The Cropped Slouch Pullover

Finally done! After opening and knitting and opening and knitting!

Hope you guys have started on yours! I didn't use a pattern, I just knitted what I saw in my head. And I've learned two new stitches in the process!

^_^ Happiness ^_^!


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Oooooooops! My Bad!

I blame my freezing flinching fingers and a mind that's running faster than my thumbs are typing!

Correction: The cost of the "security upgrade" to the Presidents Nkandla Estate was over R230 million.

NOT R23 million. Incidentally, it was initially reported to have costed around R23 million. But hey?!? Who's counting extra zero's when they're not paying for it? Or when a huge population of your people are without food and shelter!

Not Zuma! That's for damn sure!
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Random Complaint

Well? I'm sure it's anything BUT?!? However, I'm still sitting here in the dark, wondering about why the lion share of the school holiday brightly drifted by without loadshedding and the very day that school starts up again? BAMMMMMMM! Or is----is it.......CLICK?!? Whatever! Still it makes no sense to me and I'm sure it never will.

It just goes to show where education really stands on the rank of importance in this country. That and the fact they're soon introducing, if they haven't already, a Grade 9 certificate. So kids? Aaaaaaaaaah, leave school in Grade 9 if you want. Not to worry. Not like scores of university degreed students can't find work. You'll be okay. With your Grade 9 certificate.

Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth over this continuous stupidity. But?!?! Lemme not dwell. I'm cold but in a goodish mood. I don't wanna mess with my goodish mood. It's too cold not to be in a goodish mood.

Either way, winter is no time to sit without electricity. :-( That thought makes me feel both guilty and grateful but also heavy-hearted that there are children and adults out on the streets right now freezing their asses off in this rain and cold without a bed, a blanket, the possibility of a hot shower or a door to close. Yet some people find it quite alright that an upgrade for the presidents village for him and his hundred and one wives and children at R23 million is an acceptable way to spend our money. Why not numerous shelters around the country instead? Why not?!?!

And oh oh oh oh wait? That's still not the bottom line figure anymore 'cause apparently the security is not good enough and we're about to foot that bill.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHACough-uuuuuuurgh-EWWWWWWWW!!!!

More throw up.

You know what? Lemme hit the shower and shift my thoughts to August.
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Finished The Front and....

Herrrrrre it is!

I'm halfway through the back and one sleeve. I got bored with knitting the sleeve and started on the back. Lol! I know. I know. As if it's any different right? But thaaaaaat's me. Don't snicker. You can laugh. I don't mind being laughed with.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd! There go the lights once again. It's crazy that we don't have loadshedding for ninety nine point six percent of the school holidays and as soon as they go back to school?! Yeah......you guessed it!

Oh well? Knitting by cellphone torch it is!


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Circumcision and the Super C's!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still here!  Between work and circumcisions? 

-_-

No, not mine.  I'm-I'm a girl. 

My son however, had a very valid question though.  Upon reflection caused by a very painful willy-wops?  And it wasn't sooooooo much a question, it was more a statement-question.  "Ayyy Ma?  Why weren't we just born circumcised?"  I was tempted to tell him, "Look Sugar?  The scales of justice have to be balanced somehow.  There had to be sommmme form of punishment for Adam being a weak ass 'coz lawwwwwd knows we've paid the price for Eve's manipulation."  But I chose to agree with him instead.

This is not easy on us mothers either, lemme tell ya!  Me?  I couldn't even go into the room when my kids were getting their vaccinations without wanting to cry for them.  On the occassions that their father came with us, I'd let him go in with them and I'd sit out and wait.  Seeing that needle and their baby skin ---------- oooooooooooo-NO!  My son was asleep one time and I hated him waking to the sting of the needle in his thighs....horrible, just horrible!  So having to go through this with him was not something I will say that I enjoyed.  But I will say this.  The first two days are the worst, after that he was able to take care of it himself far as ointment applying and managing the discomfort. 

So Thursday saw the Super C's (that's a name Sharde' and I came up with for my ex-husband, my son and her son), Thursday saw them all lined up in the hospital beds of the Day Clinic Ward, ready to have their lives change!  For the better.  I promise!  No really.  See?  It’s times like these when one shouldn’t concentrate on the happenings of now but to consider the benefits to the future.  Their futures.  Yours too, if you’re considering having this procedure.

And after talking to a friend of mine?  She said that her husband told her that after being circumcised, it's heightened his sexual pleasure ten-fold!  Ten-fold!!!!!!!!!  Do you know how many fold that is when we’re talking sexual pleasure.  I’ve never had a penis but I’m sure it’s a whole lot!  I guess because the head of the penis is so sensitive and now there isn't that foreskin covering it, just straight----------------just straight---------ahhhhhh come-on, you know what I mean!  So, my ex-husband will thank me later for pushing him to do this.  I’m giving him two months and the next time he visits us, I will demand a full report on how many folds better it was.  Hahahahahahahaha! 

I’m kidding--------but for the sake of knowledge, you know?  I should require a report back.  Ya Rambler doesn’t want to find herself rambling on here and sending scores of men to have circumcisions and then have to hang her head in shame ‘cause it turns out that it wasn’t ten-fold better. 

But if it is, then he surely will be happy that he took my advice.  Not so sure about his partner.  'Cause if it's better than it was, then she’s about to put in some overtime!  Hahahahahaha!  Not only that? 

Look at this.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB123802256715541879

This article states that the possibility of contracting STD's are significantly less in males who are circumcised.  I've seen articles that state that it reduces the possibility of contracting HIV by seventy-percent!  And since we live in a country where the disease is running rampant?  Best to be safer that sorrier!

While we were in the hospital, my nephew asks my niece, "Why didn't you tell me, I want to do it too...."  We sure did laugh at the fact that that Day Clinic Ward coulda be filled with our family's uncircumcised males 'cause my ex-husbands nephew is also about to get the snip-snip.  Group therapy of sorts, LOL!

If you're a male?  Uncircumcised?  I’d say, get it done.  Surrrrrrrrre, it's gonna be painful for a few days and you might be forced to wear ya mum/wife/partners dresses or you may even walk like a hunchbacked cowboy for some time, but at the end of the day, it's for your own good.  Plus when it's all healed, it looks so cute! 

O_o 

Wha----?

Penis' need confidence too, come onnnn!  

As Promised!

I've completed the front and back of my pullover, now on the sleeve?  But??!?!?!??!?!  I'm about to open them because I found a better stitch...hehehehe!  You will thank me on the 15th February 2016!

See wurrumsayinnnnnn with those holes?!?!?  A-hem!

Now?  I'm off to breakfast, great start to my Monday morning!

When Your Mum Says....

The front of my pullover is complete.

So I call my mum before I came down and we chat and she asks me why I woke so late today, where did I go? I tell her that I sat up at home until 1am, knitting.......

Mum: "You need to find yourself a chap now, can't be sitting and knitting whole night. You don't need two knitting needles, you need two legs. Knitting needles won't keep you warm......" LOL!

Me: #_# +_#. >_o O_o!!!!!!!!

I laughed about it driving down to see them. She said, I was laughing to myself in the bath thinking about the knitting needles hahahahhahha! My mum is so mischievous and she's been that way for as long as I can remember!

Anyway, I had an idea last night! I had this t-shirt that I adorrrrre but don't wear because well? It's one of those with no real stretch and I need my t-shirts to accommodate my body shape. Love handles need a lil stretch in ya t-shirts LOL! So? I found a way to be able to use it anyway.....I turned it into a weekend bag! :-)

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My Gift To You For Valentine's Day!

I'm so thrilled with myself! Thank you unknown man's fingers on the internet tutorial! I just learnt how to veil stitch! What I'm attempting is a slouchy open stitch pullover, but a short one, like a cropped one! Not to wear. Well to wear when it's done, yeah, but for right now, I'm attempting to knit one.

Ima put a little tutorial video up soon. I figured I'd get a head start on Valentine's Day! For you guys, that is! That gives you men enough time to knit a sexy bikini....uhhhhhhhhh----okay, maybe that's a bit too ambitious. To knit a pullover for your woman for V-Day. >_<! Get ya mind outa the gutter already! Sheeeeeesh! You see a V and immediately start up with the freaky visions! You should be ashamed of yaself!

Actually, no.
No, you shouldn't!
A healthy, perverted, sex life is nothing to be ashamed of!
IF!
IF! It's between you and your woman!

Hahahahahahhahhaha! I hear the booooo's but I'm ignoring them and I say again. It's nothing to be ashamed of IF its between you and your woman.

So, I'm giving you the chance to do just that. See? My thinking is this.....you knit the veil stitched pullover for her right? She'll be so mushy and taken up by the fact that you used your own fingers to knit it? Please use your own fingers and don't pay ya mum to do it. That'll take you halfway to the bedroom. The next half of the journey depends on her. Ask her this, "If you had this short and sexy pullover with big open stitches to wear, would you wear it without a bra on?" If she says, "Nooooooh, then my nipples and all are gonna stick out!" After you think about what she meant by, and all and then mumble to yaself about, "That-thats the point woman!" Then don't knit it. She doesn't deserve it. Rather, give her a cutlery set or something.

But?!?

If she's all glazy-eyed and excited about, "Hellll yeah, I'd wear it with no bra on??!?! Where's it, where's it! I'll put it on fa you right now!!!!!" Then you got a winner right there! Best you start knitting man!

Ima give you time to think about it...one day! And then ima post the tutorial.

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Meet Jace

He's the newest member of the family! Yes, I still consider my ex-husbands family, my own because they are. Divorce doesn't mean severing ties with all and sundry and since I have severed ties with my ex-husband, he's still family too. It's crazy to say, but I couldn't be more grateful to have him as my ex-husband. And I mean that in a good way. I'm grateful more for NOT being part of those divorces that make enemies out of someone that you actually once loved and shared half your life with or even just a chunk of it. I actually got to know him, without the expectations that come with being my partner or husband and I think it's safe to say, he's one of my closest friends rights now.

Infact, none but one of my ex's and I aren't on speaking terms. Hahahahaha, funny story? A few months ago my ex-boyfriend from high school visited my mum and dad and he asked her, "Do you think Stacey will take me back?" Ofcourse she said no! Hahahahahaha! But it's crazy because I received a text just the other from my ex-husband after he read my Facebook status, telling me that "my guy" is very lucky to have me, that I'm a care bear and love with all I have and he is sorry that he didn't appreciate me when we were together. We had an honest little tet-a-tet and I told him, it happens that way all the time between couples where one doesn't appreciate what is in front of them when it's actually in front of them and some of the time it takes losing someone and watching from the outside to realize that they were actually worth the work it would have taken to keep them, now he has to learn from that going forward.

This post started out with me introducing Jace and look where it's ended up. None of the above is to toot my own horn, Lord knows I'm the furthest from perfect and I will never profess to be anything else. Maybe I'm meant to tell you all to appreciate your man or woman while you have them. Put all of the impressing of your boys and girlfriends aside, put your ego in your pocket when it's necessary, don't put them in positions where they feel as though they have to fight for your attention, give them the time and the effort that they deserve. Just-----just work hard at loving them, while you have them. When it's over, it's over, sometimes there is no going back and there are no more chances to be gotten. So? While you're in there, be all there, not just parts that you have to spare!

And now? I can't wait to meet my lil nephew today, so lemme get cracking. Gotta go get an eye test first. I really don't need one but they won't give me night driving glass without an eye test. The glare from the on-coming traffic is a real biaaaaaaaaaaatch!

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ROTFLMAO!

I will NEVER AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! This is soooo baddddd yet so damn funny!

I will NEVER stop laughing at this! I must have this picture saved on my phone for about a year and everytime I come across it, it's like I'm seeing it for the first time!

Hahahhahahahahaha!!!!


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Open and Shut Case...

Yes, that’s my arm, for those of you who are wondering.  Namaste’, beautiful souls!

I've looked over the actualities, considered the evidence and everything points to the fact that my ultimate sleeping window period falls between mid-morning to late afternoon.  Du-durin working-cough-hours.  Ay, I'm just saying?  I didn't choose those sleeping hours.  They chose me.  Now I know you're asking yourself, "So?  What are you gonna do about that, Rambler?" 

Well?  I'll tell you what I'm not gonna do.  I'm not gonna call a round-table meeting with my boss to tell him that yes, I will report to work as usual, every day.  That life is constantly a-changin’.  And with that said?  I won’t be coming just to work.  That the current change in my life leaves me with no choice but to sleep between 10am and 3pm.  I won’t be doing that.  That's fa damn sure!  So I guess I've both won and lost my sleep pattern trial case.

On a serious note?  I can't stay asleep for nothing this past week!  During the night time I mean, and then come work time, all I want is my bed.  Yet another cruel joke played on me.  Hardy-ha-ha, universe.  Wait?!? 

Come to think of it? 

Neither have I watched any tv.  Maybe...hmmmmmmmm?  Maybe that's the problem.  Maybe my........no.  That's bullshit.  My mind cannot be missing tv.  Can it?  No?  Yes?!?!  Someone please answerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr meeeeeee?!?!?  Who's mind misses tv and decides to start toi-toi-ing to keep their owner up at night?  Like it's striking for-for an increase.  Of tv time!  Or something?

Mine, I guess.

Uuuuuuuuurgh…(shoulder shrug)…musta thought, when in Rome, do as the South African’s do.  I can't say that I blame it, it works.  It works for the college students when they demand sanitary towels.  Or free education.  Or for the institution to turn a blind eye to unpaid tuition fees from the previous year and simply allow the defaulters to register for the new year.

O_o!!!

It just hit me.  Firstly, my apologies to all of you who don't actually know what toi-toi-ing is?  I just took it for granted that you did.  Lemme try to explain.  Unfortunately, I can’t find Trevor Noah’s video clip on the subject. 

In South Africa, a strike is not a strike, without dancing.  As you can see from the picture?  It might appear that they're doing some Vegas live show feathered-costume set but no. No-no. That's not just any dance right there!  It's not hip-hop, contemporary and neither is it jazz...that's the dance called, "We have you by the balls and it’s just a matter of time before we do enough damage to get you to cave in to our demands.  Whooooooo-hoooooooo!  Viva sanitary towels!!!!" 

Now, imagine if you will, your daughter comes to you asking for $30 and you’re like, “I don’t got ittt!”  (Sorry, in my mind, that’s what I just heard my ex-husband say when Paige would ask him for money…LOL…that was his line.  Until he suddenly got itttt.)  Imagine that she immediately begins to pull out the poster that she prepared, saying, “You’re ruinnnnnnnning my life!”  You ignore her and go back to doing whatever you were doing and she’s like, “Hmmmmmpf!” then scribbles on the other side, “I didn’t ask to be born, you OWE ME $30 for making me!”  Now?  Imagine her holding that up while she breaks out in hop-hop-double-hop-sing her demand song-hop-hop-double hop routine and doesn’t stop until she gets that $30. 

THAT!?!?!  Is what toi-toing is.

See now.  See what I’m saying?  It’s barely 9am and I’m nodding…….lemme take a walk, see you guys soon!

This Just In....

Forgive the lack of clarity but she just Whatsapped this pic to me but...............?!?!?

That's my babygirl in the newspaper!!!! Yes!  Yes it isssss!

:-)))))))))!!!!
Smiling huge
First the amazing results from her beautiful little students and now this.
 
Don't mind me....I'm just excited.   

The Joys.....?

Saw this on Facebook today and ofcourse, I had to speak my piece.  And my piece was, “Be that as it may but I seriously don't believe that anybody would PREFER to be single. How being single is handled emotionally from a personal standpoint is one thing but there's nothing that will convince me that anybody would RATHER be single over having someone to come home to, laugh with, someone to share your day and night and thoughts and fears and love with.”

I have a problem these days with women or men who say one thing but feel another.  That’s only because I used to do the same thing and it didn’t get me anywhere.  It caused more shit both inside and out than lying about my feelings would ever be worth because saying something and feeling the opposite, didn’t change the way that I felt.  It didn’t let the other person know how I felt.  It didn’t make me feel lighter.  It didn’t make me appear honest.  Putting on a brave face when you don’t feel very brave, saying that you’re okay when you don’t feel okay does you more of a disservice than anything else so I’m not going to sit here and pretend that being single means to me, what it doesn’t.

I do believe that one should always try to reach a place where they are enough, to themselves and for themselves, so that when single-hood ever comes around, it doesn’t leave you depressed and isolated, feeling as if you’re a failure.  Reaching that place does take work.  A whole lot of work.  What I don’t believe is that loneliness should kick your ass out the door demanding the likes of, “Come back with somebody…anybody!  Just don’t come back alone!”  An anybody, can leave you feeling single while you’re in a relationship.  So then, what good is that?

Me?  I would choose to have someone to kick it with, chill with, laugh with, love with, cry with...any day!  Over being single.  Whatever is described in this quote as part of the joys of being single?  Did the person who came up with this really feel this way?  Maybe.  Maybe they’ve never really loved because when you have THAT to compare being single to, then one wouldn’t talk about being single as a joyful anything.  Unless, it was simply to send out a message to whomever they just broke up with.  Sorry.

Being able to do what you want and all of this other bullshit that this quote talks about?  That’s a joy, huh?  To be able to do what you want but share it with nobody.  >_<!  It’s a joy?  As opposed to being part of a loving, valuable relationship / marriage where?  Before we even get into the fact that you should be able to go here and there, you should be able to do this or that, with whomever you want…to an acceptable point and to a respectable limit, while you’re in a relationship.  It’s not jail.  You’re not in a cage, are you?  Just be cautious and mindful that you’re actually doing more with your partner, than without him/her.  

Disclaimer: I said, to a point and to a limit because I don’t want anything misinterpreted.  Living a single life while you’re in a relationship or a marriage, is farrrrrrrrr from meaning the same as giving each other the space and freedom they need to hold onto their individuality.  It then becomes the responsibility of both you and your partner to respect the boundaries of that space and freedom and if you fuck that up?  Then wave and say….bye-bye trust.

Whatever you do or don’t do?  Single or not, there is always someone that you need to justify your actions to -------------------------------I hear crickets------------and whistling---------and cartoon blinking------- what about to yourself? 

Sure, I can see why it would feel as if that part can be overlooked.  It’s so easy.  If you don’t want to answer to yourself, you don’t need to, right?  Wrong!  Me?  I gave it no thought.  If I didn’t feel like being honest with myself to avoid having to deal with something that I did, where it wasn’t the best of things to do…I could and would step right over it and keep walking.  And what do you think happened?  Eventually, it affected me as a parent as well as a partner.

Shhhhhhhhhhh…but I’ve been going through a phase of “If only I knew then what I know now……” for quite a while now and too many times I wish that I could find a way to go back and do things over simply because I know now how I could have handled things better. 

It just seems crazy to me now that I’ve walked through most of my life without acknowledging that it also meant, to myself, when it came to justification of what I either did or didn’t do.  In the random moments that I would?  I found that it’s always peachy when it’s us judging us.  Who’s to stop you from giving yourself a free pass?  Nobody!  However, when it’s us judging others for the same crap, it’s a whole different story.  Then all hell breaks loose and it becomes a thing of, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!  And let me tell you something?  Those caps become lower case quick and fast when you’re honest about, “What was my part in it? Could I have been part of the cause?"  I’ll bet my hips on the fact that it’s one of the reasons that my ex-husband and I can now actually enjoy each other’s company without resentment.  Had I not asked myself that question?  And gave myself an honest answer?  I’d still be angry as shit with him today.         

I Told Teacher Randy...

".............Sugar, these results show you to be a good teacher."

So few of us get to do what we were born to do. I can't get enough of knowing that she actually is.

Neither do I ever get my fill of looking at the way that that little girl appears to be inhaling Paige! Lol! The cutest thing I've seen!

Keep up the excellent work, love!



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Somehow

Somehow

Somehow it doesn’t seem fair on love, even when it turns to war

To shift our once acquainted minds to keeping an uneven score

What about all of the majestic moments and memories?

How is it that all we’d rather lend memory to are the catastrophes?

With neither party willing to admit the existence of any kind of decency

Aren’t we then taking from ourselves, robbing our feelings of their fluency?

Maybe it’s necessary in order to move on, I really can’t say for sure

Because it happens too often once couples shut that proverbial door

With that being as it is, it’s a habit we need to break

Abhorrence and contempt shows THAT love to be a mistake

But why is that the easiest place to run, as if hatred has a better feel to it?

It’s not valuable to your own spirit to simply pour tar on the entire palette

Simply to choose not to honour remembrance with its true colours of grandeur

Somehow?  That doesn’t seem fair on love, even with it turns to war

By (c) 2015 Stacey Kell 

2015.07.07

ALL THE WAY HOME

The moment I heard this song, this beat ate through my soul.....I will admit that I don't like the video very much, I thought it deserved a better treatment than the one they gave it but when I have my Ipod headphones to my ears and this song on highest volume? THE BEST!  And just the passion in her voice at the end when she's like..."Hohhhhhhh-ho-ho-hooooo-ho-hommmmme!!!!!!!!"  I feel so many things where I wish I was contemporary dancer just to be able to do justice to this song.  I saw a hip hop routine on you-tube choreographed by Jared Jenkins...actually wait...I love it so Ima look for it quickly............

Here it is.....

It doesn't matter how many weeks I go without listening to it?  When I do, it gets me all over again.  This is actually my cooking song.  Sometimes when I need to drown out the world, I cook with my headphones on and ofcourse, dance...don't judge..

..........Still on Repeat

These words crawl under my skin, thank you Jussie.

Media...

See? They had this running commentary on the bottom of the tv screen that said, "Bill Cosby admits to obtaining drugs to give to women for sex." It said nothing about him admitting that all the way back in 2005....

Here is the article I found on the net.

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Bill Cosby testified in 2005 that he got Quaaludes with the intent of giving them to young women he wanted to have sex with, and he admitted giving the sedative to at least one woman and "other people," according to documents obtained Monday by The Associated Press.

The AP had gone to court to compel the release of the documents; Cosby's lawyers had objected on the grounds that it would embarrass their client.


The 77-year-old comedian was testifying under oath in a lawsuit filed by a former Temple University employee. He testified he gave her three half-pills of Benadryl.

Cosby settled that sexual-abuse lawsuit for undisclosed terms in 2006. His lawyers in the Philadelphia case did not immediately return phone calls Monday.

Cosby has been accused by more than two dozen women of sexual misconduct, including allegations by many that he drugged and raped them in incidents dating back more than four decades. Cosby, 77, has never been criminally charged, and most of the accusations are barred by statutes of limitations.

Cosby resigned in December from the board of trustees at Temple, where he was the popular face of the Philadelphia school in advertisements, fundraising campaigns and commencement speeches.


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Wet Wet Wet

Here you go....I know I've never been happier to wake up to more rain. Nothing like a water shortage to shock a sunshine lover into appreciating rainfall. Now snowwwww? Mmmmmmmmm-uhm! Snow, I'd welcome daily, it's the most beautiful think I've ever seen, walked in or eaten. That experience is forever ingrained in my memory.

I'm watching the news now and Bill Cosby has admitted to the allegations against him. Damn! That makes me sad. :-( like this. I was hoping against hopes that it wasn't true.


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Popping By....

.........................Like that annoying neighbour. Thank goodness, I don't have an annoying neighbour. Mine are actually the best neighbours I will ever have. That's future talk right there. Wherever I might end up, a year? Ten years from now? I will never have neighbours like Preggy and his family.

I won't be on here very long, I have washing and drying and sleeping to do. Don't feel the best right now, on any level. And when that happens, I tend to sleep a lot. Or try to. It's never a complete, rested sleep but it's all I think about doing. And then I'm on that pillow and I lay there, then I doze off and then I'm up and then I doze off and then I'm up and then I doz---------okay, you get the picture.

Feel like I've fallen into a funk and have zero energy whatsoever to climb out of it. You know that feeling? That feeling where you're just lost?? Something like that. Restless mostly and somewhat angry. Not at anything in particular. Just a general anger. I get that way sometimes and it eventually passes, the harder that I push it. Backwards. And downwards. I've never been a confrontational somebody. Guess that's probably why I've always had such a big ass. Pushing all the anger backwards and downwards, LOL! An ass full of anger! That does NOT sound cute nor does it give for a decent vision.

But I haven't felt this way for a really, really, long time, kinda took me by surprise on Saturday. I mean? I fell asleep on the couch, fine. I woke up, not fine. Not like I had a couch dream. Maybe I did. Maybe I don't remember it but something sure did happen in my sleep. Annnnnnnnnnyway, I'm alive and that's what I keep telling myself, "You're alive. Just go through the motions until you feel yourself again." Would be kinda weird if I wasn't and this blog post suddenly showed up, huh?

Some great news though? We had a little more rain today. Just a little. I think we need a few weeks of rain to help the drought situation here but a little is a start, isn't it? And a start is good. A start is always good.

My blinks are starting to draggggggg now, so I'm gonna go lay down, after I drink my warm turmeric milk. It's good for a lot of things. Natural anti-inflammatory for one. I don't know what I'm trying to anti-inflame right now...maybe my angry ass. It's possible. But do yourself a favour and google the benefits on turmeric milk. Tastes good as well, I know you're like, "Drinking turmeric....ewwwwww." It IS ewwwwwwwwwww with water, yeah. With milk, it's just delicious.

And now? Ima be on my merry way. You guys have a good day, night, afternoon, whatever time it is where you're at. Have a good----THAT time of the day. See y'all again, soon.
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I Appreciate You All

I really do, since 2012, I've had many a loyal reader here and there is nothing more heartwarming than someone taking an interest in what one has created.  So from my head to my toes, thank you very much.  I really do appreciate you spending your time over the years up on my blizog with me.

However, judging by the way that I have been feeling since Wednesday?  My gut is insisting that it's time to be still.  I'll be honest though.  I'm not ready for an all out closing of Rambling At Random, you know? This is like my babbbbbbby.  And it's no secret that as a Coloured South African, I battle with letting go of my off-spring.  You already know this.  LOL!  Who knows?  One day I just might return with a whole buncha new crazy experiences to tell you about!

So?  I'm going to listen to the ol' ticker for now and remember...........




You all be blessed and safe and beautiful.  And if you promise to be good, I'll promise to keep working out!  :-)

Contemplating a Good-bye

I'm just reflecting as I sit here next to my sleeping mum. Yes, I'm still sore but not as bad as last night. So the really pain doesn't last forever LOL! At the back of my mind, I honestly knew that because I used to exercise via dance class.

Think I was just opposed to this type of exercise for too long which is why it took me so long to get gym started. And I did have a nice little home exercise routine going but after my operation to remove all of those cysts, I couldn't do any for six weeks so I lost my determination and it was a battle getting back into it.

This will be my final gym blog because I absolutely don't mind you laughing with me at my pain but most importantly, I really don't wanna bore you. And?!? For personal reasons, I'm seriously thinking about closing my blog on the whole as well but I'm still contemplating that. Once my mind is made up, you will be the first to know. Could take a while, though. I'm an indecisive Libra, afterall. HA!

I will tell you this. It won't be easy, this blog has been a part of me for some time now and I'd initially started it so that I could use what I encounter to lend some humour to my readers' day where they know that they are able to go someplace that takes them away from the seriousness of life and enjoy some light-hearted laughter. At certain times, it's shifted from talking absolute random shit to a few serious issues like it has with my recent letter blogs.

I still try to stick to my initial plan, despite the subjects that I choose to talk about but recently it's done anything but that and that doesn't make me happy on any level because it totally defeats my own purpose for why I am doing this. Ofcourse, many of you have seen the Google+ comment left by my ex-partner on the Rrrrrrrrrrrr post and that is honestly where this decision is stemming from.
This is my blog and the topics are my choices which makes me accountable for whatever feelings it is that I leave my readers with, whether or not whatever I talk about here is directed at them but overall and most importantly, when I started this blog, I didn't ever intend for my posts to hurt or aggravate anybody and since that is what my subjects have begun doing, I am now uncomfortable with continuing. As far as that particular post alone, over the past year and a half, I have actively been staring in the face of a horrid situation where a once very close family has been literally torn to pieces because of a manipulative partner and I chose to post that so that others might be able to recognise or relate to a current similar situation that they might be in.

For my own emotional well-being, I can't take the chance of having the things that I say on here misconstrued or taken personally as if they are direct pokes and then turn around and talk about inner peace and shit when I am on here causing someone else turmoil, so? It might be a better idea for me to just document my thoughts about the world around me, the old-fashioned way, in private.
Either that or I leave the serious issues aside and stick to Rambling at Random about the foolish things I come across.



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Pat Pat!

That's me trying to lift my arms to pat myself on the back for completing my first three days of gym! And I know I'm serious 'cause today? I worked out alone. Lemme tell you? That stepper? Had no manners! Not a very friendly machine at all! At all! Kept trya fight back so me? I don't enjoy hostile environments so I kept it company for five whole minutes! And then walked off jelly-legged down the stairs to the other stepper! The one that works ya arms as well! Don't ask me what it's called, I haven't been there long enough!

Now? I'm off to take a well-deserved shower! I hit the treadmill, the bike, that nasty-ass stepper and then the other hand held stepper thingy! Cardio had me tight-chested but it didn't stop ya Rambler! Cigarettes? Who said cigarettes? It can't be the cigarettes because I wasn't smoking at the time! Let's not throw blame around unnecessarily now. Be nice. Don't be like that stepper. You're better than that.

I heaved and tried to suppress my impending coughs to avoid the ab pain that Gillian caused me over the last two workouts...it wasn't pretty but I got it done.

But now....shower time!


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I Bought A Dress

-_-

And the packet fell as I was closing my bag.  >_<!!!!!!

Never happens.......this NEVER happens.  I do not drop thinnnnnnngs, especially not when they have new dresses in them!

I hope that when they heard me say, "Uuuuuuuuuuurgh!"  That they at least knew this...........

H for...............

.............................well....not HABERDASHERY, that's fo shizzle!  

My letter for today was “H”  

And let me not be rude--------------HOW are you, by the way?  Me? 

Rather glad you asked.  I’m doing surprisingly well, thank you very much!  I do ache, fuuuuuuuuuuck do I ache but my mood is just peachy and that’s all that matters!

Let's get right to it; HEALING!  What is healing?  Asked no person eVVVer!  Especially if you’re me and you’ve kicked the front of your big toe open throughout your childhood!  I know jussss what healing is thanks to our concrete cul-de-sac!  

Healing is “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.”  Physical healing, however, is somewhat different to that of emotional healing.  The emotional side of us can't be remedies by medication and band-aids.  This is what makes it that much longer and harder a process.  Be that as it may, it's a process well worth the time that it takes to come out on the light side of the tunnel!  Here is another excerpt from my book, Pssssssssssst!

“Unless you take the time given to you to heal yourself?  You will always end up single.  The way I see it, when a relationship fails, it takes something from you.  You lose a little bit of what you started off with.  Whether it be confidence, trust, self-respect, etc.  Whatever it is though?  Jumping straight into another relationship might take your mind off what just happened but it's not going to change the reason that it did and it's not going to miraculously dissipate all of the negative feelings that you came out of it with.

Depending on how you felt about that person, or how it ended?  Relationship ends take a whole lot out of you.  Now imagine this.  Imagine sitting on a chair that has two broken legs?  Ouch!  I just heard, crack...crack...BANG!!!  I'm sorry that I set you up to fall just now but it was for a good cause.  See that?  That chair is you after a failed relationship.  This is the reason that I'm telling you that you that you need time to grow your legs back.  A relationship requires you being all of you in all of your glory for it to even have a hope in hell of working out.  Funny enough, my ex told me that after I got divorced and ofcourse there are times when you think that you’re alright, because you feel like it at the time so you don’t pay good advice any mind.  The thing I absolutely love about life is that sometimes you actually do get a second chance to get things right.  Even when you feel as if you messed something up so badly that you will never be able to fix it, including yourself….no.  You will.  It’s just---we’re never handed our blessings until we’re ready to both receive them, apply them and enjoy them.

Sure you feel like the odd one out sometimes when everyone around has their arms around their significant other but don't forget, looks can be deceiving.  Not every person who has someone is happy.  So letting that bum you out enough to run out and find yourself somebody just to have somebody is going to compound your problems, not solve them.  You never suddenly heal.  You never suddenly begin to trust again or feel safe enough to open yourself up to another person again.  You know there will be a next time, right?  A next person.  A next relationship.  Right?  And when it finds you, you don’t want to start a new adventure with an old passport. 

But healing takes time and you owe it to yourself to prepare yourself for that next relationship.  Yes, I said that you owe it to yourself and I said it because you deserve happiness too but you won’t be able to enjoy being your happiest, moreso, you don’t want to miss the opportunity to be your happiest because part of you is still buried under hurt and pain and feelings of failure.  Is it just me?  Do you see it as that as well?  As a personal failure.  I don’t like to fail and to this day, no matter what is happening in my life right now?  No matter how content I am right now?  Having been a part of an unsuccessful marriage, is one of the biggest failures I’ve had to carry with me.  And really, it doesn’t have anything to do with me wanting my ex-husband back.  It has everything to do with the fact that I was one half of the reason that destroyed one of my oldest and most precious dreams.  A whole and happy, family. 

That is why?  Find yourself first before you find yourself somebody.  It's the rushing into things that we're not ready for that causes us to constantly be cleaning up unnecessary messes in our lives. 

One step at a time. 

Society isn’t in your bedroom when you’re crying yourself to sleep because you went and fucked up and started dating theeeeeee most trustworthy guy on the planet before you were ready to and because Cheating Chip who came before him slept with the entire village while claiming to love you and only you?  Poor Mr. Nice Guy then became the usual suspect. 

No. 

Fuck society and the pressure that they put us under to have partners and marriages and children, when we’re not ready to!  We should send society the psychiatrist’s bill for when we’re trying to undo the damage that that kind of pressure causes us!  Rushing into shit that is just going to break us more than we already are.  Society is like that out of control friend that keeps getting your ass into all kinds of trouble! 

You’re not a circus freak, a loser, a nobody, none of that……because you’re single.  Remember that!  You don’t need to dress the part to please anybody either.  Right now, I’m sitting here thinking that you get to an age where being in a relationship is not simply about having someone's arm to hang onto, someone to wake up next to, or having two on a wedding invitation instead of one. It becomes about quality, not quantity.”

........

Jelly

Spaghetti

Dangling strings?

Pick any of those, that's what ya Rambler feels like! But I'm typing this anyway! Quivering arms and all! Because I need y'all to know that I'm not giving up. Thigh cellulite shall not defeat me! NO! Not even this full body aching can stop me!! My-my legs?

Hurt.
Help.

I remember her saying, "Now what the fuck....?" I don't-------it coulda been because I was blank-staring at the weights or .......I really-I really can't recall! The trauma of squatting WITH and without weights gobbled up my memory! Squat----squatting is evil!






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Ouch Ouch Ouch Ouch!

Sheeeeeeesh!!!

I'm an hour away from my second day at gym.....just wanted you guys to know how I feel right now! Plus?!? Plus?!? You know it's messed up when your own belongings turn on you! My own body was like, "Ima get her....watch...!" 'Cause I woke up yesterday LIKE A BOSSSSSS!!!! As the day progressed? I could feel my abs start to misbehave! As today progressed? I. Could. Not. Even. Cough!!! Let alone walk without mind-crying about, "Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!" Hahahahahaha!

See y'all after gym! Gills said we're doing arms today...not sure if I'll be able to type once she's done with me >_<!!!!


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