H for...............

.............................well....not HABERDASHERY, that's fo shizzle!  

My letter for today was “H”  

And let me not be rude--------------HOW are you, by the way?  Me? 

Rather glad you asked.  I’m doing surprisingly well, thank you very much!  I do ache, fuuuuuuuuuuck do I ache but my mood is just peachy and that’s all that matters!

Let's get right to it; HEALING!  What is healing?  Asked no person eVVVer!  Especially if you’re me and you’ve kicked the front of your big toe open throughout your childhood!  I know jussss what healing is thanks to our concrete cul-de-sac!  

Healing is “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.”  Physical healing, however, is somewhat different to that of emotional healing.  The emotional side of us can't be remedies by medication and band-aids.  This is what makes it that much longer and harder a process.  Be that as it may, it's a process well worth the time that it takes to come out on the light side of the tunnel!  Here is another excerpt from my book, Pssssssssssst!

“Unless you take the time given to you to heal yourself?  You will always end up single.  The way I see it, when a relationship fails, it takes something from you.  You lose a little bit of what you started off with.  Whether it be confidence, trust, self-respect, etc.  Whatever it is though?  Jumping straight into another relationship might take your mind off what just happened but it's not going to change the reason that it did and it's not going to miraculously dissipate all of the negative feelings that you came out of it with.

Depending on how you felt about that person, or how it ended?  Relationship ends take a whole lot out of you.  Now imagine this.  Imagine sitting on a chair that has two broken legs?  Ouch!  I just heard, crack...crack...BANG!!!  I'm sorry that I set you up to fall just now but it was for a good cause.  See that?  That chair is you after a failed relationship.  This is the reason that I'm telling you that you that you need time to grow your legs back.  A relationship requires you being all of you in all of your glory for it to even have a hope in hell of working out.  Funny enough, my ex told me that after I got divorced and ofcourse there are times when you think that you’re alright, because you feel like it at the time so you don’t pay good advice any mind.  The thing I absolutely love about life is that sometimes you actually do get a second chance to get things right.  Even when you feel as if you messed something up so badly that you will never be able to fix it, including yourself….no.  You will.  It’s just---we’re never handed our blessings until we’re ready to both receive them, apply them and enjoy them.

Sure you feel like the odd one out sometimes when everyone around has their arms around their significant other but don't forget, looks can be deceiving.  Not every person who has someone is happy.  So letting that bum you out enough to run out and find yourself somebody just to have somebody is going to compound your problems, not solve them.  You never suddenly heal.  You never suddenly begin to trust again or feel safe enough to open yourself up to another person again.  You know there will be a next time, right?  A next person.  A next relationship.  Right?  And when it finds you, you don’t want to start a new adventure with an old passport. 

But healing takes time and you owe it to yourself to prepare yourself for that next relationship.  Yes, I said that you owe it to yourself and I said it because you deserve happiness too but you won’t be able to enjoy being your happiest, moreso, you don’t want to miss the opportunity to be your happiest because part of you is still buried under hurt and pain and feelings of failure.  Is it just me?  Do you see it as that as well?  As a personal failure.  I don’t like to fail and to this day, no matter what is happening in my life right now?  No matter how content I am right now?  Having been a part of an unsuccessful marriage, is one of the biggest failures I’ve had to carry with me.  And really, it doesn’t have anything to do with me wanting my ex-husband back.  It has everything to do with the fact that I was one half of the reason that destroyed one of my oldest and most precious dreams.  A whole and happy, family. 

That is why?  Find yourself first before you find yourself somebody.  It's the rushing into things that we're not ready for that causes us to constantly be cleaning up unnecessary messes in our lives. 

One step at a time. 

Society isn’t in your bedroom when you’re crying yourself to sleep because you went and fucked up and started dating theeeeeee most trustworthy guy on the planet before you were ready to and because Cheating Chip who came before him slept with the entire village while claiming to love you and only you?  Poor Mr. Nice Guy then became the usual suspect. 

No. 

Fuck society and the pressure that they put us under to have partners and marriages and children, when we’re not ready to!  We should send society the psychiatrist’s bill for when we’re trying to undo the damage that that kind of pressure causes us!  Rushing into shit that is just going to break us more than we already are.  Society is like that out of control friend that keeps getting your ass into all kinds of trouble! 

You’re not a circus freak, a loser, a nobody, none of that……because you’re single.  Remember that!  You don’t need to dress the part to please anybody either.  Right now, I’m sitting here thinking that you get to an age where being in a relationship is not simply about having someone's arm to hang onto, someone to wake up next to, or having two on a wedding invitation instead of one. It becomes about quality, not quantity.”