I was reading earlier about meditation and chakra's and the Heart Chakra, in particular. You're shocked, aren't you? Nottttt so much! Yeah, yeah, I thought so. HA! Okay, so I'm pretty new to the theory of meditation and chakra's, to be honest. Haven't really taken the time to really read about it, but I am now and I'm very interested.
What it is, if you're unfamiliar, is in some Indian religions, a chakra, (there are seven chakra's in your body, located from the top of your head to below your naval) a chakra is an energy point in our bodies through which energy flows. Energy like, love, spirituality, well-being, self-expression, imagination, etc. So you have the Heart Chakra, Throat Chakra, Crown Chakra, etc. All representing these different emotional issues.
As far as the Heart Chakra, yup, I zoned in on this one first! Stop ittttttt, I am what I am, and that's a Libra. See? L for Love, L for Libra. Balance, peace and love are vital in my world. That's not to say that they always exist. But I s'pose that's why it's a constant search. I fall, I get up, I fall, I get up and I keep searching.
The ultimate goal is to work towards having an open Heart Chakra, or Anahata, since this is where love, compassion, joy, all the lovely things, this is where they flow through. This made me think. So much about so much! I'm still finding myself, in life, my place in it, for the most part. To be honest, I'm uncertain how to feel about that. I have questions. Questions like? Do we ever completely do that? Find ourselves? Or is it just a continuous ever-changing journey until we cease to journey?
I'm on the fence on that one. I mean, you look around you and some people don't seem to be looking for anything. They just seem to have it all together. All figured out. Life, love, marriage, family, career.
So this where I am at this point in my life. Trying to reach that place where I fully appreciate my own value, my worth, without always questioning whether all I will ever be are the bad decisions I've made. To recognise that if I am not at peace within my own self then I can't bring peace to somebody else. Sounds cliche'd but I can't express it any other way. I've been trying so hard to be a better me. Better than I've ever been. In all areas. Pulling on past experiences every so often when the need arises and letting the results of them repel me from repeating the same thing.
Half my life has been lived already and like many of us, I've made a ton of mistakes. I've wasted a lot of time pitying my life for things I've had control over but never exercised that control. I find it strange though, when I think about my life, that I divide it into two parts; before my divorce, and after my divorce. And again, before forgiveness and after forgiveness. Then again, maybe it's not so strange since they were both turning points for me.
Fear, at times, helps. Forces you to think twice. It can prevent you from mindlessly walking into someone's life and having a negative effect on it at the end of it all. Walking into someone's life and turning it upside down, or? Walking into someone's life and having them regret that you were ever in it. That's a fear of mine, added to whichever pre-existing fears I already have.
It's never the intention though. To hurt or be hurt. We're all better than that.
But the truth is that we're not better for everyone. For some, we're a storm, not calm waters. We're turmoil, not solace. And if we've already seen that we're not someone's peace or someone's "better", then we should take that truth and act accordingly. According to what we already know. We have to do that for those people as much as we have to do that for ourselves. Failure of any kind affects us, as much as it affects what or who has been failed.
Ultimately, I want others to learn to love and forgive and care. Care, truly. Not for show. Not out of feeling pressured to. More than anything, I want to be an example of all of these things. My life is not over yet. Which means that it's still possible.
What I need to do is continue to learn how. My life feels like a constant evolution. Inside. And out. Am I crazy to feel that way? I don't think so. Because are we the same people that we were ten years ago? Five years ago? A month ago? No. We're constantly experiencing, we're constantly changing and some experiences ofcourse, change you HARDER than others. Some make you think for a minute, while others cause you to change for a lifetime.
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