Happy New Year!

It's 2013 in South Africa, as I'm sure, it is in many other parts of the globe! I can, however, only report from the land on which I stand. Actually, I'm sitting on my bed right now, but my house is set on land and I wasssss just standing, so technically? None of that even matters!
The storm has stopped! People are happy! Some are intoxicated. Some wish they WERE intoxicated! Some are mad that they're partners are intoxicated! It's very intoxicating, to say the least! Cheers to the sober people who will clearly remember why they don't have on two different shoes when they wake!
All in all?! It sounds very jovial! Even from my bedroom? I can hear the odd cracker go off. As well as the music and the ooowoooh-ooowoooh's! Someone must be intoxicated! I mean, someone must be dancing. Intoxicatingly! Hey? I'm just reporting it like it is. This is reality blogging.
Alright! Okay! Let me say this before I get empty alcohol bottles thrown at me by those who can still read right now. Not alllllll the South Africans are intoxicated! And I'm one of those people. There! I said it and I meant it, because it's the truth.
I spent the evening at my parent's house, with three cousins, one aunt, my dad, my mum, my sister, my sleeping son and my cousins girlfriend! Truth be told? And I won't mention names, but two of those people I just mentioned? TRIED to get intoxicated? But got hot flushes instead! Another two were already intoxicated and fine, when they weren't arguing about things that they've argued about seventeen thousand times before. Wait? One of those had a pre-intoxication, swollen ankle. And another was afraid to become intoxicated because of over-intoxication a few nights before.
Phewwwww! Talk about over-using a word! Unfortunately, it simply HAD to be done. In the name of honest journalism, one must do everything they need to, to create the true picture! And now that I have? I shall retire for the night! It's passed 2am and supposedly we're waking at 5am to go to the beach. -_- I feel intoxicated just thinking about that. Question? Don't you think that rules of that sort should be made by someone who has actually woken at 5am within the past decade?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm?!?!
Me too.
Either way? We'll see what happens in the morning! I foresee confusion, but no intoxication!
For those of you who have not yet seen the New Year? It's beautiful! Enjoy it!




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Be Careful What You Wish For

30 December 2012
I think the ozone layer is yelling, "See? You earth full of ungrateful @+#*?/sssss!!!! THIS is what it's gonna be like when I'm gone!" I'm assuming that it's yelling because we're far. Far things yell at each other. In their own way. I speak on behalf of all the Durban inhabitants when I say, "We've learnt whatever it is you were trying to teach us! And we miss you....please come backkkkkkkkkkkkk! We promise to be friendlier and greener and......uhhhhhh? Environmental------er!" And just because 'tis the giving season? IF I ever have more kids? GULP! I promise to name my next child, Ozone! And if I name the one after that, Turbo? I will have paid my respects to one of the movies that inspired me as a young girl. To learn how to do the worm. On a paved surface. I could have seriously injured my future, but that's okay. I was inspired to!

Pssssssssssst! That whole naming of children thing? I-I didn't say that to the layer. That's why I took it out of inverted comas. THAT promise requires contemplation. Not to mention that I'm too old now. They no longer manufacture batteries for my biological clock! But, let me tell you? The heat in Durban has been nothing short of hellish over these past two weeks or three weeks! This is serious people! Me? I'm doing my part! I'm on Duromine! Figured if I lose my appetite? I'll make less trash!

How? You're asking, how? And see that? It's no wonder we're in the hot mess that we're in and being punished by atmospheric layers! But because I'm nice, enough! I'll explain! If I don't have an appetite? You following? Okay! If I don't have an appetite? I don't eat. Much. Result? I don't have to unwrap and discard lots of things. Nuh-uhhhhh! Sigh....you can't just blurt out things like that?! Stay with me now....Nottttttt gifts! Christmas is over! I'm talking about food! So, if I'm not hungry? I then don't eat assssss many items that are wrapped up in eco-unfriendly wrappers that I will have to ultimately throw into the trash! Annnnnd thereby? Let's alllllllllll say it together! Making morrrrrre trash! The environment will then be a better place, by however small a margin! Thanks to a thinner, no longer hungry, yours truly! There! Two birds were not killed with one stone in the explanation of my theory!

A-HHHEM! Three were!

And now? Since it's past 1.30am? It's been a while since I slept before 2.30am. I shall attempt to fall asleep while my body temperature soars to inexplicable heights through no fault of my own! See you in the morning.

31 December 2012
................................................................. It's now New Years Eve evening, and I'm simply amazed! I didn't even post this YET and there's wind and....? Waiiiiiiit for it..........grey clouds in the sky! Woooooooooo-hoooooooooo!

-__-!! I need a life. Really! I'm ecstatic about wind and grey clouds?!?! O_O! That's just sad! For someone who loves Summer as much as I do? Just shows. My cup of excitement is half empty!

OL, I nicknamed the ozone layer. Shhhhhhhhh, don't tell it. I've jusssst managed to calm it down enough to come out of hiding. OL must be able to either read minds or unposted blogs on cellphones! Even my front door was thrilled! It was like, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" I don't speak door but you live with one long enough? You kinda get to know it well enough to start recognising the mood "swings".

Uhhhhh? Meanwhile? Back at the...the...outside! I might have wished a little tooooooo hard 'cause it's now thundering. >_< Not. Cool! I mean, it IS cool. Just? It's not cool. All a Rambler wanted was a breeze! Not the background sounds of a horror movie. Hey!!!! Did I ever tell you guys that we saw how they make these sounds for the movies?

Mmmmmm-hmmmm! At Universal Studios in LA. You thought they have someone outside waiting for a storm with a recorder, didn't you? Me, neither! Anyway! Gareth, my nephew and I? We were screaming! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Well, I was screaming. The man said I must! 'Cause of the giant cat by the window! And I was chilling with the Klumps on the dinner table! But I didn't meet them. Bummer! 'Cause I was on stage and they were in the movie! Gareth was a small Egyptian, building things! He was his size but he looked smallllllll on the screen while he was building!

Hmmmmmmpf! And now? Rain! WTH??!!! I shoulda just kept both my thumbs SHUT! And because of this little sarcastic elemental show? Thank you, OL! No, that's not gratitude! Ozone and Turbo? FORGET it! 'Cause it IS sarcasm. This is a sarcastic storm, if ever I saw one! It IS, isn't it??? Yeah see, you're nodding! You see it too. OMG! O_O listen to the thunder! Uuuuuurgh! And lightning!

Guess, 2013 is coming in with a BANNNNNNG! Wherever you find yourself tonight? Be safe! Be sober! And be-be-uhhhhh-beeeeee.....?? Urgh, can't think of another s-word!

Most of all, be careful! Happy New Year, everyone! See you next year! ^_^!
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Christmas Message

I always love it when Lynn comes home. If you don't know who Lynn is? That's my eldest sister! Ahhhhhhhhhh! I hear you! Yes!!! She's the one who rips the English language to ribbonic (O_o) shreds. Whether she means to or not. And then promptly blames the City of Durban for it! Hey, don't look at me? We don't even try to understand her logic anymore. Just....shaaaaaake your head. Like we do. And appreciate the fact that she said whatever she did with every ounce of confidence that she possesses.

This? Was her Christmas broadcast message;

"May the joy of xmas be with you and remember the reason we Celine this das. Merry xmas"

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHALMFAO!!!

Me? I saw Celine? I closed the message. Truth be told, I'm no fan of broadcast messages to begin with plus I was tired and lethargic but my immediate thought was, "Ay? This comes from Lynn! Expect anything!!!! She could very well be paying tribute to Celine Dion...not that I know her to even like her like that? But just like her identity crisis phases? She coulda extended those to include singers (shrug shoulders)" So, I read no further.

Some time passes, and we're sitting around the table on Christmas Day after lunch and cleaning? Her son, Lyle, literally drags himself from his bedroom, wearing this, "M-m-m....she's at it again" almost constipated look on his face, "Ma? But WHAT like? What is going on with this message? Did you even read it before you sent it?" She looks at him like, O_+! Ofcourse, us that received the message, dive to open it again, and read it all the way through and then burst out laughing! Still? She is confused, totally! Mumbling something about how her phone types in another language! HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!

The message SHOULD have read, "May the joy of xmas be with you and remember the reason we celebrate this day. Merry xmas." Heh-heh-heh! Predictive text? That's why I don't have it turned on! I make enough typo's! There's no need for my phone to help me. If you're not paying attention, it can get you into a lot more trouble than you care to find yourself in, or cause someone to think that your eldest son has been constipated for two weeks. That's just not cool! Especially if you're not constipated. For any amount of weeks. It's not an impression, false I might add, that you want anybody to have of you, just because your mum uses predictive text and then her Xmas message only makes sense UP TO a certain point! Then? You walk into a room with THAT look? Mmmmmmmmm.....Well? You know the rest!

And now? I guess I should get ready for the day. I've been in some sort of mood since I woke where I just can't get myself going. Mainly because it was Kai-Li's funeral today. December has had it's surprises this year. That's for damn sure. NONE of which I appreciate but?!? Can't change. Now? We wait for the lessons to reveal themselves. That IS how it works, right?

In all of these December surprises? I've gotten more than one not-so-friendly reminder that taking your loved ones for granted? Your situation for granted? BIG mistake! We all get comfortable with how great, or problem-free or just? Normal for that matter, things are going. Until something comes along and reminds us of who exactly is in control. Not US!

Between the lessons? Ramble RESPONSIBLY. Pray MORE! Love TRUE! Think HARD! Speak HONESTLY! DANCE often! Sing LOUD! Laugh HYSTERICALLY! Make your moments count. That's what December taught me.
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Merry Christmas!

It's been Christmas Day in South Africa for the past eight hours already! The time now? 08.05am to be precise. The time when I finally post this? Can't say since I started it at 2am and promptly fell asleep! Like this, ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, scratch (damn mosquitos), ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! You can tell that I was drained by the fact that I slept in capital letters but I'm awake now and have been for the past three hours.

I-I'm being precise? 'Cause I didnt know whether someone guessing the time is a pet peeve of yours so I made sure to check before I typed that. Like right now? It's 08.23am. Precisely. Just tryna be a responsible rambler and certainly not tryna piss anyone off. Not today, at least. Let's leave that for the days between Christmas and New Years so that come New Years DAY and the "pissee" is wherever they are? Near music I hope! Music makes everything better. Having a good ole time and feeling the weight of 2012 lift from their shoulders? They'll just forgive me.

Unless they're in prison. Serving nine life sentences? Nothing lifts off your shoulders thennnnn. IIIIIIII don't know about any feel good, let me forgive, moments there would be there? So, take my lead and don't piss off a prisoner. For me, it's easy since I don't know any? But jussssssssst in case? I'm gonna wish them all a Blessed Christmas right now and tell them what a stranger came up to me and told me yesterday, "Don't worry. He still loves you. He still loves you." I might have looked like a pissed off prisoner. O_O! Who knows? What I do know? Is that I needed to hear that!

But for the free, pissed off people? Hearts tend to soften as the clock strikes midnight New Years Eve. I even hug people that I don't want to and never will for the rest of the 364 days of the year! On PURPOSE! I'm sure, out there, some people lose shoes too! That's how you know they take their childhood fairytales seriously. Not sure what significance that holds. For now? All we know is that at least a small percentage of earths population will have walked into the new year on one shoe.

On this 2012 Christmas morning, I wish for you every blessing imaginable. Time? We just never know. Make everyday count and make sure that not a day goes by without your loved ones knowing, and hearing and feeling that they mean everything to you. Today, give thanks to Jesus for the fact that you're able to spend another birthday with Him.

He still loves you! Merry Christmas, everybody!

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Kai-Li

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REST IN PEACE, OUR ANGEL KAI-LI

How ironic that my post yesterday was entitled, "Celebrate Life."

It worked for a while because earlier yesterday? Life still felt...normal. Until it just wasn't...anymore.

We lost our precious niece to Epidermolysis Bullosa, yesterday where in our hearts we all know that where she is now? Is the best place she could ever be, but selfish hearts like ours pain because in human nature, we want her, where we can see her, and smell her and hold her and watch her grow because the truth is that her pain and suffering is now all gone.

Some of us never got to meet this little Angel, and it almost seems cruel that she passed a day before we actually would get that chance. But in her three months of life? She's taken and wrapped her heart around ours, along with countless other people, near and far, who were praying so hard that we'd see a miracle in her. At the end of it all, she was the miracle, I believe.

What if tomorrow never comes? I've seen that question countless times, whether it be on some social media site or whether it be on email. But I never could, before today, tell you what it meant to me;

Our Angel Kai-Li

If tomorrow never comes
Just like it won't do for us
It takes away our only chance
To hold a hero in our arms

If tomorrow never comes
There'd be no way for you to see

The many hearts that you'd held in your very tiny hands
Or feel yourself surrounded by more love than you could stand

If tomorrow never comes
We'd beg the heavens for a favour

And that's to please take us back to the day before
So that we'd still have a day with you, just one more

But tomorrow? Tomorrow never came
That kind of tomorrow will never come again
The one where we finally get to look into those big pretty eyes
A tomorrow where we get to hear your baby cries

Instead, the tomorrow that we'll get?
Is the one without you, the one with regret

The one where we always wonder about the sound of your voice
The way that you blink or how you react to our noise

But all the tomorrows that follow this day
We will love you like we always did, we will love you the same
A martyr of strength, our youngest baby girl
To us, you mean nothing less than the world!

RIP our Angel Kai-Li
You've filled our hearts
2012.12.22
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Celebrate Life

Told myself that I'm not gonna start off my blog post talking about, "Joy to the worrrrrld! I'm still alive! OMGGGG!!!! O_O!" And I'm not, because I'm a little tired from lack of sleep this past week which means that my eyes won't properly pull off that GASPY look. They might make it to the, "Oh..." stage, but then that would alter the whole meaning of what I came here not to say!

Plus?!? Hey? You and I both know that my spirit isn't thaaaaaaaat dedicated that it would keep my blog alive while I was in the Main House. Plu-uuus?!? I'm afraid that if I type a bunch of unnecessary words? There's a good chance of me melting from this Durban Summer heat before I finish so I'm gonna try to get to as many points as I can before that!! More is less! -_- How exactly is it that when you swop THAT saying around like that? It makes no sense!

Being Libra? I'm not much of a choice person, myself. That's why I never entertained the thought of becoming a bomb-wire-cutter-person! One has to consider their strengths and weaknesses come time to decide on a career path. I can see it now... Here I come looking all bomb-wire-cutter-like? Everyone's thinking, "Yesssss! She's gonna save us!" HA! People really shouldn't be THAT hasty. Just saying. Take out my tools? The wire cutter. That should sum up the extent of my toolS. What else would I need? And then I sit there...think, and sitttttt there...okay white! Annnnnd sit there...nooooooh, maybe red? And sit there...sigh...trying to decide which one to cut! Whomever is watching? I'm thinking they kinda have a better chance of being killed by their heart giving out than an exploding device! Good thing, though. I don't write on here for myself to read. You on the other hand?!? Might be a choicaholic, so...? You'll have many points to choose from! I'm catering to the masses like a good Rambler should! :-) pat pat!

What I will say, is this? Tea tree oil is some strong smelling shit! My eyeballs were like, "Woahhhhhhh-ohhhhhhhhhh, Dudette!" That's all. They're eyeballs of few words. I can ONLY imagine the stench of the tea tree forest! Phewwwww! By the way? Does anybody know where that might be? Be nice to know so that I don't mistakenly end up there on my next vacation! I'm not really sure why you're looking at me with "WTF" eyes. Doesn't everybody plan vacations in the forest?

No?

Oh.

Well? While my eyes water to levels of blur? Yet because I know my way around this BB keypad? I continue typing anyway...... I'm hoping against hopes that those people who sold all their belongings and spent every black cent they had on a two-week island vacation leading up to yesterday? I hope they were alright when they didn't wake up dead this morning! Hmmmmmmmmm? That? I would imagine, could turn out to be quite a traumatic way to wake up! You know how it is when you're not expecting something. Like breathe.

Or when you expect something but instead of a heaven full of singing Angels? Your first sight is that painful looking flowery painting hanging on a beige bedroom wall in a hotel somewhere in Malaysia? Me? Can't say that I do! I've experienced neither, but I'm sure it doesn't go over too well when CERTAIN realizations hit home! Wherever that might now be. I hope one of them packed a hat to lay........Get it? Wherever I lay my...hat.....nevermind.

All I hear in my minds eye is....whaaaat?!? My minds eye can hear! It hears this, "@#*!?)("@+*#@?! O_______O" Coupled by a chilling scream that's carried by the morning breeze, a few hundred meters into the ocean just outside of the window causing birds to immediately migrate, season or no season! And Nemo and dolphins to shake their heads like, "Hmmmmmmm? Another one who was fooled into believing it was the end of the world! Nnnnnnnnnnn, these tourists, I telya!!" I have a hunch that perspiration plays a major part in the reaction too!

I'm making light of this but it is infact quite a serious matter if someone actually did do that! I know the last time the world ended? Wait. When was that again? Hmmmmmmmmm? Was it March? I forget now. I'm trying to picture that big billboard close to our old airport that was advertising it! Yep! A big billboard advertising that your ass is about to be fried! What is this world coming to? Supposedly the end, I know, but mannnn? When that time came? People did some crazzzzzzy things. Some fried their own asses! And I suspect that this time was no different.

My mum told me, "Last weeks paper said that nobody should pay their bills this month! What would be the point?" My response? "Heh-heh-heh!! The point is that they'll be looking crazy in January!"

Here's what I believe.

Uhhhhhhh....gimme jusssssst one minute!

Disclaimer: Opinions aren't facts. They're just theories that your imagination is entitled to come up with!

Okay!

I don't believe that the world will end where at a certain time on a certain day, it'll be like, Poooooooof! We're all gone! I believe that when a person passes on? That's the end of THEIR world. Buuuuuuuuuuuut???? As a child, I also believed that my shoe shrunk, and it wasn't my foot that was growing, so?...I'm not alwayyyyyyys right!

I hope that for now we've seen the last of the doom and gloom predictions and that we concentrate instead on living and celebrating life! Today, on his BIRTHDAY!!? I'm celebrating the fact that Geese was born! And just reflecting on the fact that my life has never been the same since he came into it! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEESE! ^_^!
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Feeling Gullible

I was gonna blog yesterday, see? But I figured it'd be wiser to wait. With all of the broadcast messages I received about it being 12.12.12? My immediate thought was, "You don't say!!!" But then I said, "Hmmmmmmmmm?" Mannnnnnnnnn?!? Talk about intense!

Lemme just tell you this? To say that I was gravely disappointed that I didn't wake up in the Twilight zone this morning? Would be an understatement! I was so sure, like I had a feeling, that something out of the ordinary would happen at 12 seconds after 12am on the 12th day of the 12th month of the 2012th year. While I was asleep. Most times I'm awake at that hour but I force-slept myself on the night of the 11th.

Do you ever get feelings? Annnnnnnnnd? Crazy looks noted! Hardy-hah-hah! Yes, you do! Remind me never to pay mine any mind 'cause they let me down in a big way last night! I thought I'm gonna get on here and tell you about some wild and crazy story about 12 locusts abducting me and sitting me down next to 12 John Lennons and within 12 minutes? They were forcing me to smoke weed! Weed! Can you believe that? I was like, "Weed is bad for you!" In my thought of what might happen to me! Well, unless you have asthma? Then its medicinal! Hey?!?! Don't shoot the messenger! That's what I heard! And don't be faking asthma either! Rather, stay away from drugs and use your pump instead! But I thought? I thought I was gonna be in the Zone! I would have been too, if I named my bedroom, the Zone? But I didn't. I just call it my bedroom.

It was kinda like. And I'm certain that there are at the very least, 12 people who will understand exactly what I mean. Do you ever get a feeling? Like, "I have a feeling that when I wake up in the morning? I will be able to prove that UFO's are merely a melted collection of all lost frisbees." O_o! No? Not-nnnnnnnnnnn! Not ever a feeling you get? What about that man next to you? >_<! DRAT! I thought by now I'd meet at least one person who did. Ahhhhhh well? The search continues! I might have to hold a contest, "That Feeling" or something.

You know what? Why are things never just....easy? Why can't hair wash itself? Why? If you don't like the taste of olives? Why can't the earth make them taste like strawberries? Whyyyyy? If you love someone? Why can't things just work out where there are no visa's, no cross-country issues to work through, no waiting periods? Why are these pins and needles in my arm not going away?

Uhhhhhhhhh? -_-! A-hem! Ouch! That hurt! Do you know what a tantrum is? I just flew into one! I've met hundred's of people throughout my living years and now I've gotta resort to contests to find one person who had the frisbee feeling! Nothings. Ever. Easy! And now that my senses have returned, somewhat! I will tell you why. It's simply because we value the things that we have to work the hardest to get, don't we?

You do know what this has now caused, don't you? Now I don't believe for a second that the earth is gonna have that blackout from the 22nd December to the 25th December. I don't! I won't. Not after yesterday's anti-climax! I'd be a double fool if I did! Meanwhile? Those are two very special days in my life! Geese was born on the 22nd? And Jesus was born on the 25th! I don't have a clue what I'd do without either of them! Could the planets not align and shift positions some other time like in February? Really?!? Not even many public holidays in February! That would be a perfect month to run wild in space! Urgh, it doesn't matter though because I no longer believe it. Hmmmmmmpf!

On the brighter side, though? I begin my Christmas holiday at precisely 16.31pm tomorrow! I'd jump for joy right now but I'm on energy-save mode! Going to a concert on Monday, so? I'm using my energy wisely!

What time is it anyway? One sec...ah-HA! 22.40pm! Hahahahahahaha! I just realized that I was like, "ah-HA!" As if I just caught the clock doing something it shouldn't! No wonder my eyes are beginning to feel like two sacks of something heavy!
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The Cerealness of it All

All I'm saying is?  They had no right to do whatever they did with the Nestle' High Fibre Honey and Almond Cereal!  I don't know what they did?  Or how they did what I don't know they did?!?  But yesterday (Its day two), I was on a mission!  Mission "Why Has This Cereal Disappeared Off The Shelves!"  or for short, Mission WHTCDOTS.  Rolls off the tongue quite nicely. 

I was all revved up yesterday!  Wore my mission clothes and everything.  Although, the peace sign on my t-shirt?  I see how that could cause one to believe that my aim is conflicted......

.........O_o!  That’s it.  Just letting you know that I see how that could happen.  So?!?!?!?!?  Who's with mehhh?!!?! 

I can hear myself chewing a wine gum.  That’s not the response I was hoping for.  Think I’ll wait.  Some people need to locate their voice first.  Like Alexis yesterday.  Gorgeous new little niece of mine.  One of four actually!  When we breed, we breed!  She was tryna cry and doing that “I’m gonna distort my open mouth in as many different directions as I can, without hands, until I find my voice!  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  Shew, finally!” 

My wine gum is finished and still.....Just......Me?  Guess to you, U.N.I.T.Y was just a 90’s track from Queen Latifah, huh?  Sigh....okay.  Okay.  Well?   Somebody's gonna start talking today!  I've got cornrows!  And I'm not afraid to use'm!  Meanwhile, I emailed what turned out to be this digital distributor of fast moving goods, LOL!  Or something, and after explaining that they were not Nestle’?  They wished me luck on finding my cereal.  That’s what happens when you say, “Who’s with me?”  And all you hear are what used to be winegums.  I’ve since found the correct site annnnd way to email Nestle’, on my own.  Thank you very much!  So far?  I have a response from something with no heart.  Yep!  The automated response and I are one step closer to a budding friendship. 

Lemme tell you something.  I didn't say this in the email by the way.  Something about a peace sign on my breasts?!?  Like I think harsh and all but then I act all peacified.  I was seriously born in the wrong era!  That's almost what Geese told me when I sent him a picture of my cornrows with the word, GANGSTA, attached to it!  He was like, “Til you see a mouse and you’ll be squealing and running!”  hahahahahahahahha!  The man knows me, what can I say!  

A-HEM! 

Lemme tell you something!  Person from Nestle' who signed off on the mysterious disappearance of my green box of joy!   This cereal gave me faith in breakfast.  I kid you not!  I couldn't wait to get to work because I knew...I knewwwww that I had that "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" heaven in a box waiting for me!  Now?  Now, all I have is a...a computer.  Computers hardly taste as nice as honey and almond high fibre cereal!  I kid you not....again!  I'm not kidding a lot today because its day two of my mission!  The little that I do remember of James Bond?  He was no stand-up comedian.  It's this hairstyle!  Cornrows even make your jaw clench!  When you're NOT mad!  I kid you not!  >_< 

I mean?  AlrighT.  They miggggggght be protecting me in some way.  Mayyyyyyybe just maybe, they found something not so cool in the cereal.  Where if you continued eating it, you could grow a third arm or something?  I understand that.  But even if they found sommmmmmme god forsaken reason why they had to secretly remove it the shelves?  At least tell a person, you know?  'Cause I asked the guy in the grocery store and he told me, "The supplier is out of stock."  With a straight face!  He told me with a straight face.  They weren't out of stock with a straight face.  Look?  Lies I hate!  Straight-faced lies?  I love even less!  That was two or three months ago already.  What happened?  Almonds became extinct?  Or was it that the bees immigrated because Zuma might be re-elected for a second term?  I'm right there with you Maya!  And yes!  Yes I am grasping at straws here because I'm not the one who left this to my imagination!  You know by now that my imagination needs constant guidance and supervision.

In a moment of weakness, my little heart fluttered with hope and then was like, "Enough with the fluttering?  I need a reason to ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah’"  Not that I don't already have one?  But he's a human!  And that's a different kinda "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"  If I couldn't have my reason?  I at least had my cereal!  But now?  I have neither!  So now, there's like a big black hole that even my kids can't fill!  See 'cause I have sections.  Kids section.  Full!  Cereal section........ Reason section....... Music section.  Full!  You see those dots?  The ocean and Nestle' are to blame for those!     

I have my suspicions.  It's.  It's 'cause I'm Coloured, huh?!?  Hmmmmmmpf!  Ay?!  I don't see the other race's cereals doing disappearing acts in grocery stores!  What a sad state of affairs it is when you see cereal apartheid unfold before your very eyes?!  Sad.  Eyes, I might add.  Maltabella is still up there, isn't it?!  Special K is still up there!  Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?  What cereals do the Indians like again?  Rice Crispies??? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lighten up!  I'm kidding this time................................... 

It's Choco Pops, huh?!  

Festive Greetings

01 December 2012: Welcome to December everybaaardy! I'm alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll smiles today! ^_^!!!!!! And not just because I feel like baring my gums! Hell! It's December and it's Summer and soon? I shall be on vacation for two whole weeks! Running wild at the malls in the name of ye ole festive season!

Hands up!!!!!!!!!!! Those of you, who will be stone-cold broke by the first week in January and then looking for random items purchased by you or for you…(some might have been last years' unused gifts)….to return just to tide you over until the next payday!! Come onnnnnn. Don't be shy! We can't see you! You might very well be the family greyhound reading this blog, barking, "Woof, woof, woof!" Meaning,"Me, Me, Me!" In human language and we would be none the wiser!

But???? Never fear! The Rambler's near! And she's armed with a tip that will make those dark and dismal January days brighten right on up! Grab a pen or a dictaphone if you're having one of those lazy days. We all keep one of those on our bedside table, don't we?

When you get paid for December, right? You listening? Okay………take some of that money. Fold it up and stick it in the pocket of a jacket that you haven't worn in nine years, yet still it hangs in your closet! Yep! That was sarcasm. And it was directed at both you and myself! It doesn't havvvve to be nine years. Just? Old! An old jacket or shirt that you know you're not gonna reach for once you're intoxicated with the happy juice. There's a point to that too!

We all know that this season causes us to do things we wouldn't ordinarily do on sayyyyyy, the 19th of May! And when I say, this season? I specifically, mean, New Years Eve! For me? It makes me hug strangers at a ball! But?! IIIII don't wanna read a headline stating, "Breaking newssssss...last night? Two seconds before 2013?! It rained another kinda M! Money!" Because you decided that alcohol, backflips off the diningroom table and your January money jacket are a good mix! During the New Years Eve countdown. Uh-uhhhhhh! I, for one, do not see that ending well! So to make myself clear? The January money jacket is totally off limits, okay?!? Don't look at it! Don't touch it! Don't sniff it! Do not wear it!

So then? Come the 2nd of January? You're tired. You're sunburned. You have nohhhhh idea why you're wearing hot pink hot shorts and have a tattoo of the Mona Lisa on your right cheek! But?!??! That's as far as your problems will go. And why? Because when I rambled responsibly today? You followed my advice! And then hangoverly mumbled to yourself, "And what good advice that was!"

So there! Ho-Ho-Ho and eggnog and all!!!!!!! Woof-woof-woof (the greyhound remember?). That is my gift to you this Christmas. The gift of a look less painful. You know? My eyes are twinkling right now. It could be exhaustion since I've blinked about fifty-eight times during the last half-a-minute but I'm gonna go with pride instead 'cause I've always...always thought that I would one day find a way to help numerous people, in one go, to avoid looking constipated for three weeks straight in January! And now I have and it feels great!!!!!!

So you see? That's what it's all about at Christmas time! Giving! My absolute favourite time of year! Aside from my annual visit to Philadelphia to spend time with…Geese, which? By the way…didn't... happen this year! Sniff. I'm all...smiles, yep! Happy. Like this see? :_) Sniff...yesssss...Sniff is the new happy. Sniff. At least I was, until I reminded myself just now that it's been a year since I've seen him. Not as though I woke this morning and forgot. Sob! :_( No, that's....that's sadness. Noth-nothing happy about sob.

Suddenly I see a balloon darting from point to point as it descends from the ceiling to the floor and makes sure to land on the white tip of my Chuck Taylors, words up, "You've brought deflation upon yourself! Couldn't just stick to cheerful December thoughts, could you?" I'm not answering that question. I've been called alota things, fairly and unfairly. If I start talking to fallen balloons? That would just be an invitation for more name calling and if I'm the only one who sees it, then…ay talking to the tip of your shoe is none the better.

02 December 2012: Nnnnnnnnnnnnn-nnnnnnnnnnn......I "slept" and woke up! Yep! In that order! I had to take a break 'cause my post took a nose-dive into the pit of depression. Not exactly the direction I'd planned. But I'm now back to begin this blog post again. Second chances. Everybody deserves them.

A-hem! Straighten my skirrrrrrt. Shit! I'm wearing shorts. Nevermind, same difference! Pat my hair neat. Powder my nose. Allllllllright! Let's try this again.....

Welcome to December everybaaaaardy! As a show of united excitement? Sing with me! "Ohhhhhh say can you seeeeeee, by the daw...."

Ooooooooops! That's not a, uhmmmmmm-hmm? :-/ That's not a Christmas carol is it?!? O_o! No! I have this cough, okay? Uh-huh, a cough. It's a special cough that keeps me up at night and jumbles up the song categories in my head. Thank goodness I'm not a juke box! I'd be pink and pennyless by now!
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