Wednesday 24 October 2012

Cleansing Coke

Mmmmmmmmm-hmmmmmmm! This time? That didn't mean a hug. It meant, chicken salad for dinner. Yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Salad! With chicken! Health-EEE! Nnnnnnnnn-see now? I'm feeling all gleeful and proud of myself and you're whispering under your chocolate breath, "There she goes again!" But?!? That's alright! I shall not let that deter my steadfast...my steadfast...? Crap! I just lost my train of thought. My eyes were watering. That's why. I yawned because I'm Sleepy in South Africa and now I forgo...Oh Oh Oh! Scureeeeeeeeeeeeeeech! The train just pulled back into the station!


Yes, people! I have begun my umpteenth attemmmmmpT to eat healthy again. At dinner time. Ay! It's a start, right?!? Which is more than I can say for Lindsie who snackwiched a peanut butter sandwich after the salad. Ewwwwwwww! That's like? Like? Dipping bread and curry in tea! Ewwwwwwwwww again! Let's not pay any mind to what I ate for lunch. The Milo Bar and sweets that I may or may not have consumed during the day is not what's important. What is? Is the fact that I ate alllll of my fresh veggies and protein and now? I get to enjoy the reward. Which is? Hmmmmmm? It's like a treasure hunt. Hidden deep in the sandy dunes of my inner self.


I must dig!
Nnnnnnnnnnnn! Not in the mood to dig!
DIG! I say!
Is it 3cm off the love handles?
DIG!
Do I have to?
Yes!
Aaaaaaargh! And see? More people would eat salad if they didn't have to go through this! If it was a case of finish the plate of salad? Immediate shrinkage of expanding parts?! One wouldn't need to equate healthy eating with getting their gum injected!


Dunno bout you? But I'm one of those people who will order a burger meal with a Coke Light! Who will eat every sugary item she can get her hands on but will not, under any circumstances? Drink regular soda! It's not my fault. The stars made me! I'm a Libra. Balance is key to my wellbeing. Which is probably why I'm hardly ever a well being! But if there's one thing I never compromise on? It's diet soda. Sob, life would just be complete if they made diet fudge! :-/


That lady at Weightwatchers scared the living daylights outa me when she told us that in one glass of Coke?!? You ready for this? There's nine spoons of sugar! Not eight or ten! Niiiiiine! What an odd number?!


I was like, O_O! Although? I can't actually tell you why I was soooh flabbergasted because at that point, it didn't affect me in the least whether there were seventy-six spoons of sugar in one glass of Coke 'cause I'd been drinking diet soda since Grade 9. At this point? I still drink diet soda since Grade 9.

Ohhhhh! Right! Support! That's it! When you join a weight-loss group? Just like AA, it's all about support! So of-course, now that I place logic above the fact that I'm typing with two thumbs and one open eye? The other one is just too tired to stay awake. I was shocked, IN SUPPORT, of the other ladies who did regular Coke but now couldn't. Poor things. I hope they went home and cleaned their car engine or soaked their small change in what was left in their banished Coke bottles. I got the email a long time ago too. That one on how you can use Coke to clean things. Or dissolve teeth. O_o!


And that! Was my handy tip for the day! If you're low on tooth fairy cash, just pour some Coke into the shoe or under the pillow! Wherever. Wherever you told your child to put it so you'd know where to creep in and make the trade. And that should take care of that! Shhhhhhhhhh! I seriously hope no milk-toothed children are reading this post right now. I'd have single-handedly blown the roof off of the "feel good" scam some person made up generations ago when they felt that they had too much change and nothing useful to do with it! How you're gonna explain that to your kid in the morning? You're on your own at that point. Of-course, I have some ideas, but that would be me spoonfeeding you and m-Mmmm...you gotta learn sometime. Just don't use the words "I had no money so I melted your tooth and now we're both broke," and you'll be fine!

Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

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