Friday 22 March 2013

Awoke…in Philadelphia


Ooooooooooh-whoooooooo!  I see I woke jussssssssst in time….Uhhhhhhh?  O_O!  Nnnnoh Geese, you cannot curse on here.  SMH!  Americans, I telya!  HA!  Did you know?  LOL!  Sound like a Chappies bubblegum wrapper!  Who knew there were so many things I shoulda known….for now though?  Youuuu should know that Facebook closed my account once before for noooooh reason whatsoever.  Geese.  Did I tell you guys that?  I remember I was like?  Whistle whistle…”let me…login…”    
Username and password.  
La-di-dah-di-daaah.  By then it went from whistle to sing…just-just had to clear that up.
O_o! 
User.name and pass.word?! 
>_<! 
WTF! 
User!  Jaw clench.  @#$%(*&%^!!!  (Annnnd there you go Geese…You’re only allowed to curse in symbols…like that!)
I am a user and I have a password so why is it telling me that my three attempts are done and that I have to send what translates to a 200-word essay to Facebook to tell them that I am indeed the user trying to use my name and password. 

Needless to say?!  I spent some pissed off at my Blackberry days following the reality of my account just gone.  Gone with the wind.  That was lame.  But it was gone.  Gone.  Years of statuses and pictures and creating my own little….okay, you know what?  It’s not thatttttt deep.  But then when my account was denied re-activation?  I apologized profusely to my phone as if it had ears and feelings and then promptly went ahead and cursed out some random Facebook employee instead!  Either way….I’m still not sure that Sam the Bastard exists on the FB payroll.  He could.  His parents could have given him that very simple middle name.  And he could have been unlucky enough to have parents with that last name. 

I still can’t make sense of why that presenter’s name was Scott Scott.  If you’re from South Africa, you’d know who it is that I’m talking about.  I mean, if you’re a South African in my age group.  The teenagers are like, “Huh?”  Were they high on epidural juice when they named him his surname?  And didn’t bother correcting it when the juice wore off?  WTF is epidural juice, anyway?  Nnnnnnnn….Some things?  You will just never know! 

I’m glad that you all got to finally meet Geese…my Malcolm X re-incarnate!  Heh-heh-heh!  I was gonna jump in somewhere in the middle of proof-reading his post and be like, “AH-HA!!!!  GOTCHA!”  But it took a little bit too long to get outa the bed to be able to pull off pretending to have foresight in my sleep about Geese being over here and reporting my sleep-position-genius to all of my readers!  It’s hard enough pretending to have foresight when I’ve been awoke for twelve hours.  First time I was here back in 2010?  He said, “Dan walked in here and said, ‘Is-is she seriously sleeping with her ass up in the air like that?’”  And of course Geese nonchalantly responded with, “Yes.” And went about his business, leaving Dan frowned and confused!  Nottttt to worry, I was covered from toe to neck!  Or maybe…head? 

And see?  See what happens when I come over to Philly?  It’s this evil weather!  I type the word ass and think not a thing of it!  That’s ‘cause allllll that’s going through my mind is that my ass is fureeeeeeeeeeezing!  What I do like about that though, is that…..heat expands.  I learnt that in school!  Mmmmmm-M!  Keep going to school.  When you’re ass is freezing some day in your future, the knowledge you gained there, comes back to you!  So hopefully my ass appears shrunk in this minus 32 degree weather.  Cold also brings out the exaggerator in me…clearly!  I’d be a frozen corpse with a very angry heartbeat, if that were true. 

In typical Geese fashion?  He cleverly observed that I was not built for these kinds of temperatures and I made sure to tell him that I believed that that was the reason why God put me in Durban.  I will say this though…they don’t make Spring like they used to…hmmmmpf!  Come to think of it?  I didn’t actually have any clue of how they made Spring in Philly before March 16th of this year.  Doesn’t that sound cuter than just saying, last week?  Yes!  It does!  Cute!  Is important to a Libra!  But I honestly pictured it a bit…?  Ohhhhh….I dunno?  Springier?  Instead, it’s winter-ier!  Next time I come over here, Im gonna go with Summer!  I might just get Fall.  And mad as shit!

FYI, we had Chinese for dinner.  Thanks for the help.  Don’t look around, like “Who-Who me?”  You know you were no help at all.   He’s over there now, on that Romance of the Three Kingdoms strategizing game….taking over cities and setting people and things on fire…and talking to himself.  No-no.  No-no.  He just souuuuuunds crazy, but he’s quite sane.  At intervals.  And this laptop of his mimics its owner just flawlessly too!  I was typing today.  He’d mentioned in his post that we’re working on a book together.  So today, I was typing the pages he had written and then all of a sudden?  The key got stuck and the cursor is moving at lightning speed across the page and making lines…and lines…on pages and pages.  Nothing I did would stop it.  He was asleep.  So, im pressing Esc buttons and shit (Geese says “Uhhhh, isn’t this a CURSE WORD, DEAR!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!), Ctrl, Alt, Deleting and shit (Geese says again “MORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE, CURSE WORDS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!”)…nothing but lines.  I turn off the laptop?  Turn it back on?  Not accepting the password.  I was like, “If you wanna be like that!  You…#$(&%!@#@%!”  Shoved the desk keyboard back in, irate, and went to watch TV.

This show came on where they took this group of juvenile delinquents to the hard core prisons to give them a taste of what thieving, gangbanging, fighting, drugging and all of those not so fun things can offer them should they choose those career-paths.  Had the prisoners scare them shitless! (Geese says “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GUESSED IT FANS! MORE! CURSE WORDS! HAHAHAHAH!”)  Taunt them and talk with them.   However, even though some of them were still trying the tough-boy routine?  Once their mother’s came to visit them?  They quickly admitted that, that life is not what they want.  It was called, Scared Straight, or something of that sort.  All I kept thinking was, “I wish they’d implement this at home…”  We give our prisoners the right to vote slim shady’s into government?  Why not give them the power to change the lives of our youth?   

I’m sure you can tell that when I stepped away from the computer he made sure to hijack my post, huh?!?!

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