Sensible Nonsense

It's 5.30am on this chilly side of the world.

Yesterday, I watched a you-tube with this little four-year old kid singing Bruno Mars' songs on Ellen. He had to have been the cutest little boy I've ever seen. Except for my own. We're biased like that, us parents, aren't we. Even if our kids come out looking like ET, we're right there, starry eyed and mushy talking about how beautiful they are. And we're not lying too. That's exactly how we do see them. Beautiful little ET's.

But it was adorable and funny and....uhhhhh? Now that I think about it. Somewhat disturbing. At four, Kai seemed to have been very passionate about hoping that his ex-girlfriends new boyfriend was doing all the things he never did but should have, when he was her man. But when what was meant to be funny, broke my heart like it did? I knew I was in trouble. Inside of me? I've been here before and it's not pretty.

I can't explain why I do the things I do. Recently? I've made some foolish choices. Recently? Well, a bit longer than that, actually. Said things I really wish I could take back and swallow and never utter again. Did things I knew better than to do. There's probably a name for it. Stupidity Idiotic Syndrome....probably. Doing them made sense at the time, which is the worst part. Right now, though? Nothing does.

On my road to....wherever I'm going....I feel like the only first sensible step I can take is to apologise to the one constant source of just...everything....in my life. Because he is. And I've been less than appreciative of that, and of him.

I'm sorry, Geese, for everything.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!