It's core message is the trap of offences. How we deal with being offended, how holding onto that offence can destroy us and how we actually should deal with being offended.
From personal experience, I've felt just how much of an effect forgiving someone, no matter how big or small the offence was or is, can have on my life. Harbouring unforgiveness only causes bitterness and after that day at my desk where all I heard was a voice telling me over and over and over and over to forgive. I listened and it changed my life, my relationships and my outlook.
Right now, I can't fathom why anyone wouldn't forgive. I only know why I refused to. Because it was my excuse, it was my crutch and it defined who I knew how to be at the time. But then I look back and I see that it didn't only rob me of a better life, it didn't only affect me. It affected my children too. And I can't give them back what my unforgiveness took from them. Heck, I can't give me back what my unforgiveness has taken away. I was just thinking last night about the fact that I will never celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary, with anyone. Honestly, it hurts to even type that because it's not what I wanted for my life but I was wide awoke when I made my choices, that's just the long and short of it. My point is this, unforgiveness changes the course of your life.
Unforgiveness tore my marriage apart. I know now that if I was able to overcome that one thing, my marriage would have had at least half a chance. But as I sit here, I refuse to throw blame solely on my ex-husband for the failure of my marriage because I was just as much to blame, simply by not being able to forgive. If I was able to forgive, I would have been a better wife, period! And a better wife could have made him a better husband but I will never know.
And I believe that acknowledging that I too was a hindrance to the success of our marriage and actually telling him that I forgive him and apologising for my own shit, is the reason that we are as close as we are today because it released him and it released me where I became Stacey again and he became Zane again, not the Stacey or Zane who did this and that to each other.
Unforgiveness kept resentment alive as far as members of my family. It prevented me from enjoying blessings like having siblings and extended family and parents. It wasn't always like that. There was a very long period of time where I'd pushed certain things so far back and pretended that they didn't happen. But! But once I'd brought them out again, that was when all hell broke loose between us.
Unforgiveness made me sick. Literally. I'd succumbed to depression. I was passing out left and right, I was always sick. My blood pressure dropped, my appetite suffered. My concentration flew outa the window. Honestly, I felt like I wanted to die. Like that would be easier.
So?
Why on earth would anyone want to hold on to anything that causes those kinds of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual meltdowns? You look around and you tell me if I am wrong. You tell me that someone who is harbouring such bitterness towards someone else, whoever that might be, friend, sibling, parent, anyone?! Tell me if they are coping with that burden and whether the world through their eyes is one big ball of negativity. And then you tell me if you see a difference in someone who isn't harbouring bitterness like that.
I am not telling you this just to have something to type. I haven't used the examples that I have to highlight what any of those people did to me and make myself out to be some victim, no. Not anymore! I'm telling you this because it's something that I have been through. Where now that I've been on both sides, I can point out the difference.
I am telling you this because you know what? Life is hard enough because of things we can't control. But we have to remain thoughtful about how we handle the things that we can and whether the way that we are handling those are hurting or helping us.
While I understand that we all once believed or still believe that we good and great people and that we don't need help or advice on how to live out our lives, we do. We all make different mistakes, but they are mistakes nevertheless. Whether those mistakes are towards ourselves or towards others, at some point or another, we find ourselves at a place where we are faced with a decision. And that is to forgive or not to forgive. Even ourselves. Sometimes that's the hardest part right there and it's a constant work in progress. Nothing stops while live goes on, at least not when it comes to trying to do or be better.
I hope that you all take the time to read this book at some point in your life. As for me? I am going to bed, Durban is sizzling hot since December began, which is a pleasant change from what the weather has been like these past months. It's my favourite time of the year and the sun helps with reminding me that Christmas is jussssst around the corner! December means a lot to me for many reasons and seeing as my grandson is about to be born any week now, it makes December that much more special.
God bless you all in everything that you do, in your walk, in your talk, in your mannerisms, in your thought and in the decisions that you make.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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