Today is my boys first day of his part-time job with his father and I have to admit, watching him become responsible and actually excited as hell to start work today? I told him last night, when you're at work tomorrow, remember that ya mummy is very proud of you. Not every kid out there, like ya sister USSSSSED to be, not every kid out there wants to work, they just want to get! His sister? Was spoilt! He is spoilt too, I won't deny it. The boy is a clothesaholic! Just like I am.
But right now, this minute, this moment? I'm JUST AS proud of her as I am of him, dare I say more because during our separation and divorce, she was in high school and shit got realllllll.
I give a FUCK who says what?!!!!!! Being a teenager is hard enough. Being a teenager in the midst of your parents divorcing where ofcourse you're there for the arguing and you're there for the laughs and good times too but you're not expecting that blatant change to follow? I have to feel compassion towards that because whatever the situation was, I feel that I, like her father? Caused it. And I feel that because it's TRUE. I feel as though it was our failure and they just HAD to deal with our failure to protect the marriage, protect the family unit, protect them from that kinda pain. For every action, there's a reaction. Plain and simple. Nevermind that for child to wake up one day and realize that life as they know it, will never be the same and there's not a thing that they can do about it? Us as adults, well I know me as an adult? I won't be waking up and singing with the birdies as if life is all that wonderful.
I look back on that time and wonder sometimes how we all got through it and then to be at the place in our lives, in each others lives, that we are today. It wasn't so much that it was this horrible, ugly, divorce, it was more like there were just too many things coming at us at once. Too many voices, too many intrusions, too much confusion, too many moments when I was too crippled by depression, too many changes, too many-----too much!
But despite the bullshit that we all had experienced together? Once everything settled down? I look now at the present versus the past and I can't help but marvel at the fact that not only has she grown up to be a responsible adult, not only has she turned her life around for the better? But she continues to do it in another country, without hundreds of family members around her. Something both her father and mother and most of her family were too afraid to even attempt.
Time.
Today is a good day. Aside from it being December? It is because for me to accept all that came before the 1st day of December 2015, I have to realize that before you're a child or a parent, you're a human. You live and you learn, you make mistakes, you feel, you try to do the best that you can with whatever knowledge and experience you've picked up along the way and you hobble forward trying to do better than you did yesterday.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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