Dance, Disprin and Deception

I haven't danced in a class since April! That is a crime of grave proportions :-( ! And something I honestly adored doing. Turning 40 this year, I still imagine myself in the back row at dance class, wayyyy pass the age of 65. I did, however, take into consideration what I would look like chewing my own gums, wearing a bandana and baggy dance pants, krumping. Like a very, very, very old person in a bandana and baggy dance pants, krumping, I'm sure, but see the worry in my eyes! Haaaaaaaahhahahaha, I just saw that I typed the word, banana!! Good lord, I don't wanna be a 70 year old wearing baggy dance pants, krumping in a banana! Annnnnnnnnd now my ears are on fire!

An old wives tale tells me that THAT means that I am the unfortunate subject of scandal! I shall ignore the fact that I feel sick, and that it could be a symptom of my mystery illness! But, hmmmmmmm? I purse my lips as I wonder.....I realllllly hope they aren't changing my sexual preference aGaiNNNN! I told them very nicely that I'd like to be in on that the next time.

That seems less important to me right now though in comparison to what I'm asking me. What I'm asking me is? Who were the old wives and how did they come up with these tales? Let's take a minute and use the current situation as an example. My ears are red and burning. And see, I'm just. Not. Well this weekend. I just had to correct that my ears READ. Sighhhh. Let's rather, for caution sake and for the sake of not giving my ears more credit than they deserve, we'll just say, they're in the state that they're in, which means someone's talking about me. So they had this club right? The old wives. Did all but one of them sit in a corner, for experimental reasons, have a thick gossip session about the one they left sitting on a chair in the middle of the room with a thermometer stuck in each ear? She would be the specimen, wouldn't she? Until, VIOLA!!!! Thermometers reach boiling point! Ears on fire! And then? Ye Ol' Secretary of the Old Wives Club, promptly records the cause and reaction! How would you explain the one about your left eyelid jumping? Or your right palm itching? Or the middle of your back cracking?

Whaaat?!! Oh, you haven't heard that one? Lemme tell you what it means 'cause I'm informative like that! Knowledge is power. Sharing is caring and tomorrow's your mother in law, I mean, Monday! That means you went for a massage and the following day, you could barely move your body from the neck down! Mmmmmmm-mmm! Happened to me. I went from the flat bed of a massage parlor to a flat bed in a chiropractors office! The man cracked bones he didn't even know I had. Don't listen to them when they say that massages are all relaxing and calming and beautiful and all you envision is a field full of swaying daisies and tall blades of green grass. Maybe while you're getting it done. But the morning after? All you are seeing is everything on your right because you can't turn your head to the left. You will have to take me by forklift for another one of those full body massages. What was worst was that I was looking forward to it! It was my first EVER massage! I dedicated my facebook statuses for an entire WEEK to that massage! Countdowns..."Three days to my first massage!" Smiley faces, exclamation marks, the works! Al my friends that I've never ever met or spoken to, were happy for me! Damn massage! It was a damning massage! That massage damn hurt me! But I'm fine now. I'm over it. As you can clearly see, I have let it goooooh!

I can't handle it when people over-rate things, you know? Like my mum? She has a habit of telling me, disprin? "You take a disprin! Instantly the pain or fever is gone!" Noooh! No! Disprin is great, I won't deny that but instantly? Ma? Really! Or does it only happen when I'm not the one taking it? I must have a bunch of those anti-instant-reactive-molecules in my blood system or something. You cannot tell your child, INSTANTLY, when it takes about 30 minutes to an hour to kick in, especially when you made her with her heart and stomach organs totally opposite to every other 8000 human beings! Haven't you done enough? That's just wrong. In my books, that's just crossing the invisible line. I swear, I'd be able to handle it, if she told me it took an hour to stop the pain.

Little white lies are meant to be like, "Awwww my Sweet, they didn't have a pink pen at the store," when you know full well, you completely forgot to look for a pink one. Little white lies don't apply to medication. What if I left my headache 'til the last minute and then took a disprin? Then I'd be under the impression that in the blink of an eye, I'd have INSTANT relief! Meanwhile, back at Lovey's house? We didn't live on a ranch. I'd still suffer for another hour.

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