October, November, Christmas....

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Phew!  Gimme a second to catch my breath...I’ve been sprinting since my last post, trying to get back here and I'm LATE?!  I know!  But what matters is that I'm here, right!?  Right!?  Rigggggght.  NMH!   Hmmmmmmmm?  And now the only thing I'm wondering is?  Who invented the word, nod.  It's such a...short word.  Maybe someone with a short neck?  Long-necked people nod longer, don't they?  I'm sure they do.  That's basic mathematics.  What nods up must nod down.  Unless you've fallen asleep in Parliament.  The laws of Mathematics don't apply in Parliament.  The laws of everything don't apply in Parliament. 

Haaaaaaaaaahahahaha...Look at you!  I see you over there.  Testing this theory!  You're like, "What neck do I have?  Noddddddd....."  And yeah, the person to your left is looking at you crazy 'cause you do come across like you haven’t taken your medication today!  My advice?  Save yourself!  Blame the Rambler.  Point at your phone or your computer and say, "It's her!  She-she made me do it!  With the nods and-and the long necks...!"  Just?  Don't come looking for me if at that point you're committed to a farrr away place with padded walls and straps attached to your bed. 

I'm jussssssst saying that if it were a long-necked person?  The word woulda been, maybe, noddle...or something.  I'm noddling my head.  Noddle if you agree!  Don't just noddle, say something!  Doesn't sound right, huh?  Sounds pretty kindergarten.  It gives the impression that you're head noddles like those ornaments where when you touch the head, it bounces uppppp and down, just cool like?  Like you’re someone, somebody calls dawg, you know....up and dowwwwwwwn as if it's chilling to some Snoop D.O.GG!  Did you guys have one of those?  We did.  Think it was a dog?  As a child, it’s addictive!  It’s like you can’t stop.  You can sit there for hours just...Tap...uppp, down...look around to see if any adult is about to yell at you for touching ornaments...tap...upppp, down. 

Happy November everybodddddy!  Unless you’re reading my blog from heaven or that other hot place?  We've all safely reached the month of!!?  Flabbergastion.  Shhhhhhhhhhh!  Don't ruin it for me.  I haven't made up words in a lonnnnnnnnnnng time and you know how much fun I have doing that!  Evidently, I've taken the liberty of giving November a nickname because it’s alwayyyyys such a surprise when we’re nearing Christmas?  Why?  December, on the whole, comes after November?  But when we get to the first week of Flabbergastion?  I hear more than one human remark, like this  "O_O!  Gasppppp!  Christmas is next month! O_O!"  Have you seen that look recently? 

Looks just like a lotta people who suddenly realized they only have a month to paint their entire house and buy new curtains!  And maybe that tumble dryer they always wanted.  Not sure if that's just a Coloured thing or if all the colours of people do it?  But people always wait to do big things when Christmas time comes.  Take it from me?  Father Christmas won't bypass your house if it's not smelling of drying paint.  I leave milk and cookies out for him every year and... consume them myself.  Don’t tell.  So there's proof that even without the new coat of paint?  He still brings Damon his gift!    

Saturday was Damon's dance show!  The kids were truly amazing!  I have to admit though?  It did feel kinda strange to be in the audience this time since normally I'm right there on the stage in the same show.  Heart pounding and knees rattling to a standstill.  It’s damn hard to stand still with your knees rattling, believe you, me!  I was just saying that I must have chronic shyness 'cause even if my family asks me to show them a routine, I start sweatin' bullets.  Can you picture someone sweating actual bullets?!?  Be like, ting ting ting ting ting.  People slipping and sliding on metal and shit.  Others scrambling for free bullets. 

That can't be normal?  Just me, but the people you're most comfortable with?  Should be your family!  If there's any group of people you should absolutely not care about looking idiotic in front of, it’s them!  Unless you have those that record your most embarrassing moments for when you’re accepting very prestigious awards and then suddenly a screen drops behind you and someone clicks play....Some of them have changed your diapers at some point in your life?!?  And I'm hoping that hasn't been any time in the near past 'cause that would just be....?  Uhm-hmmm!  You know what?  I realize now that this was why when I took ballet as a kid, I made sure never to do exams.  I was MIA come every single exam!  Ay.  You're up there alone?  With a stranger watching you!  Strangers shouldn’t watch you.  Judging you!  Grading you!  Writing things on a sheet with your name on? 

But if I didn't have the pics of me dancing on stage in front of people?  And really?  There mighta been a few cats in the audience too, I-I wouldn't know!  The truth is, if you suffer from shyness?  It’s the longest minute and a half of your life.  Yet you agreed to do it.  Makes no sense.  Why did I agree to do it?  I make no sense.  I always picture myself tripping and then doing a forward roll and laying there posing, like I’m s’posed to.  ‘Til the dance routine is over.  Hasn’t happened yet and thank goodness, it won’t happen ever, since I’ve now hung up my dance show shoes....I said show.  Not class.