhhhhhhhhhhm?  If you're pregnant for the first time?  And you just read that?  IGNORE IT!  I was just being dramatic.  Evvvven?  Even if you saw that picture that stated “The human body can withstand only up to 45 del(units) of pain, yet at the time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 del(units) of pain, which is similar to 20 bones being fractured at the same time.”  If you’ve seen that picture before?  Pay it no mind.  It's not thaaaaaaat sore.  Even without an epidural!   *_*  GULP..............I pr-promise. 

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahhaa! 

-_-

I-I'm not laughing at anything that has to do with pain or birthing a first child.  I'm not.  SMH.  M-hmmmmm!  Someone's doing something funny.  Somewhere.  You know when they do that-that funny thing?  And you laugh hard even if you can't see them?  Yeah!  So, I am laughing.  But not 'cause I promised you a practically painless, epidural-free, birth.   

However, in the name of all that is true and just?  By the time you have your second baby?  You'll come to see that there aint no such thing.  You can't have both.  That’s called, being greedy.  Which is how we landed in this excruciating situation to being with.  But worry about that when you're having your second baby.  For now?  Concentrate on visions of slivers of sun rays bouncing off of fluffy white clouds that are hanging aimlessly between the vast mellow ocean and stunning baby-blue sky.  Also, on the promise I made....and maybe some laughing gas. 

Meanwhile?  You know what?  I still haven’t found that cereal. 

Sigh..................................  :-(  It hurt pretty badly to have to admit to myself that I’m not as good a detective as I’d imagined.  Do you even have to be a good detective, though?  To find clues to a box of----to a box of cereal?  Do you even have to be a detective at alllllll?  Couldn’t you be like, a detect...?  With half your senses and still find a motionless object!? 

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Not helping.  I’ve just watched in horror as my self-esteem crashed and burned.  Either way?  I give up!  I’m hanging up my detective bandana and filing that under Cold-Case No.2012/Cereal Disappearance.  It was probably bad for me, anyway.  If you ask me?  Probably what caused my RNS!  Probably?  They had to remove it from the shelves 'cause it has some kinda delayed reaction to nipples or some weird shit like that.  Jussss saying....it's probable. 

With that said?  School has officially opened for the year!  Which means?!  Time belongs to no man for the next three months.  By no man, I mean those parents who become so occupied with their kids’ school workload?  That they’re just short of attending class.  If you belong to this club?  How about we stage a strike before the teachers this year?  You know?  Switch things up a bit? 

Kidding, kidddddddddddddddding..........

put.  the.  rulers.  down! 

Knowledge is power! ^_^!  Knowledge is the key to success!  Uh-huhhhh!  See?  Positive role model.  Knowledge? YES!  Strike staging before the teachers?  NOOOOOOH!  O_o?  I-I wasn’t nodding my head when I said nooooooh! 

>_<!  Geeeeeeeez? 

On a serious note?  I’m crossing fingers for the safe journey of the text books to their destination schools this year.  Wait!  Wait!  My bad!  Lemme not put the cart before the horse.  What was I thinking!?!?!  I’m crossing fingers for the safe departure of the text books from their place of storage.  Therrrrrrrrre ya go!  It would be such a shame, yet somehow?  An expected one!!!  For history to repeat itself.  Not to mention how many student are repeating history.  Thanks to that entire textbook circus.

Pssssssssssssssssst, don’t forget...strike before the teachers....meeting date and time TBA!  

Mammo-Mia!!!

Mannnnn? And woMan! Tell the truth. How do you feel when you've been on a long----ishhhhh vacation and it's the night before the morning that you're meant to go back to work? Do most of your thoughts, start or end with, *&%@$%#$^%U^%&*^&#$%@%#^&*)(*&^%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? Me toooooo! LOL! I telya! It doesn't matter how much you love your job! That last day of vacation is alwayyyys the angriest!

Needless to say?!! Emotionally, I was just not geared up to return to work yesterday. I considered sending my boss a text, asking, "Please can my emotions have another week off?" Ofcourse, I didn't actually believe...well not for too long at least...that he'd go for that. I know that if I were him? I woulda returned my text and told me to leave them at home. Make sure they get lots of rest, and then remind me that work begins promptly at 8am.

Today, however? Emotions aside. And I mean that. They've sidestepped! Not because they'd realized that without a choice, they'd better come along?!? Noooooooooh-no! Please! Where do you find such disciplined emotions? Uhhhh-uh! It's because, physically? I, the Responsible Rambler, am in burrrrrrrning pain!

-_O

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?!?!?!? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?.....ay......O_o! What you are witnessing? Right this very second? Is a moment of Libran dilemma. Conflict between the true me and me that wants to be bold....for a cause! Hmmmmmmm?!?! Should I? Shouldn't I? You might wanna pull up a chair. This could take a while.

Could it be a case of too much info? Not really, some people need too much info?!?! But what if it comes across offensive? It could but who says it won't be helpful? You think you know too much.....info, that's the problem! You do know that we're not alone here, right?!? (Excuse me while I argue with myself). Rude! Just...be Stacey? Or maybe for once in your life...........be hmmmmmmmmmmm-M!?!?!? Okay! You know what? This can only help! But what if....sighhhhhhhhhh? Because.......because nothing! Just be bold. Bully!

Just for now.

Deeeeeeeeeeep breath....................

Two days ago, I noticed a sensation on my left nipple. Wait! WAAAAAAAAAIT! OMG! NO! Not-not sensation! Discomfort! Yes! That's what it was. Discomfort! Very uncomfortable discomfort too! The discomfort?! Has taken it upon itself to regress into downright OUCHHHHHH, where I can't even wear a seatbelt! Unless I hook it under my arm. Like that does me any good! So now I'm in uncomfortable discomfort PLUS half protected by my seatbelt.

At first, I thought maybe it was just sandwiched at a funny angle between my bra and breast?! O_O! What? Never happened to you? No problem. So I'm the only one in the worrrrrrrld that this may or may not have happened to? Well? I have another scenario for people in denial!

A-hem! Anyway. You know when you wake up and you're positive that you didn't walk into anything...with your ear? So, you spend the better part of the day trying to figure out why it's just....throbbing? And then your wiser, older, mother-hen of a colleague asks you if you slept with your ear......folded? Yeahhhhhhh! You know just what I mean now, don't you? Meanwhile? Your first comment to her, in your mind, was, "If I knew the answer to that? Don't you think I woulda unfolded it in my sleep too?"

So I brushed it off like, "Agggggggggggg, folded nipple...or something."

Well? It turns out to be......or something because it's now swollen, aching annnnnnnnnd there is a painful, hard lump behind it. Nevermind that it's remaining as upright as the National Flag on a proud day! Not here, but! In another country. Just a note? I'm speaking this openly about my nipple because I feel that once I find out what my problem is? Someone, somewhere, reading this, could benefit. If- if they folded their nipple too!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaahaha!

A-HEM! My apologies! It's not---smh----not a joke. It's rather painful! And by rather, I mean.... DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMN!

Moving on. So me and my trusted companion, Wendy? Went to the wellness clinic and first the nurse went to lunch. My companion was who knows where! Then I went to the pharmacist who took me to the head pharmacist who ignored me for a good ten minutes. I woulda left. But the pain made me stay. It also made me whisper and want to expose my breast there and then, when she finally decided to remember that I was there. I didn't even finish my fourth sentence and she told me, "You have to go to the doctor for that! There isn't anything we can give you, you have to see a doctor!"

So, off me and my other trusted companion, sore nipple, went. Wendy by now is sitting and waiting for me. The nurse was back and was with someone already but when I mouthed voicelessly to her, "Are you going to be long?" She came out and I quickly explained my condition to her! She's like, "How old are you?" Now you knowwww when they ask you that? You're meant to be doing something that you're not! When I tell her that I'm forty? "Have you had a mammogram done?" Now you knowwww when they ask you have you had something done? You should be doing it but you're not! "No?" Her eyes then widen in concern and all I'm thinking is, "Wherrrrrrrrre is the manual for when you turn forty???? What's with all these secret procedures that I'm supposed to be having but don't have a clue I'm supposed to be having them?????"

Then?!? I was like, but wait! Yeah! Yeahhhhh! I got this! I eyed Wendy and told the sweet nurse, "We did have a breast examination last month." And she shakes her head, "But did you have a scan?" Balloon burst! I was so sure it woulda meant more! Clearly, I'm missing something here! "No?" She then walks to Wendy and asks her and as if Wendy didn't hear me tell her about the exam? She tries the same line. The nurse? If she opened her eyes any wider? She'd be the one needing a procedure!

At the end of it all? She said that I should put a warm cloth on it and take anti-inflammatories or painkillers until I can get to the doctor! But that I do need to see the doctor and have a mammogram. Cough! As if I'm not in enough pain? Now I've gotta give them my breasts to snackwich too! I read up about it on the net and all casual they say, you put one breast at a time between the scanner thingy and the plastic thingy and it flattens them?!?

-_-

I'm forty years old. That doesn't mean that my breasts all of a sudden became double-jointed! And not like flat against you!???? Noooooooh! Flat the other way! Flat a-----------way from you!

I'm kinda thinking that the best gift for a woman turning forty? Is a mammogram voucher! That way, they'd know what their next step should be! You won't find those in the mall, I'll bet, but who knew that when I reached forty? I'd be wishing that someone went shopping for my gift at the doctors office!

............. To be continued (so suspency!)
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!