Since the dawn of time, relations have been viewed through a magnifying glass. The man's role. The woman's role. The leader. The follower. Remember Eve? Said no woman ever! She was our very first lesson in just how messed up things can get when we already know the rules but choose to ignore them. Hell! We got to see how that alone had changed all of existence as we might have known it. Eve showed Adam though, huh? She stood her greedy-ass ground and was like, "ADAM! Lemme tell you somethin' dude! Gone are the days (meanwhile…the earth had JUST been created!) Gone are the days where woman shall be kept naked and starved for knowledge. Munch munch!" Poor Adam was already palming his face about, "Women! Tsk Tsk Tsk!"
No! The way I look at it, she didn't show Adam! Greedy ass showed us woman just how manipulating we can be but more so, how to make life painfully difficult for the next one!
See, making things painfully difficult for the next woman doesn't only apply to birth and a monthly menstrual cycle! Within the realm of relationships, we're talking trust, loyalty, honesty and love. We see it everyday. Being loved the wrong way has some harsh effects on one's behaviour within a relationship going forward and that's where ours affects the next poor sod that has to come post us and try to convince whomever we've damaged, that all men aren't dogs orrrrr that all women aren't just cold bitches. Being loved right!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh well! Goosebumps! Isn't that what we all dream of!?
I'm no psychologist but I've live almost forty-two years. Some aspects about love and relations, I've never understood better than I do now. Not that I expected to know these things at six or even twelve. It took me going through some things. Things that felt hard and hurtful but I wouldn't have the understanding that I do now, if everything had always gone right for me and relationships, right? Riggggggght! That's just my truth.
Right now? I sit here a divorcee who once believed that she had everything under control. I clearly didn't. I'm well…divorced. My only wish is that I'd known all that I know now, beforrrrrrrrrrrre I got married. Who knows? I might have waited or not have gotten married at all! This is not me claiming to have been the best wife in all the land. All it is is me feeling that better decisions could have been made on both our parts had we known a little more than we did at the time.
That's the mistake that most of us make though, isn't it? Especially us women. The fairytale of the wedding, the ignorance of the whole picture! We're rather famous for that, aren't we? Aside from that, we have both society and that one aunt who keeps hammering us about our biological clock being a ticking time bomb! To that I say?!? (No disrespect). Shutup! There's enough pressure in the world without us being made to feel as if, come a certain age, then single is a punishable crime!
Something tells me that being little girls at one point in our lives, is what reallllllly messed us up 'cause in our little girl dreams, everything works out for the best and then you grow up and then shit becomes real hard! I think the lesson in that is that we should make big girl decisions when we're actually big enough girls to make them. And I don't mean age!
I'm hoping that with this book, we all learn to look transparently at some of the signs of good and bad relating, through my eyes and through my experience. It's no secret that once you reach a certain age, the aspired destination of any relationship generally becomes marriage and I'm really eager for us, before we take that step, to be light-hearted about our decision to exchange those vows and be comfortable enough that we know all that we need to know about our men and woman and that we too, have divulged enough of our own selves to them so much so that they too are making a decision that would grant that union no end.
Over the years, the hardest part for me was being cautious. Trust was always an issue for me. Trusting too easily, that is. Trusting even after it was shown to me that I'm racing into another brick wall, face first! If I felt love, then I was in love and that's all that mattered. I would then give one hundred and ten percent of me, according to my own ability. Charge ahead like a freight train…toot toot! Only thing is? It's not. It's not all that matters and if nothing else, my aim is for you, the reader to stumble upon something in here that you recognise. Something that challenges you out of your relationship comfort zone with, "I never thought about that...hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?! Lemme take a minute to rethink this."
You do know that that's a mighty dangerous place to live, don't you? So much of life can be and is missed when we're stuck there, it's frightening. But yeah. Read. Enjoy. Learn from my mistakes!
Oh! Just in case you're wondering? My inspiration?
Love! (I'm Libra!)
(C) 2014 Stacey Kell
2014.09.30
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