The Fight Within

Can't say that I didn't have a fabulous day with the family today, even with all of the commotion going on in my head.
I know, right?
When is there never commotion in my head? I can think only of ONE time. The drive was long. I wore jeans. A white fitted shirt. And (cough) heels. Travelling to an unfamiliar place. With a very familiar person. As our destination grew closer, my palms began to sweat. Finally. My heart smiling and ambitious----believing that it was an Olympian. My throat closed as it began to sprint. I palmed my face. We neared the finish line. Time shrunk. Our destination just minutes away. My excitement chokingly difficult to contain. I wore heels. Oh wait, I said that. But not for long. I heard them in the distance, crying, free us-----freeeeee us. So I did, I slipped outa those suckers the very moment that I could. My mind just as free as my toes. All ten of them. Wriggling against the carpeted floor. Being there, blissfully confined, optimistically nervous yet centred in my sense of belonging--------it began-----

A-hem!
That's all I can tell you for now. Believe it or not, that is a true story. In my life. At least, the beginning of the story. The middle and ending is just too personal to get into and one day I might but that was the one and only time that my mind, body and soul were calm and carefree. Just like I believe life should be. But noooooooooooo------! :-/ They're bombing in Thailand. Ups. Downs. They're tryna extort money from us for new vehicle license plates every year. Highs. Lows. France, Turkey, the US, Zuma. Droughts, wildfires, death, love-------the world! Is in a shambles!

I'd appreciate my thoughts and my emotions going on a hiatus for a while. I don't mean temporary brain dead or something, Lord? Please, I don't mean that. Lord? I DON'T mean that, let's just be clear. I know you're listening to me.

I'm just saying that I need a break from all of the conflicting and the challenging and the questioning, to feel a little settled inside. Yo, it's like a gang fight going on in there and nobody's winning. It's very confusing to feel at peace and not feel at peace at the same time. Like, to be okay but not okay. Uuuuurgh! See?!? They say that Libra's see both sides of a situation, which makes it hard for them to make a decision. Which explains this gang-fight. To me.

My sensible side tells me that if I'm not settled inside then I don't feel inner peace but my other side, the whatyoumacallit side tells me that I've personally never felt so much peace in my life. Both sides are right, though.

See what I have to deal with?

These are the phases that I go through. Sometimes. Depending on where I feel that I am in my life or the things going on around me.
That's normal. Isn't it?
Yes.
These are the things that are meant to make you think or re-assess or reboot or wonder. Aren't they?
Yes.
Am I talking to myself right now?
Nnnnnnn-----Yes!

I'm going to bed.

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