Double Jeopardy

T'was within the wee hours of Sunday that I laid in my bed, unable to sleep and then thought about couples going through this. It sucks, huh? Yeah, it does. And it don't taste like that bubblegum lollipop that they discontinued either. >_<! I'm still hectically pissed off about that, by the way. They were called, Bubblepops. They were pink and once you got to the middle, you found the bubblegum and.....hey?! I'd go without bread if they brought those back! Hint. Hint. I'm just sayinnn'......I refuse be blamed for my carb intake if those lollipop manufacturers aren't reading my blog. It has yet to be proven that Bubblepops, as opposed to bread, causes one to pile on the kilo's. They stopped making the damn things before anyone could find that out and I'm here, volunteering to be the guinea-pig. Scient-scientific research. Yeah.

Eh. You already know. I'm way passed the point of taking these discontinuations lightly too. It happened with the Woolies cheesy popcorn, the Beacon Bubblepops, that Nestle honey and almond cereal. Who knows what other product on the Rambler's favourites list!

Fatal effects on the liver in the long run?!?! My ass!

Look?

I make it a point not to run. -_-

I don't run for long periods, I don't run for long distances. Why not let ME decide the level of fatality that I am willing to accept? As a human, I have rights and totally taking the choice away from me is a violation. 'Cause they say that shit just to scare you! Whooooooooooooo....fatal effects, whoooooooooo! Puuuulease! One or two people collapse and suddenly it was the Bubblepops. What about dehydration? Did they even check dates of collapse? Like I could be sitting here salivating over a lollipop that I used to know because people collapsed from dehydration from running the Comrades. Who's to say?

What was that?
Oh no. No-no, I didn't hear of anyone collapsing from the lollipop but when in doubt....I use my imagination. Handy tool, if you ask me.

Alllllll around the world, there are people who really don't mind that their intestines could be dyed yellow by the time they reach 60 from the cheese spice over the popcorn. I know I don't! I'm all for bright colours. Matter of fact? The sunflower is my favourite flora species and it's yellow. Yep! Bet quality control didn't know that little piece of colourful information, when they were like, "Stop production now!!!!!! Throw all of that popcorn away! Someone is suing us for dying their intestines against their wishes!" Pffffffffffffft! Plus?!? Plus.....check it out. I eeeeeeven love yellow on walls!

So then I ask? Beacon, Nestle' and Woolies.....Why wouldn't I be excited about yellow intestines? And see, they don't know that I'm an over-thinker too because I see the pattern. He-he-he! Look at those names. How they start with the letters B and N and W. Now.....all I have to do is find the manufacturers with-with names starting with the missing alphabets, find my favourite products and then buy them as if I were preparing for the Apocalypse. Why I'd need them then? I don't know just yet but I'm keeping in mind that someone will have to be the new Eve. It could be me.

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Jussss bringing my pressure levels down before I attend Tre's First Holy Communion just now. Can't be going to church filled with aggravation at three of our leading manufacturers. Hummmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Oh yeah?!? (Slaps air with one hand). The reason I'm here. Lol! Lose my way, find my way, lose my way, find my way....that's how you know me.

Here's the poem I wrote last night. A word of advice to anyone in this situation? You don't have to accept responsibility for mistakes that you did not make. I'm all for working through past issues with my partner, but if he's only about making me pay for his ex's flaws...like her, I'll also become the one that got away! I wanna be punished for my OWN set of flaws. Hmmmmmm?! Yes.

Double Jeopardy

I can accept at the wrong time being at the wrong place
What I can't understand is why you're still searching for his face
After all that I've done right, you seem to find it in mine
I didn't sign up for paying the price for another man's crime

It's real hard tryna scrub away at another man's dirt
While at the same time pickin up the pieces of your heart
Something's gotta give, it's either me or babe, it's him
But I won't be his bad and my good when good is all I've been

I don't wanna lose you but what am I really fighting to keep
It's not getting any easier playing your game of double jeopardy
Because I'm the one in front of you don't mean I become the target
I swear I will not let you sentence me for a crime I didn't commit

So it's all up to you, you tell me what it's gonna be
I can stay and heal your hurt but I won't let you blame it on me
I'm man enough to stay and keep the promises that I make
But if you keep this up, stepping outa your life is a trip I'm willing to take

Now take a look behind you and when you're done, turn around
The only thing in front of you is me and this love that we found
If it's worth it to you, then you gotta let it be known
'Cause I ain't settling for less, I'd rather go it alone

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.11.23
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Stutter Inducing Love

People of cyberspace! I cometh bearing a message! A simple, yet.....nope! Just simple. No need for dramatisation! See this picture? Read this picture! I mean, read this words!

Did I just say.........mannnnnnnn?! >_<!!!

I. Meant. Read the words on this picture?!? I'm a lillllllllll high on pain meds right now. (No, I'm not one of those). So don't be holdin' anything against me. I won't lift my right hand and swear by ANYthing that I've written on here that don't make no sense.

Pssssssssst...lemme tell you somethin' in ya ear. Can't tell you in my ear, it's off duty for a while. Listen now....I'm whispering. I believe that most people who have developed a stutter? Have developed that stutter 'cause of nerves. Nerves are finiSHed 'cause something or someone has traumatised their calm senses SO much that now? Their calm senses start jumping up and down, smacking into each other and shit, looking for a place to hide in their voice box everytime they see that bastard or feel the way that that bastard made them feel. That's the ....ththththth----or the a-a-a-a that you hear? That's where it comes from. Senses just running wild tryna find a safe place. Picture a crowd when there's like a bomb scare. You see how everyone's so frantic to get outa there before the BOOM?

Yeah.

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to people with a stutter. I swear that on my life. Not like at family functions I'm like, stutterers over there! Non-stutterers over here! No. WTF!

But if I don't try to steer you clear of a situation that might cause you to develop one? What type of loving, caring, Rambler would I be?

Understand this. It is horrible when you're an adult under that much duress. I remember being seriously broken over the death of my baby niece and then instead of some compassion? I was yelled at for her choosing to pass on his birthday and ruin things for him! To that I say? Good riddance to bad rubbish!

And once I put that trash in the garbage truck? I've never felt better! Free-er than I've ever felt and why? The people that I've chosen to be a part of my perfectly, imperfect life, are people whom I never have to worry about developing a stutter around.

If there's one thing that I hope to leave you with, more than anything....it's to strive to find a love that lifts you because when you're lifted in spirit and mind and soul by the person you're looking to make a life with? You automatically want to give of your best to them simply because they've allowed you to find the best parts of yourself, after you've stumbled, fallen, erred, cried, hurt, whatever! And didn't punish you for it! They gave you the freedom with an outstretched hand and an encouraging voice....to walk through it WITH them, not WHEN they demand it be done.

Yes! That's because your growth alongside them is more important than their power over you. Let's say that again...........................................ohhhhhhh I know you're not waiting for me to retype that when you can just lift ya eyes up two lines right?!?

You will know that you're in the right arms. They give you solace, not salty tears.

And now? Off to sleep I fall....good morning from ya Rambler! And thank you, Tony Gaskins!

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Let Me Be A Father

I woke thinking about this today.

Let Me Be A Father

Don't shut me out, we're not the ones who'll suffer
All I want is what he deserves, not an unnecessary buffer
Our fight's not his fight, but he's paying the price anyway
I'm here and I'm willing to be day after day

I'm begging you, please just let me be a father
Give me the privilege and save us all this bother
I wanna be the one to teach him what he needs to know
But everytime I come around, you're telling me its time to go

Aren't you proud of what we created out of love?
Can we put aside our differences for our gift from above?
The world can be a dark place, we've gotta show him different
But that's gonna take you growing up so that I can be a parent

All I hear about are dead beats and father's who don't care
Yet here I am on my knees, pleading for a chance to be there
But you'd rather strip me from him because you have that power
Only so you can turn me into the statistic of the hour

I'm not asking for your time, I'm not asking for your nothing
What I'm asking is that you find the sense enough to do the right thing
He's not a pawn, he's our son, he's both our responsibility
Don't make me watch my boy growing up without me

My money won't make him the man I know you want him to be
So let go of the spite and realize, this is not about you or me
Kids are dying on the streets from a lack of guidance
Can't you see the effects on a child through a father's absence

(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.11.07

Gangsta Gran

I had to tell you guys about my early evening!!!

The day had been humid as sin and as murphy would have it? The clouds very cleverly timed their downpour for just as we leave the office! Naturally, my ass was mad as hell at the elements, so I wrote a Facebook status about it, that's where all protests begin. Suddenly, it started thundering so I said not a single thing further. I wasn't tryna be dented by hail for my big mouth!

So it gets seriously darker right by the blink as we're driving and the wind is doing its best to make sure that Wendy works really hard behind that wheel! Needless to say, I got soaked running into my mums house. And then I decide to wear this hoodie that was made for a hamster or someone with a disproportionate face or something! I literally had to bend my back, neck and chin to be able to see out of it after I put it on my head! I bought it on the streets of NYC, it couldn't have been a reject! Let's go instead with my hamster theory.

Anyway, my son and I wait for the rain to die down and then leave my moms. I think people were busy covering their mirrors because of the lightning 'cause I've never seen the roads that empty unless I'm driving at three in the morning and if you knew me, you'd know that I don't drive at three in the morning so....go figure! Either way, I spot this old lady carrying a bag and a little boy behind her so I turn the car around to give them a ride to wherever they were going.

Gran gets in and our conversation goes like this!

Gran: I'm going to Rooks Road lovey. I just come from my granddaughter, she's going back to (I forgot the name of the place) tomorrow.
Me: Oh okay!
Gran: You know Lee-anne?
Me: UHM-M?
Gran: Farah? She's Farah's sister
Me: No, I don't think so. I really don't know a lot of people. (Because I didn't wanna make her feel like she's talking to a stuck-up prude, I add). Maybe if I see them, I'll know them.
Gran: Ay, you just like me.
I turn into the road that she lives in.
Gran: I also went pass Langer's house to see how his son was after he got shot!
Me: Wade?!!
Gran: No, the other brother, the eldest brother.
Me: Ohhh, I don't know his eldest brother.
Gran: You know where I stay, huh darling?
Me: (Thinking) Gran, I don't know you from a bar of blue soap (but I say). No, you will have to show me.
Gran: There by those white pillars.
I stop the car and she thanks me....
Gran: Ay, they're getting strict with the gun laws now huh?!
Me: They should take the guns away completely!
Gran: Not mi----iiiiiiine!!
O_o!!!!!!!!
Me: BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! You have one!!!
Gran: Ya! What if they interfere with you? How ima help you? (Clearly Gran has plans on seeing me a second time in my life)
Me and Damon: HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!
Gran: You can be driving and I'll be BANG BANG!!! (Clearly gran is planning a drive-by and was excited to have met a driver!)
Me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA OMG! (Forgot about the storm!)

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