Poppin’ and Leakin’

I honestly don't know what I'd do without this phone!  You know the saying, "Once you go BLACK(berry), you never go back!"  Heh-heh-heh!  Nice slogan, huh?  Blackberry!  Loved by many, cursed by more!  Saturday that passed?  The signal was down for most of the day.  You knew exactly who it was that owned a BB.  All you had to do was look around for those breathing flames out of their nostril, and biting their bottom lip with their top teeth mouthing the sixth letter of the alphabet!

Reminds me of when I was younger.  We had a mulberry tree at the back-side of our house.  Houses have back-sides too!  You know, the side at the back?  The back of the side of the house.  Uuuuurgh!  Easier to visualize than to explain!  Much like the pain from kicking the top of your toe open.  If you’re home right now?  Check!  You’ll see that I’m not just being my silly self!  Anyway, we used to pick the ripe ones and put them into a packet, smash them up with curry powder, salt and vinegar!  And m-m-m!  He cut the tree down!  We used to climb the peachy tree on the kitchen side of the house!  M-M-M!!!  He?  Cut that one down too.  I’m starting to see a pattern here!  Guava tree?  O_o!  Gone!  Avocado tree?  Thing of the past! 

Okayyyyyy, so nowwwwwwwww I get iT.  This!  Is why I turned to sweets and chocolates!  He cut all of the dietary goodness out of my life.  I need to go home after work and tell my dad.  “My hips said that it’s allllllll your fault, not mine.  I was just compensating.  That’s all.”  I feel lighter already.  Me and my hips have been at war for years over this!  But today?  Right now.  Here!  It’s finally come to light that it wasn’t because of my callous cravings for sweet things, and it had nothing to do with my teeth either!  It had everything to do with my father callously taking a chopper and aiming it at our fruit trees!  See?  See that smooth shift of callousness that just went on?  Like a breakdance wave!

OMG!!  I watched Breakdance with Turbo and Ozone last year again when I was over at Geese’s?  Russia copied it for me because I wanted to bring it home for my little breaker, Damon!  HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Lemme ask you this?  How did we enjoy watching a man in a midriff?  More than once?  I kept my eyes on the TV as the movie played and thought.  And thought and blinked and thought.  And frowned at the last thought, “Mannnnn, this was so popular when we were young!  But?  He?  He has a midriff on?  ShhhiT!”  Remember the A-team?  And Night Rider?  Have you watched reruns of those now that 25 odd years have passed?  They look like old pictures that have faded over time, don’t they?  And how small were our minds?  On a Friday, after Alison and I negotiated who would be on the couch next to my mum.  We would be sitting at the edge of our seats with the excitement!  Waiting for Kit to fly or Hannibal to say, “I love it when a plan comes together!”  Watch it now and see how all you’re thinking is, “I’d love it if the TV exploded  right about now!” 

We were crazy about breakdancing.  All the children our age and older from across the road!  Some journeyed from near and far.  Believe that if you want.  It could be true, but I wasn’t sure.  I just added it into the story to give it some distance.  A story with a measure of space is always more interesting.  I’ll be more than happy to demonstrate!  “He walked to the shop.”  Input distance aspect.  “He tirelessly walked seven kilometers further than the shop actually was and promptly got lashed from one end of his backside to the next, when he got home late.”   Do you see how distance affects the sentence and sets the scene of firstly how far he walked annnnnd secondly, how much of his backside was belted?

But!  Back to breakdance!  Me?  I?  And I was not the only one!  With things that feed newborns?  Doing the worm on the tarmac!  Tarmac’s are cemented!  HELLLLLLLOHHH!  Grown neighbours!  Could you have at least told me, in my weak moment of pretending to be Phylum Annelida?  That I could have seriously injured the part of me that would ensure the health of my children?!  What if they popped?!!!  What if I didn’t see a big rock?  Not big rock, I’m overplaying my role with that one.  A big stone?  A sharp one!  That’s jagged?  What if?!  Would I be sitting here right now?!  And the answer is?  Yessss I would!  So I have failed to make THAT POINT!  Of it affecting me sitting here.  ‘Cause I would be.  Just with thin children and a hole in my one breast.  Where the milk would have leaked out. 

Aaaargh, are you going to argue about everything I say today?  How do you know the milk wouldn’t have leaked out?  Did you ever have a whole in your breast?  With milk in it?  I haven’t but I almost did if I did the worm and never saw that stone!  It’s the same as a plastic bottle of Clover 2% Low fat milk.  Poke one.  Go ahead.  Poke it!  Tell me if everything that’s in it, stays in it….ay?  I’m just saying.  Logic is logic and if you don’t believe me, then try it.   Just?  Try it with a plastic bottle of cows milk, not with your…plastic bottle of cows milk.