The Joys.....?

Saw this on Facebook today and ofcourse, I had to speak my piece.  And my piece was, “Be that as it may but I seriously don't believe that anybody would PREFER to be single. How being single is handled emotionally from a personal standpoint is one thing but there's nothing that will convince me that anybody would RATHER be single over having someone to come home to, laugh with, someone to share your day and night and thoughts and fears and love with.”

I have a problem these days with women or men who say one thing but feel another.  That’s only because I used to do the same thing and it didn’t get me anywhere.  It caused more shit both inside and out than lying about my feelings would ever be worth because saying something and feeling the opposite, didn’t change the way that I felt.  It didn’t let the other person know how I felt.  It didn’t make me feel lighter.  It didn’t make me appear honest.  Putting on a brave face when you don’t feel very brave, saying that you’re okay when you don’t feel okay does you more of a disservice than anything else so I’m not going to sit here and pretend that being single means to me, what it doesn’t.

I do believe that one should always try to reach a place where they are enough, to themselves and for themselves, so that when single-hood ever comes around, it doesn’t leave you depressed and isolated, feeling as if you’re a failure.  Reaching that place does take work.  A whole lot of work.  What I don’t believe is that loneliness should kick your ass out the door demanding the likes of, “Come back with somebody…anybody!  Just don’t come back alone!”  An anybody, can leave you feeling single while you’re in a relationship.  So then, what good is that?

Me?  I would choose to have someone to kick it with, chill with, laugh with, love with, cry with...any day!  Over being single.  Whatever is described in this quote as part of the joys of being single?  Did the person who came up with this really feel this way?  Maybe.  Maybe they’ve never really loved because when you have THAT to compare being single to, then one wouldn’t talk about being single as a joyful anything.  Unless, it was simply to send out a message to whomever they just broke up with.  Sorry.

Being able to do what you want and all of this other bullshit that this quote talks about?  That’s a joy, huh?  To be able to do what you want but share it with nobody.  >_<!  It’s a joy?  As opposed to being part of a loving, valuable relationship / marriage where?  Before we even get into the fact that you should be able to go here and there, you should be able to do this or that, with whomever you want…to an acceptable point and to a respectable limit, while you’re in a relationship.  It’s not jail.  You’re not in a cage, are you?  Just be cautious and mindful that you’re actually doing more with your partner, than without him/her.  

Disclaimer: I said, to a point and to a limit because I don’t want anything misinterpreted.  Living a single life while you’re in a relationship or a marriage, is farrrrrrrrr from meaning the same as giving each other the space and freedom they need to hold onto their individuality.  It then becomes the responsibility of both you and your partner to respect the boundaries of that space and freedom and if you fuck that up?  Then wave and say….bye-bye trust.

Whatever you do or don’t do?  Single or not, there is always someone that you need to justify your actions to -------------------------------I hear crickets------------and whistling---------and cartoon blinking------- what about to yourself? 

Sure, I can see why it would feel as if that part can be overlooked.  It’s so easy.  If you don’t want to answer to yourself, you don’t need to, right?  Wrong!  Me?  I gave it no thought.  If I didn’t feel like being honest with myself to avoid having to deal with something that I did, where it wasn’t the best of things to do…I could and would step right over it and keep walking.  And what do you think happened?  Eventually, it affected me as a parent as well as a partner.

Shhhhhhhhhhh…but I’ve been going through a phase of “If only I knew then what I know now……” for quite a while now and too many times I wish that I could find a way to go back and do things over simply because I know now how I could have handled things better. 

It just seems crazy to me now that I’ve walked through most of my life without acknowledging that it also meant, to myself, when it came to justification of what I either did or didn’t do.  In the random moments that I would?  I found that it’s always peachy when it’s us judging us.  Who’s to stop you from giving yourself a free pass?  Nobody!  However, when it’s us judging others for the same crap, it’s a whole different story.  Then all hell breaks loose and it becomes a thing of, HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!  And let me tell you something?  Those caps become lower case quick and fast when you’re honest about, “What was my part in it? Could I have been part of the cause?"  I’ll bet my hips on the fact that it’s one of the reasons that my ex-husband and I can now actually enjoy each other’s company without resentment.  Had I not asked myself that question?  And gave myself an honest answer?  I’d still be angry as shit with him today.