Friday 22 March 2013

….Introductions While She Sleeps


Good Morning from Philadelphia!

So, I was sitting down with the misses & she was like; since I’m here in Philadelphia, you & I should do a post together for my blog. So I was like; okay, sure, why not. So? I’m sitting here right now, it’s 7:27pm & I said to myself; self? Cuz that’s what I say to myself, I said, self!? And of course, it didn’t answer, because…? What would that really mean if…? My “self”, answered, “me”, as I was talking to… well…? Me! It would get awkward for me, while YOU, would just be like; only the crazy people get answered OR answer, when they are talking to themselves! Out loud…! Alone! Just like right now. Where it’s just me… Sitting here, at my desk… alone…! Because Mrs. Geese is KNOCKED OUT! In the bed… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee…!

Now? I see you snickering & lemme tell ya, it wasn’t my fault! And I’m a perfect gentleman, for the most part, just had to throw that disclaimer in there, you know! Just because I can’t put a fast-talking murmuring man or woman on here to say that Geese’s perfect gentleman claim is subject to change, pending time, place & person & situation! Where gentlemanly quarter may or may not be given or should or should not be given!  So I most definitely didn’t do anything towards our esteemed Rambler, heh heh heh heh ^_^!!!!! Nothing that she would FIRMLY object to, like being invited to a bachelorette party with a sickly White South African STRIPPER! Setting that business back to the stone age! Ohhhhhhhhhh, she knows what I’m talking about, oh yeah! And sooooooooooooooooooh do some of you reading this, HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! AHEM!

White South African Male-Stripper “Soh, how am I doing!?”
Entire unfortunate female attending audience, including my sexy Rambler “NOH, MAN! GOD, STOP!”
DEJECTED, White South African Male-Stripper “You’re still gonna tip me, right!? B.E.E.!!!!

I guess you had to be there. And thankfully? I was NOT. So for once the great Atlantic Ocean divide between me & my woman, saved my already ailing eyesight & probably kept me from getting into trouble for being the Black guy-bouncer, who had to “escort” this guy to the door. I’m loving the fact that I am sitting here typing this up & talking to all of you, while our favorite rambler is laying in the bed right now, with a blanket covering her face in a terrorist fashion, knocked out! So before SOME OF YOU, sink into the gutter & start giving me “high-fives” for a “Rambler well-done”! ^_^!!!!! I must admit & confess that this time it was pure & simple sleep-exhaustion that has our favorite blogger sleeping soundly, yet sexy, & yes I said she looks sexy in her sleep! I’m looking over my shoulder & back at her, right now! As I type this sensationalist sentence meant to cause her to turn beet-red blushing when she finally looks at this blog post & screams bloody murder “Nooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, man! OMG!!!! Ya can’t post that! Hahahhahahahaha, oh my god!”

Me on the other hand? I’m like, hey, everyone got here from mommy & daddy getting busy at some point or another, so why pretend the reading audience when they know “Mmmmm, the Rambler has not seen her man in a long hot minute! I need Vegas odds on how long it takes for them to get busy! And I’ll take the under on whatever the line is!” And see, you like how I sound like I know how to gamble, right! Meanwhile, I’ve never gambled like that, at least gambled in that way, mmmmmm-hmmmmmmm, yeah. I don’t have the faintest idea what the hell I’m typing. I’m just going with it. So whenever this post goes off track, jumps the shark or whatever? Just refer back to this point & just nod realllllllllllllllllll, slowly, & say “Yeahhhhhhh, that makes no sense whatsoever, but he did say. He’s not trying to make any sense, though.” See, what I’m really trying to do is get me sea-leg’s back underneath me for sentences, arr matey! It’s been a while since I’ve honestly just posted something for the sake of posting something. And never mind that I just woke up myself, too, FROM SLEEPING, PEOPLE. SLEEPING! Not from having mindless sex with the Rambler! Because I am too much of a gentleman to mindlessly sex her like that! You can however refer back to my disclaimer earlier in the post, so? You know? Just kinda, you know? Make what you want outta that. I’M HERE FOR YOU, THE READERS OF MY RAMBLER! Who’s gonna have a cow when she reads this shit that I’ve typed.

Wait? Can I even curse on here? I mean, if I play the race card & try to use that to JUSTIFY me cursing, does that help or hurt? I’m just saying. Just thinking out loud, mind you, the thoughts I’ve thrown out here so far are clearly making me look pretty much all over the place. This is what happens when one stops constantly practicing their craft & then comes out of left field thinking that it’s all about riding bikes & other crap-tastic metaphors. I guess I should actually introduce myself, huh? Notice, if you’re even still reading, you’re wayyyyyyyyyyyy the f@#k down here & like; who the hell is this moron & where is my Rambler?

Well? Just now she just rolled over & yawned… Now she’s scratching the back of her head…. & making chewing motions with her mouth…! How can anybody sleep contorted up like that!? Don’t worry people, not as bad as I typed it. Guess you have to be here like the whole SA White Stripper thing, I guess…? Now she’s passed out again… because she’s stubborn & didn’t wanna go back to bed as if we REALLY HAVE SOMEPLACE WE MUST BE, hahahahahahahah! Meanwhile? Fun-fact, she is wearing a t-shirt that says PEACE on it, while she’s laying in my bed. For some reason the fact that she’s laying in the bed with a shirt that says peace on it, is ironic. How? I could say, but then I might wind back down gutter-road & we’ve only all just met, so I don’t wanna be too forward. Plus I’ve no clue just who all is reading this, although I’m sure she would immediately say; you don’t care who is reading it! Just type you giant teddy bear you!

Or at least I would HOPE that she would say that. I guess we’ll all find out when she wakes up & I show her this post & let her proofread it. OH & speaking of which!? You do know that we’re working on a book together, uhhhh-huh, how about THAT!?  WAIT!? SHE’S MOVING AROUND AGAIN! NOW?! Now she’s jammed her HAND? UP INTO HER FACE!? I mean, what does THAT MEAN when a person is able to sleep that way!? With one hand BEHIND THE BACK OF THEIR HEAD! AND THE OTHER HAND JAMMED UP INTO THEIR OWN MOUTH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, don’t tell her I laughed or that I told you all this! I’M CALLING YOU INTO CONFIDENCE HERE! DON’T SELL ME OUT, ALL RIGHT! OR NO SOUP FOR YOU! The whole soup thing, I saw it on a Seinfield  episode with this Soup Nazi character he….? Yeah, I know. Yes. You found a Blackman who saw an episode of Seinfield, ay, it was late. I was bored. Shit happens. And I turned it off when I realized that his show was supposedly in NYC, but rarely had any Black people in the background or IN IT. I put it right up there with Deep Space Nine, which never got a movie, but Star Trek was all about “people coming together” & “humanity coming together”, buttttttttttt? A Blackman actually running things & running it right, hey now. Stop it. That can’t be right.

But here’s the thing though, I’ve got NO PROBLEMS WITH THAT & why? Because I know that when you have power, you can make or break, whatever barriers or stereotypes you decide to tackle. Buttttttttttt, if all you’re gonna do is sit & complain about shit, well? You get what you paid for. More cheese, with your whine, sir? So I am now gonna move ahead & warp speed to something else, ay!? Like a chiropractor for my precious Rambler, I’ve no clue how she can sleep like that. She looks like she belongs in Cirque De Soleil or in an intensive care unit, either way, flexible is the word of the day boys & girls. And our Rambler is flexible, we see that by the multitude of posts she has on her blog & we see that in her honest & open observations, too. I think you already know that I read her blog posts too & I’m glad that my oldest son & I were able to inspire her to get on here & just have fun with it & write & type whatever comes to mind. I’ll be joining her & you on here, at least for a little while, adding whatever two cents & six rand I can muster up, cuz I’m lazy. There I said it. Now you know. Geese? Is lazy. And now I am smiling my ass of, because it is a lie & now some of the people who used to read my ramblings elsewhere are like; Lazy? YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, idiot. Whaatttttttttttttttttt are you up to now?

WAIT!?!?!? SHE MOVED AGAIN! SAT UP! LIKE ONE OF THOSE HORROR MOVIES! AND THEN FLOPPED BACK DOWN IN THE BED! And yes, what I’m up to is just getting used to posting again & getting into the feel of what it means to ramble kinda-sorta maybe responsibly AND SHE JUST ROLLED OVER! Well…? Uhhhhhh…? I have to go now. You’ll, figure it out, you know, on why I have to go… NOW. LATER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! Ahem. Just see the disclaimer, seeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, the disclaimer…! LATER!

Okay, I’m just gonna stop talking. I’m not gonna run over to the bed & do naughty unheard of things that are actually quite heard of & probably practiced by most of you reading this. I’m just gonna…!? Stop typing. Stop talking. Because in reality, my rambler needs her rest, we can be rambunctious later. I’m a patient man & I put my precious first & right now, aside from needing the jaws of life to untangle her from HERSELF. She needs to just rest & relax, I’m still trying to decide what to cook for dinner tonight…? Any suggestions? 

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