BREAKING NEWS, “FAMILY ATTACKED BY DEAD SHELLFISH!”

O_O!  

I've never seen prawns THIS size in my lizzife!  Mozambique's shellfish strike me as the sort to have the power and temper to flip the script...dead!  Turn your back for a second?  All of a sudden, deceased, de-shelled prawns and crayfish jump off the tray and dump YOUR ass in sizzling hot garlic butter like, "Here!   Let's see how youuuuu like it!" 

Clearly there's a secret illegal underwater steroid ring run by a mafia family of Kingpin.  These are not your everyday, agreeable-looking shellfish.  I wondered why, when I arrived, Sean was practically sprinting into the car and sped off with Tre' to the "soccer grounds."  Okay, okay...they did come back with a few suspicious looking, well-placed, blades of grass under their soccer togs, holding a big bag of balls, because Sean is assistant coach and also, Tre' did mention that he got kicked more times than he'd like.  But that could happen anywhere.  I arrived as they were leaving where Tre' even forgot to greet me.  The pressure, not to foil the get-away plan, was too much for the little boy.  I later learned that he forgot too, to put his chin-pads on.

Dude was meant to clean them.  Dude is Sean, for those of you, who happened to start reading from this paragraph.  If you like, we can also refer to him as the escapee.  Sharde' was meant to cook them.  Fair trade, I thought?  I did get that feeling of it’s now or never.  Like when I played it back in my mind as I walked up the driveway.  But I then understood the haste that I’d just witnessed 'cause when I get into the house?  She's de-shelling these...these...O_o!  I expressed my surprise at the existence of such humongous things, it was hard not to, where she told me these are actually, small, compared to what they saw while they were there!   Without delay, I started having distressing visions of dodging crabs the size of our late dog, Tipsy, running sideways across the shores of the Mozambique oceanside.  Nnnnnnnnnnnn, not too sure if I wanna visit that place. I remember, clear as rain, what happened in the movie, Anaconda!

Lemme telya....After cleaning all those gargantuan, steroid-pumped, alien sea creatures?  A few hours later?  Sharde', with her infinite patience and laid-back demeanour?  Had begun flinnnnging them into the pan and flipping them around.  All the while, her eyes mumbled.  In tongues!  And not the praising kind either.  Infinite had found its end.  

Me?  My trust issues moved to the fore.  I had the sense to go sit down.  Far.  I've much, still, to to do in life.  Uhm!  I'm even stuttering while I type.  Being attacked by overgrown Mozambiquan scavengers isn't one of them.  Already, we deal with similar fears at a stop street on a daily basis!  Mozambiquan or not.  Enough is enough.  Hey!  Talking about scavengers!  Hmmmmmmmmmm, okay no.  That's inappropriate.   

Lyle, in all of his protective glory?  Remained still and silent in his room with the light off.  Should we have all fallen victim to the wrath of the giant shellfish?  The only thing I can think of?  Is that he sat in the dark so that they didn’t sense there was still life still lurking somewhere close-by.  Maybe, he felt that someone had to be alive in order to impart the story of how the rest of us were eating alive by a marinated portion of the dead Mozambiquan ocean populace.  I dunno.  It’s anyone’s guess at this point.  If I wasssssss eaten alive, I would be able to tell you more ‘cause his reasoning woulda then been revealed.

As the oldest one in the house.  Can’t believe I just said that.  Can’t bellllllllieve it was true.  >_<!  

Either way.  As the oldest one in the house, it was my sworn duty to give Sharde’ some insight into the possibilities of the future by informing her that, “If we all wake up with a fever tomorrow, then we have contracted Malaria!”  And because I’m sometimes the clown aunty, she almost fell of her chair laughing.  Either that or she was dizzy from the hours of cleaning those suckers!  I threw my head back laughing too.  I’m funny sometimes, so I laugh at my own jokes.  Sometimes.  Even moreso because Sharde’ then says, “Can you picture us all in medi-centre, all weak, walking with our drips....”  Hahahahahahaha!  Paige then pipes up, “Can’t even have a break from the children while you’re in hospital, ‘cause they right there in hospital next to you...”  Hahahahahahahahaha!  

Re-United...and It Feels So Good!

It's 7pm, South African time while I type this in the dark amidst flashing lights. I'm at my family reunion and the scene is like so....Sharde' and Brindley are strutting in pointed direction strides across the other family members on the dance floor as if its a do or die airing of Strictly Come Dancing! I'd vote for them for sure! For the wooden mic! Or is it? Wooden dance floor? I dunno. Either way, it won't be gold and shiny! HA! Strangely, as somewhat of a dancer? I don't watch SCD. I'm gonna have to ask myself why. The music's too loud right now. I won't hear myself! Plus the lights are blurring my vision. I'm sure that's more than evident by the mistakes I'm failing to make while I'm typing. Talking about skill? Like...we were. The first prize goes to that little boy in the blue t-shirt! That boy's got some great dance skills. It's almost as though he does nothing but watch MTV music all day and comes up with or memorises routines for each song. They don't teach that in any school I know. When the lyrics said, stop and stare? He stopped and stared! And I believed him! Uh-oh! I've been summonsed to the floor. Excuse me for four minutes and twenty three seconds.

Okkkkkkay! Shew! I'm back! You know how in This Christmas? When they do the soul train and the family members are on either side in a line and one at a time they do their best moves? Or funniest...down the middle? Remember that? It was at the end of the movie. Well? Nonnnnnnne of that going on here. This is a...a...soul circle. Which means the destination is the start. O_o! Now my mum and eldest brother are in the centre of it. OMG!

"Who? Who me?"

Gillian's looking at me with a dancing, bring it here, motion of the arm with that...that curling finger. Why is she sultrifying her eyes like that? She wants my cellphone. We'll fight to the death, lemme tell you! Ay? I hope she doesn't do that in the confines of her bedroom. I feel naked. How uncomfortable. Some men are into that kind of uncomfortable calling....way? I have my own bedroom, thank goodness. And there's nobody in it to call me....not thank goodness for that part. I miss Geese.

Loves got them dancing on the floor! And here I thought the melody was mostly to blame. You're never too old to learn, I guess. Annnnnnnd there goes Brindley again. This time with Sharde's mother, Lynn, my sister. My mothers other daughter and grandchild of my grandparents. That's what happens when you're the son of a Pastor. You progress from daughter to mother without anyone becoming suspicious. The onlookers just think they're encouraging you to stop dancing to worldy music, while they dance to it along with you. Trying to invite you to come to church in the morning. I don't know how anyone misses the fact that it usually takes all song long to do it. I'm thinking it's a trick. Or a stubborn, heathen, relative.

I'll be back! Billie Jean. Need I say more? Alrighiiiiiidy then. I love Michael Jackson! More? Uhm! Dead or alive. That's all you're getting. Oh? He was apparently spotted in South Africa. I'm not surpised. I spot people daily and they aren't even celebs. I'm not dancing. Just inhaling the greatness that is he!

Now the music's telling the ladies to let their bodies flow. Baddddd advice! Specially if you have spells where you believe you're a lady. Yet you normally stand to urinate. Ooooops! Eh. I've heard of that happening. Somewhere in a dessert. When it's hot. I'm not making this up. Google, "confusing effects of the dessert sun." And if nothing to the tune of what I just told you, comes up? Don't believe them. Use yahoo. But then again, they might be in co-hoots to prove me wrong? Walls aren't the only things with ears. Yahoo, ears, and you'll see how many your internet connection has. We're safe nowhere!

SEE? SEEEEEEEE? And look at that! Brindley's now jazzing with my MOTHER! That's climbing directly up the generation ladder, right there! Unnoticed! He's not even eleven yet! Even going out and coming in. You know how when your partner makes you do that? Yeahhhhh! Annnnd? Back to Lynn! Can't watch! Haaaaaahahahahhaha! The kid is as slick as....? What's a slick thing? Well? Whatever came to mind? He's slick like that thing.

I'm just kidding around. He's our little nephew. Can see his my mums grandson. That boy loves a good party! And shed's real, silent, face turning blue, tears when it's time to go home. Each and every time. Strange fact? This very hall we're having this reunion in? It's where they will come to church tomorrow, so earlier he says to his father. "Look at what they're doing to our church?" Meanwhile, com're, lemme tell you a secret.......you haven't gotten off the floor since! Little hypocrite. LOL!

And now? Now, I reallllllllllllllly miss Geese. You are my Lady, by Freddie Jackson, is playing. Nooooooooh, he didn't sing this to me or play this track for me. But I am...his lady. And I miss him and really wish he was here, not hundreds of miles across the ocean. Ironically, my mum and dad are the only ones on the dance floor, waltzing to this song.

So I need me a moment.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

Believe in Yourself

Wednesday night, I put up a Facebook status asking whomever happens to stumble across mine. And actually reads them? Without sneering. Or throwing up. Some of them have that effect on me. Not my own. Other peoples. So I'm rightfully assuming that some of mine do the same to them. Only fair, right? And I've heard, or read...somewhere...that Libra's are fair people. Unfortunately, by the amount of times I've heard my kids say, "But that's unfair?!" I'm not sure if someone was just pulling shit outa their thumb when writing up sign traits. Unless, they were talking about skin colour. (Shrug) Even worse. Then, it's a just load of bullshit.

"If you knew then what you know now? What would you do differently?"

Sitting here, looking at the irony of that very status. Eh! There truly are times that I marvel at life's whispers. For me, this status was something of a foreshadowing for me. Because like I said, I'm sitting here, Friday morning, knowing exactly...aargh! I'm not gonna bore you with that. For right now, though....

I'd gotten some responses where ofcourse, not all were the same. Some were content and would change nothing. Like Crystal and Ralph. Liars! I'm KIDDING! I'm kidddddddding! HAHAHAHHAHA! Drop the bricks. I prefer my skull...closed. And dry. Maybe they were just shy to say. Maybe they actually werrrrre THAT content. Which would make them one or two of the few people I know, that are! And that in itself, for me, is an admirable place to be at in your life.

Either way. Some wanted degrees. It's never too late, Maree. You're still young enough to achieve that! Three years will get you one. Six months if you pay the lecturer! A-HEM! Others? Like one of my daughter-nieces? I have lots of those. Even daughter-unrelated ones! Would change a lot. I don't blame you, my child. Mishy wasn't specific, though. Oh! And Donny? Donny woulda waited for the water to boil before he put the noodles in! Lol! That was funny. Can see he's American! No. No, really, you can. He looks South African Black or Coloured, but I can see he's not. Helps to be from here to know the difference. Not only is he gifted, musically? But he's always hungry. Go-figure. Go figure, what? I don't know, but it seemed like following with that was the right thing to do.

But that's as far as it went, because I de-activated my Facebook account yesterday morning. Why? Well? Plainly put? EVERY CHOICE BEARS A CONSEQUENCE. I was taught and I've seen it with my own eyes too. I would have have to have some kinda powers to see it through anybody else's. That even NOT choosing has a consequence. Now? When you're a chicken with a choice? Like I am? Even worse! I chose a big loss over a small one. Which is horrible. It's beyond horrible. It's shameful.

Hey! Enough with Rambler bashing. Oh, sorry. I'm the one bashing the Rambler. But look? A word of advice. If you take that little sentence with you wherever you go? The one in capital letters that makes it sound like I actually have some sense? It might help you to stop and think, before you do. Anything.

My only hope is that my blog readers from there, caught my message to come and visit me here, before I mysteriously disappeared off of their status feeds. Globally, ofcourse? That's wishful thinking on my part. It would be impossible but I'm keeping the faith that they were all logged on and paying attention for the five minutes that it woulda been up. Ha! As if I live in the magical kingdom of Terabithia. And if they weren't, which I'm trying to constantly deny, then I've just lost over a thousand readers. That was my highest post view on my page. Butttttt?!? Such is life, I guess. Sometimes, you win and sometimes, you lose.

As far as the status question, I put up? For me? It's simple. Going back to my childhood days, I'd have believed in myself a little more. The possibilities woulda been endless! When you finally have that sense of belief, what should have come naturally......comes naturally. You explore your talents. You're confident. It's easier to express yourself. Even when you fail it doesn't become a thing of planning your jump off of the nearest bridge. No. The blow to your self-esteem is much lighter.

There's no fear of being alone. With belief comes strength. And with strength comes courage. With courage...(I'll stop soon)...comes the unmistakable feeling that you are the navigator of your own life.

You're able to stop just, drifting through life. I've drifted for the most part. Just....such a lack of self-confidence. All I knew was that, this is the path that I chose and whether or not it fulfills me? It's all I'm gonna get. And then I'll die. And sppend all of eternity regretting the things I never got to do.

I guess for us all, the reasons differ. But at times, belief in yourself or lack thereof, comes from whomever it is that you let into your life. The ones that you were born in the midst of. And the ones that keep in your life. I haven't quite gotten there yet, but I'm in a much better place than I was before. I didn't get here on my own. Not by any means. All I'm trying to say is, it's never to late to live the life that you were meant to. All it takes is something, significant, good or bad, to happen in your life. Or someone, good or bad, to happen to your life. When you have a point at which to compare? You then realize how much you're missing out on or how much you have lost, without being your own cheerleader. Much like when you begin to believe in yourself and you're going through the motions, you, at some point, are able to look back and realize how far you've come.

As I said, I still have far to go, but I'm a long way from where I've been. So? There...looking at that question in a long-term sense? That's what I'd do differently.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

Ranting at Random

I don't know about you, or you!  Yes, you.  The one pointing to yourself asking, "Me?"  There’s nobody behind you.  But times sure have changed, haven't they?  I don't deny that change is good.  We all need to change and evolve!  Or so they say!  Me?  I say why fix what's not broken.  These people, on the other hand, keep tinkering with shit that's working fine!  Only to +#*@ it all up and blame dead presidents!

So then we sit.  I'm on my desk chair right now.  I don't know where you're sitting.  Hopefully not on some white sanded island, because I’m not in the mood to feel jealous today.  But wherever you are?  We sit.  And wait.  For the next thing to change.  And all of a sudden?  Looking for a high school for your child becomes beyond painful?  Ay!  I don't need thaaaaat much change.  I just need a high school for my kid.  Period.  Preferably, one that I don't have to sell myself, my house and possibly my children, to finance.

I was alive and so were you, when we were promised free education.  Remember that?  It might have just been the euphoria of whooooo-hooooo, no more apartheid.  People say stupid things when they’re all joyful and happy.  Whatever it was.  Joke time is over.  Not like we knew it was a joke to begin with.  But what isssssss funny?  Is how the good change never sees the light of day!?  That would be too much like right in a wrong-run situation! 

Instead, not only do we have to pay a gazillion times more than what it costed back in 1994?  But it's become quite obvious that we may very well die waiting for that to actually happen.  Some people were like, "Whaaaa-what?!?  O_O!  Free education?"  Popped out twelve more children, "Viva free eduation!  Vivvvvvvva!"  Just so that those twelve could get what the previous six didn't!  And now all they can do is stand there and look shell-shocked about, "How the hell are we supposed to educate our children, you lying bastards!"  I wasn't one of them but I know how some people think.  And then promptly go and vote these liars back into government!  "Viva, a packet of sugar and three loaves of bread, Viva!" 

Okay!  Cool.  Then, we'll pay.  The best things in life are free, apparently.  Education not being one them.  By now we’ve concluded that!  They could only be talking about one thing!  Chocolate. Which makes that saying, about as true as the free education bullshit we were sold two decades ago.  But when you're considering looking for a place that pays for the donation of your hard-earned blood to be able to afford these schools?  Yes!  My blood is hard-earned!  Don't forget that my heart is on the opposite side of my chest to yours.  That qualifies as hard-earned, in my books.  Free education, then plain passes the mark of a broken promise and moves straight towards a blatant lie. 

You know?  It's not even so much the paying part.  Okay, it is.  The amount.  Not the principle!  But then, you have to practically send your kid seventeen thousand kilometres west of the eastern border to be satisfied that they're getting at least a decent education!  Us?  We went to our community schools.  We walked there.  In the rain, sometimes.  And still, countless successful people have emerged from them!

In our days?  And I purposely left out the word, olden!  That's for when I describe my seventy-year old dad.  Who by the way, agreed to homeschool my son once he saw that I was on the verge of tears over this whole school issue.   Meanwhile?  I was at a party.  How embarrassing.  "Booooooo-hooooooooo!"  That's me crying.  "Why are you crying?"  That's someone asking me why I was crying.  "I can't deal with this school palava!" "Shutup and dance, you're ruining the mood, you moron!"  "O_o!"  That's me wondering how I managed to surround myself with insensitive party animals!  But thankfully, I caught my tears in time!  So nobody had to call me a mood-ruining, moron!  However?  I immediately started googling and managed to aggravate whoever sat on my table by reading out aloud, everything I could find on homeschooling.  Jussssssssssst in case someone wanted to call me a moron!  I'd then be one up on them!  I didn't care.  Nothing was stopping them from getting up to dance!  I was in the middle of a crisis.

Now?  Where was I?  Oh yeah!  Back in the day?  There was little to no thought about the schools that you would attend.  My mum and dad worked very hard for us.  Just like many other parents in our community.  At work.  That's where hard work SHOULD take place.  Everything else, should be enjoyable.  Enjoy the kids when you get home.  Enjoy feeding them.  Enjoy scolding them.  You know?  In these times?  Everything has become hard work.  Work.  Play.  School.  Walking...especially on the beachfront.  Tourists?  Please?  Moonbags and walking in the dark.  No!

This rant is only because I wanna be as calm, cool and confident as my parents were where school was concerned.  Maybe I should rename my blog, Ranting at Random...I do alot of it.  But do you blame me?  I live here.  I need to talk sometimes.  And you’re the one’s who are forced to listen.  I’m sorry.  And thank you.  As I was saying, I don't want to have to agonize over education.  It’s a right.  Supposedly.  But it’s fast becoming a privilege to afford a good one.  If I send him, here?  Am I a bad parent?  If I send him there?  How the f+@# am I going to pay?  If I send him to that one?  How will he get there?  I want to go back to the days when I was in school, except I wanna be the parent! 

You'd think that with the advancement of technology?  Brains should follow suit.  I mean?  Brains do invent technology, don't they?  Oh wait.  What was I thinking?  None of them are from our cabinet. I wasn't thinking.  MUCH like our cabinet. Those are brand, spanking new brains.  That belong in a wooden cabinet, if any!  Aaaaaaaaaaah-ti-shoooooooo!  %$@$%#^%^%$%

Bless me!  

Sinus.  

I think I might be allergic to thoughts of our government.  Aaaaaaaaaaaah-ti-shoooo!  Damnit!  Gimme a moment to sneeze them outa my system!  What I'd really love is if they were out of THE system!  And I've just said to myself, "Are you honestly that surprised?"  It’s been almost two decades of this crap!  Because I KNOW manners, as Summer would say.  Lol!  Kids!  I answered myself with a big fat, "No!"  Still......doesn't help my dilemma but here, dilemma is the order of the day, nonetheless.

A Little Victory, Leads to Bigger Things….

Good Morning from Philadelphia!

So! It's been a long night for the Geeseter! BUT!? I finally won a damn game on this season mode for NBA2K13! I'm using the Philadelphia 76ers & I made some changes to the starting lineup & the team overall. Plus on this game, Andrew Bynum is actually capable of playing. To be totally honest, I would be sleeping right now normally. I'm not gonna bore you with my personal problems, I'll save that for another time. But I'm fighting high blood pressure & bad health, frankly I've got no business doing anything that stresses me out. But our Rambler can attest to the fact that I'm usually someone who overcomes obstacles & I'm still not too keen on simply sitting back & just giving up.

I'm looking for work & in all actuality, winning this ONE GAME, because right now we're 0 - 7. OR WE WERE, OH & SEVEN! But winning this first game of the season, on this game? I let Our Rambler see some of the old introductions from when Electronic Arts used to make basketball games for the NBA over here in America. Most of you know Electronic Arts as EA Sports & their most notable game & franchise/series is John Madden Football, or Madden, as it's called now. But during the time I was in high school, in the late 80's, they were the first to produce a series of basketball video games called Lakers vs. Celtics & the NBA Playoffs. These games eventually grew into the NBA Live franchise that Electronic Arts ran up until 2010. I stopped playing the basketball games around about 2000. I was used to doing it in real life, but my knees & ankles took a toll & so that was that. 

Mind you, all these ailments, aren't helping in the job search department either. BUT, I always have some sort of means to still be able to LEGITIMATELY MAKE MONEY PEOPLE. LEGITIMATELY. MAKE. MONEY. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Now don't distract me, cuz all this ties together & it's past my bedtime & I'm up typing this BE-CUZ!? The basketball video game I am playing now, was the competition of the one I used to originally play. I initially BOUGHT THIS ONE, because the NBA Playoffs are going on right now over here & me & the Misses favorite team, the 76ers, didn't make the playoffs. No small thanks to Crazy Ass Coach Doug Collins. 

So I bought NBA2K13, because the price had dropped from that ridiculous $60 damn dollars, down to $40 & there were too many fools still buying it for it to drop down to $30 & frankly, I was feeling nostalgic, because last year the 76ers were one game away from playing the Eastern Conference Finals against the Evil Miami Heat! We would have lost, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GREAT TO SIMPLY SEE THEM PLAYING! So I bought the game & brought it back here, thinking that this game was going to be so much more different & better than the last time I played any video game basketball games. I still have both my NBA Live 96, which has the unnamed Free Agent character of Magic Johnson on it. And NBA Live 99, with Tim Hardaway on the Cover & of course, Allen Iverson playing for the 76ers! That's when our team was actually worth watching. Right now? We need a coach who wants to coach & acknowledge the talent he has, instead of whining about what he doesn't have. 

So!? I put 2K13 in & lemme just say. I also waited forever to get this game because I'm not a fan of Jay-Z. Lemme just state that right off the bat. I don't care for him or Beyonce, at all. So when I saw he "executive produced" this game, I was like... "Great. That means I gotta hear his corny-ass every 3 seconds...." I put the game in, his lame ass intro came on. I hit start & skipped it. Then restarted it just so I could make sure it was as corny as I knew it was... AND IT WAS! Then I started fiddlin around with the options, then went straight to Season mode. Picked the Sixers, where in THIS GAME'S SEASON MODE, I don't have TOTAL CONTROL OVER THE TEAM. So I can't GET RID OF DOUG COLLINS. Then they have it set up where you can trade ANYONE FROM ANYPLACE BETWEEN YOURSELF & THAT TEAM!

That? Is lazy. ANNNNNNNNND. CORNY! But then I said, eh! It fits today's generation of "entertainment". So I got rid of SPENCER HAWES! That name alone should cause my sweetheart to QUICKLY INTERJECT ABOUT GOOD OLE SPENCER HAWES! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! THAT'S IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY BEEN READING HER TALKING ABOUT CRAZY ASS DOUG COLLINS, THE NOW FORMER! COACH! WHO QUIT SOON AS THE REGULAR SEASON ENDED! Lemme tell ya something, was listening to sports talk radio here in Philly while fillin out online apps, see!? I multi-task for mine, YEAH! But that press conference with Doug Collins, lemme tell ya somethin!?!?!? That dude was SENILE & CRAZY! SERIOUSLY! And people were calling in to 94.1 WIP & 97.5 the Fanatic & were like "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY!!?!? NO WONDER THE TEAM SUCKED THIS YEAR! HE'S FREAKIN CRAZY!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

So in this video game, it's not a COMPLETE SIMULATION OF BEING A TEAM OWNER or anything like that. But you can trade players as you please. But you can't fire your coach. You can't build a new area, move the team, etc! So if this was a video game review, this part already would be an F. Straight up, cuz it's lazy. Think I'm gonna pass this blog post on to my oldest son & let him post it on his video game blog. I dunno. He hasn't sniffed using that place since he didn't win that Witcher 2 Review contest. Either way, I traded players. Sent Spencer Hawes to Utah & got Derrick Favors. He has been strong on the boards in our 7 losses but his scoring leaves a lot to be desired... A LOT! And his free throw shooting...? He couldn't hit the ocean WHILE HE'S IN IT! 

But I start playing the game... And kid you not I'm like... WTF, IT PLAYS JUST LIKE NBA LIVE 96!?!?!? WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!? IT'S 2013, WTF IS THIS GAME PLAYING LIKE SOMETHING THAT I DON'T EVEN PLAY & HAD ONLY SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY SO I COULD SHOW MY WOMAN THE INTRODUCTION TO IT!?!?!?! 

Bottom line is that it has an instruction manual where you'd think you're trying to learn how to FLY A SPACE SHUTTLE! AND NOT SHOOT A FREAKIN IMAGINARY BASKETBALL ON A FREAKIN VIDEO GAME! All of the FLAWS, from the early EA NBA Live Franchise, ARE ON THIS GAME! I WAS UTTERLY SHOCKED! FOR REAL FOR REAL! So my NEXT INSTINCT WAS, lemme just go on ahead & use what I KNOW WORKS from those games for THIS ONE! Uh-UH! Because now a lot of these sports based video games, like Madden, have sliders where you can change different aspects of how the user or cpu shoots from the field. 3 point shots. Etc etc etc! So whereas the ole ones I used to play it was all ON YOU! Which is why a LOT OF PEOPLE would slam down joysticks & controllers, AFTER GETTIN THEIR BUTT WHIPPED! Because the games were alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll on you, as a person, to know when to do what, etc! Now?!?!?

Mad computer help AND!? INTERFERENCE! So unless you tamper with the sliders in the options & all of that, the game can get REALLY OUT OF HAND IN A HURRY! And if you set the level TOO LOW, then it's not challenging at all! Never mind that unlike the old NBA Live games I had, you had the OPTION to set the CPU in season mode to facilitate trades with itself AND YOU! Which meant me sending Spencer Hawes to Utah for Derrick Favors, the computer would weigh the trade & the two players & may or may not reject it because it doesn't help the team it controls. 

What the hell does ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL THIS, GOT TO DO WITH YOU!?!? OR EVEN ME OR WHY I'M POSTING THIS!? Because it's been a pretty craptastic day for me & the Rambler can attest to that. Really it's been a pretty bad weekend in ways I certainly wasn't expecting where I'm not in a position to take care of the problem. So in the midst of this I'm also fighting with this freakin game that I just spent $40 bucks on too & instead of it being a stress RELIEVER, the damn thing has me on the verge of snapping it in half & throwing it away! But I went on ahead & stuck with it & finally started figuring out how to actually play the game without;

#1) CHEATING, by lowering the difficulty or altering the sliders to the point where I wouldn't miss even if I was falling onto my FACE! 

#2) BREAKING THE DISC, this is something that my oldest son has seen me do on a couple of occasions, where the game just wasn't worth my time or money & is so frustratingly annoying that it is impossible for the makers to not have seen all the problems with it during testing. Whenever I break a disc, I don't normally buy anymore games from that particular maker or video game studio, thus saving myself time & money in the future! 

#3)QUITTING, by simply turning it off, tossing it into the darkest corner I can find & then never speaking on it again! 

The reason for me posting this right now is because with the way the weekend had gone & the way certain things had gone yesterday, I had no business sitting down & saying "Lemme try this damn game again." But for me, it was all about knowing that I can actually get this if I stick to it. The personal challenge of, lemme GET THAT FIRST WIN! In this damn game. Then sitting down. And going through the grind that this thing is, where just now!? I won my first game & it literally came down to THE LAST. SHOT!

The irony was & is that Evan Turner was the player of the game. But the point behind this is that I put this kind of persistence & determination into everything I do. And that's the reason for the post. Things went badly this weekend, but it certainly wasn't the end of the world & I have people counting on me. Pressure? A LITTLE. But much like my coming back to get this FIRST WIN, quitting isn't gonna solve anything. And trying to CHEAT my way out, well, that would make me like some people who shall remain unnamed. I guess the bottom line is that I won this first game by giving it everything I had from start to finish & not worrying about the fact that I was already 0 - 7. And I guess that's my point, you only lose when you give up.

With the things going on right now, this is a small victory, seemingly meaningless. But the timing & nature of it, having to keep cool & not get agitated. It was a nice reminder of how I've even gotten this far in life & it reminded me of WHY I've gotten as far as I have. Good omen, people... Good omen....

Later! 

The Guru of Buttcheeks…!

Good evening from Philadelphia!  (Relaxxxxx…relax!  I haven’t run off in the middle of the night!)

I’m sure you’re shocked to see that I’m back, yes. No? Maybe so? I just finished my yoga lesson for the night, which means that I am actually typing this post at 11:52pm EST here in the US. As you know, our beloved Rambler has returned to South Africa (SEE!  I’m still home!) so I am simply sending her this post to put up on her blog because I enjoyed blogging with her & I know how much you guys missed me. With tomatoes. Cuz I know some of you threw rotten vegetables at your monitors & laptops once you realized that I am trying to steal away your Rambler to the United States. It’s okay, I’d react that way too if someone was kidnapping my favorite aunt, niece, cousin or obsession, AHEM! You know who you are & so do I. Cut. It. Out. Speaking of which!? BE RIGHT BACK!

OKAY!? Note to reading audience, cooking while typing, BAD. And reckless. Never mind that I am doing my yoga lesson at nearly 12 midnight. Why? Because tonight I’m going to get started on Chapter 3 of Broken Griffin. I slept most of today because the blood pressure medication has the side effect of drowsiness. So to recap, that would make me a man with high blood pressure who does yoga & blogs, while trying to write the next chapter of his book with our Rambler…! Thaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttt, just about covers it, AND OH?!?!!? I’m the guru of life, too, heh heh heh, NO! -_- Guru of Buttcheeks. That makes no sense which is why I just said that, because it ties into the whole nonsense of being called “the Guru of Life”. Look? I’m not gonna waste your valuable reading time talking in circles, but for me? I can’t stand when someone says some ole off-the-cuff garbage because they know they’ve just gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar, taking a cookie that they know they aren’t supposed to have.

Guru of Buttcheeks?

Look? (Uh-Oh!  He said, look?  Now you’re gonna get it!) I don’t ask to speak up, I’ve learned the hard way early in life & especially living here in the US that if you don’t stand up for yourself. Then you get crushed flat, they skip the running over part over here. So with that said, I tend to pay attention & all too often I’ll see some ole crazy crap where it’s like…? Wait, did that guy REALLY JUST TRY TO TAKE CANDY FROM A BABY!?!?! CUT. THAT. OUT! YOU FIEND! Then I jump into it because, IT’S A BABY! And a grown ass man is trying to take candy from it! So should I reallllllllllllllly sit there, & just say, eh! That baby looks pretty tough, I’m sure it can fend for itself, right! RIGHT!? WRONG! IT’S A BABY! Now? A child soldierrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I dunno. I’m thinking not only is this guy STUPID but this is now an armed kid who’s probably seen more hell than any grown adult. If you’re stupid enough to try & take candy from ONE OF THEM?!?!? I’m thinking we really don’t need this person to procreate, for real. His decision making isn’t too great already & having him pass on his powerful stupid-decision making gene, really isn’t necessary. Unless you’re just into that kind of thing.

What’s my point with this ramble? I do my best to not make painfully obvious, stupid decisions. But I always find that it’s the idiot that does make PAINFULLY OBVIOUS, stupid decisions that always comes up with some cute little crappy nickname for me. Because I told them or someone they knew, some solid advice, take it or leave it, their call. And now for Boo Boo the Dummy, their life has all of a sudden become complicated because now that person just isn’t going along with whatever they needed them to go along with. Look, going along to get along over here in the US, usually will get you right along to either prison or a reality TV show, but everyone knows or figures out at some point or another that the person/s are just “along for the ride”. Once that happens then the con artists & hanger-on’s, show up & start with the buddy-buddy routine until the person is flat broke or can’t carry them anymore & then they get ghost or gone with the wind or whatever phrase means that they leave once the gravy-train hits last stop.

The whole Guru of Buttcheeks nonsense is because too many times in my life I’m movin’ down the road of life, you know, drivin’ my own car. I might see another driver with a flat tire, ay!? Ain’t no thang but a chicken-wang, baby! I’ll help ya out man, or woman. Next thing I know I get to know this person & then we start hanging out or get to know each other & then it turns out that their car didn’t get a flat by accident. But someone in their camp, made sure to deflate the tires, just enough. Or just straight-up knife their tire, ya follow me here. So it was deliberate, but the person doesn’t wanna honestly have to deal with, damn, I got sabotaged by my own peeps! Don’t ask why I’m using all kinds of slang & terms from the 70’s & 80’s, I’m just going where the typing takes me. But the bottom line is, they know that that flat they just got, shouldn’t have happened. Now it’s all about having to honestly look at the fact that they might have some people close to them that really may need to check THEMSELVES & UNTIL THEY DO, may or may not be as close as they once were. Me? Someone asks me a question, as my woman will tell you, I’ll answer it. (Hmmmmm-M!  If you seriously wanna know if your butt looks big in those jeans?  And really, you know that they look as if you can comfortably transport forty eight passengers on it?  Yet what you wanna hear is that it’s smaller than that skinny model with the white powder still stuck to her nose?  Don’t ask Geese!)  And for some people they like asking questions where they don’t honestly want the answer, but they’re playing the role & trying to be all tough & show they ain’t gone get punked, they ain’t gone get played! By NOBODY!

Meanwhile of course they’ve already been punked & chumped & whatever other word means played for a fool or manipulated. Like the song says, everybody plays the fool, yours truly, YEP! So it happens, only becomes a problem when you try to hide it & protect your ego & only make matters worse. So they ask me, what do I think. I answer. And the answer I gave them is actually the answer they already had, but they simply didn’t wanna deal with it. But now that someone else has brought it up, AND, what amounts to “a new perspective”, cuz I’m new on the scene. Now it’s time to do something & then you know how the rest of it plays out from there. The person who ends up getting their opposed BUTTCHEEKS! SLAPPED WITH A WET TOWEL! Then asks the person they’ve been playing for a sucker, why’d you just do that!? As if they don’t know they’ve been runnin’ game this whole time. So when they’re confronted, then it becomes, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S THAT GUYS FAULT THAT YOU DID THAT! I’MA FIX HIM!

And that kind of pass the buck bull crap, realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly, makes me angry. So instead of the person simply coming clean or just BS’n & then STOPPING what they were doing. NOPE! It becomes a whole big SHAM-OCURAY! Where now they cause this giant childish SCENE! AS IF THEY CAN’T REMEMBER THAT THEY WERE DOING THINGS THEY WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO & NOW THEY ARE FINALLY! FINALLY! BEING CONFRONTED OVER IT! And not in some hostile way, but they’re busted! And instead of being graciously-intelligent about it, it’s time for the talking loud & craziness to attract a crowd, cause a scene! And then try to make a b-line at me! Ay, if that gets a person off, but the reality is that running up on me because I actually give more of a damn than the idiot charging me? And then the finger-pointing nonsense & drama, god I hate UNNECESSARY, DRAMA!

I like things, QUIET! And orderly. And when a person is doing something they’re not supposed to, they shouldn’t make a bunch of noise & make matters worse when they finally get caught. Just, go along quietly, think about your mistake. And don’t waste precious air carrying on like a two-year old! Why have I typed all of this? Because we live in a world that claims so hard to heaven that we want people to treat other people with compassion & concern. But for too many of us now, we get s----tfaced angry when our “so-called secrets” come out, because someone actually did stop to care & now the supposed dirty laundry is aired & feelings are hurt & don’t judge me, don’t judge me, SHUT. THE HELL. UP! We. Are all adults. Just like I know I am typing this, some people will be like, hell’s this guy talking about. STFU! FOR REAL MAN! Others will be like, I get it! That’s why I don’t say anything to so-&-so because they have this this & this going on & then they make me listen to their laundry list of problems! I talk to them, THEY THEN GO RIGHT BACK TO DOING THE SAME RETARDED CRAP THEY WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT!

Or, my pet peeve. I answer someone honestly. (Ay?  As I said in the previous bracket!  Yes!  That wassss me in the bracket up there…as if you didn’t know.  Azzzzzzzzzz I said.  This here man?  Sugar coats NOTHING!  He knows what sugar is and what a coat is, but never does he use those words together!  Under any circumstances.  Unless it is to tell you never to do it.  I’ve learned over the years, even while we were still penpals.  He won’t call a rake a lawnmower, even if you paid him to do it.  And he won’t do it because, firstly, well?  It’s not a lawnmower.  And secondly, if you try to pick up leaves with it, and it doesn’t work?  He then has to deal with, “You told me this was a rake, and I’ve been trying for weeks to clean my garden with it….it won’t work!  Liar!”)  They use what I said, because the reality is they already knew the answer & for whatever reason couldn’t or wouldn’t do what they knew they needed to do. Then the actual guilty party gets pissed! Because now the person I answered won’t just let them DO WHATEVER they were doing. So now it’s, why you in my business!? Why YOU IN OUR BUSINESS!? Most people who say that, generally have their business all around town already, but most of those who know them or know about them, just ignore. Which does a world of NOT GOOD, for everybody. Because it teaches people to just GO ALONG WITH & IGNORE, things that they know are just, wrong! Then the “offended” guilty party has a whole bunch of unneeded, LIP-ACTION! Instead of just being remorseful or even just saying let me get outta here! Instead it’s, lemme try to PRETEND LIKE, what I was doing was right & justifiable! When they know that it’s not.

So my advice is, don’t have your butt hanging out! Doing things you know you’ve got NO BUSINESS DOING! At some point or another, while everyone else may have let your vile crack of ass be shown to the world! There is the off chance that someone may come along with a wet towel of unwanted holier than thou, TRUTH! AND SNAP IT ON YOUR EXPOSED BUTTCHEEKS!

Back to the Grind

Hello, all the peopllllllllle! ^_^!

Phewwwwwwww!!!!!! What a week it's been! Had this been Saturday? All I'd have been thinking is, "Thank goodness I didn't have to smile in real-life! These emoticon thingy's sure do come in handy at times. Can I call that an emoticon thingy? Hmmmmmmmm? I'm sure I can. And if I can't? I'm still thankful for them because I'm too exhausted to use however many muscles it takes to make my mouth smile. Not that I can smile with my ears. And if I could, I wouldn't have the energy to use the muscles to make those smile either. I cannnn move them back and forth though. Look!!!! No hands! I wonder how many people in the world can do that? My dad can...he probably taught me. But I taught myself how to plat my hair. And got it right sitting on a car as a little girl on Park Rynie Beach. How I remember that so clearly is beyond me. Hey? Was sunblock available to Coloureds then? I'll be furious if it was 'cause we came back from camping navy blue. I wonder what's the weather gonna be like tomorrow. Still can't believe how cold Philadelphia was. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I miss him. My eyes are starting to sting. Did Damon finish his Ronaldinho project in school? Note to self...check with him. I think I did a good job on Paige's hair last night. That's what mums are for. Partly. Dye and iron their daughters' hair while falling asleep. While. Praying they don't accidently singe off the prints on four of the fingers on their left hand as they periodically go limp as she dozes off to the sound of the iron. No. Iron's don't sound. Make sound. Shhhhhhhhhhh! Not you, the iron! Hairdryer sounds can put a person off to sleep. Having ex-fingerprints would be painful. If they don't? Mums. Then who will? Where are aunty's when you need them? Nooooh! Just remembered. This school term will end with control tests! SHIT!!!! Late nights of testing soon. Wait?!? The chair issssss done, right!? Yes! Yes! We got an A+. I still will never understand the grading of the chair versus the report. Shrug. I just thought-shrugged without lifting a shoulder. Damon's dance show was great tonight. Nevermind, I didn't wake in time this morning. That's...not what mums are for. To get up late on dance day. Any day. On any day, it's not a good day. Late days are bad. Bad mum. Where was the alarm when I needed it?!? Oh yeah? Next to my head. God! I'm exhausted. No, that wasn't a statement. It's me telling God, that I'm exhausted and that he needs to step in before I break, fall and shatter. I should be sleeping right now. But I'm too high on tiredness to do the right thing. Rest. I had twelve hours straight sleep the one day while I was at Geese's. That's half a day! He was so proud of me. What time do I have to be awake tomorrow? Soccer...my head. Hurts. Let's hope I hear my alarm this time. This morning was a disaster. Let's ho........"

It's a good thing that it's not Saturday or else you'd have to listen to me ramble on and on about the week I've had. Heheheheheheh! "So?????????? You're stressed out? Already?" Lasssssst week, I was. Pshhhhhhhhhh! Puleeeeeeeeeeaze! Whose blog are you reading?.................................................This week? I have different...like? See? Last week, it was all the chair and hair and work and get up early, the show, dance and little sleep. But this w...Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, yeahhhhhhh! Yes, I am.

Didn't take long, did it? Some of you might want to point and reckon, "Weak woman!" And you have every right to. Most of us are free to do as we please but I'll be honest with you. I am weak in certain areas. ESPecially when it involves cold. And well? Cockroaches. But this has nothing to do with either. Neither does it have anything to do with swimming in the ocean. Sea sand...ewwwwwwwww! This has everything to do with coming home and immediately being bombarded with too much for someone who's just arrived from being totally relaxed for three weeks in a different time zone.

But it's like? Okay? Lemme put it to you this way. Did you see that thing spinning on top of that tornado this past week? "There's a TOP of a tornado!?! O_o! Wait?!? There was a tornado this past week?" In the life and times of me, The Rambler? Yes there was! And I was the thing on top of it. That's the very reason I haven't blogged since I've been back! Aside from the fact that it felt kinda impossible to keep a single thought together while getting spun dizzy? I didn't think you'd appreciate slurred typing where most paragraphs ended with my thumb pressed on zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Even in that state, one still has to take the time to be considerate. It's been so bad that my body has completely forgotten that Geese made sure that I got alllllllllllll of that rest while I was over there. Which is just sad! Because he made a point to ensure that I relaxed out all of the past one and half years since we've seen each other, and leave from there, feeling loose-shouldered!

I don't know why I keep thinking that life will somehow be on a slowdown, just because I'm jetlagged! Until I get a painful reminder that you'd have to be realllllllly special, Jesus-special, wouldn't you? For life to take your fatigue into consideration. I should create one of those text pics of myself looking all bedraggled that reads, "Life be like...AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FA DAT!" That one's for you Geese! Lol! (I showed him that video and all I've been hearing, is, Sweet Jesus, it's a fiurrrrrrre! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!).

Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!

All Good Things Come to an End!

Afternoon of the 6th of April.......
Do I have to see this? I just step onto the plane, having jussssssssst left Geese out there? I watched for him 'til I saw him turn the corner, once I'd gone pass security where he couldn't see me anymore. But this woman is throwing up in bags and bags and uuuurgh. More! Oh god! Where is alll...#*@+ it! I'm not gonna sit here trying to make sense of the amount of....ohhhMG! I am more than a fairly sympathetic person but nottttttt now. Not now.

Not now, when I'm the at this moment, desperately seeking sympathy. The attendant has rightfully advised that they stay at the airport, grounded, for a few more hours and catch a later flight because she doesn't look well? But? No! Appears she's feeling well enough to fly. Her son is now crying for water, OMFG....I swear he is crying, "Haiyor! Haiyor!" Those at home will know why that's an OMFG moment! I am nothing less than perturbed that I was this clueless about the fact that Indian people didn't only use "Haiyor" to express sadness, or shock, at home!

But?!? For real, though? "Haiyor" is universal?! O_*! Don't ask me what face I just made. It looks like a have a black eye. I didn't mean for that to happen, I just needed something more than the normal confused look I usually use to show how much finding this out has affected me.

Well? The DC airport isnt as busy as I'd imagined it would be. Keep looking for him. This sucks. I miss him. Already! I will say this much. He's dead on target when he talks about how this back and forth has to stop. One heart can only break but so many times!

Time to board. :-(

Sitting on this plane now. Just feels like I'm going in the wrong direction. When ur heart, your affections, are spread across countries? It never feels right having to leave either one of them. I guess it won't surprise you to learn that the first on-board movie I watched was Thunderstruck staring Kevin Durant. As Kevin Durant! Did I spell his name correctly? Basketball! That is one of my fondest memories from being over there! I truly got a feel and understanding for the game and thoroughly enjoyed watching and pointing my hand at the TV in disappointment when our team would do something stupid, blending beautifully with Geese's very loud words of disgust. Or just when Hawes was being his dangly, clumsy self.

And now? It's time to turn off all electronic devices. Bastards...you'd think they'd have come up with a way to be able to google-chat with the loved one's you're leaving behind, whilllllle ur leaving them behind! People have time to threaten nuclear war but when it comes to love? Nobody has the time to come up with one network to service all countries, which doesn't affect aircraft mechanics while you google-chat! "Ensure that your cellphone is set on flight mode when you turn it off, so that when you turn it on? Whooooo? The heck wants to turn it on anyway, when it can't do anything but stare back at you saying, "And the reason ur draining the life outa me right now, is...?" Hmmmmmmpf! I'm sensing some messed up priorities here! And then it's, "All's fair in love and war." Nohhh, it's not. Okay, the attendant is coming! Shit! I'll be back in a whole lot of hours time!

Sometime in the afternoon of 7th of April....
Well? I'm back home now. Almost! I left Philly at 13.50pm yesterday, sat and sulked in DC for three hours. Was in the air for another sixteen hours and now? I'm in Johannesburg! It's 5pm and they're asking for my right arm and my two tired limbs, which include the swollen feet I'm having to squeeze into my Timberland boots, to get me on an earlier flight to Durban. All. That means? Is that I get to sulk for fourrrrrr more hours before my next flight! Ohhhhhh yeah! I'm not done with aviation jusssst yet! But?! On the bright side? I cannnn talk to Geese while I sulk, so it's at least gonna be bearable! So...excuse me while I do that!

Annnnnnd back to the off with the cellphone garbage again! This is getting tiresome. I'm gonna have to write to someone to see what they can do about this on-off cellphone crap! It's dark now. I've dried my eyes. And I'm off to Durban. I have a question. Has you're heart ever been heavy and light at the same time? Well? Fly a-way from your man and to-wards your kids and you'll be able to understand exactly how that feels. And now? I have to go, my gran is already barred from flying...I can't take that chance!

Touchdown in Durban! Nothing like watching your son running towards you when he gets sight of you and then feeling him hold you so tight 'til you think you're gonna break in two, to lift your spirits. Paige was waiting at home with my other surrogate daughter, Lindsie with more uplifting hugs and happy faces! I think I've been missed! And Geese and I haven't stopped talking other than when we had to! He's over in Philly eating now. I know that because now that I'm on the ground? Google-talk works! As for me? It's pass 2am and ofcourse, I can't sleep! Before I go, I am really glad that you guys got a chance to formally meet him...
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A Sixers Win for my Sweetheart…!

Good evening from Philadelphia! (From me too…)

It’s 10:07pm here in victorious Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! Our beleaguered basketball team has just finished a good road-win down in Hotlanta! That would be Atlanta, Georgia for anyone who isn’t familiar to any one of the too many slang city names for Atlanta. To be honest with you I’ve got no clue if Hotlanta is even still used, ay, I’m old & don’t have time to keep up with the flash & trash, hip-&-fly slang-thangs of the modern times! Evan Turner our #2 draft choice from three years ago, (If you need a visual?  He looks like Sanford in his very young days...And just as unhappy as Sanford too.... Remember Sanford and Son?  You don't?  Damn, I feel old now.) played well & the Rambler & I are fans of Evan & want him to do well. Unlike our crappy cockblocking coach, Cranky Pants Doug Collins, who seems to be deeply in love with Jrue Holiday. I started off the year really high on Jrue Holiday who is our starting point guard, but thanks to Doug Collins poisonous coaching style & blindly-stupid favoritism! I’ve kind of had my fill of Jrue & need a holiday from Holiday. The bad part is that I had warned people that eventually Doug Collins idiotic style of coaching would boomerang back on Jrue Holiday AND THE TEAM, while Doug is doing his damndest to undermine Evan Turner, which is just dumb.

A smart person would want to make sure Evan Turner does well, just so he can be traded & out of his hair. One thing has been pretty consistent with the Sixers over the last 15 years is that their so-called big-time coaches, which would include long since gone Larry Brown during the Allen Iverson Era of 76ers basketball. To the current Doug Collins Capers in what can’t be called the Jrue Holiday Regime or the Evan Turner Era either, since Doug wants Jrue Holiday to be the centerpiece of the entire team, while ignoring the fact that Holiday’s own personality just isn’t suited for that kind of massive pressure. Either way, our Rambler has seen since day one that something is DEFINITELY WRONG with Evan & Doug. Then again I think three blind mice would be like “F is up with those two dumb–ass humans?” (HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)  Even tonight, Evan makes a mistake? Doug Collins looks like the Mummy from the Mummy & Mummy Returns movies where I thought he was going to unleash the 7 Deadly Plagues on Evan for making one simple screw-up while Jrue was continuing his recent slop shooting streak of 2-for-9 at that moment, after a great loss on Wednesday where Doug The Mummy Collins kept telling Jrue to shoot! Resulting in a TWO FOR TWENTY-FOUR SHOOTING NIGHT! Where we lost against a team called the Charlotte, BOBCATS! And lemme tell ya something their LOGO, LOOKS LIKE A LAZY ASS HOUSE CAT! THAT MANAGED TO BRIBE ITS WAY ONTO AN NBA TEAMS MASCOT LOGO!

The Mummy was quiet as a church-mouse when Jrue was & has, stunk up the joint in the EXACT SAME WAYS AS EVAN TURNER. Mind you, Turner was drafted as the #2 pick in the draft for a mediocre team that has only been getting into the NBA playoffs because they are in a conference that is horrible enough to allow their horrible record to get them into the playoffs. Where if they were in the Western Conference & not the Eastern, they’d be sittin their butts at home once the regular season ended. Either way, tonight is my sweethearts last night here, baring my kidnapping her & keeping her here. Which is a strong possibility. I’m still milling it over, shhhhh, don’t tell her! Even though she’s standing here right now as I type. But the bottom line is that the Sixers had to win this game tonight because she’ll be on her way back to South Africa & friends & family WHO’D BETTER GIVE HER VITAMIN E RUB DOWNS BEFORE I RELEASE THE BALROG ON THEIR LAZY-ASSES! YOU HEARD ME, GET RUBBIN DAMMIT! If I can take great care of her, SO CAN ALL OF YOU! DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!

Now? Back to what I was saying before I began leveling empty threats. The Sixers had to win this game tonight & Evan Turner played well, while Jrue Holiday was still trying to regain his teacher’s pet prone prison position. You know what I’m talking about! Because then at least one of us will! Either way!? Evan played well & the rest of the team played well, they scored 40 points in the first quarter & jumped out to a big lead & then kept the Atlanta Bawks at bay until it was impossible for them to catch up. So now that the game is over I decided to come up on here & type this & she just asked me “Did you mean to type, Bawks?” And I just said “Yes. Because calling them the Atlanta Hawks is too much of an insult to Hawks.”

But it’s been a good night & the Sixers have won & Evan had a good game 24 points, 11rebounds. Now? All I have to do is just kidnap your rambler so that she misses her plane & OH MY GOODNESS!? She has to stay here with me, awwwwww, what a crime! Ok? I am NOT going to keep the rambler here against her will, although I am finding her bizarre love of getting her ankles slapped, O_o????, concerning. I gave her a vitamin E oil massage & for some reason she was obsessed with getting her ankles slapped by me, which is just…? Some weird ass s----T, FOR REAL, FOR REAL!

LATER!

PS; Oil massaged ankle slapping must be a South African thing, somebody help me out here! S---t is just BIZARRE, FOR REAL! I know the neighbors were like, GOD I WISH HE’D JUST GIVE HER A BREAK FOR ONCE, DAMN, WAIT!??!? IS HE SLAPPIN HER ANKLES!? WTF!?!?! GET THIS WEIRDO OUTTA HERE & TAKE YOUR BROKE ASS BLACKMAN WITH YOU TOO!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

(GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!!!!!!!  O_O!  OMGGGGGG!  DON’T BELIEVE A WORD HE IS SAYINGGGGGG!!!!!!!)

Time and place

Nothing like actually typing the date to bring you kicking and screeching to the reality that…however impractical kicking and screeching might be to do concurrently since your legs are meant to be stiff to screech or just flail wild to kick?  Wishing don’t make it true.  Yup.  I’ve been clicking my heels together while eating M&M’s at the same time, every chance I got!?  Thinking that, that would get me at least another week here, but that’s not the way life works.  Life said, “Three weeks my girl!”  And three weeks it shall be!  It’s really tearing and tattering at my conviction that M&M’s…peanut, to be precise, had the rare capability of making my world a better place.  Sometimes having an imagination doesn’t pay.  I’ve never been this disappointed in something edible since Woolworths stopped selling that cheesy popcorn about twenty years ago.  Bastards!  As you can see?  I’ve forgiven them and hold nary a grudge.  Now? 

In other, more positive news?  I finally saw an ant today.  Mmmmm-M!  It looked like a sausage ant.  It was longer than ours at home.  Think of a sausage dog?  Now picture an ant.  Look left.  Rub your palms three times…jump hig…too far?  Okay!  Okay!  I’m sitting here thinking of the opportunity that I’ve missed.  I shoulda captured it and taken it home and bred South African-American ants.  I woulda loved to see at least one of the South African ant babies all confused, saying to its mom, “Mom?  Why does your American ant boyfriend talk crooked?  Plus he is so lonnnnng.  They make us different in that place?”  Hahahahahaha!  It’s happened.  Except it wasn’t an ant, it was Damon when he was little asking me about Jodie’s husband Malik who is originally from the US, “Maaaaaaa?  Why does Malik talk crooked?”  Hahahahahahha!  I thought it was the cutest thing.

But yes!  I’ve searched for weeks and my search finally came to an end this morning.  And guess what?  It was a black one too.  Which I thought was very appropriate.  I’d have been a liTTle freaked out had it been a white….or yellow one for that matter.  There most definitely woulda been calls to 911 about, “There’s a crazy lady sitting on our entrance steps pointing to the ground with a buck-wild look in her eyes, screaming ‘It’s an imposter!!!!!’”  

Lemme tell you something?  I wouldn’t be the only crazy woman on this side of the ocean.  The female in last night’s episode of “Worlds Worst Tenants”?  She actually employed a guy off the internet to come in and saw allllllllll of their furniture in half because her and her husband were divorcing.  Everything.  Ohhhh yeah!  Everything was sawed in half, including the pot on the stove, along with the stove.  Seriously?!?!?!  That stove didn’t even belong to them to begin with.  Never mind that they talked about how sawing the gas stove in half could have blown her and Sicko with a Saw to smithereens.  Talk about bitter break-ups.  But I immediately needed an answer to…is that an actual job?  Sawing furniture in half for women that have lost their damn minds?  Or in this case, half?!?!  How are you even gonna trust someone to come into your home, who’s in that kinda of a made up career.  What do you even call yourself?  Halfaman?  You know what?  Im going to do a search RIGHT NOW….I’ll be back to report on my findings!

…………………………………………………………………………………………..Okayyyyyyyyyyy, I’m back…found nothing far as someone who could do this for me should I need these types of services.  Shocked are you?  I hope not, ‘cause if you are, then this is morrrrrre normal than I could hope to dare to imagine.  I didn’t go beyond the second page though.  However?  I did find that such questionable behavior is not only limited to the said female.  But in 2012, a male did this too.  Guess what?  At 56 years old, people are meant to have more sense than this.  This dudes wife claims that nothing had gone wrong except for the fact that they didn’t have anything in common anymore and she didn’t wanna be with him anymore.  So he didn’t want a divorce, got angry, trashed the house and sawed things in half, then wrote “My ½” on one side of them.  M-M-M!  I’m sensing that he didn’t want the divorce!  Oh yeah, I said that already.

And then back to the scorned televised wife?  With tears in my bloodshot eyes….It’s like some people haven’t heard of just walk away.  Okay, granted, he cheated.  But unless it was with your mother, sister and best friend all at the same time?  Just gohhhhhhhhh.  Go with your dignity and some whole parts of sets of furniture to tide you over until you can buy a new entire set.  Once you find your new apartment?  What then?  You’re gonna enjoy watching half a TV?  While you sit on half a couch?  And cook in your half a pot?!  How are you gonna even have a right to talk about a sore body because you keep falling off the half a bed you created!  Come onnnnnnnn! 

Believe it or not.

I wasssssssss talking about ants.  O_o!  And as far as those?  I was honestly beginning to believe that ants migrated from Philadelphia during Spring.  I will never take ants for granted again.  Let alone step on one.  Okay, that’s a bold-faced lie, because what if it’s crawling up my leg?!!  Doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen one in almost three weeks!  Flick!  Step!  Dead ant.  There’s a time and a place for everything.  Ants, like our South African criminals and every other species of anything?  Need to learn that.  Weeee had to.  The normal humans.  Not the criminal humans.  Not because we have been given the earth to rule over, it means that certain standard regulations apply solely to us.  Another lesson ants need to learn.  You trespass?  You get caught?  You pay.  It’s universal.  In Durban.  New York.  Lion land.  Everywhere!  If you were a pretty little deer and you trespassed all prettily….like la-di-da-di-daaaah… across the property of a tiger, then what…?  You just sang for his dinner!  And there you have it.  Graphic details are unnecessary as well as nauseating, but my point has been made.  

Talking about time and place.  My time in this place is sadly coming to an end and as I was telling Bra Nat on Facebook earlier.  It’s taking me some time to reach that grateful place and just sit there contently.  Yet I truly am grateful, but I keep moving away from that spot and being negative about having to leave when all that really should matter right now is that…?  Worst case scenario could have been that I might not have been able to enjoy these three weeks with my Geese.  And that’s all I keep reminding myself of as the days come and go.  I just wish that they could at least come and go a bit slower.  Jussssssss a little bit slower.      

The Next Natural Step, Lemons into Lemonade…! FIGHT!

Good morning from Philadelphia!  (Yet another blog post magically appears while I check my eyelids for holes…hahahahhahaha…that’s HIS excuse for when he needs to sleep.  All of a sudden his eyelids feel like tea strainers!  So good morning from me too.  ‘Cause I’m awoke now.  And he’s over there with his tea strainer eyelids.  I think when he’s snores like that?  It’s actually his eyelid hole detectors at work.  You know? Sounds like hard work, LOL!)

Well, I can’t honestly say it’s a good morning. Time is winding down on the Rambler & I and it is by far the worst part of our relationship. (Gospel truth right there.  I always hate having to watch him stand there, and nod.  It’s like he’s saying to me, “You can do it…just…lift the other foot now and place it in front of the other…thatttttttt’s it… one step at a time…”  And of course that means one step further away from him and closer to where I have to go through the “non-returnable” section of the airport where the only direction left to walk is away…until at some point I can’t even see his encouraging nods while his heart is breaking as much as mine is but because he’s a stickler for doing the right thing…he encourages me anyway.) 

Whenever it is time for her to head on back to Durban, it is always the worst part of us being together. We’ve talked extensively about getting onto that last page & finally getting married & moving our family’s in together, which will make for an interesting family portrait, to say the least! A total of four children with two being grown & two same-aged boys wanting to be grown. (We’d make millions being the face of “The Rainbow Nation”.  Who better than a family consisting of Two Black Americans + One Russian Jesus + Three Coloured South Africans.)  

I’ve honestly talked about moving to South Africa, since I am the more adaptable of the two of us.  (Change is uncomfortable for me, and I’m not talking about a new accounting programme at work.  And even that would make me horribly unhappy for a few days until I get the hang of it.  Most of my family would agree that, that part?  I get that from parents.  Look?  They had DSTV installed?  Which I would say is the equivalent of cable here in the States.  My mum?  Would not budge from the local SABC channels while clutching the remote tightly inside her fisted hands!  So?  What hope do I have of transitioning, without difficulty, to a new country, new way of doing things, new side of the road to drive on, new new new?  But that’s the keyword right there.  If you don’t have hope?  What do you have?  If I never had hope to begin with, then at which point would the long distance train had fallen off of its tracks?  Granted, Geese is a huge part of us even reaching this point because I am more of a quitter than he is, but this, my friends, is not for the faint hearted.  I wouldn’t have thought that it was for the wrong-side hearted too, but we’re still here.  Still going strong.  Still…have hope!)

I constantly worry about her being so far away from her family & friends, but the viability of me moving there is not really a smart move all the way around.  (Especially since we’re taught to sit on our mouths rather than open them and honestly speak about what we think and feel. Instead it’s the “better” way to grumble underneath your unhappy breath and just find a way to live around the crap going on…around you.  Unfortunately, that’s not the school that the Geeseter attended.  And even in our discussions about him moving over there?  We’ve always looked at the fact that universally, it’s always the same.  When someone comes in to upset the applecart, be it on a personal level, family level, or country level?  Nnnnnnnnnnnn…good things don’t alwayyyyys follow.)  It’ll definitely pass the “creature comforts”-test & the “feel-good”-test, but not the “WTF this makes no sense”-test!

First of all my child support payments to my not wrapped too tight ex-wife, would get extremely complicated. The RAND doesn’t hold up well to the Dollar & then making sure that I find a decent job in Durban, is a huge must, because the last thing I need or want is the local domestic court thinking I’ve fled the country to evade child support or some silly s—t like that. My main concern after that is the random crime that I was well-aware of before I ever met my sexy rambler. What are the odds that I’d go to an American high school while apartheid was winding down in South Africa, WITH SOUTH AFRICANS, WEST AFRICANS & AN ETHOPIAN! HA! Then again I also went to school with Central Americans, some European-Whites of non-American descent & I threw that part in there because of the craptastic American Census Bureau’s listing of Hispanics. When HISPANICS AREN’T A RACE! Yes, yes, yes! Look at the Black American being American & being obsessed with Race, ay look! When in Pre-Christian Rome you can act Christian if you want! There’s a lion with your name on it & its teeth ready to partake of your sweet Christian ARSE! Hahahahahahhahaah, I said arse! HAHAHAHAHAHH! If ya like getting bit on the bum then I guess you can act dumb, right! CRIKEY! Damn manta rays don’t know how to take a freakin joke!

All disrespectful tasteless humor aside, that pisses me off. Because the actual second largest majority in America are, you guessed it fans! BLACK AMERICANS! Nothing like minding your own business & then finding out, wait, what!? How the f—k are you gonna replace our standing as the largest minority in America with a FAKE RACIAL GROUP ETHNICITY CON GAME! Well, I’ll tell you how, it’s because we haven’t actually garnered enough real power to put that fear in the White American lawmakers to say “I don’t think they’re gonna riot & burn down their own neighborhoods this time. These cheeky bastards & bitches stop buying s---t up like it’s goin outta style & start savin their money, we’re gonna be in serious trouble if they just stop spending money on s---t we directly control & profit from!”

Heh, & you thought I was gonna say take to the streets & protest, HAHAHHAHAHAHAH! THAT DOESN’T WORK ANYMORE! ANYWHERE! You can toi toi & Bishop Tutu all you want, doesn’t work anymore. But you take your hand out your pocket! Raise it in the air in a fist full of dollars, OR RAND! And then STUFF IT BACK IN YOUR POCKET WHILE YOU SCREAM AT THE IDIOT THAT PISSED YOU OFF “F YOU!” Then you consciously keep your money to yourself & spend it in a manner that YOU KNOW is gonna hurt that a-hole!? Watch how quickly they come running when their profit margin goes from a FRIENDLY BLACK! Into a not so friendly RED! Then they wanna talk. They wanna “hear you out”. Then they wanna “how can we make things right”. Mind you, you can only play this cockblocking card, ONCE! Rest assured in this age of greedy bastards & bitches they’ll do everything they can to try to figure out a way to avoid you holding them by the monetary nut sack & telling them to cough or else! So you gotta be ready for when they come calling to try to get you to start spending money on them & their goods & services again. Prime example; the Southern Bus Boycott in the 60’s by Black Americans. It put A LOT of White owned businesses out of business & not just the White owned public transit companies who kept talking about give up your seats to Whites & Blacks to the back. But instead of Blacks understanding that we’d not only saved a pretty penny by boycotting these idiots, who wanted to pretend like they didn’t know that most Blacks in the south were poor & needed the bus systems to get to work & essentially wipe White Americans collective asses! But with necessity still being the mother of all inventions, Blacks during the boycott created a carpool system to make sure people got to work. It is amazing sometimes when you see someone or a group of people just get it done & then NOT REALIZE THAT THEY DON’T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE IDIOTS THEY JUST GOT AWAY FROM!

(By the silence that I now speak?  O_o!  You can clearly see that I don’t partake in these conversations…I don’t know enough about history and my brain doesn’t know enough about memory…so, I’m here…listening and acknowledging that I shoulda paid more attention in History class.  But no.  No.  That’s not even it.  We didn’t cover all of this in History at school.  Van Riebeck and the Voortrekkers and Dick King and trade with the East for curry powder and gheera powder and Shaka Zulu and Dingaan…Overdressed Whites and Underdressed Blacks….uuuuuuurgh.  And see that?  That reaction is precisely why I don’t remember History.  Geese’ll tell you?  I don’t like something?  I block it.  Bury it.  Barbecue it.  Anything to make it Be gone!)

Bottom line is that during that boycott, Blacks had crippled the southern economy of the United States, & by default, the US economy as a whole. Simply by refusing to ride the buses in the south. They then created a carpool system so that those who had cars would pick up & drop off those who didn’t. The bus companies & various state & local officials came crawling & instead of being told “Uhhhhhh, why exactly would I go back to YOURRRRRRRRRRR, public transportation system, WHEN I JUST MADE MY FREAKIN OWN YOU MORON!” And they did. The next NATURAL STEP, was to start charging a small fee amongst themselves, which I’m sure they probably were already getting in people giving up gas money to the drivers. Next NATURAL STEP is the more enterprising members of the boycott, trading in their cars & using their cash to buy vans, not buses. And continuing to provide service & working out a decent fare rate or fee. The bad part is that the “RADICAL CRAP” I am talking & typing, was considered just that by leaders like Dr. Martin Luther King. Which is RARELY MENTIONED. It is rarely mentioned that it was considered RADICAL, to go the next logical step in the process of becoming & being self-sufficient & independent of someone, anyone! Who only wants to get the best from you, get your money, get your services, get your intellectual ideas. But then give you slop, s----t & crap back in return.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, am I saying all of this? Because this Blackman, is tired of having his woman having to ramble back home because he’s not making enough money to be able to bring her & her family here to stay. OH YEAH! Times are hard for the Geeseter, but I’ve reached the point that this whole “I’ll see you next year” thing, is old. The Rambler & I have been working on a book & as a matter of fact she’s typing up chapter two, as we’re moving closer & closer to her having to head back to Durban on saturday. She wrote a book called Broken & began shopping it for publication. But she’s always wanted me to work on expanding her book & even reworking, rewriting it, as I saw fit. At the time I was working on something of my own, but much like the Blacks during the Bus Boycott, I wasn’t really trying to follow things out to their NATURAL NEXT STEP. Mmmmmmmm-hmmmmmmmmmmm, yeah, I tricked ya! You thought, look at this guy with his racial bitching & moaning! He has a point to this pointlessness or am I wasting my time reading his SLOP! Heh. Heh. Heh. I’ve allllllllllllllllllways got a point to what I’m doing. It’s usually a plan, inside of a plan, inside of a plan, leading to a TRAP! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! Le Rambler can attest to that! (Mmmmm_M!) And I realized that she’d finished Broken & I was struggling with my own book & she’d been begging me for awhile to just use her book & expand on & rewrite whatever I felt was needed to make the book even better than what it already was. AND SO!?!?! That is my main goal gringos! To finish this book & see where it takes US, because of course we’re both in it together, as we should be! But like Michael Cain said “I don’t wanna be a chimney sweep, so? I’ll see how this whole acting thing goes & if I can make the same amount as being a chimney sweep. Then I’ll stick with that.”

And I understand EXACTLY, what he meant. Most of my adult professional employment life has been as a BILL. COLLECTOR. >_< And I hate it. Grrrrrrr, asking or demanding people pay bills, when I have outstanding bills my damnself!? HIPPO! CRIT! Hypocrite! Hate bill collector jobs. But at this point I need to find one for the money, but I can’t stand them, SO!?!?!? Soon as my sweetheart heads out of here I’m gonna have to stomach another bill collector job, BUT!?!?! IT’S ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, A TRICK! To be able to pay my bills while working on OUR BOOK! And because Stacey’s original book was called Broken (You know he’s serious when he calls me Stacey…:-\), I had to come up with a way to maintain her book while creating something that I myself could really dig into & thus the new title & concept for; Broken Griffin.  (If you enjoy sci-fi, you’re gonna enjoy this book immensely.  He’s taken my Romantic drama, maintained the characters, introduced some new ones, maintained the core original parts of my book including my written work, swung it this way, beat it that way and VIOLA!  A future sci-fi MOVIE in the making!)

And now it IS a good morning, because I’ve gone from being down about my woman leaving. To looking at a REALISTIC WAY to solve our long-distance dilemma & work towards a future where we not only don’t have to worry about saying goodbye to each other anymore, but!? Doing something professionally that we’re both good enough to get paid for! ^_^!!!!! (^_^!!!!!!!)You can always stomach crappy times when you have a better & brighter alternative that you know you can HONESTLY REACH! (I don’t like it when he says that because I’m like, “I demand the liberty of being depressed about this here, crappy time. It is crappy.  And depressing, hence the need for me to be react this crappy depressed way.  It’s called, action and reaction.”  And then, strolling through my eardrum, comes the voice of reason, “But I’ve always tried to teach you, Precious, that if you have to suffer some temporary discomfort for what will bring you a permanent positive result, in the future?  Then it’s worth it…C’mon now. Cheer up.”  And then I grind my teeth about, “Stop making so much sense all the time…?”)

LATER!