I briefly mentioned that our family buried a young member last week. Honestly, I didn't spend any time with Liam, he was part of the family that unfortunately we don't see very often. Actually, the family that I became accustomed to really isn't the family that I recognise now. And that starts from my own siblings. A lot has happened over the last year that's basically broken us into pieces and I have found that standing up against my perception of wrong for my perception of right almost always leaves you standing alone where it's been me against my siblings and for the first time in my life I've been okay with being loved but not liked because, well? I'm older and I believe that over the past five years or so, I've grown more than I have in my entire life. It's a whole lot easier for me now to open my mouth and stand my ground for what I believe in, than it's ever been and I will say this much. A lot of that comes from what I've learned from being in my previous relationship. If I've taken anything from it, it's been to open my mouth when something isn't right, to me. That's a lesson I needed to learn and one that I'm grateful for!
I'm happy to type that we're mending at the moment, at least some of us are, which is always a good thing and really I've been trying to live life one day at a time, one issue at a time, calmly and level-headed------ly. I used to easily become overwhelmed even at the smallest curve in the road but another thing that I've taken from my previous relationship is to "focus on what's in front of you." It feels easier to focus on that curve as opposed to taking that curve and clouding it with, "my whole life is falling apart".
The rest of the family? We have all of the love in the world for each other but we don't get together as much as we used to anymore. Some parts of the family dynamic is still the same, like totally enjoying each other when we actually do get together but a lot has changed as far as the amount of time we actually do spend together. That's my opinion. I'm sure at some point on my blog, you've seen me mention that we kinda just find each other wherever we are and gather. It's no longer the case. Everybody is basically living their lives and there's nothing wrong with doing that. The adults are growing, the kids are growing or are grown and are scattering themselves in different parts of the globe.
Me? I try not to leave my house on the weekends at all, LOL! So maybe I'm the problem in the way I feel about the overall family dynamic! Hahahahahaha! I've changed. Maybe I feel that way because I've been spending almost all of my spare time alone at home on weekends or any time that I'm not at work. It's like you need a crane and an army to get me out! Lol! I did get out this weekend though. Rare but ofcourse it does happen from time to time. We have two family weddings coming up, so you know? Bridal showers are part of the process. Then my niece's farewell lunch was on Sunday. But to compare now to how things used to be before, I'd say, chalk and cheese. I guess everybody grows and growing doesn't necessarily mean growing apart, it just means that priorities adjust and really? That's okay, you know. I'm not mad about it at all. I miss it, yeah but I can't be mad about the way that life on the whole, evolves. At the end of the day, as a person or a family unit, progression is important and you can't progress in any area of your life if you're doing the same thing, the same way for its entirety.
Liam's death shook me up, though. Death always does that to me and then I start thinking about it. A little toooooo much! I've gotten my Will done a while back but one part of it is proving difficult as far as getting someone to handle my writings. I didn't see that coming and it only occurred to me that I need to address it after Liam's death. I already know that I won't rest with leaving my work in the hands of someone who doesn't personally know my children or who won't have their best interests at heart. But I'm working on resolving that issue. But? Did you guys know that unlike in the US, here in South Africa, they don't deal with something called a Literary Executor? They will appoint a co-executor to your Will but not a Literary Executor. O_o!?!? 'Cause I researched it and a Literary executor will specifically deal with any and all issues as far as your writings, royalties, etc. So I thought, cool! Sorted! But when I go to talk to the attorney who holds my Will? That's what I come to find out. It doesn't make any sense to me and it never will since South Africa is fulllll of authors?
Anyhoo. Lemme get to work!
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