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Columns 21.3.2014 07.02 am

I’ll stand up for the president

Finally that thorn in everyone’s side, Public Protector Thuli Madonsela, has released her report on Nkandlagate.

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Sibusiso Mkwanazi

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She has lambasted the SAPS ministers, state attorneys and everyone else for letting the costs of the project spiral out of control, with a final bill of about R250 million.

As a journalist, it is my duty to be fair, objective and unbiased and with that in mind, I disagree with every single enraged South African, Madonsela and the official opposition.

This is the president of South Africa and it is vital that his organic chickens be kept in the most secure chicken run ever imagined, while his A-Grade cows have to be enclosed in the world’s most elaborate kraal, because after all, they will surely be used to pay lobola for the 100 first ladies that South African citizens will once again fund. Duh!

Mr President, do not listen to anyone who goes against you, as I believe you when you say that you had no idea what was going on in your own backyard.

None of us really ever know why tippers, architects and other service providers suddenly pop up on our properties anyway. You did not even bat an eyelid when the bricklayers for those low-cost rondavels were cat-whistling at MaKhumalo. Sir, how were you supposed to know that what started off as a R25 million project would balloon to about R250 million?

What your detractors are conveniently forgetting is that you only have a primary school education and this is evident each time you have to deliver a speech that has numbers in it. How do they expect you to know the difference between R25 million and in excess of R250 million, when it is all the same to you?

Mr Zuma, rumours are rife that because of some petty allegations of a tiny fire pool and a tuck shop that will bolster your security needs, you might not get a second term in office, and I think this would be the most tragic event ever to befall our beautiful land. Who would comedians look up to? Who would I be inspired by when I sit down to write this column?

However, if you ever decide to step down as our fearless leader, may I suggest you take up the role of ambassador for Teflon, as nothing sticks to you, sir; not corruption and rape charges, not the extremely sticky Guptas, not the adhesive Schabir Shaik, not even a Matric certificate, sir.

http://citizen.co.za/147375/ill-stand-president/

Speaking the Unlaughable!

Had a conversation with a friend today.
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Sssssss.sss.sss.ssssss...s-s-ssssss (I'm whistling with my tongue against my teeth)
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It's not finished so I can't tell you about it. 'Cause if I tell you now and then..'Cause see the ending, today's ending, right? Might not be tomorrows ending then I'll be lying. I'll be Lying At Random. Better still? What if the conversation turns from aspirations to asp...aspi?...aspirins or something wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to the North of our initial subject. Or South? What if the conversation goes South?

You've had one of those, haven't you? Those convo's where you just said something that you thought was @#*@?! hilarious and you're laughing sooooh damn hard that you start coughing and shit? Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone or table, the victim of your joke just gave the cat their tongue like, "Here, catch this. I need to drain this snorting idiot of all her comfort!"

Yeaaaaaaah! Whoooooooo-woooo! Have I been there!! There have been times in the not too distant past where I thought my sense of humour was hitting levels of putridity...LMFAO!

It's been a while....grinnnnn.

A-HEM!

Either way, that was until I realized that it's not me. It's the other person. It's their experiences and hang-ups that caused that reaction. Which when I think about it? Happens. It does. It happens. Ofcourse, we found a lot of the same things funny and we found verrrrrry different things funny too. But I've since learnt from disasters of that kind. I've learnt that even though its been scientifically proven that opposites attract? When relating to another person, that's sometimes just bullshit on a bun! Sommmetimes.

The people that I surround myself with now are like-people. By that I mean, like me in most ways. Look? Diversity is not a bad thing but when it IS a bad thing? It's a baddddddd thing.

But enough of that!

It's got to be one of the most uncomfortable feelings on earth to say something that you don't really know or think would upset someone and you're tearing the sides of your mouth laughing....then you hear, "What did you just say?"

O_O! (Intro cartoon sound when the characters eyeballs are going from side to side. Plop plop plop plop!)

You immediately forget what you just said too, huh?!?. Almost like that question in THAT scenario shocks your memory into blankness! You're looking in the mirror, I don't have a mirror by my phone, I'm talking about those people who do. I told you some time back, my vanity has limits. You're looking in the mirror or okay, just looking...at the blinds. Looking at the blinds and you can actually feel your face burn. Possibly because you're so nervous that you lit your left cheek instead of the cigarette you suddenly needed.

Now you're tryna remember what you said, 'cause you were asked. It would be rude to ignore a question directed straight at you. You're wishing that Telkom would mysteriously cut your line. THAT MINUTE! At least to give you time to remember what "unforgivably insensitive" thing you just said. Your face is on fiurrrrrre! SWEET JESUS! You're probably looking ugly as shit with that weirded out, expression on your face! Plus burnt cheeks is not a look that most people are able to pull off. Alllllllll because you asked a riddle or said something that evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvverybody else found funny. Well? Except for the person who didn't. You thought you were safe. There, there...I understand.

Me? I live to laugh so I take offence when I'm laughing and it's gotta lead to all of that drama. Laughter is meant to lead to happiness. I take offence to anything that could lead to me setting fire to my face. I've never experienced that though but I know this much! You gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Fires are for bushes. Or hiding evidence or something.

-_-

Whaaaaaaaaat?!?

They do it all the time on the Crime and Investigation Channel! You must not be paying attention. I'll bet OscaR's wishing he started some fires right about now. His ass is still up in that court room crying like a baby. I guess that's what you do when you're being faced with the deadly truth about who you've (cough) ALLEGEDLY, become.
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My Weekend in Still and Motion

What a wonderful weekend! But don't take myyyy word for it! Lol...here! You can decide for yourself! And in case you were wondering, those WERE tv remotes being used as mic's until we were adequately hooked up!

Family is everything! Heart heart heart!




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Really, Oscar?!?

Last night, among other nightmares? I had a dream that Oscar Pissedeveryoneoff walked free from this murder trial. Tsk Tsk Tsk! If that happens, then I'm officially psychic and it'll only be a matter of time before I run in slow motion in one spot while being chased by a four-headed monster just for the fun of it! For the fun of the monster, I mean. When I'm running, nowhere? It's more like, first I was afraid, I was petrified!

As I write this? My dad is torturing my mum with bouts of random yelling, "DID SHE SHOOT HERSELF!!!!?!? DID SHE SHOOT HERSELF!!?!? MMMMMMXM!" He ends the sudden rant off with a sharp, disgusted, snubby glance away from the television. It makes for a good finish, I must say. Ima use that one. As I wrote that, I was enveloped in gratitude...I'm so glad she's not a dog. Dammmm??!?! If you know my dad? You know his voice. Ten times THAT volume woulda bust her short little happy-go-lucky doggy eardrums by now!

On the positive though, instead of her air-smacking her hand in his direction and responding with, "Wait man! Wait!" While she's tryna listen to the lady on the street talk about her feelings on the case, she coulda just bitten him. When I get there tomorrow, ima ask her what she'd prefer. If she had a choice. I'll start the conversation off with something that Cruz did, even if I have to make it up and then I'll subtly sneak in, "Ma? Let's say you're a dog, right...?"

My question to you, my responsible ramblers? Anybody wish they committed a crime just so that they could employ the services of Oscar's lawyer?! DAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! The man is a PITBULL, isn't he! Goodness. Gracious. Me!! I know for sure that Zuma's given up his day job ever since the trial started. You know that too. HE-HE-HE! Don't be sideways snickering as if you're not sitting there, thinking that he's over in his living room salivating about allegedly raping someone or allegedly corrupting something just so that he could be represented by whats-his-face!

Ay, it's gotta be an experience! To watch a man twist a witness' testimony soooooooh badly where it becomes crystal clear that halfway through their story, they don't know anymore if they heard cat's bark or monkeys meeeeeow!! And that's right after they've barely gotten over the nausea of witnessing the accused vomit his guilt out into brown paper bags.

DAFU#*!????! Who does that? I'm sure whats-his-face ordered, "OscaRR! Show emotion! oRR. ERLSE!" Show emotion? Okay. That I get. But over-playing-your-role with the vom...HM-MMM!!! I never once heard that he vomited a drop of his Valentines Day dinner after he shot her, heard her scream, shot her some more and then shot her some more! Then whats-his-face reckons that when OscaRR's hyped up, he screams like a girl!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahaahahahah!!!!! SMDH! I hope OscaRR is gonna sue the pants off of him, or is planning to...just for putting that in print! You don't wanna go to jail with that reputation. I'm not taking sides...okay maybe I'm leaning more towards the guilty until proven innocent, bias? I'm just sayinnnnnn...vomit when the situation calls for it!
You eat bad take-out? Vomit! You're mum forces curdled milk down ya throat, maybe she didn't like to waste or something. I can't think of no other reason that she'd wanna do that to you. You vomit! I know! I know! When you were a child, you vomited wrong, so she was tryna teach you as a teenager, how to vomit, the right way 'cause let's be real for a minute. Ever notice how when kids vomit? They make sure that they're either onnnnnnn the bed, or near enough to a carpet? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!? You wouldn't mind if they're running to the bathroom and vomit on their way there, on the FLOOR! Where all you would need to do is wipe it up. But then they gotta be all nasty about being sick. Now that I think about it? I'm pretty sure that that's the reason you got the curdled milk!

Anyway. I'll be back soon with an update on what OscaRR did in my dreams or what other horrid rumour whats-his-face started to prepare his smooth path to jail. He screams like a female? Hahahahahhahahhaha! WHAT?!?!

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The Cost of Procrastination

Every fantasy, every dream, every wish she'd ever had
She was leading lady and he was always her man
She didn't know him then but she had hope that he was out there
Searching for her too, searching for her everywhere

That girl is all grown now but she never once let go
Of the possibility that they'd meet and a love would grow
She musta wished real hard because his path led him to her
He knew, she knew, that was their moment for sure

It would exist, never die, whether near or from a distance
It would outlive every obstacle, every challenge and circumstance
It would be bigger than time, than ever changing seasons
That love that she'd longed for was stronger than reasons

Lucky for her, her every wish was granted
Where sometimes she would feel like a princess enchanted
Though she'd learn that nothing worth having was ever easy to keep
With life playing its games but their love was too deep

'Til she would wake one day and realized that she'd lost
That through procrastination she would pay the ultimate cost
He couldn't wait, she wouldn't move, he needed a sign of some sort
It would come when he wasn't looking, she'd given up, he had thought

Her dream, her fantasy, her wish, would be torn to pieces
When he'd move on without her, her gleam turned into creases
Though their love lived on, that's all it would ever be
A timeless entanglement of two souls, infinitely

Stacey Kell
South Africa

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So We Think We Can Sing!

We're off to karaoke! I'm sure I'll have some stories for y'all when I get back! LOL!

Lalalalala
LALALALALA
LAAALAAALAAA!

Jus practising, don't mind me...
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Conflict Management

I'm still here! Been putting the second draft touches on my book as well as battling the heat! D'you know what a hell pit it's been here lately?!?!? Woahhhhh!!!! And by that I mean, woe!!!! Is us! We're walking around here like wet fowls, dripping from head to toe in hotness! Wait, hehehehe, I think I should rap about it!

Woe, whoooooooah, woe!
Dis heat got us dripping from head to toe
Da sun it aint playin'
Just got us all sayin'
Phewww! Dannng! What the hell?!?
Dis heat got our ankles a-swell!
Eskom be sayin, put them ac's on twenythree's
We're like, huh?!? Ya'll tryna bring us to our knees
Den just for askin' that simple question?
Dey turn off the lights and say electricity recession!
Hmmmmpf! No warning, just be pullin the plugs!
Havin us leaving wet trails like dem nasty ol' slugs
Melting like someone done sprinkled salt on our backs
Can't hide our steps coz da sun got us leavin' tracks
Woe, wh

LOL! Lemme stop talking hogwash...rapping...hogwash and get down to business! The business of sleeping. ZzzzzzzzZzzz! Okayyyyy, alrighhhhht, I'll wait 'til the ennnnd of the blog post to ZzzzzzzzzzzZ! People are so sensitive these days. Why can't we all just sleep when we need to?!? Eh! I've been needing to sleep a lot these days. 'Specially at work, dunno if I'm being tested or what! To see how I handle conflict. Yep! It sure does feel that way. That I'm conflicted, tryna stay awoke but tryna sleep at the same time. It's tricky! It's like hearing theeee best joke and fighting against laughing! O_o! I'd never survive that.

Other day, I was sitting there, doing my work. All of a sudden? I hear a LOUD BANG! Like, BOOM! I know you're over there saying, OH NO SHE DI'INT! And you'd be right! Oh no, I di'int! It's funny though, isn't it? How everytime there's an "all of a sudden"? We immediately think that something loud s'posed to have startled us! You wanna know what startled me? I bit my damn tongue! >_<! Don't laugh! No, no, don't laugh! It woke me hectic! It mighta been my teeth's way of protecting my face? Not sure. But thank you, teeth! You saved me from what coulda been an embarrassing situation had I needed to walk over there to ask my boss if I could leave to see the doctor.
"Why's your nose bleeding?"
"I was pretending to meditate 'cause my eyes wouldn't stay open..."
"So? You were asleep?"
"Sleep is such a strong word! I'd prefer to say that my face slipped for no apparent reason..."
"Get out!"
"O_O!"

I'll bet the heat caused that. Or my upside down insides. Not fair to single out the heat like that, it's cooler today and I dowanna make the cooler weather fairy mad! Ya never know when she could stumble across ya blog and then be like, "Okay, ingrate...ima roast ya Coloured ass jusssssssss for that!"

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How They Do That?!?

I simply cannot fathom that it's already March! SMDH!

And then? I put my mouse into my laptop bag, right? The chord wasn't tangled. I repeat! Was not tangled! I then wake up illegally early this morning so I was like, "Sighhhh, Well, I AM up. Why not start singing at the top of my voice and wake Paige up too?" I shouldn't suffer through this alone. All for one and one for all.

Then I remember that on an ordinary day, like when nobody's doing things they shouldn't be? 'Cause sometimes, she forbids us to speak. Damon and I are in morning noise prison. :-/

So with THAT in mind. THAT she's not a morning person on a normal day? I really can't tell what her reaction would be if I startled her awake tryna reach notes that would shatter eardrums. And I'm not tryna find out either, she's strong plus if she thinks I'm a burglar with a high pitched voice? Eeeeeeeven worse!!! For me. And I've got big plans for my future, you know? So what other option did I have but to tiptoe on the side of caution?

Then I go to plan B, "Lemme, transfer my written edits from my book to the laptop, then when I'm done, transfer the updated version to my secret hiding place." YEAAAAAAH babay, fathom THAT!!!! All women should have those. 'Cause we have allllll sorts of things to hide. Celluliiiiiiiite and grey hair and...know what? Let's forget about that for now. Unfortunately, I don't have one single cupboard that locks, >_<! Not that I woulda been able to keep my cellulite in there but in keeping up with that tradition, all I can contribute to that initiative is to hide electronic documents. Ay, ima team player, what can I say?

Hmmmmmmmm? You shoulda never asked me that.

I can say, if it's anything but sports. Don't choose me for the ladies soccer team, I'm fine with being the last person to be chosen. IF it's sports. Actually, you'd recognise me by looking for the person standing there, staring you down. Yep! Deep, deeeeep in thought. In life you have the thinkers and the players. Since I'm not the player? I'll be thinking of ways that I can break my own leg just by staring at you.

A-HEM!

I saw little to no danger in that plan, so I went with it. Wait? Which plan was this again?

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Plan B, update future hidden documents. Got it! So I open the bag and the take the mouse out! The thing is TANGLED TO A STANDSTILL! In March! On the 1st! O_o?!? Immediately, I start wondering whether it snuck out to my cousin Inky's social club Mardi Gras dance that they held last night? But then I remembered, "Uhm-mmm, it doesn't have a remote for my gate."

As I sit here right now? I'm confused.

I haven't yet fathomED, how the mouse chord got that tangled up if all it did was lay in the bag all night. I lay all night, every night! Nobody needs to untangle the Rambler?!? See what I'm getting at here?

To make matters worse? I was listening to music yesterday morning, getting my stubborn streak on with La La La! Put it in my bag when it was time to leave! In a SEPARATE pocket in my bag. I take it out to listen to music while I'm editing and THAT too is tangled to the point of loose knots! Can somebody please tell me what goes on in our bags with our chords when we're not looking!?! Please?

'Cause I couldn't fathom that whole ipod chord knot thing too. Nobody deliberately sits and knots their chords before they put it in their bags. Thas all I'm saying. I'm sayinnnnng....There's a whole lot of unfathomable things going on in my bags. And when I can't fathom things? Think about what it's doing to my equilibrium?!?!

I-I can't even begin to fathom that!
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Proudness!

Just stopped by to give you guys the good news.  And to congratulate...well?  Me.  

You should never by afraid to pat yourself on the back for accomplishing your goals.  Let me tell you something.  Life waits for nobody.  It's either you decide to do it or you decide not to.  And if you put your mind to something and actually see a finished result...or like in this case, a near finished result?  You better give yourself the recognition that you deserve.  It only motivates you to do more and more.

I remember that I'd gotten this idea for The Switch immediately after I'd completed my first book, Broken in 2012.  Man, I went to work on it right away and before I knew it?  Fifty pages were staring back at me.  Figuratively ofcourse, 'cause I'm yet see a page with like, eyeballs.  That would just scare the bejesus outa me!  Ooooooooooo-wooooooo!  That would be me looking at a page never ever ever ever again!  Imagine I'm typing and the page eye blinks?  I'm looking for the cursor and the eye is like, I got something in me...blow me blow me!  @#%^$!  Neoooooh!

Then?  I had gotten another twenty pages typed out, where after that....nothing.  After a really long break from writing, books...'cause I'd been blogging during that time.  I went back to Broken and started working on that again from the very beginning just to get myself back into the feel of it.  Annnnnnnnnnnnnd the-en. Stopped any further work on Broken last year August.

And why?

M-M-M!  Forwardjitus.

Because firstly, I was happy with my finished product!  But more importantly, come last year August, my inspiration was at an alllllllllllllllllll time high!  When I tell you that never in my life have I ever experienced something where it was like a bolt of lightning that just woke every part of me?!!!!!    Higher than a thousand Mount Everest's.  Yep, for real.  That high.  Life felt amazing and new and just beautiful, perfect infact and I just went for it!  Like I was being chased by pages with eyeballs...I ran!!!!!  But with my fingers.  E v e r y single chance I got to write, I wrote and the pages kept piling up and piling up.

Today, I just reached 301 pages on my second book, The Switch!  Like I'd mentioned on my FB status just now?  I'd planned for 300 to be my target for completion, but no, nottttttt yet. Not just yet!

  

Who WOODa Thought?!?

You know? If the Good Lord wanted me to be a long flat piece-a-wood? There would be a tree out there celebrating its birthday on October 11th every year.

Anyway? Innocently, right? I saw this picture of a mean looking abdomen. I wasn't looking. I mean, I wasss looking, that's how I saw it but I wasn't looking to see one to look at. So then I, innocently, decided to start this Ab challenge thing yesterday. Ohhh happy days!

Eh! I'm not happy.

I'm not giving up, NUH-UHH! Because no wood impersoning exercise shall deter The Rambler from building good looking abs! That's not to say that come time for 192 crunches or leg raises that I won't be laying on my couch licking Milo off a saucer instead.

A-hem!

But I'm just putting it out there that when I was let's say, 18 years old? And I looked farrrrr into Yonder! Yeah, 'cause that's where my bright future lived? My future was a Yondernite 'til we met in Durban and moved in together. But back then when I looked and saw, planking is a far cry from what I saw in its existence! Neither was having the abdomen I have now but that's not the point. The point is this.....isn't there a wish?

Like a wish we can wish before we go to bed and then we wake up with abs so rock hard that it'd break even Chuck Norris' knuckles if he even contemplated punching us in our stomachs?

O_o!

IIIIIII don't know why he'd want to do that? Come -onnnn. Weirder things havvve happened. See? That's why we're in the situation we're in. It starts out where we can't think of ONE good reason why an actor would wanna punch us in our stomach's? As if we're not thaaaaaat irritating at times. Then before you know it? We dunno who to vote for in the upcoming elections! That's what boxed thinking gets you!

I'll bet that anyone who immediately said, "Well? I coulda said yo mama something to him..." You know exactly who you're voting for this year, don't you? It's not the ANC, is it? It's not them, right?

>_<! I made you look good on my blog post, sheeeesh! Least you could do is not vote for the ANC! Don't you remember, Nine hundred annnnnd.....nine hundred and thirty.....nine billion three thousand and.....sixty thousand?! Hmmmmmpf! Might as well be talking Chinese. That woulda made more sense to us. Three thousand and sixty thousand?!? Really?! REALLY?!

I mean, that's not even a number in someone's imagination! How is a president gonna say it in front of humans? Humans holding camera's? You know what, I don't think he thinks outa the box. For real. I'm not convinced that he knows how to spell BOX but ima give him the benefit of the doubt.

As you can see, it can get THAT bad. If you know what's good for you? You better be thinking up your reason for why Chuck would wanna fly kick you in the mid section 'cause if you can't? Then when you're tryna help your Grade 1 son with his Arithmetics and he asks you what two plus seven equals? When you confidently blurt out.....nine hundred and thirty nine billion and whatever that other drivel meant? Don't say, The Rambler s'posed to have my back, she never told me, blah, blah, blah! I have these blogs on record and I'm not afraid to make something up if I lose my memory card.

Anyhoooooo, I'm going to bed after I do a bit'f writing and while I do that?!? Ima try to figure out how my rant on planking turned into miscalculations.

Night night....and just for old times sake...Ramble Responsibly! :-)

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Boys Will Be Boys!

Sooooooh peoples?!?? How was Valentines Day?

Mine? Was nothing to write home about. Nothing to write ANYWHERRRRE about! Not even to my next door neighbour about! This is how exciting it was......I wouldn't even write it on the back of an electricity bill, make a jet and fling it out the front door, about! Hmmmmmm-mmmmm!

I fell asleep by ten if not earlier with my foot being used as a pillow by my ever-faithful Valentine and that was the end of the story! Hmmmmmmpf! If that really wassss a story, I'd be selling copies in arrears, I telya!

On the upside though? Wait.

I'm goina look for it.

...............................................Still lookin'..........................

I've called off the search! The upside doesn't exist.

^_^! I did get to talk to my real Valentine for about five minutes, though! Blush! There! I said it and I'll say it again! Nnnnnnnnn, just this time? Could you maybe Just read it again, I'll make it up to you! In my next blog post, I promise to type something twice. I-I'm racing against time here.

The boys got a Science test this Thursday and I need to make sure both his eyes are reading the page. He's not cock-eyed no, but boys? I notice that their minds tend to wonder quite quickly after they turn thirteen! I was a teenage boy once, he forgets that. Did I just say tee....? >_<! I was once where he was, he forgets that! Same thing! Damn.....moving on.....

And do you know what I just love? God knew! As a single mum, I need all the help I can get, so God! God gave us the ability to catch onto these kindsa things. 'Cause when their minds wonder? So do their eyes!

Watch ya teenage boy tonight but don't be sitting in front of him like a loony tune staring at his eyeballs. All you'll see then is a look that says, "Sigh...She's finally cracked." We don't want THEM to catch on to THAT! We're the only ones doing the catching here!

But sit on the far end of the couch and check him out. Not like in a bar check him out, goshhhhhhh this is exhausting and that last image? Made my brain spew!

Either way, we can't worry about sick brains right now, not when we're speed typing and staring at teenage boys' eyes to see what their minds are doing! This sounds worse and worse, good lawwwwwd! We've been friends long enough now for you to know what I mean when I'm confusing myself.

Now? Pay attention 'cause this is the important part. When you see one eye is tryna check if the lights flashing on the charging cellphone and one is reading about photosynthesis! JUMP! And I mean SPRING as close to him as you can. From the couch, so you might wanna be in a crouching position to begin with. If your legs are all springy, then it's cool. Relax. And then yell as loud as you can!

GOTCTTTTTTTHA, YOU ROAMING EYED LITTLE CONCENTRATION-LESS MIND WANDERER! YOU'RE GROUNDED!

If he doesn't start crying out of shock and a quick mental tab of all the mischief he mighta got up to that you somehow found about?!? You did a GREAT job! He'll be calm in a crisis! And that's how ya do it! Two birds with one stone! Or rather two eyes with one glare.

OR SOMETHING.....

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Soulmate Love

This? Does happen. And it has to be one of the best and worst emotions that one will ever experience.

So?

"What if you meet your soulmate...at the wrong time?"

It's confusing because of it's contrast of right and wrong.

It completes your soul but it shatters your heart because you realize that you have the key to the font door of your dream home but it can't turn to open it.

It fills you with a sense of being found but at the same time causes you to feel more lost than you've ever felt.

It, at times, provokes a specific aggravation towards the world and its works because it's like being tricked or teased when you're not part of any game.

It hurts. And it hurts because you will never get to truly enjoy the preciousness of your find. Think of a treasure hunt. You out of however many others reach the X-spot, you open this chest to riches beyond your wildest dreams but when you try to take a coin out of it? You're fingers have no grip. All you will ever know for certain is that it's not a myth, it's real and it's out there, somewhere, but you, you're somewhere...else.

In a sense, in a huge sense, it's cruel. Finding your soulmate, your undisputed other half, is such a rarity, how can it be anything but...cruel?

Despite it all. It's beautiful because I believe that our souls each have a destination...in someone else's and like any, when you reach it...yout paradise, your journey is complete and you can relax and just enjoy, and the looking for directions, the wrong turns, bad weather? They're all behind you.

Knowing that you will be loved, in absence, by a time defying love? Being part of that miracle? There is a measure of comfort in that. Comfort and for however long you stood beside or in front of, your soulmate? For those moments, completeness. Complete in every sense of the word.

Yes. Soulmate love defies time, it does, I swear! It defies reason, circumstance or any kind of sense because to love a complete stranger, immediately? That can't be explained, ever, but THAT stranger is who your heart knows, who your soul connects to, easier, better, tighter than any other person you have ever known. It's a doubtless love that you will never properly be able to explain because when you try? It always feels as if you've missed saying....something. As if you're leaving the most important parts out. That's because however hard you try to label it, as this one thing, you can't and you can't because it's everything. Everything!

It's everything.

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WHAT NEXT?

I feel cheated!
I feel REALLLLLLY REALLY hard done by!
I feel like I'm chewing the short end of a stick and wood was never a part of my diet to begin with!
Me?????? Yes!
Youuuur one and only beloved Rambler! Look? Play along, it's February. And tomorrow Valentines Day. We're all meant to be beloved. I cried for that entirrrrrre DAY! In front of people! Behind them too, I was a passenger. People, who I'm sure secretly laughed at me when I was wiping my eyes or something and not totally concentrating. Ay. Not to toot my own horn but multi-tasking? I can do! It's just very hard to concentrate on whose laughing at you or crying with you while you're pouring out buckets of sorrow over the death of someone you'd never met but loved since you can't even remember!
Lemme tell you something! Right now? My Godson, Matt? He's six and for a nice long while has and still is TORTURING the household with Beat It! He-he-he! Thas my boy, I couldn't be more proud. My sis in law's like, "I'm ready to break those dvd's!" Hahahahhahahahaha! Eh, the boy has his MJ outfit and he's not afraid to wear it...again after he has a bath!
But d'you know what's amazing to me! The part that however one might feel about my MJ? Nobody can hide from the fact that my little Matty-boy didn't know MJ a day in his life. Yet look! Let's face it. You gotta have a certain something special to STILL be recruiting fans from the grave. That's just crazy!
And then? It doesn't end there. Ohhhhh no! No, no! (Uhhhhhh, if you find yourself a tiny bit confused at this point, I'm continuing my rant.) Uhmmmmm-M! There we go!
So the crying was one day. I then took ANOTHER days annual leave for his funeral! I was in annual leave arrears. Oh yeah. I didn't care. And between those days, I recorded myself singing "She's outa my life."
-_-
Stop it!
I know where this is heading and it's not the direction I was tryna go. I don't make MJ jokes! And I can see how me choosing that particular song, 'cause it say's she and he was a he and people are always like, he's making himself a lady! You know how cruel people can be. Hair's long and all of a sudden you've outgrown you're testosterone-free. No, not like the cordial. That's tartrazine -free.
So while I can see how that might cause a few...okay a lota under the breath snickering where it then turns into a passionate temptation to spew one of those horrendous jokes. I'm asking you sweetly. If you give in to temptation? Don't share it with me. Homie don' play dat!
Where IS that video, by the way? Don-don't be afraid. I'm not gonna post it. Just wondering.
But my question is this?
Where's myyyyy one pound? We had a vigil for him on my mums circle! Zhar made posters and EVERYTHING! Then yesterday I'm innocently having a smoke break and Wendy says, "I meant to show you this!"

GAAAAAAAASP!!!
MY EMOTIONS WENT LIKE THIS..........
(SHOCK) O_O! (I'm including both so that you can see what my face was doing too. It's only fair. And?! And I'm catering for those who can only read in emoticon language!)
@#?!*@ GRRRRRRR!
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?!?
(CONFUSION) O_o!
SO A JUDGE ACTUALLY RULED IN THEIR FAVOUR?!? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO! MY MUM WOULDA MADE A KILLING IF SHE KNEW THIS WHEN ELVIS PASSED AWAY!
(AGGRAVATION) >_<!
THIS IS EXTORTION IN THE NAME OF THE GREATEST ARTIST WHO EVER LIVED! I GOTTA TAKE A PIC AND SHOW ALI! SHE'LL UNDERSTAND WHY I'M ON AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIGHT NOW.
And then?
(THOUGHTFUL) -_-!
Okay? Whose willing to represent Ali and I? Pro. Freakin' Bono dude! AWWWW....Come onnnnnnnnn, we're only claiming one pound! In Rands.
Smh! Greed.
AkayyyyAkayyyyy! We'll go half-half! Get us two pounds each and we're all winners!

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A Mixture of Days!

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Island sun!

It burnt us finished!!!!!


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