Update.....
THAT wedding I mentioned? Remember the noose one? Yeahyeahyeah, that one! It was on Saturday and by the sounds of things? Wooooooooooooomg! My decision not to attend was one to write home about. Or a blog post.
Not tryna make a formal application for high blood pressure. Cholesterol's already soaring. Plus grinding my teeth wouldn't benefit me any with this temporary filling in my mouth.
Shit, I hear, got pretty re-aaaaal up in that wizedding!
O_o!
A-hem!
That didn't sound quite right but let's not dwell on the past. There are more important things to do. Like Kegel exercises. See those? Those are beneficial.
Gotta tell you something. You listening?
Or doing kegels?
I know for certain that you can do both because you don't listen with------you don't listen with ya-----dam----you listen with ya ears, okay?!? In this case, ya eyes, so check this out.
It's not the fact that saying NO is NOT as hard as I thought it was that feels great! 'Cause people pleasing kinda forces you to believe that if you say no then you're gonne be viewed as a rotguts by everyone. Naaaah. The great part is that I realize that saying NO doesn't have to accompany NASTINESS. That makes the difference in the reactions to your decision, I think. Thank you very much, can. Like, no, thank you very much. You know, 'cause manners matter. But going against the grain or standing alone against what you view as an injustice, can be done while keeping it civil.
While I'm here, I might as well tell you why I'm so opposed to acknowledging this "union". The woman that my mother's son married is just nasty, rude and downright selfish. That's it in a nutshell because the story is actually quite lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng and ugly and I gotta get to work. However, with him stating in his wedding speech, oh yeah, I got a rundown of events. With him stating in his speech that SHE made him WHO HE IS TODAY, at 51 years old, I'd say that he is quite correct. She did. ONLY? NOTHING ATTACHED TO THAT STATEMENT HOLDS ANYTHING TO BE PROUD OF. To me, at least. And that right there is a big part of the reason that I chose to stay away from the celebrations since what's to celebrate? I know what's not to celebrate. Estranged sons and a daughter who is still trying her best to hold onto whatever she can of her father and a grandchild out there who right now is wondering what she ever did so wrong that her once very present grandfather has not seen or spoken to her for going on three years. And I hope that whomever has chosen to support this "union", despite even that one of many negative results? I hope that their grandkids never find themselves in that situation.
But what I hope too is that his old and now insignificant family takes comfort in knowing that they had the best part of him. They had a father who created a family. Not one who turned their back on them to keep the love of a woman who clearly had and has no intention of mending the fence that she deliberately tore down between him and his. Control is a bitch. But then believes that it will go down well for any right-minded person to sit and listen to her shower her mother with fake praises after she's made it known that to her? Children don't actually need their parents when they become adults. Or maybe that just applied to his children, who knows.
Either way. I can tell you with tears in my bloodshot eyes that I love him because as my mother's son, I don't know how not to. And I will continue to, from THIS distance. But I have lost any and all respect for him as a brother and a father. And that's enough to keep me as close to him as I am. Which is extremely far and out of reach.
I've done quite a few things in the past that I am not proud of while trying to hold onto a relationship and honestly, it was as if I was given the ability to watch the tragedies in my own behaviour during that time, through what was going since this woman walked into his life. I'm not sure whether some of my family realizes that or simply believes that I'm sticking to my guns on this, just because. But that's okay though. As long as I know. In saying that, I don't blame whomever I was in a relationship with ANYMORE. I take full responsibility for what I did and didn't do. Here's the thing. At the end of the day, no matter who, what, when or how, your decisions are your decisions and what you allow or follow or don't do, is your burden to bare. Even with this situation, it doesn't matter what she's done or said, the decision to go along with everything, is HIS decision. And that is where fault should rightfully sit.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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