In some cases.
I'll be fair.
I believe in love, don't get me wrong, with allllllll of my dextrocardia'd heart and situs inversus'd spleen but I don't believe in all types of love. Especially when it comes to their conquering abilities.
I don't believe in 'narcissistic' love where it's all about the person you're with and you doing everything to make them happy and then fuck what makes you happy.
Dammit! I'll do better. Promise! Gimme a few sentences and you'll see signs that I'm trying to behave.
'Abusive' love where it doesn't have to be physical abuse but emotional or mental and when it is the latter? I'll say this. Physical bruises heal. It takes years and work to rid yourself of the results of emotional abuse. It's not okay to tell yourself that "At least he/she is not beating me…." And yes, you read that right, I said she.
'You owe me' love where the person you're with won't release you from that relationship, no matter how unhappy you both are, because you owe them the time or even loyalty that they'd spent on you throughout that relationship.
My question is. What do those conquer? Your self-confidence? Your expectations about love? Your freedom? Your sanity? Your hope for actually wanting to enter into another relationship? Boyz II Men said it best in my car this morning, ".....don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry. You'll end up killing all the love you have inside......"
I believe in a love where everyday feels either just like yesterday or better, with your partner. A love that fuels an endless excitement about your partner, even if they're sitting next to you staring into space. I've felt that kind of love. It's the most beautiful thing in the world to me but I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that out there in this huge ol' world, real love has never been conquered or shaved away by other crap! That real love has never existed between two people who're no longer together. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that sometimes even the most selfless love doesn't turns bad. It does. And this is why it is so vital for when you find that? To nurture it, care for it and keep fanning the fires of it so that you don't lose it.
Relationships need effort, constant effort. For some lucky bastards, *fuck*---lawwwd, my mouth? It's a natural, blissful co-existence where loving that somebody feels effortless, where all it takes are those deep feelings to lead your actions in loving them, right. For some, it feels like work work work work work! Worthy work, though. But just like with everything in life, any form of lobsidedness when it comes to the requirements, causes conflict or impossibility. Will you be able to continue driving a car if one of its tyres politely just rolled off into the opposite direction? Will you be able to run a marathon if you lost one of your running shoes, without hurting yourself?
Thought so.
Everything in life, whether it be love, hobbies, driving, cleaning……….have requirements. If any part of those are missing……you might get away with it for a while but it will be difficult, or you might not because it's just impossible to succeed without it.
Just like I believe that not letting someone back in your life has nothing to do with forgiveness, you cannnn forgive and make better choices, it's possible. When a certain amount of shit happens at soaring, ruthless levels, then it has to become about your choice of WHAT you are letting back into your life as opposed to WHO you are letting back into your life. It can't be "Okay, I forgive you, now come back for round two 'cause uhhhhhhh, I just wanna see if I'll be able to scrape my broken ass off the floor a little better this time, once you're done with me."
Forgiveness is meant to free YOU regardless of whether whomever you are forgiving is still in your life or not. Ask God, He'll tell you. Often, you find yourself glued to the exact spot at which they walked away and while you are still mourning the situation either with sadness or anger? They're long gone, living la vida loca and not giving you or your unforgiveness a second thought. Pffffffffffft! Is that fair on you? Nope. But?!!! Who's stopping you from lavid--ering you own loca? That's right. You. And that's really the part that not fair on you. Blocking your own progress and know this………..Nobody can forgive themselves for you TO BE ABLE TO move on from them. For you to dissolve your grudgery. I knowwwwwwww that's not a word, just. Go. With. It.
Alright, let's---------let's pretend---------How you gonna know? Even if it did work that way. How you gonna know? I. Hear. Crickets. 'Cause ay, things blew the fuck UP and now y'all don't deal. And I don't blame y'all too. Things turned just nasssssssty!
Man, I love pretend worlds. Things can be however you want them to be.
Now, on pretend planet, is that person gonna send you a smoke signal about, "I forgave myself for my part in the explosion, you can now take the first step towards your healing……"
---frown---
Planet earth---------Only you can do the forgiving for it to matter to YOU and change what's inside of YOU! It's something that you do for YOUR OWN healing, for YOUR OWN progress from one emotional and spiritual place to another. YOUR OWN peace.
It's heavy, otherwise.
Too heavy.
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
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