Probable Cause

First things first?!?  ^_^!  I am pleased to report that I am no longer suffering from RNS.   O_o!  I see you!  LOL!  After much deliberation and a sleepless night here and there?  Dreaming that you're about to be blown to smithereens tends to set off insomnia.  Go figure.  But all was not lost because I came up with what I believed to be an appropriate term for what was wrong with me. 

Rebellious Nipple Syndrome.  Mannnn!  I just amazzzzze myself at times.  Clearly, having to go to these lengths means that I haven’t been to the doctor as yet.  I have good reason.  Fear.  Until I build up the courage to go and voluntarily have my breasts assaulted like waffle dough.  The only amazing thing at that point will be how loud I wanted to scream but didn’t.  I’ll have good reason for that too.  Embarrassment. 

I'm willing to bet the larger parts of my thighs that they were not made for that!  At nary a point in the Bible, did it mention aNnnnything about mam........'Cause it states... women will give birth painfully.  We give birth painfully, right?  Cool!  We were fully aware of that when we became women.  Unless you have an epidural.  But still?  That biblical fact still remains just that, because had you gone au naturel?  It most definitely woulda felt like nineteen hands were gripping and twisting your organs and in an attempt to uproot them. 

Uhhhhhhhhhhm?  If you're pregnant for the first time?  And you just read that?  IGNORE IT!  I was just being dramatic.  Evvvven?  Even if you saw that picture that stated “The human body can withstand only up to 45 del(units) of pain, yet at the time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 del(units) of pain, which is similar to 20 bones being fractured at the same time.”  If you’ve seen that picture before?  Pay it no mind.  It's not thaaaaaaat sore.  Even without an epidural!   *_*  GULP..............I pr-promise. 

Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahhahahahhahahhahahahhaa! 

-_-

I-I'm not laughing at anything that has to do with pain or birthing a first child.  I'm not.  SMH.  M-hmmmmm!  Someone's doing something funny.  Somewhere.  You know when they do that-that funny thing?  And you laugh hard even if you can't see them?  Yeah!  So, I am laughing.  But not 'cause I promised you a practically painless, epidural-free, birth.   

However, in the name of all that is true and just?  By the time you have your second baby?  You'll come to see that there aint no such thing.  You can't have both.  That’s called, being greedy.  Which is how we landed in this excruciating situation to being with.  But worry about that when you're having your second baby.  For now?  Concentrate on visions of slivers of sun rays bouncing off of fluffy white clouds that are hanging aimlessly between the vast mellow ocean and stunning baby-blue sky.  Also, on the promise I made....and maybe some laughing gas. 

Meanwhile?  You know what?  I still haven’t found that cereal. 

Sigh..................................  :-(  It hurt pretty badly to have to admit to myself that I’m not as good a detective as I’d imagined.  Do you even have to be a good detective, though?  To find clues to a box of----to a box of cereal?  Do you even have to be a detective at alllllll?  Couldn’t you be like, a detect...?  With half your senses and still find a motionless object!? 

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  Not helping.  I’ve just watched in horror as my self-esteem crashed and burned.  Either way?  I give up!  I’m hanging up my detective bandana and filing that under Cold-Case No.2012/Cereal Disappearance.  It was probably bad for me, anyway.  If you ask me?  Probably what caused my RNS!  Probably?  They had to remove it from the shelves 'cause it has some kinda delayed reaction to nipples or some weird shit like that.  Jussss saying....it's probable. 

With that said?  School has officially opened for the year!  Which means?!  Time belongs to no man for the next three months.  By no man, I mean those parents who become so occupied with their kids’ school workload?  That they’re just short of attending class.  If you belong to this club?  How about we stage a strike before the teachers this year?  You know?  Switch things up a bit? 

Kidding, kidddddddddddddddding..........

put.  the.  rulers.  down! 

Knowledge is power! ^_^!  Knowledge is the key to success!  Uh-huhhhh!  See?  Positive role model.  Knowledge? YES!  Strike staging before the teachers?  NOOOOOOH!  O_o?  I-I wasn’t nodding my head when I said nooooooh! 

>_<!  Geeeeeeeez? 

On a serious note?  I’m crossing fingers for the safe journey of the text books to their destination schools this year.  Wait!  Wait!  My bad!  Lemme not put the cart before the horse.  What was I thinking!?!?!  I’m crossing fingers for the safe departure of the text books from their place of storage.  Therrrrrrrrre ya go!  It would be such a shame, yet somehow?  An expected one!!!  For history to repeat itself.  Not to mention how many student are repeating history.  Thanks to that entire textbook circus.

Pssssssssssssssssst, don’t forget...strike before the teachers....meeting date and time TBA!