Nature of a Pitbull

Last night?  I made two whole pizza's with two leftover chicken drumsticks!  Within that moment?  I knew what Jesus felt like!  Nnnnnnnnnnnnn....I think my lighter's getting washed right now.  That.  Can't be good.  For cheek sake, I'm still gonna try using it when that load of washing is spun to a standstill.  :-/  And then curse out the washing machine when it doesn't work!  As if IIIII didn't leave it in my pocket. 

I was home alone for a while and looking for household appliances to piss off.  Paige ditched me for frozen yoghurt and a Litchy!  I mean, Litchy, my niece!  Fruity name, huh?  You'd think the 23kg's I gained while carrying her would mean something?  Not to mention that I carried her to full term and shared with her my very nutritious breast milk.  Lovingly, I might add!  Tsk. Tsk. Tsk!  Is all I'm sayin’.  Loyalty is such a forgotten virtue!

Isn't it strange, though?  That we can carry so much excess weight but we need a trolley for groceries?  Me?  I avoid carrying a 5kg pocket of potatoes at all costs.  I don't buy it!  I don't look at it!  Sometimes?  You make the mistake of acknowledging vegetables and they expect you to take them home! 

Betty?  Our domestic worker?  She was part of my life from nursery school right up until Damon was born and grew a little bit?  I love her, still and always will.  She?!?!?  Could carry an entire wardrobe!  That’s gifted if you ask me.  Today?  Furniture comes in a box and you have to assemble it yourself!  WTF??!  Betty?  Betty would saunter down Richard Winn Road with a fully assembled wardrobe balancing on her head!  Stop for a convo here and there?  With such ease?  You'd think she was a furniture truck!  O_O! 

Let Checkers be out of trolleys!  Don't be stopping meee for light conversation.  I'm not talking to a soul.  Alllll I'm doing is that that fast walk, like you need the bathroom.  You know that walk?  To the car and then sorrowfully rubbing the packet lines on my arms.  Not to mention, vowing nevvVvver to return to that grocery store again when I notice one of its employees pushing a line of a hundred trolleys pass me.

We've gotten preTTy lazy, haven't we?  Even to hear the words, "walk to..."...we're like, "GASP!!!"  Carry that wardrobe!  GASP!!!!  Wake up in the morning!  GASPPPP!!!!!  Exercise!  OMGASPPPPPPPP!  LALALALAAALA, with your hands over your ears!  Or should I say?  With my hands over my ears.  Some people love it!  All that lifting weights and hooking your feet under things, laying back and then bringing you body up like aaaaa-aaaaargh?  Normal people?  Don't!  That's why I dance!  I'm normal.  And I was not designed for that gym type of exercise.  Infact?  I make it my duty never to even mouth the word, gym!  There's got to be an easier way to stay fit and healthy aside from eating salads and running wild on a treadmill.  Which would possibly mean having to walk to....GASPPP!!!!

Can you imagine life without cars?  No?  Close your eyes.  Now?  Crap!  Bad idea, 'cause now you can't read what I'm writing.  Open your eyes!  Stare into yonder!  Look back at the page every now and again in case I just met Julius Malema and was writing about it.  You wouldn't wanna miss that!  But I would!  I'd miss a chance to meet him in a heartbeat!  And not because I'm being a hater.  It's just?  Enough already, Julius mannnnnnnnnnnnn!! 

I know what Zuma's thinking too.  "Which fresh college graduate can I marry next?"  And just two seconds before he makes his choice?  His fantasy is interrupted by memories of yesteryear!  Slouched in his chair, sighing heavily as his shoulders rounded, clearly signifying that there were too many fresh college graduates and too little of him....A-heM!  Clearrrrrrrrly signifying!  That it is within that moment that he remembered his beloved pet...pitbull.  (I might turn this into a kiddies book.)  One that he held, very dear.  He worked...choke...tirelessly, cough (‘scuse me)...to clothe, feed and pet it.  Only thing was?  He failed to do the most important thing!  He forgot to study the very nature of his precious pet, now didn’t he, children?!  Who knows why I’m saying that?  No, no!  No, yelling all at once, we’re all civilized...let’s raise our hands!  

Thattttttt’s right!  ‘Cause now?  Like they always do!  It's turned around to bite him square in the ass!  Uuuuh?  They probably won’t allow me to say, “ass” in a children’s book.  But I’ll think of another appropriate word. 

If you ever wondered what went down between God and pre-Satan?  You're watching it live!  All that's left is to see who gets thrown out of heaven, this time!