Ali's earrings were
so eye-catching on Saturday night, I
simply had to tell her! Like so many others? Blessed souls that they are.
I've learnt too, that should you have nothing nice to say? Best
thing to do is to swallow.
Swallow! I say!
And then do a weeks detox. Rather it cause indigestion in your own intestines than cause that poor
person you just had to ask, "Why are you putting on so much
weight?" to limp through
their day wondering if their ass indeed
did look wider than a three-hundred year old tree trunk!
For me? There's just never a good enough reason to make someone feel bad. There're root canals designed specifically for that purpose. Look. Let's be honest for a minute. We've alllllllllllllll,
at some point in our lives, crossed paths with people who take tremendous pride in crushing the next persons spirit! I
had to check someone just the other
day for doing that. Yeaaaah! Me. Can you believe it!
Not. Cool! If you're
one of those people? Since that appears
to be your comfort zone? Hell awaits you. Ay….I'mmmm
juss saying. Don't be all, "You didn't warn me" and shit
when I’m sitting in heaven because I swallowed! And? NO,
no! No, NO! This is not me damning anybody to the fiery pits of eternal
torment. Or Zimbabwe. same difference. This is me
promising you that, inside? That's all you're ever gonna feel. Inner joy is pretty short-lived when the basis for it is something toxic. 'S alllll I'm saying.
Men and women alike, and I don’t give two flying fantasies about what anybody says. Heh-heh-heh.....you thought Ima use the other F word, didn't you? Gotcha! They care about their appearance and most likely? Hey, they know
that their clothes are a little tighter than they used to be. And you might
not even know whether the cause of
it, is something psychological. The moment you make those dumbass comments, thinking it’s cute to be crude? Ofcourse that person might drop kick the
toxins offa your tongue (gohhh person) or worse? Their confidence
goes straight to Shitville. So tell me what’s the harm in looking them
over one more time, and finding
something you can compliment them on? No
harm! Less swallowing.
Thankfully
though, that didn't apply to this situation.
I gave credit where credit was due. Only for her to say, "Ooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Can’t say I was expecting that
response, when my statement was, “You’re earrings are stunning!” Heh-heh-heh!
HoweVer? It was a reaction that I
immediately recognized. Amidst my anticipating giggle, I say, "There's a story behind them,
right?" I love Ali’s stories. ^_^! After
the second "Oooooooooooooooooooo!" I knew then
and there it was gonna be a good one!
So I inch in a little closer!
Inch
Inch
You know what happened then?
I inched again.
My short, little, innovative cousin goes on to explain, "See?
I forgot to wear earrings so I had to break these things offa my
hair-piece!"
This was me, O_O! “Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhaahahahahahhaa! Wait?
How are they staying on? You
glued them to your ears?" I'm
quite curious, never about history though,
so while I'm laughing and
asking? I'm also wondering? "You remembered to carry GLUE to a
party but you forgot to wear EARRINGS?"
This! People?
Is the very same cousin who
set the bottom of her new sweat-suit on fire
in her car a few years back. Girl thought she threw her
cigarette outa the window only for it
to boomerang right back in and land
on the floor of the drivers side and then, "Sweet
Jesus, it's a fiuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!"
She told me, LMAO, "I
wondered why it felt all hot by my feet!"
Fortunately,
this hair-piece thingamajig sticks to the hair so there was no need for any inappropriate
use of glue. I somehow don't see that
ending well. At ALL! Personally, I've
never considered glueing anything to
my ears to the point of actually doing it. So at this stage, it's merely an assumption
on my part? You’re welcome to share your glueing experience should you have one.
My dilemma for right now? I don't know, accurately, how to explain this hair-piece? I didn't even see it, come to think of it, so I'm gonna wing it as best as I can! It's not
hair though. That much I cannnn say. If you're picturing one of those fake
ponytails? You're worst off than I am. She didn't
have two ponytails hanging from her ears.
Our conversation woulda been rather different if that were the case. Just from what I saw of the "earrings," it was one of those diamond
encrusted looking thingys. You knowwwwww what they are! Help a girl out, DAMMIT! Just think....Hair.
Thingy. Then you'll know precisely what I'm talking about.
Aaaaaaaaaargh! >_<! I'm doing a putrid job of explaining it.
Plus?!?!?! I'm a woman and it's a
woman accessory. Bad Rambler! In case you're aren’t sure anymore? I do
have hair. It's down to my ass. But I'm not the hair-thingy kinda girl. My hair-thingy's are comprised of slouch caps,
beanies and bandanas. None of which would get me out of any kinda earring situation! Mannnnnnnn,
my confidence is taking a hugggge knock, here!
Hmmmmmmmmmmm-hm?!? This is what happens when you have more sneakers in your closet than hair-thingy's. Let this be a lesson to you! Be knowledgeable, my fellow women, as a woman, about woman things!
But?!? I shan't
give up. Nope. The best explanation I can
give, short of drawing it? And I will, if my hand is forced!
Is to call it…(drum rolllllllll please)…..
.......................a
hair-ornament!
Now please? My bones are telling me that I need to clear something up. By ornament, I don’t mean one of those
maroon and white ceramic dog families
that your mum has in the corner of
the lounge and just point blank refuses
to throw out. Shhhhhhhhhhh, don’t tell our
mother’s I said this but…don't-don’t
you just wanna knock it over? Like....Oooooooooooooooooooooops! We can’t though, can we? For me, Sunday lunch
is on the line. For you? I haven’t a clue, but I’d rather stare
at the ceramic pets than ruin a life-long family tradition.
The ornament that I am referring to? Is one of those evening-wear accessories that you put on your hair, in the evening, where you know! Without
a doubt! Should you forget your
earrings at home? You're covered!
Just like half of Ali's
ear-lobes! I wish you’d seen them!
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