Good evening from Philadelphia! (From me too…)
It’s 10:07pm here in victorious Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!
Our beleaguered basketball team has just finished a good road-win down in
Hotlanta! That would be Atlanta, Georgia for anyone who isn’t familiar to any
one of the too many slang city names for Atlanta. To be honest with you I’ve
got no clue if Hotlanta is even still used, ay, I’m old & don’t have time
to keep up with the flash & trash, hip-&-fly slang-thangs of the modern
times! Evan Turner our #2 draft choice from three years ago, (If you need a visual? He looks like Sanford in his very young
days...And just as unhappy as Sanford too.... Remember Sanford and Son? You don't?
Damn, I feel old now.) played well & the Rambler & I are
fans of Evan & want him to do well. Unlike our crappy cockblocking coach,
Cranky Pants Doug Collins, who seems to be deeply in love with Jrue Holiday. I
started off the year really high on Jrue Holiday who is our starting point
guard, but thanks to Doug Collins poisonous coaching style & blindly-stupid
favoritism! I’ve kind of had my fill of Jrue & need a holiday from Holiday.
The bad part is that I had warned people that eventually Doug Collins idiotic
style of coaching would boomerang back on Jrue Holiday AND THE TEAM, while Doug
is doing his damndest to undermine Evan Turner, which is just dumb.
A smart person would want to make sure Evan Turner does
well, just so he can be traded & out of his hair. One thing has been pretty
consistent with the Sixers over the last 15 years is that their so-called
big-time coaches, which would include long since gone Larry Brown during the
Allen Iverson Era of 76ers basketball. To the current Doug Collins Capers in
what can’t be called the Jrue Holiday Regime or the Evan Turner Era either,
since Doug wants Jrue Holiday to be the centerpiece of the entire team, while
ignoring the fact that Holiday’s own personality just isn’t suited for that
kind of massive pressure. Either way, our Rambler has seen since day one that
something is DEFINITELY WRONG with Evan & Doug. Then again I think three
blind mice would be like “F is up with those two dumb–ass humans?” (HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) Even tonight, Evan makes a mistake? Doug
Collins looks like the Mummy from the Mummy & Mummy Returns movies where I
thought he was going to unleash the 7 Deadly Plagues on Evan for making one
simple screw-up while Jrue was continuing his recent slop shooting streak of
2-for-9 at that moment, after a great loss on Wednesday where Doug The Mummy
Collins kept telling Jrue to shoot! Resulting in a TWO FOR TWENTY-FOUR SHOOTING
NIGHT! Where we lost against a team called the Charlotte, BOBCATS! And lemme
tell ya something their LOGO, LOOKS LIKE A LAZY ASS HOUSE CAT! THAT MANAGED TO
BRIBE ITS WAY ONTO AN NBA TEAMS MASCOT LOGO!
The Mummy was quiet as a church-mouse when Jrue was &
has, stunk up the joint in the EXACT SAME WAYS AS EVAN TURNER. Mind you, Turner
was drafted as the #2 pick in the draft for a mediocre team that has only been
getting into the NBA playoffs because they are in a conference that is horrible
enough to allow their horrible record to get them into the playoffs. Where if
they were in the Western Conference & not the Eastern, they’d be sittin
their butts at home once the regular season ended. Either way, tonight is my
sweethearts last night here, baring my kidnapping her & keeping her here.
Which is a strong possibility. I’m still milling it over, shhhhh, don’t tell
her! Even though she’s standing here right now as I type. But the bottom line
is that the Sixers had to win this game tonight because she’ll be on her way
back to South Africa & friends & family WHO’D BETTER GIVE HER VITAMIN E
RUB DOWNS BEFORE I RELEASE THE BALROG ON THEIR LAZY-ASSES! YOU HEARD ME, GET
RUBBIN DAMMIT! If I can take great care of her, SO CAN ALL OF YOU! DON’T MAKE
ME COME OVER THERE!
Now? Back to what I was saying before I began leveling empty
threats. The Sixers had to win this game tonight & Evan Turner played well,
while Jrue Holiday was still trying to regain his teacher’s pet prone prison
position. You know what I’m talking about! Because then at least one of us
will! Either way!? Evan played well & the rest of the team played well,
they scored 40 points in the first quarter & jumped out to a big lead &
then kept the Atlanta Bawks at bay until it was impossible for them to catch
up. So now that the game is over I decided to come up on here & type this
& she just asked me “Did you mean to type, Bawks?” And I just said “Yes.
Because calling them the Atlanta Hawks is too much of an insult to Hawks.”
But it’s been a good night & the Sixers have won &
Evan had a good game 24 points, 11rebounds. Now? All I have to do is just
kidnap your rambler so that she misses her plane & OH MY GOODNESS!? She has
to stay here with me, awwwwww, what a crime! Ok? I am NOT going to keep the
rambler here against her will, although I am finding her bizarre love of
getting her ankles slapped, O_o????, concerning. I gave her a vitamin E oil
massage & for some reason she was obsessed with getting her ankles slapped
by me, which is just…? Some weird ass s----T, FOR REAL, FOR REAL!
LATER!
PS; Oil massaged ankle slapping must be a South African
thing, somebody help me out here! S---t is just BIZARRE, FOR REAL! I know the
neighbors were like, GOD I WISH HE’D JUST GIVE HER A BREAK FOR ONCE, DAMN,
WAIT!??!? IS HE SLAPPIN HER ANKLES!? WTF!?!?! GET THIS WEIRDO OUTTA HERE &
TAKE YOUR BROKE ASS BLACKMAN WITH YOU TOO!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!
(GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!!!!!!! O_O!
OMGGGGGG! DON’T BELIEVE A WORD HE
IS SAYINGGGGGG!!!!!!!)
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