Wasted Heels

Happy 50th wedding anniversary to my parents! You guys may not be perfect, and neither am I, but when I watched both of you get called up and congratulated and cheered on by the entire hall of people last night, I couldn't help but think, "That's my mum and dad!"  It was indeed a very proud moment. 

What I wasn't proud of though, was that dance that they took us to later.  After walking a 4km route through the bush and sometimes slanted land, all the while afraid that one of those horses might start galloping after us?  They were covered with blanket looking things, okay?  We didn't know why, so I figured it could have been mad cow disease or something.  This is South Africa, a man just had sex with a whole bunch of sheep and one of them?  He asked the owner for its hand in marriage!!!  I will go to that dance AGAIN if you think I'm making this up!  The sick bastard wanted to take one as his wife!  It died in horror!  Seriously, if you think about it from the sheep's point of view, how else was it supposed to react?  My sincere condolences go out to the sheep's family!  This is a true story, Google it!  So no, it wouldn't shock me if the horse DID have mad cow disease!  As I just demonstrated, there's just too much inter-mingling going on around here for me not to consider that a possibility! 

But after walking the route with my pensioner aunt who after a certain point could only grunt breathlessly when I asked her if she needed a hand?  I was then subjected to a dance where ninety percent of the people were unfamiliar and double my age.  In the week, my mum was like?  "Everybody's talking about this dance!"  All I ask myself now is "Yeah?  Did you hear what they were actually saying though?  That would have been some handy information right there!"  I knew my social life took a turn for the worst when I found myself slow-dancing with my other aunt to a song that reminded me of Geese, 'cause it had the word Daddy in the chorus. Oh! Oh! Oh! It was called Daddy's Home.  Came to me suddenly when I had flashbacks of my aunt throwing her head back and singing it while we were dancing.  But yeah, she's a female. By birth. I became a female through the same channels she did. We're not lesbians. I don't have a sliver of a problem with lesbians or gays, AT ALL, but I do have a problem with being one, without my knowledge!  Generally, I prefer to be the first to know those kinds of things about myself.  I wanna be the grapevine that people hear it through, you know!  But enough about that.  That's a story for another time.  I'm not here to rant.  I'm here to Ramble Responsibly about this dance. 

The music?  And see that?  I immediately started scratching my neck.  It was an instant allergic reaction to the memory of the agonizing sounds of the mixed bag of crap that the DJ was playing.  I love music.  Most types.  But as Ali so rightfully pointed out after we looked at each other dazed and confused at the start of another four minutes of affliction?  "You can't even identify the genre' of music this is?"  That song?  Even the lyrics sounded like chinese!  What's worse is that they had the nerve to announce that they will be holding another dance in July!  And be there and whoooo-hoooo!!!  I was like, BY. YOURSELF!  I will not be caught dead here again.  There however, would be a problem if I actually WAS caught dead anywhere, but still.  That's how strongly I felt about never wanting to repeat this particular mistake. If anyone reading this went to the dance and a timmmme!  I couldn't be happier for you but ay.  Hot, hot, hot?  Hope Joanna? I mean, really now, wtf?  What about evolution?!!  What about the fact that I wasted both a good outfit annnnd my best uncomfortable heels for this "talked about" event!  That's the real travesty here! I wore heels!