Conspiracy Theory

May?????  Woahhhhhh!  Know what just hit me?!?  This is Rambling At Random’s birthday month!  Hip hippppp!  Hoooooooo---okay, not yet!  One year old on the tenth!  Feels like just the other day that I started rambling on here about the goings on in my head.  Feels like just yesterday that it was Friday too.  Yet here we are again!  

Time sure is vanishing faster than our monthly salaries, isn't it?  A word of warning?  I care, so I share.  First it's your money, then it's time...next to go is your sanity.  Soon all we're gonna be left with is being able to rock back and forth trying to lick our own eyelids.  People have told me it's not a pretty sight!  So I stopped doing it.  There went my only entertainment.   

Damon and I were working on Afrikaans last night. 

Yessssssssssss, yesssssss, there’s more.

The boy wrote that that a "bibliotekaresse" is a liberian. 

Eh?  My first impression?  It had something to do with the Bible.  Thankfully, I'mmmmm not writing the test today.  'Cause clearly, my years of torture, I mean....learning...this language paid off.  The book, however, says it’s a librarian.  I see now, how he coulda made that mistake.  Although he got it right after having to write it out ten times.  Liberian.  Librarian.  Same difference. 

What I don't see?  Is how it benefits him, knowing that.  Look?  I'm forty years and seven months old....don't read that out loud.  I've never, and you might have, (shrug) I dunno, but I’ve never had to stop my car and ask a pedestrian, in Afrikaans, for the nearest, "liberian".  Especially, not when Xenophobia has proven to be rather lethal in certain places.  Then I'm the one people are calling the cops for!  "Officer?   That woman...there!  Yes, that one.  She asked me where the nearest liberian was.  And I don't think she meant, librarian."

I won’t lie.  I suppress my need to cry when it's time for Afrikaans because I'm as useless at it as I am at Spanish.  And I've never studied Spanish.  “Ma?  What does this word mean?” 

O_o?!?!? 

However, my ex-husband is fluent.  Seriously, I don’t know how that happened.  I saw his Maths marks when he was in school.  Only thing I can think of is that he has a flare for languages, because he is just as fluent in Zulu.  I can speak Zulu too. 

Lor.  See? 

But one has to decide whether erupting emotions are more important than your child’s psychological welfare.   What I always consider is that if I start wailing?  It could result in REVTEARAFRIPHOBIA: The fear of your mum bursting into tears in the midst of revising Afrikaans.  And with control tests hot on our heels?  That would be badddddddd.  I’m already on the verge of a nervous twitch trying to remember how to spell that liberian word.  Picture it.  Me with my wailing twitches?  Him with his phobia caused by my wailing twitches?  >_<   

My point is this.  It wasn’t, but when I feel that I’m about to talk a little bit of sense, I tend to begin my sentence with...my point is this........For generations we have been laden with learning Afrikaans where instead of that?  We could have learned how to be single mothers.  Or fathers for that matter.  Wait.  Waitttttt.  Stay.  The sense part is coming.  If you were a single mother?  Like me.  Wouldn’t you rather be taught how to replace car radiators or fix underground leaking pipes?  Than being hunted down in a police-car-chase because you mistakenly left out a few rrrr’s and used e’s where a’s shoulda been? 

Okay, lemme go as far as this.  Evvvvven as a happily married couple?  Wouldn’t you prefer knowledge that would come in handy? 

I KNOW!! 

I know I know I know!!!!!!!!!!!

Mannnnnnn.......to have a brain like mine!?!?!  I’m so jealous of myself right now...it’s like?  If I could just freeze the awesomeness at this very moment?  But enough of that self-confidence crap!

This was some sinister person’s plan of preventing us from being rich.  Waiiiiiiiiit now?!?!  Stop!  Why are you running?  They knew how much we’d save by being able to fix our own cars and broken pipes in our homes, man or woman, not to mention electrical faults!  The very possibility of those savings turning into small fortunes?  In our favour.  Was enough for them to devise a plan to make it compulsory in schools to confuse our tongues and pronunciations, with Afrikaans, where the end result could verrrrrry well be jail time.  All we wanted was to return our library book.  I know.  Horrid!  And now because of the misunderstanding?  We owe late fees.  Broke and in jail.  Still asking for liberians, wondering why we’re being beaten at every turn. 

To think, I thought we were dealing with a bunch of twisted bastards nowwwww..... mmmmmmmm-M!  Conspiracy unfolded.  Thank you.....thank you very much.

The Rambler has left the building.