Quitting to the T

I’ve survived the 3-day diet!  Whoooooop!  In all honesty, it wasn’t sooooh bad and I do feel a slight difference.  Now if my metabolism would just work with a girl, all will be right with the world.  I did have one incident though!  It came time to have dinner last night and I read “a cup of tuna”  >_<  With one aim in mind?  I quickly looked away, giving the words time to re-arrange themselves on this page that I’d stuck on my refrigerator.  After a few minutes, I then read it again and once I noticed that the words were being as rebellious as my cellulite was?  I was left with no choice.  There was nothing else I could do.  Uhmmmm-mmm!  I switched to make-believe mode!  Works every time!  I pretended it read, “Just kidding, tonight you can have sliced ham.”   And VIOLA!  Soon after I breathed a huge sigh of relief from realizing that even diets have a sense of humour?  It did say it was kidding.  Almost got me there too!  I was wrapping lettuce leaves around pieces of sliced ham just like I pretended the diet told me to!

So as you can see?  I didn’t follow it to the t.  ‘Cause ima rebel.  And rebels prefer their tuna with some chopped chillies and mayo.  I’d done it their way twice in these three days and was not about to compromise a third time and risk being put off tuna for another couple of years.  And?!?!  Why is it “to the t” and not “to the z?”  Some things in life just don’t make sense to me.  Things like this annnnnd the fact that I can’t have a stomach like JLO’s after my two kids.  I was tempted to kick the TV when I saw her new music video.  After twins?!?!?!?  That woulda been bad, ‘cause it was my mums TV.  Not only would I not have been able to dance for however long it took for my foot to heal but then I would’ve had to replace her TV on top of that.  Just…just wasn’t worth it.  And besides?  At the end of it all, I still wouldn’t have her stomach.

Wouldn’t “to the z” portray perfection, better ?  How much more perfect can it get after you’ve done it to a z?  (Please get your mind outa the gutter.  I said it.  Not IT!)   And why?  Because Z means:  The end.  Z means that you’ve reached that point where you’ve gone as far as you can go.  You know?  Well?  Unless there are more letters to the alphabet that are being taught to a selected few who will then take over the world by means of codes using only the “secret” letters?!?!  Huhhhh?  Huhhhh? 

I made you think there, didn’t I?  Right now, in a place far, farrrrrrrrr away?  This could very well be happening and we’re all over here, obliviously going about our business until we turn on the TV one day and all we see are unrecognizable words running across the screen.  Pressing the remote impatiently won’t help us then.  Frowning and pressing the remote impatiently won’t help us either.  I’ll tell you right now what those words would say only because it’s my imagination that’s running wild all over this blog post?  But when it actually happens, I won’t know, because nobody called me to learn extra alphabet letters!  Bastards!   “If you were one of the chosen, you’d have no problem reading this?  But if you’re not?  Sorry…”  BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!  Things explode.  End of the world!  Except for the handful of people who knew the other letters.  I don’t know how they think they’re gonna survive without farmers and all.  They just blew up the world without a thought of where their next meal is coming from.  

I’ll bet you that Geese could expand what I just said and turn it into a 600-page novel.     

The point I’m trying to make is this.  Look?  You either go all the way to the cliff?  Or you stay at a!  Right?  But to stop at the t?  Sometimes I just wish that people thought long and hard before coming up with these sayings.  This one?!  And no, I’m not sitting here confessing to be the world’s bravest person.  I’ve quit too, many times in my life.  The only difference is that now?  I have someone constantly picking me up, dusting me off and then giving me a good shove to keep moving.  This one encourages you to quit, six alphabet letters from the finish line.  Like, “Don’t worry to reach your full potential!  It’s okay to quit!  Just pass S and you can rest assured that you’ve done your best!”  

That’s like going to work and stopping at the top of the driveway with your boss yelling, “Rambler, are you alright?  Why aren’t you coming down?  It’s after eight already!”  And you’re yelling back, “Because I’m working, to the t, and if I take another step it means…because…see?  Sighhhhh.  Uhmmmmm, ‘cause this space?  From here to therrre?  That would be u, v, w, x, y and then z is once I open the office door.”  He will look confused and mumble at first, “WTF?!?!?  I’ve been paying a crazy person for the last fourteen years.” and then send the driver with a note saying, “You’re fired!  T that!” 

Bless you!  Sorry, Wendy just sneezed.