The Hill Cometh Closer

Why do we need to drive? Can't someone come up with wings that seat five or something? Its not about wanting to be free as a bird, its about when you're stuck in an office park and your toes go numb! I'm just moaning because it was my turn to drive today and I didn't really feel like it…coz I'm tired and no, I'm not telling you why. Hehehehe! Amazing how quickly the excitement wears off after you first learn how to drive. When your driver's license is still scratch-free and smelling of glue, all you wanna do is get into that seat and hold your steering wheel in the 10 to 2 position! How many of you, like me, had an instant preview on the drop of the level of excitement when you saw that you were approaching a hill with a manual car? Automatics for President! And I mean that. Even a machine would do a better job of running this country, but now I'm veering off the topic...back to being injected with steel-tasting fear! By then you're cursing your clutch every filthy word you ever learned or over-heard over the years and if your boyfriend or husband happened to be next to you…you might be directing those words at them about why the hell couldn't you choose someone who had sense enough to insist you bought an automatic! Clutch control?!?! Was a nightmare within a nightmare. You're happy to take two hours on a trip that should have been just 30 minutes, JUST TO AVOID THAT ONE HILL! If you had to carry a five litre empty juice container of petrol in case you ran out, that was fine too…jussssss as long as you don't drive up that hill. I won't lie. If I couldn't avoid the hill, God would hear me 'cause my prayer would be on repeat…I'd be like that Idol's contestant with the Killing Me Softly song...Rrrrreeeemix....Let the robot be green, let the robot be green, let the robot be green…!
I recall so clearly sweating bullets on my way up that hill on the side of Glenardle School! My green beetle switched off. This was what I looked like...O_O! Now if you have one, or had one, you'd know that the pedals are not your normal, soft, cushy, pedals! Hitler built these! They're not supposed to make life easy for you! Him and his peeps were playing nary a game when they built these cars! Like cockroaches? They too will be the only things standing, or crawling or rolling along loudly after a nulcear bomb blows us all to smithereens! At first it feels like you're standing on the pedals, coz they face upwards. Well? I got stuck. I learned this THING right? Luckily too 'cause it saved me from speeding down that hill, petrified, in reverse! Let me teach you, just in case you need it, I'm kind like that. You slant your foot so that its across both the accelerator and the brake pedals, pressing them both at the same time, don't worry if you hear a high revving sound, that means you're doing it right, and some smoke? Okay no, smoke is not good, and as you release your clutch, slowwwwly, you press your foot at the same time, the heel part, slowwwwly, down on the accelerator, and ease off the brakes with your toe part, until you've jerked and hopped the car back into motion! It might not hop and jerk, I'm just putting that in there for beginners. Ay, that method worked for me! If I did jerk, I'd rather the whiplash, than having my neck bent as I tumble with car! But if that method didn't work, I'll admit…I was ready to jump out of the car and just let it roll down that hill. If it hit something or flipped back numerous times and exploded, I'd be sad, because I adored my sexy ol' 196-something VW beetle but then on the flipside, the positive side, if someone just happened to be walking towards me with a camera and just started taking pictures, I could look really cool and action-movie-like, sweaty, cars exploding behind me…I'd have that baddddd-ass, heaving, "say something, I just f'd up a bunch of big dudes and I'm a girl" look on my face, meanwhile all it really would be was the exhaustion of walking up the hill! While I type this I'm thinking of what to call that movie. "That's how we roll" No, that wouldn't work, I was rolling NOWHERE…"That's how IT rolled?" Hmmmm? "STuck and roll?" That sounds too Physical Education-like...some help would be nice...!

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