Hard.
But, that's what I'm hearing in the silence within these walls of my little haven, my bedroom, as I imagine pencils and paper and a page full of circled alphabets as a child. Either way, if I recall correctly, my daughter and her cousins called it, General Knowledge.
Right now? I'm just gonna cover me eyeballllllls and whichever letter my finger touches, ima talk about a topic starting with that letter....okay?
Okay....here goes!
..............................
Space bar! Wait...
0...Wtf? I'm aiming too low on this keybpard, hold on...
"I" there we go! Shew, thought that's gonna go on allll night but a girl is typing on her phone right now and these buttons are small. Apparently, I should be ashamed for still using a Blackberry! (I hear you Samsung and iPhone users! Mmmmm-hmmmmm!) But remember that when you guys are running willlld, frantically stampeding towards wifi hot spots as if they're having a sale on money? I'm strolling right behind you Whatsapping my honey via a BIS connection.
Gotcha!
Thank you.
Thank you, very much.
I'll admit, I did cave once! For a whole five minutes! Yes, I did! Caved, did I. I did choose a Samsung on my last upgrade and five minutes later, the discomfort of being cut off due to shortage of data compelled me to call them back and immediately change it to another Blackberry. Those phones are amazing though, both the Samsung and the iPhone. I just wish though that they would introduce them with something like BIS and an optional keyboard. Typing your books on a full touch screen isn't as easy as it sounds. Unless data is only expensive here? Probably. I dunno. All I know is that my daughter constantly ran out of data and her father and I were constantly buying more! And that was WITH the wifi contract that I'd already gotten for her!
But now? Back to my alphabet!
Among those choices, I'm thinking I could be talking about space shuttles, but fuck do I know about them? Let's leave that to NASA! Or I could talk about.....zero, nada, diddly-SQUAT! But that would mean ending the post and that wasn't the point of the post. How about we just go with my third try, something beginning with the letter "I".
Lemme meditate on it for a minute. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm---
INTERESTING!!! No-no, see? Don't just be jumping to conclusions like that. That's not my word. I was thinking with my thumbs. Just saying it's interesting that my pinky chose the "I" since I am so very deeply IN love!
Buuuuuuuuuut?! That's not my word either.
HoweveRRRR? I did manage to find INNER peace over the last two years. Ahhhhh, now there's a word worth talking about. Lemme tell you? INNER peace is not under-rated! Not on ya life! NOT ON YA LIFE! There's something about feeling serene inside that's just so addictive! Mannnnn! Yeah yeah, part of it IS because of a man but I was saying mannnnn! Like, mannnnnn, you know? Mannnnnn!
And that tells me that allllllllllllll of the frogs I've had to kiss to land up in THIS here emotional spot! All of the general life judgement errors that I've made to reach this particular place? Was worth every last tear that I'd cried, disappointment that I'd felt and lie that I'd convinced myself, was the truth. 'Cause you wonder sometimes and ya like "woe is me" but at some point you do see why this happened and that happened and then ya like, "wow is life!"
Now!?!? Here I am and I can't IMAGINE ever feeling this complete. I can honestly say, never! Far as my relationship? He keeps me on a high, brings out the very best in me, in every way. We never argue, even when we disagree. We don't verbally abuse each other. Emotionally abuse each other. We don't anything abuse each other. We laugh together. Sooooooh much laughter! It's an ease that I'd always dreamed about and lost faith in the fact that I'd ever find it. We're silly and goofy together. Comfortable. We believe IN each other. It's just? INEXPLICABLY different to any relationship I'd ever been a part of. That kinda contentment, people, is when you will without a doubt look no further, not pass, not sideways, not backwards, not underneath! That is when you're aware that the world is filled with billions of people but you're not yearning for anything that any one of them are able to offer because what you have is all you need. I've never had that. Not while I was married and not in the relationship that followed my marriage. So not having to wake to and sleep through that feeling where something inside still feels untouched? That's been long awaited for me.
The rest of the areas in my life? Yeah, you guessed it! Everything falls into place, it does. So don't you go giving up because things don't always feel the best. It's too easy to throw ya hands up in the air and let the pressures bury you alive. Here's what I've come to realize. Like any event, you have so much planning and preparing to do and this doesn't work out and that doesn't go according to plan and you're sitting on ya bed scratching 'cause the stress caused hives or Candida or something shitty like that. Eh! Same with life. Everything, good and bad, is preparation for when the main events unfold! Now just IMAGINE stepping outa ya mums womb. O_o! Hahahhahaa, like it has a door, right?!? Stepping outa ya mums womb and she's like, "Go find a job! I carried ya ass for almost a year, you freeloader!" You'd be looking at her crazy, "Ma? I don't even know how to wipe my own ass yet!? I only know what I'm s'posed to do WITH my ass!" See?! We need to grow and learn and be prepared to handle our main events. We need to fail and fall and get up and keep moving and succeed.
So yeahhhhhhhh! I'm living one of my main events right now and ya Rambler is IN love with life!!!
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