Time and place

Nothing like actually typing the date to bring you kicking and screeching to the reality that…however impractical kicking and screeching might be to do concurrently since your legs are meant to be stiff to screech or just flail wild to kick?  Wishing don’t make it true.  Yup.  I’ve been clicking my heels together while eating M&M’s at the same time, every chance I got!?  Thinking that, that would get me at least another week here, but that’s not the way life works.  Life said, “Three weeks my girl!”  And three weeks it shall be!  It’s really tearing and tattering at my conviction that M&M’s…peanut, to be precise, had the rare capability of making my world a better place.  Sometimes having an imagination doesn’t pay.  I’ve never been this disappointed in something edible since Woolworths stopped selling that cheesy popcorn about twenty years ago.  Bastards!  As you can see?  I’ve forgiven them and hold nary a grudge.  Now? 

In other, more positive news?  I finally saw an ant today.  Mmmmm-M!  It looked like a sausage ant.  It was longer than ours at home.  Think of a sausage dog?  Now picture an ant.  Look left.  Rub your palms three times…jump hig…too far?  Okay!  Okay!  I’m sitting here thinking of the opportunity that I’ve missed.  I shoulda captured it and taken it home and bred South African-American ants.  I woulda loved to see at least one of the South African ant babies all confused, saying to its mom, “Mom?  Why does your American ant boyfriend talk crooked?  Plus he is so lonnnnng.  They make us different in that place?”  Hahahahahaha!  It’s happened.  Except it wasn’t an ant, it was Damon when he was little asking me about Jodie’s husband Malik who is originally from the US, “Maaaaaaa?  Why does Malik talk crooked?”  Hahahahahahha!  I thought it was the cutest thing.

But yes!  I’ve searched for weeks and my search finally came to an end this morning.  And guess what?  It was a black one too.  Which I thought was very appropriate.  I’d have been a liTTle freaked out had it been a white….or yellow one for that matter.  There most definitely woulda been calls to 911 about, “There’s a crazy lady sitting on our entrance steps pointing to the ground with a buck-wild look in her eyes, screaming ‘It’s an imposter!!!!!’”  

Lemme tell you something?  I wouldn’t be the only crazy woman on this side of the ocean.  The female in last night’s episode of “Worlds Worst Tenants”?  She actually employed a guy off the internet to come in and saw allllllllll of their furniture in half because her and her husband were divorcing.  Everything.  Ohhhh yeah!  Everything was sawed in half, including the pot on the stove, along with the stove.  Seriously?!?!?!  That stove didn’t even belong to them to begin with.  Never mind that they talked about how sawing the gas stove in half could have blown her and Sicko with a Saw to smithereens.  Talk about bitter break-ups.  But I immediately needed an answer to…is that an actual job?  Sawing furniture in half for women that have lost their damn minds?  Or in this case, half?!?!  How are you even gonna trust someone to come into your home, who’s in that kinda of a made up career.  What do you even call yourself?  Halfaman?  You know what?  Im going to do a search RIGHT NOW….I’ll be back to report on my findings!

…………………………………………………………………………………………..Okayyyyyyyyyyy, I’m back…found nothing far as someone who could do this for me should I need these types of services.  Shocked are you?  I hope not, ‘cause if you are, then this is morrrrrre normal than I could hope to dare to imagine.  I didn’t go beyond the second page though.  However?  I did find that such questionable behavior is not only limited to the said female.  But in 2012, a male did this too.  Guess what?  At 56 years old, people are meant to have more sense than this.  This dudes wife claims that nothing had gone wrong except for the fact that they didn’t have anything in common anymore and she didn’t wanna be with him anymore.  So he didn’t want a divorce, got angry, trashed the house and sawed things in half, then wrote “My ½” on one side of them.  M-M-M!  I’m sensing that he didn’t want the divorce!  Oh yeah, I said that already.

And then back to the scorned televised wife?  With tears in my bloodshot eyes….It’s like some people haven’t heard of just walk away.  Okay, granted, he cheated.  But unless it was with your mother, sister and best friend all at the same time?  Just gohhhhhhhhh.  Go with your dignity and some whole parts of sets of furniture to tide you over until you can buy a new entire set.  Once you find your new apartment?  What then?  You’re gonna enjoy watching half a TV?  While you sit on half a couch?  And cook in your half a pot?!  How are you gonna even have a right to talk about a sore body because you keep falling off the half a bed you created!  Come onnnnnnnn! 

Believe it or not.

I wasssssssss talking about ants.  O_o!  And as far as those?  I was honestly beginning to believe that ants migrated from Philadelphia during Spring.  I will never take ants for granted again.  Let alone step on one.  Okay, that’s a bold-faced lie, because what if it’s crawling up my leg?!!  Doesn’t matter that I haven’t seen one in almost three weeks!  Flick!  Step!  Dead ant.  There’s a time and a place for everything.  Ants, like our South African criminals and every other species of anything?  Need to learn that.  Weeee had to.  The normal humans.  Not the criminal humans.  Not because we have been given the earth to rule over, it means that certain standard regulations apply solely to us.  Another lesson ants need to learn.  You trespass?  You get caught?  You pay.  It’s universal.  In Durban.  New York.  Lion land.  Everywhere!  If you were a pretty little deer and you trespassed all prettily….like la-di-da-di-daaaah… across the property of a tiger, then what…?  You just sang for his dinner!  And there you have it.  Graphic details are unnecessary as well as nauseating, but my point has been made.  

Talking about time and place.  My time in this place is sadly coming to an end and as I was telling Bra Nat on Facebook earlier.  It’s taking me some time to reach that grateful place and just sit there contently.  Yet I truly am grateful, but I keep moving away from that spot and being negative about having to leave when all that really should matter right now is that…?  Worst case scenario could have been that I might not have been able to enjoy these three weeks with my Geese.  And that’s all I keep reminding myself of as the days come and go.  I just wish that they could at least come and go a bit slower.  Jussssssss a little bit slower.