Tuesday 30 April 2013

BREAKING NEWS, “FAMILY ATTACKED BY DEAD SHELLFISH!”


O_O!  

I've never seen prawns THIS size in my lizzife!  Mozambique's shellfish strike me as the sort to have the power and temper to flip the script...dead!  Turn your back for a second?  All of a sudden, deceased, de-shelled prawns and crayfish jump off the tray and dump YOUR ass in sizzling hot garlic butter like, "Here!   Let's see how youuuuu like it!" 

Clearly there's a secret illegal underwater steroid ring run by a mafia family of Kingpin.  These are not your everyday, agreeable-looking shellfish.  I wondered why, when I arrived, Sean was practically sprinting into the car and sped off with Tre' to the "soccer grounds."  Okay, okay...they did come back with a few suspicious looking, well-placed, blades of grass under their soccer togs, holding a big bag of balls, because Sean is assistant coach and also, Tre' did mention that he got kicked more times than he'd like.  But that could happen anywhere.  I arrived as they were leaving where Tre' even forgot to greet me.  The pressure, not to foil the get-away plan, was too much for the little boy.  I later learned that he forgot too, to put his chin-pads on.

Dude was meant to clean them.  Dude is Sean, for those of you, who happened to start reading from this paragraph.  If you like, we can also refer to him as the escapee.  Sharde' was meant to cook them.  Fair trade, I thought?  I did get that feeling of it’s now or never.  Like when I played it back in my mind as I walked up the driveway.  But I then understood the haste that I’d just witnessed 'cause when I get into the house?  She's de-shelling these...these...O_o!  I expressed my surprise at the existence of such humongous things, it was hard not to, where she told me these are actually, small, compared to what they saw while they were there!   Without delay, I started having distressing visions of dodging crabs the size of our late dog, Tipsy, running sideways across the shores of the Mozambique oceanside.  Nnnnnnnnnnnn, not too sure if I wanna visit that place. I remember, clear as rain, what happened in the movie, Anaconda!

Lemme telya....After cleaning all those gargantuan, steroid-pumped, alien sea creatures?  A few hours later?  Sharde', with her infinite patience and laid-back demeanour?  Had begun flinnnnging them into the pan and flipping them around.  All the while, her eyes mumbled.  In tongues!  And not the praising kind either.  Infinite had found its end.  

Me?  My trust issues moved to the fore.  I had the sense to go sit down.  Far.  I've much, still, to to do in life.  Uhm!  I'm even stuttering while I type.  Being attacked by overgrown Mozambiquan scavengers isn't one of them.  Already, we deal with similar fears at a stop street on a daily basis!  Mozambiquan or not.  Enough is enough.  Hey!  Talking about scavengers!  Hmmmmmmmmmm, okay no.  That's inappropriate.   

Lyle, in all of his protective glory?  Remained still and silent in his room with the light off.  Should we have all fallen victim to the wrath of the giant shellfish?  The only thing I can think of?  Is that he sat in the dark so that they didn’t sense there was still life still lurking somewhere close-by.  Maybe, he felt that someone had to be alive in order to impart the story of how the rest of us were eating alive by a marinated portion of the dead Mozambiquan ocean populace.  I dunno.  It’s anyone’s guess at this point.  If I wasssssss eaten alive, I would be able to tell you more ‘cause his reasoning woulda then been revealed.

As the oldest one in the house.  Can’t believe I just said that.  Can’t bellllllllieve it was true.  >_<!  

Either way.  As the oldest one in the house, it was my sworn duty to give Sharde’ some insight into the possibilities of the future by informing her that, “If we all wake up with a fever tomorrow, then we have contracted Malaria!”  And because I’m sometimes the clown aunty, she almost fell of her chair laughing.  Either that or she was dizzy from the hours of cleaning those suckers!  I threw my head back laughing too.  I’m funny sometimes, so I laugh at my own jokes.  Sometimes.  Even moreso because Sharde’ then says, “Can you picture us all in medi-centre, all weak, walking with our drips....”  Hahahahahahaha!  Paige then pipes up, “Can’t even have a break from the children while you’re in hospital, ‘cause they right there in hospital next to you...”  Hahahahahahahahaha!  

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