The Good, The Bad and the House Dog

Well? My babies have landed safe and sound in their homes away from home. So much going on right now, wow! Kids flying out, various weddings on the horizon, some immigratings 'bout to happen, chunk of the family planning to spend Christmas down under! Me? Me, I'm chilling like this........that's my boy right there. I adore this little fellow. Not that I'd planned to, hahahhahahaha, but I do. He was bought for my daughter's birthday and since she's moved countries, he's become my homie.

Growing up, we had many dogs. All named either Sheba or Choonooks. None of that was my doing. Just so we're clear. Nevermind that I wanted to name Cruz, Yappy. But back then, one died, they'd be buried and we'd get another one. They all died of old age but I never really got attached to any of them. At all at all!

This little rotguts?! I can't imagine life without him. He has so much personality and is protective as hell! Because he's got terrier in him, he thinks he can take on anything and anybody so I had to have my house gate laced with metal mesh because we get monkeys running a dismal outside and with him barking at them like he does, I don't need them coming to attack him. These blue-balled monkeys are ruthless. In Cape Town, the monkeys were robbing humans. Ay. 'Nuf said!

So at home, I have this shadow, named Cruz. Hahahahaha! I walk? He walks. I relax? He relaxes. I got him neutered last Friday and yes, I was a punk about it! My daughter refused to come with me to drop him, kinda like me when it was time for their injections as baby's when I would send my ex-husband in with them 'cause I couldn't see that needle sliding into their little legs! I'm such a cryer, LOL! But when I left him at the vet's that morning, he was the only one in the room with the doggy cages. You'd cry too, so if you're not gonna cut me some slack, ima cut myself some.

As for all the happenings happening right now? Part of those are that both my brothers are planning their weddings. Whoooooo-hooooo! You'd think, huh? Well? I truly mean that for one of 'm. We've had our problems in the past and we're on the mend, but most importantly, it's seriously hard to ignore the fact that true happiness, genuine happiness does something amazing to a person's demeanour, how they relate to others and their outlook on life on the whole. It's like I can feel the happiness oozing outa him and that transition has been beauuuuuutiful to watch!

The other? I will not attend that wedding even if there was a bag of money under my assigned seat! I can't pretend anymore. I don't. Then I might as well just take my peace and throw it outa the window. It's something that used to cause me too much stress. Stress that I just can't carry anymore. Stress that I won't carry anymore. So, if I'm not in support of something? You won't find ya Rambler anywhere near there. And that union? I'm certainly not in favour of, so...Ima smile and wave. Maybe just wave. Maybe flick my wrist in the air like, GET!

I've been tooooooo close to having my family blown apart, by my own crappy decision-making, trying to live a life that I wasn't even close to accustomed to living. And that's on ME, at the end of the day, I have a brain and I have the ability to do or not do. And if I do when I shouldn't or don't do when I should, I have nobody but myself to blame so I stick to what feels like a fit now. Right or wrong? That's been working for me. Birds of a feather.......

So after the smoke cleared with me and my perception of the damage that I did? Whichever relationships I had hurt in the midst of me trying to be who I wasn't, those that I wanted to fix, I have. Those that I saw no point in fixing, I just don't waste my time on. When you release certain issues and people, they no longer affect your spirit.

*shrug*

So no, I won't applaud that "let me come into your life and calculatingly isolate you from your children, grandchildren and the rest of your family" bullcrap anymore. I don't give two hoots what age those children are.
Why?
It's simple.
Because I'd HATE for the day to come when my dad tells me one day, "I'm in love now so...you're an adult! Be gone. I don't need to see you anymore, I don't even need to acknowledge that you exist. It was nice knowing you. Oh? And while I made sure to cut your legs off at your knees, stand on your own two feet now."
And I'm looking at my dad talking about, "But? I don't have------feet. You-you cut my le----------!"
And while he drives off into the sunset? He yells, "Yeah, whatever! Bye bitchesssssss!"

You will never convince me that that is what love does. No thank you very much! My rightful place is to support my nieces and nephews and all those people that have been pretty much shat on, on their way to that altar. I do wish them luck, though. I feel as though it's going to be much needed.

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