Quantity vs. Quality….

Good Morning from Philadelphia!

Well, I’m back! It’s 4:17am in the morning & probably, thanks to my molasses typing it’ll probably be 5am by the time I even hope to dream to finish this! So? In our last episode I talked about the movie “the Coalition”. Yes, I had more to say about it, but I realized that getting you to commit voluntary suicide from reading more about its missteps would incriminate me in some way, shape or form! So I just stopped. I’m sure if the people responsible for making the movie were to ever read my blog post they would either wave me off or demand that I cut them some slack, neither of which is going to make them make sure NOT to make such a craptastic film again. And why am I back to the Coalition? Because me & the misses sat & watched Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Rings. And our Rambler was quite shocked that she enjoyed the Fellowship of the Rings because it’s epic fantasy & not her normal cup of tea. (Yes, I did!  I even fell asleep, noooooh, not because of boredom, but tire-dom…and asked Geese to pause it!  Can you believe that?!?!?  Normally, I would just let it play.  Like on the plane where I start watching a movie and then…wake up and wonder how it ended!  Funny though?  Even when I watch a movie from beginning to end…after a while, I wonder how it ended, ‘cause my movie memory is shot!)  But as she watched the film it was the fact that the actors & actresses, the director, the scriptwriting, all of it! Was top notch & that’s what it’s all about for me.

I can’t possibly believe that the Coalition is gonna compete with Fellowship of the Rings in regards to BUDGET MONEY TO TOSS AROUND LIKE A SICK MAN AT A STRIP CLUB! Because right now too many Black American rappers are still on that strip club crap, last thing we can have is 2013-type Public Enemy, KRS-1 & Intelligent Hoodlum, & yes I said INTELLIGENT, HOODLUM! His biggest song was Arrest the President back in 1989/90. And the last thing anyone wants on the airwaves is anything that might get Black Americans to stop throwing their money at women in a strip club & realize it’s probably better to simply go & rent a porn movie than toss $100’s of dollars in ones at a woman’s g-string. And no, you didn’t misread that, I said it would be SMARTER! If rappers today told their mindless audience to toss a quick $5 to $10 at buying a porn DVD, instead of telling them to run to a strip club & toss a minimum of a $100 at some woman’s g-string. (Those are rich g-strings…damnnnnn!)  Does that make me the Intelligent PERVERT!? MAYBE! But it won’t make me a BROKE ONE! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Stace is gonna see this & either laugh her ass off or turn beet red AND THEN LAUGH HER ASS OFF! Of course she is sleeping, again! I’ve no idea why she keeps sleeping all the time when I go to type posts! (He’s lying his Black ass off…he knows why!  He makes me walk in the wind and my eyes get all watery!  That’s why I’m always tired.  After weather abuse?  Don’t your eyes just wanna close…?  And then he swears that there is just no other windy-less way to walk to 69^th Street…look?  By now I’m quite the pro at walking to 69^th Street but I let him say, no…I know he just wants to put me to sleep so he can post blogs!)  Although it could be because it’s usually 4am in the morning when I do these things, eh! Go figure. But getting back to the Intelligent Pervert analogy (And he’s quite the pro at that too, heheheheheh!), my point is, & watch me tie it ALLLLLLLLLL TOGETHER, YOU’LL SEE! WATCH ME! (Watch him! OR DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  A-HEM!  SORRY….That’s a joke between the two of us, something he made me watch on utube where you had to eat something right…or dieeeeeee!  Okay…you had to be there, I guess…moving-moving on) Coalition, Fellowship of the Rings, Strip Club Rappers, Porn DVD’s & Black Conscious Rappers! How does this all tie together!? It’s all about PRESENTATION! It’s all about QUALITY! It’s exactly what my love was talking about when I showed her some old PS1 games that I still have. For the video game challenged a PS1 is the Playstation 1 video game console. But I showed her the opening sequences for NBA Live 96, NBA Live 98, John Madden 2002 & I showed her the XBOX 360 opening sequence for Madden 13, the best one they’ve done in a LONNNNNGGGGG TIME, for that thieving ass franchise.  (Can you believe, I watch NBA Basketball now?  I even know some of the players’ names…yeah!  Gone are the days where the only team I support is Damon’s soccer team…I support the Sixers…Philadelphia 76ers to be precise.  However?  Geese does a lot of cursing when they’re playing, I’m starting to doubt very highly that he supports them, he says he does, but…I’m not convinced though.  I don’t curse at Damon and his fellow team mates.  So?  You know?  More time with that one, I need.  I need more time…)

But I let her see & just showed her, this is how it’s supposed to be done to get people really wanting to see just what the hell is going on with whatever it is that you are trying to show & sell them. I mean even as I am typing this, I’ve got the headphones on, because I don’t wanna wake my precious up, & I’m listening to the 3^rd Menu Song from NBA Live 96 by Traz Damji. (Crazy music…shhhhhhhh….If you tell him I said that, I will never write another blog post again…uhhhhh?  Okay, strike that, ‘cause I may have shot myself in the foot there….let’s leave it as?  Shhhhhhhhh…..I never said that!  There!  Denial is the best medicine.  Cure!  The best cure for getting caught saying that someone’s playlist is crazy.  I keep telling him to listen to slow, RnB love songs, and for some reason he appears to wanna throw up…O_o!)  Even the music from the two NBA Live games I showed her was absolutely memorable, but it was because of the efforts put into the production of the product (production of the product…I like that one!) they were trying to get people to purchase. Here in America it’s no longer about QUALITY but QUANTITY & it’s a big reason why damn near everything is fly-by-night fad over here. The Coalition didn’t even have the music credits in it when the closing credits were crawling up the screen, wtf? Who the hell makes a movie where the closing credits don’t include the music featured in the movie? What exactly does it say when such a basic thing IS SKIPPED? It’s says CRAPPY, that’s what it says. Conversely, & I don’t mean Chuck Taylor’s either!  (BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!  See?  Crazy!)  But conversely, Peter Jackson was able to make a goddamn ring have more of a screen presence than all the actors & actresses in the Coalition put together! (I-I have to agree.  The ring had better acting skills.  That’s a shame.  Shameful if you’re a human actor and a ring…beat you!  You should dig up your acting teacher and strap them to a chair…force them to sit and stare at a jewelry catalogue for a coupla hours!  That’ll fix them for giving you a pass in acting class.)  How the hell do you let that happen!?  (Easy?!  Rope, chair and that thick silver tape…oh?  Okay…you were talking about the-the acting….my.  bad!) How do you, OR ME, as a LIVING PERSON, WITH A HU-MAN-BRAIN! GET BEAT BY A GODDAMN GOLD RING IN ACTING!?!?!? (My sentiments exactly!)

Yes I’m a little hyper because it’s EMBARRASING! The Rambler was GENUINELY CREEPED OUT by the One Ring in the Fellowship of the Ring, where she honestly felt like that creepy gold ring was actually ALIVE LIKE A PERSON! While the entire cast of the Coalition was as dead as disco!  (Dead!  They couldn’t even use onions to make that lady cry properly!  I can tell you right now!  The ring didn’t need onions or any kind of vegetables to show any kind of emotion…she was like…force myself to cry.  Not.  Working.  Crap!  Force harder!  Okay?  Im just gonna try to make it believable.  Shit!  Okay?  Lemme just sit here and look like an idiot whose crying for five minutes with not one tear dripping down my cheeks!  NOOOOOOH….CUTTTTTTTT!!!!  Get the damn onion for crying out loud!  She didn’t even cry out aloud!)  They weren’t believable in their roles & it was obvious from the word “action”! So at what point did the director of Coalition say, damn, that was wooden as s----t! Lemme talk to these mofo’s before we never make another movie again, EVER “CUT! C’MERE! WHAT DO THINK THIS IS, PLAYHOUSE IN THE PARK! GET OVER HERE! MY GRANDMOTHER CAN ACT BETTER THAN THAT! AND SHE’S, DEAD!”  (MMMMMM-HMM!)

At some point someone has to step up &/or step in & dance all over the delusion that the THING in front of them is not just a bunch of idiots pretending to be professional actors & actresses, taking up the viewers goddamn precious time with craptastic non-acting! Oh & ya like that, huh? I just made reference to the dance movie Step Up & the horror movie the Thing! If you saw through that then like me you have too much time on your hands & I’ll see you at my therapy self-help sessions! But for real, for real, it’s about quality & the Rambler saw it first hand when she had to endure Peter Jackson’s, the Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey.  (See now that one?  I slept out of boredom!  Not to mention that when I woke?  Dan was about ready to hurl furniture at the television!)  It was an unexpected journey alright, an unexpected journey to CRAPSVILLE! Which shows that ANYONE, regardless of name & budget amount, can screw up a movie. Yes, yes, I know the Hobbit made a lot of money, it’s to be expected since the Hobbit is of course a globally popular book, just like the Lord of the Rings, with a rabidly massive fanbase already in existence, BUT!? This movie, unlike Jackson’s first movie the Fellowship of the Rings, was TOO MUCH CGI! (Why did the nice Wizard man have to die though?  I’m still quite broken about that…)  The characters in it were idiots & a-holes, it was just a trainwreck of loud coma inducing noises that myself, my oldest son Dan & the Rambler herself, SLEPT THROUGH! Dan was so angry with having watched that crap he couldn’t get on facebook fast enough to trash it! But the reality was that the extensive details that Jackson put into the Fellowship of the Ring, just wasn’t there. It was too cartoonishly stupid & the characters just weren’t interesting at all.  (Wreck it Ralph – awwwwwwww!) So anyone can fall victim to poor quality & production, even a blockbuster “success” like the Hobbit. So when you look at that FACT, then when you’re Team Sizzle…

Team… Sizzle… Seriously, Terrell Suggs, look man, you’re a GREAT AMERICAN FOOTBALL PLAYER! And before any of you say; why must you tell us he’s an American Football Player, you Americans!? You’re all alike! Well? The reason why I needed to include that is because I don’t want anyone thinking I mean a soccer player & then searching for a soccer player & saying this idiot is an idiot! There is no football player named Terrell Suggs!

Unlike some, I am well-aware that the world doesn’t revolve around America, at least not without the butt of a rifle or a well-meaning preemptive invasion meant to bring you freedom from your oil & natural resources & ultimately your life. But all that aside, GO AMERICA! -_- Coming back! My point is Terrell man, Team Sizzle, makes me think about CRISPY BACON! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, DELICIOUS! Till all that grease clogs my arteries & kills me, BUT UNTIL THEN!?!?! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM! DELICIOUS-DEATH! (He said that in an Irish accent…!)  So to name my company, production company, movie company, whatever!? TEAM. SIZZLE! THEN THAT S----T BETTER SIZZLE! You can’t NOT HAVE MUSIC CREDITS IN THE CLOSING CREDITS! WTF!?!?!? (I was so looking forward to seeing MU WET, Tonight!  Rolling all over the screen…(tongue click!)  I needed a smoke after that…ask Geese!  Not to mention that they had the nerve to play the track twiccccce in the movie!  But you think they credited them ONCE?!!  No!  Bullshit!  That’s bullshit!  It’s bullshit because who’s in charge of the end credits?  Are they fired?  No!  I speak as if I know…but?!  They should be and why?  Because if they at least got that right?  People would know who sang Tonight!  Twice in the movie!) 

ALL IT SAYS IS; ghetto. And not GHETTO IN A GOOD WAY EITHER! Hip-hop came from the ghetto & was ORIGINALLY MEANT TO STOP GANG VIOLENCE! COOL! GREAT! So that’s what I’m talking about people, good things can come from the ghetto, never doubt that! But when you’re stepping out there & you know that you’re gonna get one shot & one shot only to really make an impression. You don’t have the big boys backing or approval as far as the TV & Movie entertainment industry. Then that means you gotta get it done & get it done right & its gotta be RAZOR SHARP & RIGHT ON POINT! Like Spike Lee’s, She’s Gotta Have It! Like Rakim from Eric B & Rakim said “It can be done, but only I can do it. So put up your hands & clap your hands to it!” THAT’S HOW YOU COME OUT SWINGING WHEN YOU’RE THE UNDERDOG!

As far as the whole analogy between the strip club rappers & just getting a porn DVD, it’s also about quality too! Look, men for the most part, go to a strip club to get off on naked women gyrating around, but the reality is once those ones are done? YOU’RE BROKE SON! (Hahahahahahahahaha!)  It’s really that cut & dry! So you’ve blown your paycheck or bill-money on what? BUT!? You spend $10 on a porn DVD, you can get the same thing & pocket the rest of your money! You still pay your bills & don’t have to wonder why your lights are out, but Bunny from the strip club is hopping her ass in her newly financed sedan! Thanks to your dumb-ass spending habits! Every time you go to “the club” you have to pay to get in, pay for drinks, pay for Bunny, blah-blah-blah! (And not the Easter one either!)  But once you get that porn DVD? ONE and DONE! You bought it, it’s bought, no more money is lost. WHY am I bringing this up? Because of the sheer stupidity amount of current “club-rappers” encouraging men to run out & burn up paycheck after paycheck on strippers, as if Black American men really have the resources to even do that dumb-s----t anyway! People tend to spend to excess in entertainment when they’re really trying to escape the stress of some sort of situation going on in or around them. I don’t need a degree to know that if I give a damn. And encouraging people who already have x-amount of uphill battles to contend with on a daily basis, to then run & go drown their depressions or whatever in g-strings & gyrations is really some crazy s---t, for real-for real!  (I’m very quiet here because I agree one hundred percent…and?!!?!  I don’t go to strip clubs…so…he’s talking to you, here…not I.)

So even in this it’s about the quality of the decision-making, look? If you’re gonna roll around in the gutter, at least don’t break the bank that you already don’t have, by deciding to burn dollar bills on something that requires a continuous commitment to keep getting “goods & services from”.

I’m sure you expected to read that, right. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Last line. The fact that the low-quality club-rappers are overabundant, while the high-quality conscious rappers are rarely if ever afforded any airtime at all. (Like the mall guy who was credited twice, one below the other, at the end of the Coalition…and MU WET wasn’t credited once!)  These two forces are factors in producing QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT. Which leads to making the listener want to produce as a person, QUALITY PRODUCTS. To an audience that values quality over quantity. I’ve told my sweetheart over & over, anyone who can produce a quality product in today’s times, even if it appears to fail at first. They will always ultimately be rewarded & recognized for what they’ve done, because the current climate is oversaturated with quantitative crap.      

Good morning from Philadelphia!

Well, I’m sitting here this morning, listening to a youtube video entitled; Frustrated: Black American Men in Brazil (POWERFUL DOCUMENTARY)

Look, lemme cut straight to the chase, nothing raises my eyebrow faster than when I see a youtube or anything else! That tells you just how f’n powerful it is, IN THE TITLE! It’s like someone walking up to you & saying out of the blue “YOU NEED TO GIVE ME MONEY RIGHT NOW, CUZ I’M SO F’N AWESOME! YOU SORRY BASTARD WHO NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW TO TELL YOU HOW F’N GREAT I AM! OUTTA THE BLUE!”

Cap craziness aside, I’m listening to this right now as I’m typing this & it’s pathetic. This youtube is nothing more than a bunch of my peers, as Black American men, bitching about how our Black American women here, have “lost their way”. First? Nothing says “crazy” like a fool who pretends like they’ve forgotten the foundation of how their particular people got their “place”, in said society, country, culture, customs, etc-etc! Right now one Black man is bitching about how Black American men are “put down” in Essence magazine. Look, during my high school & college days I used to read Ebony, Jet, & Essence magazine. But I could already see how many of these magazines weren’t keeping up with modern-day Black American societal & cultural changes & trends, which is always a red-flag. When your day-to-day &/or monthly magazines that claim to be all about keeping step with WHO YOU ARE, are more than half-a-block behind you? You’re in trouble.

It’s like when a society or country or community makes laws, that aren’t in step with current societal, communal or national issues. Problems are bound to multiply when the reality of everyday life is being hampered & hindered by the stupidity of out of touch & out of date, laws, that make matters worse way before they ever make anything better. The Rambler & I have talked for many a time about these types of things & we both got to see it last night, when we watched the “Urban drama”, the Coalition. And of course “urban” means; Black American. Shhhhhh, don’t tell anyone I told you!  

This movie? Has my sweethearts R&B friends in it from Baltimore, MU WET, one of their songs is in this movie. Congrats to them for getting that done, because my woman has constantly told me about how hard these guys have been working to try to get themselves on the map! So Mrs. Geese was definitely pumped up them getting a song into this movie, written by Terrell Suggs & Monica Mayhew, I believe her name is. And for the record, I’ve paused the Frustrated: Black America youtube, because the s---t the’re talking stinks as much as I’d told my sweetheart last year, that the Coalition would. Now, I see you snickering! Oh Geese, you just some grumpy ole bastard from Philadelphia!

This is true. And while my mother & father may not have ever married, that doesn’t dull my ability to sense the same old tired ass Black crap that we keep churning out & trying to claim the crap is “entertaining” or is actually “doing something” for us or our cause of rebuilding ourselves back to respectability. And lemme check that box off right quick & clarify, when I say rebuilding ourselves back from respectability I mean, restoring ourselves as Black People, not just as an “AMERICAN” Black, but as a member of the Black race. Back to a level of respectability where we can sit at the table & not have to yell & scream to be heard. Or go so far to the left or right to look like idiots to try to prove that we can handle ourselves in a tight situation. For many Blacks throughout the world we are still shaking off the psychological cuffs of being reduced to dirt either within our own lands or communities, INTENTIONALLY. So nothing shows progress more than when former slaves & former conquered colonies can actively sit down & say;

“We will not do business with whomever you are, unless you pay the actual worth of the goods & services & skills we are able to provide to you & yours. If you will not pay the actual value of our services, then we have better things to do than waste more of our precious time talking to whomever you are.”

So that’s what I mean by getting back to respectability. It is considered a-okay & “respectable”, when anyone sees a Black person ANYWHERE FROM ANY COUNTRY, playing some kind of goddamn sport. But then the skepticism & cynicism comes out when Black doctors, lawyers, business people (note I said PEOPLE, MEANING MEN & WOMEN), PHYSICISTS! Are shown doing anything, if they are ever shown at all. This movie, the Coalition? I told my love that it is too clichéd, too tired & too much of the same-ole-same-ole stereotyped tripe! That has Black Americans mired in the mud of non-progress & productivity that we’re currently stuck in! The characters in this movie, for starters, the primary “antagonists” or whatever you wanna call this guy was nothing more than a cookie-cuttered cardboard-cut out, named PRIME ALEXANDER! Prime… Alexander…? This is why the Rambler talks about being on the juice when a woman is just looking to take the edge off from child birthing pains & just wants to be KNOCKED OUT!

So? The main character is named Prime Alexander… And, guess what!? He’s a professional Black American athlete! O_O ORIGINAL! ISN’T IT! But he wasn’t from the Hood. Awwwww, & he wasn’t a cross-dressing Black man either, booooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! Nor was the D, silent, damn!

So now we have Prime Alexander, & I just turned on the DJ Aladdin Remix of Ice-T’s song, Ya Played Yourself. This song alone, would have probably increased this craptastic movies street cred by ten points! I’ll be the first one to say my street cred is probably dropping while I type this & I could care less, because I’ve actually seen & been too close for comfort to the street game that fools like Jay-Z glorify. So anyone with any sense, who happened to GROW UP IN TIME & see where they were headed, much like Ice-T too. They don’t shower that kind of shizzle for nizzle my dizzle, cuz that shizzle is straight up wa-zack, for real Black! Now if you can ACTUALLY DECODE WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID, then you’ve got it & actually UNDERSTAND BLACK AMERICANS. But if you did anything other than understand that as stupid as what I just said looks in type, I just told you that telling other people how “dope” & “great it is” to sling drugs & play women & run around having kids you can’t afford nor invest any kind of actual knowledge in, is bound to doom your dumb-ass. Thus the reason why I’m rockin the Ice-T remix right now as I type this. And I’m not foolin myself, people could read this & be like; who’s this sanctimonious a-hole on here?

I’m someone who is tired of watching my people make fools of themselves & tell other people, Black or not, to make fools of themselves too. While we are still struggling to produce stable, large-scale results, where anyone can see how far we’ve come from no longer being in control of ourselves & our lives, to being respected as more than just “physically gifted fools”, which we are not. But when you go & keep beating the same dull-ass drum & then asking why don’t I get any respect? When anyone makes entertainment like what we saw last night & what I told her when she showed me the trailer last year, where I told her; the story has been beaten to death already. These women in this movie have too much access to know that too many professional athletes of any race, have all kinds of T&A tossed at them from every direction. People bend over backwards for them & often times they fall victim to their own success where they’re allowed to be irresponsible & disrespectful for as long as they can kick that ball, throw that ball, catch that ball, run that ball!

Then when the wheels come off & they get put out to pasture, all the friends, fame & attention, gets ghost! And they’re left with people now looking at them & treating them ten times worse than what they should be because it was always known that this person was always an a-hole. But now he’s a BROKE A-HOLE, WHICH IS TWENTY TIMES WORSE! So this movie makes the Prime Alexander character a typical Black American athlete, supposedly smooth with the ladies & likable, but he’s actually scum. He’s got the prototypical crew of friends who condone his stupidity & live off him, for the most part. Not one of his “homies” ever tells him to cut the crap out & by the time this movie “starts”. It’s made clear after we see his “first victim”, that he’s always been like this. But aside from the bad acting, this first Black woman we are introduced to is clearly more aware of who her “man is”, than the writers of this slop wanted us to know. Instead of her moving on when the clichéd ditch move is made on her by Prime, she instead turns into a laughable wanna-be Fatal Attraction type chick, who can’t even get that right.

Icy Heaven

IT EXISTS!  The place where slush ice falls generously from the sky, aiming directly towards my open mouth, and sometimes into my unsuspecting eyeball, causing me to blink once and wrestle through the discomfort, with a straight face, so that I don’t look foolish in a foreign land by someone who might be watching me from behind their insect screens.

I wish we had insect screens at home.  Mosquito’s would riot!  Flies would demand a re-election…of something!  But we?!?!  Would be able to sleep with our windows open.  They’d have to be electrified though.  Like the fences around Wendy’s block of flats and numerous other residential homes around the country.  You know how it goes at home.  The window’s open.  We fall asleep with the breeze tickling our flesh?  Suddenly Reeva Steenkamp needs to pee!

But ohhhhhhhhhh!  The joyyyy!  And pain at the centre of every last one of my almost frostbitten bones!  That place in my mind, far beyond the wavy seas and mountains wide...one that I always knew was out there but could only salivate at the thought of.  That placccccce!  (Bear with me, I’ll be done soon…)

That I’ve dreamed about ever since I discovered that if I cupped my hands real stiff and scraped real hard?!?!  My mum wouldn’t need to defrost the freezer!  We were an average income family, okay!  The frost-free refrigerator’s were hidden in the back of the storerooms and only revealed to those who knew what “bearer” on a cheque, meant!  I blatantly assume that to have been the case.  I blame apartheid.  As well as for the fact that it doesn’t snow at home.  Now that it’s ended?  It’s just anti-white everything.

Im trying to come up with a name for the place.  If I say, Philadelphia?  Then some might be like?  Why can’t it be New York, or New Jersey…or Alaska?  And then if I say, the United States of America?  Then it’s like?  Why can’t it be Russia.  I’m not here to offend any countries, cities or even small squirrels.  And speaking of Russia!  Dan…our resident Russian son of a Black man named, Geese?  My fingers are wrinkled.

I did the dishes.

Lemme tell you?  He is an amazing cook.  But I’m far from exaggerating when I tell you…he leaves no dish unused.  If there are five pots in the cupboard?  He will use six.  Don’t ask!!  All I see is him saying to himself, “Okkkkkkkay, the chickens done!  Wait!!!”  While, with the corner of his eye, a clean pot has been spotted!  “That’s clean!  How’d that happen!”  Takes it out, transfers the chicken into it…“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…nowwwwww I’m done!”  Even the pot must be like, “Dude?  Was that even @#%&$@# necessary?!?!  Dirty Dishes Anonymous, mannnn.  Google it.”  Walks outa the kitchen and makes it no further than the cutlery drawer!  “Morrrrre clean kitchen utensils!  I’m losing my touch!  Dammit!”

I remember the last time I came over in 2011?  He was kind enough to cook up this entire Thanksgiving meal for me because I would be gone by then and I’d never had Thanksgiving in the States before.  Delicioooooooooous!  Delicous-delicious!  You don’t know this?  But I’ve paused and just?!

Sat.

I just sat as visions of Tornado Dan ripped through the kitchen in my memory.  Geese and I have cooked over these past days.  And when you go out there?  Okay, there are dishes.  But only necessary ones.  Dan the Dish Destroyer?  Uhhhhhhh-no!

I really shoulda taken my cup of diet soda outside this morning.  At least this time, I wouldn’t have gotten the, “Nut Alert!”  look from the the cinema staff when I ask for popcorn, and diet Coke with slush ice.  The manager always gets involved.  Nnnnnnnnnn.  I don’t like that.  It instantly causes me to put up my defenses and I usually keep those for when the supermarket packers are handling my bread.  Call me fanatical but I lose my mind if my bread is squashed, pressed or put in the bag with something cold.  Or round.  Some people are under the false impression that because it can be pressed in…it will bounce back out.  The slice of bread, I mean.  Nope.  What’s pushed in doesn’t necessarily come out.  That’s not how the law of yeast works.  And then I’m the one trying to make lunches with one square slice and the other, shaped like a dog relaxing on its hind legs.

I didn’t notice one thing, though.  More than three people who passed me this morning?  Were having enthusiastic conversations.  With themselves.  O_o!  I still haven’t decided whether they were just milling over stuff that they were thinking about, ‘cause, ay?  Some of them looked really intense.  Or whether on snow days?  They give out day passes at the loony bin.  I’m gonna have to keep my eye out on future snow days to make an accurate assessment on that one.  The one?  His coffee cup was getting a pretty good reprimand by the looks of it.  I was so tempted to say, “Go-go easy on it, sir.  Coffee cups have feelings too…”

Instead?  I pretended to have something in my eye ‘til they passed so that my eyes don’t contact their eyes.  Safer.

Awoke…in Philadelphia

Ooooooooooh-whoooooooo!  I see I woke jussssssssst in time….Uhhhhhhh?  O_O!  Nnnnoh Geese, you cannot curse on here.  SMH!  Americans, I telya!  HA!  Did you know?  LOL!  Sound like a Chappies bubblegum wrapper!  Who knew there were so many things I shoulda known….for now though?  Youuuu should know that Facebook closed my account once before for noooooh reason whatsoever.  Geese.  Did I tell you guys that?  I remember I was like?  Whistle whistle…”let me…login…”    

Username and password.  

La-di-dah-di-daaah.  By then it went from whistle to sing…just-just had to clear that up.

O_o! 

User.name and pass.word?! 

>_<! 

WTF! 

User!  Jaw clench.  @#$%(*&%^!!!  (Annnnd there you go Geese…You’re only allowed to curse in symbols…like that!)

I am a user and I have a password so why is it telling me that my three attempts are done and that I have to send what translates to a 200-word essay to Facebook to tell them that I am indeed the user trying to use my name and password. 

Needless to say?!  I spent some pissed off at my Blackberry days following the reality of my account just gone.  Gone with the wind.  That was lame.  But it was gone.  Gone.  Years of statuses and pictures and creating my own little….okay, you know what?  It’s not thatttttt deep.  But then when my account was denied re-activation?  I apologized profusely to my phone as if it had ears and feelings and then promptly went ahead and cursed out some random Facebook employee instead!  Either way….I’m still not sure that Sam the Bastard exists on the FB payroll.  He could.  His parents could have given him that very simple middle name.  And he could have been unlucky enough to have parents with that last name. 

I still can’t make sense of why that presenter’s name was Scott Scott.  If you’re from South Africa, you’d know who it is that I’m talking about.  I mean, if you’re a South African in my age group.  The teenagers are like, “Huh?”  Were they high on epidural juice when they named him his surname?  And didn’t bother correcting it when the juice wore off?  WTF is epidural juice, anyway?  Nnnnnnnn….Some things?  You will just never know! 

I’m glad that you all got to finally meet Geese…my Malcolm X re-incarnate!  Heh-heh-heh!  I was gonna jump in somewhere in the middle of proof-reading his post and be like, “AH-HA!!!!  GOTCHA!”  But it took a little bit too long to get outa the bed to be able to pull off pretending to have foresight in my sleep about Geese being over here and reporting my sleep-position-genius to all of my readers!  It’s hard enough pretending to have foresight when I’ve been awoke for twelve hours.  First time I was here back in 2010?  He said, “Dan walked in here and said, ‘Is-is she seriously sleeping with her ass up in the air like that?’”  And of course Geese nonchalantly responded with, “Yes.” And went about his business, leaving Dan frowned and confused!  Nottttt to worry, I was covered from toe to neck!  Or maybe…head? 

And see?  See what happens when I come over to Philly?  It’s this evil weather!  I type the word ass and think not a thing of it!  That’s ‘cause allllll that’s going through my mind is that my ass is fureeeeeeeeeeezing!  What I do like about that though, is that…..heat expands.  I learnt that in school!  Mmmmmm-M!  Keep going to school.  When you’re ass is freezing some day in your future, the knowledge you gained there, comes back to you!  So hopefully my ass appears shrunk in this minus 32 degree weather.  Cold also brings out the exaggerator in me…clearly!  I’d be a frozen corpse with a very angry heartbeat, if that were true. 

In typical Geese fashion?  He cleverly observed that I was not built for these kinds of temperatures and I made sure to tell him that I believed that that was the reason why God put me in Durban.  I will say this though…they don’t make Spring like they used to…hmmmmpf!  Come to think of it?  I didn’t actually have any clue of how they made Spring in Philly before March 16^th of this year.  Doesn’t that sound cuter than just saying, last week?  Yes!  It does!  Cute!  Is important to a Libra!  But I honestly pictured it a bit…?  Ohhhhh….I dunno?  Springier?  Instead, it’s winter-ier!  Next time I come over here, Im gonna go with Summer!  I might just get Fall.  And mad as shit!

FYI, we had Chinese for dinner.  Thanks for the help.  Don’t look around, like “Who-Who me?”  You know you were no help at all.   He’s over there now, on that Romance of the Three Kingdoms strategizing game….taking over cities and setting people and things on fire…and talking to himself.  No-no.  No-no.  He just souuuuuunds crazy, but he’s quite sane.  At intervals.  And this laptop of his mimics its owner just flawlessly too!  I was typing today.  He’d mentioned in his post that we’re working on a book together.  So today, I was typing the pages he had written and then all of a sudden?  The key got stuck and the cursor is moving at lightning speed across the page and making lines…and lines…on pages and pages.  Nothing I did would stop it.  He was asleep.  So, im pressing Esc buttons and shit (Geese says “Uhhhh, isn’t this a CURSE WORD, DEAR!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!), Ctrl, Alt, Deleting and shit (Geese says again “MORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE, CURSE WORDS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!”)…nothing but lines.  I turn off the laptop?  Turn it back on?  Not accepting the password.  I was like, “If you wanna be like that!  You…#$(&%!@#@%!”  Shoved the desk keyboard back in, irate, and went to watch TV.

This show came on where they took this group of juvenile delinquents to the hard core prisons to give them a taste of what thieving, gangbanging, fighting, drugging and all of those not so fun things can offer them should they choose those career-paths.  Had the prisoners scare them shitless! (Geese says “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GUESSED IT FANS! MORE! CURSE WORDS! HAHAHAHAH!”)  Taunt them and talk with them.   However, even though some of them were still trying the tough-boy routine?  Once their mother’s came to visit them?  They quickly admitted that, that life is not what they want.  It was called, Scared Straight, or something of that sort.  All I kept thinking was, “I wish they’d implement this at home…”  We give our prisoners the right to vote slim shady’s into government?  Why not give them the power to change the lives of our youth?   

I’m sure you can tell that when I stepped away from the computer he made sure to hijack my post, huh?!?!

….Introductions While She Sleeps

Good Morning from Philadelphia!

So, I was sitting down with the misses & she was like; since I’m here in Philadelphia, you & I should do a post together for my blog. So I was like; okay, sure, why not. So? I’m sitting here right now, it’s 7:27pm & I said to myself; self? Cuz that’s what I say to myself, I said, self!? And of course, it didn’t answer, because…? What would that really mean if…? My “self”, answered, “me”, as I was talking to… well…? Me! It would get awkward for me, while YOU, would just be like; only the crazy people get answered OR answer, when they are talking to themselves! Out loud…! Alone! Just like right now. Where it’s just me… Sitting here, at my desk… alone…! Because Mrs. Geese is KNOCKED OUT! In the bed… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee…!

Now? I see you snickering & lemme tell ya, it wasn’t my fault! And I’m a perfect gentleman, for the most part, just had to throw that disclaimer in there, you know! Just because I can’t put a fast-talking murmuring man or woman on here to say that Geese’s perfect gentleman claim is subject to change, pending time, place & person & situation! Where gentlemanly quarter may or may not be given or should or should not be given!  So I most definitely didn’t do anything towards our esteemed Rambler, heh heh heh heh ^_^!!!!! Nothing that she would FIRMLY object to, like being invited to a bachelorette party with a sickly White South African STRIPPER! Setting that business back to the stone age! Ohhhhhhhhhh, she knows what I’m talking about, oh yeah! And sooooooooooooooooooh do some of you reading this, HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! AHEM!

White South African Male-Stripper “Soh, how am I doing!?”

Entire unfortunate female attending audience, including my sexy Rambler “NOH, MAN! GOD, STOP!”

DEJECTED, White South African Male-Stripper “You’re still gonna tip me, right!? B.E.E.!!!!”

I guess you had to be there. And thankfully? I was NOT. So for once the great Atlantic Ocean divide between me & my woman, saved my already ailing eyesight & probably kept me from getting into trouble for being the Black guy-bouncer, who had to “escort” this guy to the door. I’m loving the fact that I am sitting here typing this up & talking to all of you, while our favorite rambler is laying in the bed right now, with a blanket covering her face in a terrorist fashion, knocked out! So before SOME OF YOU, sink into the gutter & start giving me “high-fives” for a “Rambler well-done”! ^_^!!!!! I must admit & confess that this time it was pure & simple sleep-exhaustion that has our favorite blogger sleeping soundly, yet sexy, & yes I said she looks sexy in her sleep! I’m looking over my shoulder & back at her, right now! As I type this sensationalist sentence meant to cause her to turn beet-red blushing when she finally looks at this blog post & screams bloody murder “Nooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, man! OMG!!!! Ya can’t post that! Hahahhahahahaha, oh my god!”

Me on the other hand? I’m like, hey, everyone got here from mommy & daddy getting busy at some point or another, so why pretend the reading audience when they know “Mmmmm, the Rambler has not seen her man in a long hot minute! I need Vegas odds on how long it takes for them to get busy! And I’ll take the under on whatever the line is!” And see, you like how I sound like I know how to gamble, right! Meanwhile, I’ve never gambled like that, at least gambled in that way, mmmmmm-hmmmmmmm, yeah. I don’t have the faintest idea what the hell I’m typing. I’m just going with it. So whenever this post goes off track, jumps the shark or whatever? Just refer back to this point & just nod realllllllllllllllllll, slowly, & say “Yeahhhhhhh, that makes no sense whatsoever, but he did say. He’s not trying to make any sense, though.” See, what I’m really trying to do is get me sea-leg’s back underneath me for sentences, arr matey! It’s been a while since I’ve honestly just posted something for the sake of posting something. And never mind that I just woke up myself, too, FROM SLEEPING, PEOPLE. SLEEPING! Not from having mindless sex with the Rambler! Because I am too much of a gentleman to mindlessly sex her like that! You can however refer back to my disclaimer earlier in the post, so? You know? Just kinda, you know? Make what you want outta that. I’M HERE FOR YOU, THE READERS OF MY RAMBLER! Who’s gonna have a cow when she reads this shit that I’ve typed.

Wait? Can I even curse on here? I mean, if I play the race card & try to use that to JUSTIFY me cursing, does that help or hurt? I’m just saying. Just thinking out loud, mind you, the thoughts I’ve thrown out here so far are clearly making me look pretty much all over the place. This is what happens when one stops constantly practicing their craft & then comes out of left field thinking that it’s all about riding bikes & other crap-tastic metaphors. I guess I should actually introduce myself, huh? Notice, if you’re even still reading, you’re wayyyyyyyyyyyy the f@#k down here & like; who the hell is this moron & where is my Rambler?

Well? Just now she just rolled over & yawned… Now she’s scratching the back of her head…. & making chewing motions with her mouth…! How can anybody sleep contorted up like that!? Don’t worry people, not as bad as I typed it. Guess you have to be here like the whole SA White Stripper thing, I guess…? Now she’s passed out again… because she’s stubborn & didn’t wanna go back to bed as if we REALLY HAVE SOMEPLACE WE MUST BE, hahahahahahahah! Meanwhile? Fun-fact, she is wearing a t-shirt that says PEACE on it, while she’s laying in my bed. For some reason the fact that she’s laying in the bed with a shirt that says peace on it, is ironic. How? I could say, but then I might wind back down gutter-road & we’ve only all just met, so I don’t wanna be too forward. Plus I’ve no clue just who all is reading this, although I’m sure she would immediately say; you don’t care who is reading it! Just type you giant teddy bear you!

Or at least I would HOPE that she would say that. I guess we’ll all find out when she wakes up & I show her this post & let her proofread it. OH & speaking of which!? You do know that we’re working on a book together, uhhhh-huh, how about THAT!?  WAIT!? SHE’S MOVING AROUND AGAIN! NOW?! Now she’s jammed her HAND? UP INTO HER FACE!? I mean, what does THAT MEAN when a person is able to sleep that way!? With one hand BEHIND THE BACK OF THEIR HEAD! AND THE OTHER HAND JAMMED UP INTO THEIR OWN MOUTH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, don’t tell her I laughed or that I told you all this! I’M CALLING YOU INTO CONFIDENCE HERE! DON’T SELL ME OUT, ALL RIGHT! OR NO SOUP FOR YOU! The whole soup thing, I saw it on a Seinfield  episode with this Soup Nazi character he….? Yeah, I know. Yes. You found a Blackman who saw an episode of Seinfield, ay, it was late. I was bored. Shit happens. And I turned it off when I realized that his show was supposedly in NYC, but rarely had any Black people in the background or IN IT. I put it right up there with Deep Space Nine, which never got a movie, but Star Trek was all about “people coming together” & “humanity coming together”, buttttttttttt? A Blackman actually running things & running it right, hey now. Stop it. That can’t be right.

But here’s the thing though, I’ve got NO PROBLEMS WITH THAT & why? Because I know that when you have power, you can make or break, whatever barriers or stereotypes you decide to tackle. Buttttttttttt, if all you’re gonna do is sit & complain about shit, well? You get what you paid for. More cheese, with your whine, sir? So I am now gonna move ahead & warp speed to something else, ay!? Like a chiropractor for my precious Rambler, I’ve no clue how she can sleep like that. She looks like she belongs in Cirque De Soleil or in an intensive care unit, either way, flexible is the word of the day boys & girls. And our Rambler is flexible, we see that by the multitude of posts she has on her blog & we see that in her honest & open observations, too. I think you already know that I read her blog posts too & I’m glad that my oldest son & I were able to inspire her to get on here & just have fun with it & write & type whatever comes to mind. I’ll be joining her & you on here, at least for a little while, adding whatever two cents & six rand I can muster up, cuz I’m lazy. There I said it. Now you know. Geese? Is lazy. And now I am smiling my ass of, because it is a lie & now some of the people who used to read my ramblings elsewhere are like; Lazy? YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, idiot. Whaatttttttttttttttttt are you up to now?

WAIT!?!?!? SHE MOVED AGAIN! SAT UP! LIKE ONE OF THOSE HORROR MOVIES! AND THEN FLOPPED BACK DOWN IN THE BED! And yes, what I’m up to is just getting used to posting again & getting into the feel of what it means to ramble kinda-sorta maybe responsibly AND SHE JUST ROLLED OVER! Well…? Uhhhhhh…? I have to go now. You’ll, figure it out, you know, on why I have to go… NOW. LATER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Ahem. Just see the disclaimer, seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, the disclaimer…! LATER!

Okay, I’m just gonna stop talking. I’m not gonna run over to the bed & do naughty unheard of things that are actually quite heard of & probably practiced by most of you reading this. I’m just gonna…!? Stop typing. Stop talking. Because in reality, my rambler needs her rest, we can be rambunctious later. I’m a patient man & I put my precious first & right now, aside from needing the jaws of life to untangle her from HERSELF. She needs to just rest & relax, I’m still trying to decide what to cook for dinner tonight…? Any suggestions? 

Finally time...

Luckily? I didn't need to open the exit doors on my way to Johannesburg! It's wet and well? Let's just say the weather has an identity problem right now. I'm staring outa these hugggggge airport windows now and the ground is wet. It's not thundering anymore but part of the sky is grey and part is blue. Thank goodness I'm going to Philly where the weather has a good head on its shoulders!

Okay, not! But lemme just think that. Geese told me it was snowing the other day? Very next day it shot up to 60 degrees. And then just because I wanted to wear my shorts alllllll journey long? It chose to get cold yesterday. Sigh. The woes of weather.

I don't really care about all of that though. All that matters is that I get there safe and sound so that we can finally enjoy some lonnnnnng overdue time together, in whatever weather! Let it snowwwww.....let it snow....ouuuuutsiiiiiiiide it's cold...that's a BoyzIIMen song that I quite like but haven't heard in years. Did I tell you that it snowed for one day in 2011 when I went over there? I did, I'm sure! It was gloriously freezing!

Man...Time has just flown by today. Look at that? Its almost time to fly. Yet? We haven't boarded yet? Wtf? I would think....uuuuurgh?! Let me not jump the gun. I'm itchy enough.

And now people? I'm gonna love and leave ya! For now! Next time I talk to ya'll? It'll be from Philly...Hey? I might even ask Geese to come up on my blog and say a little something....

Paige and Damo, Bubs and the kids and everyone else that I can't possibly list here for fear of missing my flight? Lemme tell you something....If you knew our family? Forgetting one person could cause you a lifetime cross against your name. And I'm not kidding when I say lifetime or cross....I love you verrry much and I miss you already! Mwah!

Feels so great to be able to say, "See you tomorrow Geese!" And know it's actually gonna happen! ^_^!!! But now? We're boarding! So I've gotta go!

Rambler.....out!
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Exiting Durban

Well, I'm about to board my first flight! A bittersweet moment if you ask me! I've just now said good-bye to my kids for three weeks but I am sweetly one flight closer to seeing Geese again! He is just as giddy as I am! Heyyyyyy! Men get giddy too! Don't let them tell you different!

Rushing to finish this post now 'cause I'm on the plane, and I have Giggling Gerty at the window and Mr. Cool in the centre of my row! Thankfully, though? I'm not friendly...haaaaaahahahhahaha! Just kidding! I am! I just don't look it. I don't like my gums!


Lemme get off here, before I'm thrown off here! I am hunnnnnnnnnnnngry!


PS: I'm in an exit seat! Shhhhhhhhhh! But these passengers are under the impression that I won't be the first to jump out and slide down should the need arise for emergency exit within the next forty five minutes! Hey?! I'm here for the leg room!

I'm like, "Yes...." Will you help the passengers?" "Yesssss...." Hehehehe! Meanwhile? It reads..... EXIT! And so I shall....!

See you guys in an hour or two!


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Yawwwwwwwwwwn

You're not tirrrrrrrrred! You're fresher than a loaf of steammmmmming homemade bread! Energisssssssed. Vitalissssssed! Is vitalised right...? No, 'cause see? Revitalised, to me, means that I was iniiiiiiiiiitally vitalised, and then lost my vitality. And honestly? I can't even remember the last time I felt.....

Dammit! Lost my flow. Now?!? Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh with the questions, mind! I'm starting again.

....................You'rrrrre not tirrrrred! You're fresherrrrrr than a loaf of steaminnnng homemade bread! Energised. Vitalised. You're...(Don't mind me. Jus-just hypnotising myself into believing that I'm not actually sitting here drifting off to sleep!). Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

O_O! Uuuuurgh?!? Come-onnnnnnnnn minnnnd!!!! Concentrate! We're supposed to be hypnotising my vitality! Not mediating like Russell Simmons! Hmmmmmmpf! Know what? I give up! This is why people lose their minds!

Lemme ask you this, instead. Would you agree to be hypnotised? Me? Nnnnnnnnnnotsomuch! Not even a little much! More like not at alllllll much! There's no way I will voluntarily allow some stranger to convince me that I'm a pregnant bushpig whose water just broke! The man has a sudden heart attack before he claps me out of it and then what?!? And that's not even "the glass is half empty" kinda thinking! It's just? Stranger things havvvvvvve happened!

Mannnnn?! I can't......I think I'm gonna stand up. Just gonna stand up right her in my mums lounge. And type. Seeing blurry at times. Probably when my eyes think I'm asleep. My vision does eventually clear up. Probably when my brain screams to my eyes...GOTCHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

My vitality is struggling. Walk! Maybe I should walk. 'Cause I'm seeing two phones. Coming back! Going with safety here 'cause if I happen to fall asleep while walking? I don't want my phone to fall outa my hand, then I tramp it? Then I slip. I still have to drive home in the rain. If any part of by body breaks, I won't be able to pack! I'm going to reeeee-vitalise myself with a brisk walk down the passage!

Six brisk steps should do the trick!

It didn't.

On a lighter note? This TV is driving me batty! It's bringing on my sinus. But it's not my house. My dad doesn't like it when we touch the volume button. Ask any one of my cousins how he tortures us with his newly found love for loud music while we're all in the lounge chatting. If we ever work up the courage to turn it down? It becomes a case of diverting his attention. Or leaning over and letting your elbow rest on the volume button by mistake. Even that doesn't last long once he can hear everyones voices instead of Rod Stewarts.

Hence, I suffer in vitality-less discomfort. I don't even know if this commentator's talking English! What secret language is thissss? Sometimes it sounds like he is but then his voice is curling and it sounds like French. We don't even have French channels?!? Now the channels been switched to rugby.

Gawwwd, I'm in hell.

To my left? My mum is complaining to her sister that the soapie, Generations has become very pornographic. She stopped watching it...at NO point. But at least she's now voiced her displeasure....in their pleasure. To someone who doesn't even know the producer.

My father, on the three-seater couch? Ordered the TV to remove some player for doing nonsense. Ofcourse, it ignored him. "Escaaaaaaape! Escapppppe!" That's all I hear in my head. Meanwhile? I can just get into my car and drive home, right?

What would you do?
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Hell Driver!

OMGawwwwwwwwd! Nicole's tryna kill us! Again! Peasant passengers that we are! Fearing for your life forces you to make some tough decisions! In this case? It's where to sit! After a few occasions of almost swallowing her tongue and then having to suck on one of her heart pills? Wendy now joins me in the back seat, hahhahahhahahha!

Does this child know that I'd haunt the crap outa her should I die before the 15th of March!? Nevermind that Geese would swim to South Africa and not leave until she unkills me! It's been a lonnnnnnnnnnng year and six months since we saw each other. O_o! Madness, I know! But that's the downside of living in different time zones. No way is he gonna just let this hell driver ruin our plans! LOL!

LOOK?!? O_O! Look at this??? We're in a lane now that will take us to Clairwood when we're going to Wentworth! Now you see why I started blogging! I don't have to look at the road! Same reason Wendy makes sure she doesn't miss a library trip! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh...but I think she went to taxi driver school! Me? If I need to be in this lane? This lane? I will not move from! I don't care!

We were under the bridge one day and I looked over at this man and sweetly asked to cut in in front of him. You know how you put on your best smile? I even did that! If you looked through my pictures on Facebook? You'd see that I don't just smile for any old thing! Which is funny as hell to me because I love to laugh!

Either way? He looked at me. At this cute, innocent, smiley face? And do you know what that bastard did? He just shook his head and said, "No!" Smile wasted! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! I looked at Wendy all bedraggled and bewildered! It took a while for the words to come out but I eventually told her, "He? He just said no! Wtf!?!" Meanwhile? Mr. Spiteful had to have been watching everything unfold because when traffic started moving? He let me cut in! At that point, he stopped being just a bastard and became a kind bastard!

Anyway! I'm happy to report that we've reached home safely! No thanks to Nicole! LMAO! All the glory goes to prayer! And the other drivers who made sure to pay attention while she was on the road!
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What be the Question?

To beef or not to beef.....with the law?

The way I see it? When horses and donkeys are being used to pose as what you're lead to believe is, beef? Not a kilogram of good can come of that! Lemme ask you this? Jusssssst so that I know I'm not over-reacting here! Can any good come from snake pretending to be tuna? Ofcourse?!?! Some would argue, that yes! Pulling the wool over the eyes of unsuspecting consumers is a good thing! Me? As Shakespeare once said (at some point in his life...) and I quote, "I think not!"

South African's have lost their mind recently! Not everyone! Just the one's who have no business doing that! Shit. I just said, "Recently" Didn't I? Seeeeee? Its happening! My mind is degenerating into the denial phase already! Could that be the grand plan? For the still-sane to become the was-sane?

Could that be a-a? Side effect from the knowledge that you were possibly eating hyena when you thought you were eating fowl? Do we even know what real food tastes like? Is it now a case of.....If it looks like a chicken and defrosts like a chicken? It may very well be one of the talented zoo animals from Pietermaritzburg that they use in adverts. Acting?! OHHHHHHHH! THE HORROR!

Now? Take note! That's just myyyyyy reaction! And I don't even eat steak! Imagine those who still had the nerve to order it medium rare? Ewwwwwwwww! Not to mention that all steak house menu main course items should now be amended to read, "T-Bone ass" or "Grilled galloper" served with chips, salad or veggies. That would be the right thing to do.

It's becoming more and more apparent that the only things trustworthy are ourselves and our lawns. Which means that for your own personal and nutritional safety? Stay home and graze on your grass! There goes the food chain! We've been demoted to cow level by our very own species. And I've cemented my entire yard, o_O! Dammit!

But for those, unlike me, who have a wider choice than just gravel and cracked molar enamel? You avoid the risk of being handcuffed to the back of a police van and dragged to your death in front of a crowd while on your way to purchase the "beef"! That poor taxi driver will never park on the wrong side of the street again! Uhhhhh? Wait! A-hem! Lemme rephrase that! That dead taxi driver will never park again!

Gonnnnnnnnne are the days when you were one hundred and ten percent sure about who the police were and who the criminals were! Hell?!?! I'd hate to see the confusion in a game of cops and robbers! I seriously hope that there's a brainstorming session going on right now for a new admissions test to the force. Forget running hundreds of laps to test strength and stamina! Meanwhile? Intuition tells me that that part of the original test has already been forgotten! If you've been unfortunate enough to have seen our cops? You'd already know that THAT alone is wishful thinking! During the times that they're awake? A huggggggge percentage of our police force wouldn't be able to run after a criminal of he were seated roped to a chair!

I got it! I got it! Admissions test............They walk in? "I want to be a policeman!"

"Oh yeah? Very well then! That's the cop side! That's the criminal side! Choose one!"

"Ha??"

"GET OUT!"

I don't understand. I do not understand! It's like. "Okay? This is what I'm supposed to be doing! But that is what I'm going to do!!" Where the heck are we meant to turn here? Did-did you say, "Hospitals?" Oh? Do you mean when nurses aren't gunning down doctors over disagreements right there in the ward! If you want another heart attack after your triple bypass surgery, be my guest!

On the upside though? ............................................................

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