Oooooooooo-wooooooooh! My world was coming to an end! I was gonna be broke! Dead broke. In that order. Ofcourse none of that had anything to do with finding out that I was having a baby but everything to do with the multitude of threats and promises that the millennium watchers were so generously offering. Plus, email was pretty new to me, right. So like a fool I would read allllllll the way down to the "if you don't pass this to ten friends" part. Doom just seemed like the eminent destination for every living creature in the year 1999.
Fortunately, I've since beaten the system. Yesssss yes, I did! I've beaten it twelve times on either side like the rag doll that it is. BAM! BAM! BAM! Nine more BAM's and you have the full experience. Do not use cats! I repeat! Do. Not. Use. Cats. I'd gotten to the point of detesting the fact that I was in charge of sifting through emails and was just like, enough of this bloody bullshit! Nobody put's baby's pupils in a corner!
Turning my head to the right until I barely had sight of my computer screen and then on the odd day, squinting my eyes while hoping my boss didn't walk pass right at that moment? Brother or no brother, it was fast becoming exhausting. And do you KNOW how sore a persons eyeballs get, doing that on a constant basis? If your answer to that question was, yes? I'm here to set those eyeballs free, my friend!
It all came to me in a flash. No, actually it was those hundreds of tiny silver circles you see in front of you when you've gotten up too fast or you've strained your eyeballs so bad that....well? You start seeing tiny silver circles bouncing in front of you. With no 3-D glasses on. But, hey. I'm flexible so we can call it a flash if you want. Whatever turns your head.
So therrrrrre I was, chair tilted back, head to the right, eyeballs resembling a possessed pregnant lady having visions of dancing bubbles? And I thought, "Think! Think!"
My inner self looked at me like this, "O_o!"
And then because it never fails to cease an opportunity to use wit against me, it reckoned, "Seeeooooooh? Somewhere in that...that...space? You expect to come up with a solid plan by demanding through thought to think...twice? Hmmmmm-M! Think ima just sit quietly and watch this one unfold."
Lemme tell you something. I took that vote of no-confidence and shov... Uh? I used it as motivation, yes, m-mmm, that's what I did. Once I got my vision back? There was nothing to talk about! It was clear that I'd come up with a foolproof way to avoid a life of constant rotten luck! And because I'm a sharer....here it is!
Even though, the sensible part of my brain knewwwwww that I will not be the recipient of nineteen years and three months worth of bad luck in love, life and finance if I didn't inflict the same blunt fate on ten unsuspecting candidates? That seed of doubt somehow lingered at the back of my mind. From that moment on, I made sure nevvvvvvvver to reach the do or die section of the email. And there ya go! Simple. See, you thought it was some carefully written out synopsis of pointed instructions, followed by sketches and referrals, didn't you? Nuh-uh. In order for any plan to work? The less reading or remembering, the better!
This is why it works. I will always have a winning argument. Let's just say, for argument sake, I get a chain email from someone. I won't mention names. "Someone" in turn found out that I didn't cast spells of destruction on others, like they intended me to? Bitterness. They take me to small claims court or street court or wherever they have court these days?
I, The Rambler, hereby categorically state that under no circumstances did I see, read or know that I had to forward that shit to ten contacts. Your. Honour.
There! Done! I win!
Besides? It's hectic tryna scroll down your contact list for the people you like the least in the office orrrr! Orrrrrr, the people you know for a fact don't pay much attention to personal emails! By the way, that's always a good one if you don't want to adopt my way of doing things. Those right there are the ones to forward this guilt ridden drivvle to! You feel some kind of satisfaction that at least you haven't pushed their fate into the dark pockets of ill-luck because they probably won't ever open the email. What matters is, is that you sent it off to ten people.
However, what my ultimate plan outcome was, was not even reaching that point of having to decide all of that. I'm Libra. Decisions to me are as cruel a fate as these chain emails. All in avoidance of going through the rest of my day, stressing to the point of twitching about my 3 O'clock tea being poisoned by random visiting blue-balled monkeys. Simply put? It's a typical case of what you don't know can't hurt you!
But mannnnnnnnn? The year 2000 went from being history in the making to a turn of the century that would threaten the security of all mankind along with turning the money in your bank account into "now you see it, now you never will again." Bless those souls who made sure to spend every cent of it by midnight of the 31st of December. January is hard enough on a normal day. So yeah. They need a blessing right about now. As if thirteen years later, does any good. But a blessing is a blessing no matter the time frame, right?
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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